Stop getting TRIGGERED ft. Evy Poumpouras | Meet your Maestro | BBC Maestro (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) The first part of the course is (00:00:01) understanding yourself. You have to (00:00:04) understand yourself first before you try (00:00:06) to figure out other people. I want you (00:00:08) to think of it this way. You're 50% of (00:00:10) the equation. They are 50% of the (00:00:13) equation. So, we can't figure out other (00:00:15) people if we don't know who you are. And (00:00:18) when I say this, I mean your strengths, (00:00:20) your weaknesses, what's going on with (00:00:22) you, your patterns, your behavior, how (00:00:25) you think, how you speak, how you (00:00:27) problem solve, or maybe don't problem (00:00:29) solve so well. You have to assess (00:00:31) yourself because here's the thing. You (00:00:33) impact the world. You do. We're so (00:00:38) focused sometimes on the other person (00:00:40) that we don't realize, what am I doing (00:00:43) that is impacting the other person? What (00:00:45) am I doing that's affecting the other (00:00:48) person? We're so isolated and we forget (00:00:50) about ourselves. We play a role and that (00:00:53) role can really either enhance our (00:00:56) relationships, our lives, our situations (00:00:58) or it can crush it. Self-awareness is (00:01:00) your ability to understand what is going (00:01:03) on around you, your 360. So what does (00:01:06) that mean? It means the people around (00:01:08) you. It means the environment that you (00:01:10) are creating and cultivating. It means (00:01:13) how you handle individuals. It is a (00:01:16) legit thing. It is a real thing. If your (00:01:19) world and the people around you are (00:01:21) strong, guess what? You're going to be (00:01:24) strong. If the people around you are (00:01:26) weak or they're a hot mess, guess what? (00:01:29) You're going to be. We absorb other (00:01:32) people. We take in and we mirror them. (00:01:36) We mirror not just their behavior, but (00:01:38) even the way they deal with the world, (00:01:40) the way they show up. People are (00:01:43) contagious. They're infectious. They (00:01:46) will infect you with what they feel and (00:01:48) what they think and how they move in (00:01:50) their life. And it can impact you in a (00:01:53) strong (00:01:54) way or it can pull you (00:01:57) down. To be an effective problem solver (00:01:59) and to understand how to deal with (00:02:02) things, you have to have self-awareness. (00:02:04) You can't have self-awareness if you (00:02:07) don't live in truth. You can't have (00:02:09) self-awareness when you bend things, (00:02:12) when you when you shift the story, when (00:02:14) you shift the narrative to make it fit (00:02:16) what you want it to fit. You can do (00:02:18) that, but then you're not having true (00:02:20) self-awareness. You're living in a (00:02:22) fictional place. And then when you try (00:02:25) to tackle problems or dilemmas, you (00:02:27) can't because you're building a plan (00:02:30) around something that isn't accurate. (00:02:32) It's not about what we want things to (00:02:33) be, it's about what it is. It's not (00:02:36) about the potential something could (00:02:37) have. It's about where it is right now. (00:02:39) It's not about how it used to be. It's (00:02:42) how it is now. Be honest with yourself (00:02:44) and live where you are (00:02:46) now. We cannot let you cannot let the (00:02:50) outside world impact you so much that it (00:02:52) completely derails you. We're going to (00:02:55) talk about your self-regulation. What is (00:02:57) that? Your self-regulation is your (00:02:59) governor. The governor that handles your (00:03:02) emotional self. (00:03:04) You have to think of it like how do I (00:03:06) handle what comes at me? There's a (00:03:09) difference. There's reactive and there's (00:03:11) responsive. Reactive is I am simply a (00:03:14) reactionary force to what is done. She (00:03:17) did this to me. I'm going to react. It's (00:03:20) not my fault I blew up. She said this. (00:03:23) That is very low when it comes to the (00:03:26) self-governer. Responsive (00:03:28) is she does something to me. I may feel (00:03:32) what I'm going to feel but I am (00:03:34) regulating it. I'm going to think. I'm (00:03:37) going to process. I'm going to regulate. (00:03:40) Then I am going to (00:03:42) respond. When you do (00:03:45) this, you own your response, not (00:03:48) them. Because when you are (00:03:51) triggered, when you are offended, that (00:03:54) means you have no governor over (00:03:56) yourself. Everybody can do anything they (00:03:58) want to you and completely derail you. (00:04:01) The one thing you can do to help (00:04:03) yourself when you're easily triggered or (00:04:05) manipulated or when you feel those those (00:04:07) emotions boiling, do nothing. Absolutely (00:04:10) nothing. Don't text it. Don't send it. (00:04:13) Don't write it. Don't call. Do nothing. (00:04:16) Step away. And you can do it for a (00:04:18) couple hours. You could do it for 24 (00:04:20) hours. You could do it for a week. Or (00:04:22) you