Dr. Gabor Maté – How PARENTING Defines Your Child’s Life (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) there's no such thing as tough love (00:00:02) there's either tough or there's love but (00:00:03) there's no such thing as Tough Love by (00:00:05) tough love they usually mean punishment (00:00:07) and rejection which is unhealthy (00:00:09) discipline we want to teach our kids (00:00:11) discipline yes we do we don't want to (00:00:13) teach it to them we want them to develop (00:00:15) discipline but let's look at that word (00:00:16) discipline what's a disciple well who (00:00:19) follows you yeah why did jesus' (00:00:21) disciples follow him cuz he loved them (00:00:24) and they loved him kids if we love them (00:00:27) they will follow us they'll be our (00:00:29) disciples we don