can never respond. Do nothing is (00:04:25) gold. I want you to feel the emotion. (00:04:28) Lean into it. Don't avoid what you're (00:04:30) feeling. Let it roll through you. Do you (00:04:33) follow? Catch it, but then release it. (00:04:36) Don't keep it in you and then hold it (00:04:38) in. Because now you're just one big (00:04:41) stress ball. You're just one big mess of (00:04:43) emotion. We want to absorb, release, and (00:04:47) then move through. Other thing I'm going (00:04:48) to tell you to do, and I do this all the (00:04:51) time, run it out of you. Work out. (00:04:54) Working out and fitness are a massive (00:04:56) thing. It was drilled to us in the US (00:04:57) Secret Service. I mean, I would run (00:05:00) through all the emotions. You have to (00:05:02) think all day. All you're doing is (00:05:04) capturing stuff, people's dramas and (00:05:06) traumas and all the things going on in (00:05:08) the world that you're absorbing. You (00:05:10) need a release. And the movement of your (00:05:12) body and the ability to release is huge. (00:05:15) In fact, I work out at night and the (00:05:17) reason why I do it is because I want to (00:05:19) release all the stuff that I capture in (00:05:22) the day. So, really think about the (00:05:25) things that you can do to help yourself. (00:05:27) Most important thing remember when in (00:05:30) doubt do nothing say nothing and then (00:05:32) two move it out of your system. Get it (00:05:35) out of you. You don't want to collect (00:05:37) stuff. You want it to come in and then (00:05:39) you want it to exit out. You have to (00:05:42) know when it is your problem and when (00:05:45) it's not and this clearly was (00:05:47) not. When you seek respect outside of (00:05:52) yourself, you get derailed. So here's a (00:05:55) secret. I'm about to free you. You don't (00:05:59) need (00:06:00) respect. People will distract you and (00:06:03) derail you from what you are trying to (00:06:06) do if you don't pay attention. Respect (00:06:09) is wonderful. Don't get me wrong. If (00:06:11) somebody gives it to you, great. But (00:06:14) there are times that no matter what you (00:06:16) do that no matter how hard you try, you (00:06:18) are not going to get it. Leave it. You (00:06:22) don't need it. Respect is a gift. If (00:06:25) somebody wants to give it to you, they (00:06:27) will. And if they don't, they won't. (00:06:30) Leave it there. What is your goal? Is (00:06:33) your goal to execute something? People (00:06:36) are going to come along the way. They're (00:06:37) going to derail you. They're going to (00:06:38) confuse you. They're going to disrespect (00:06:40) you. But you have to stay on track. You (00:06:44) have to stay on mission. Where are you (00:06:46) trying to go? Because if you don't pay (00:06:49) attention, they're going to pull you off (00:06:51) your (00:06:52) path. Also to keep in mind this whole (00:06:55) respect thing, trying to get everybody (00:06:57) to respect you. Speak up. Own the room. (00:07:00) Let them see you. (00:07:02) Why? Why do you need that? Are you that (00:07:05) insecure that you need that from (00:07:07) everybody else to validate you so that (00:07:09) you know your self worth? No, you don't. (00:07:12) That's what self-respect means. I know (00:07:15) who I am. I know the integrity of who I (00:07:17) am and how I show up to the world. I'm (00:07:20) going to do me in the best way and I (00:07:22) will give respect to other people. We (00:07:24) don't want to disrespect others. We're (00:07:25) going to give it because it's the right (00:07:27) thing for us and it's the image we want (00:07:29) to project out to the world. But what (00:07:31) people choose to give you (00:07:34) back, not your problem. Please don't get (00:07:38) me wrong. It's nice when people like (00:07:40) you. We all want that. We It's nice when (00:07:42) people respect us. We all want those (00:07:44) sentiments and feelings. But the problem (00:07:46) becomes if you make that your goal and (00:07:48) your focus. Now you're trying to get (00:07:50) into the head of somebody else to (00:07:51) understand why they see you the way they (00:07:54) do. How about this? How about you focus (00:07:56) on being solid? How about you focus on (00:07:59) being on time? How about you focus on (00:08:01) doing what you say you're going to do? (00:08:02) How about you focus on being respectful (00:08:04) and courteous? How about you focus on (00:08:07) all these different things and then (00:08:09) allow people to organically show you (00:08:11) respect? then allow them to organically (00:08:14) like you because otherwise you're going (00:08:16) to sit and you're going to run through (00:08:18) these mental loops in your head and make (00:08:20) yourself crazy trying to figure out why (00:08:23) does this person not like me. So this is (00:08:25) why you need to kick likability to the (00:08:28) curb. It is not about whether or not (00:08:30) people like you because when you focus (00:08:32) on that, you're focusing on you and that (00:08:36) doesn't serve others and quite frankly (00:08:38) it doesn't serve you.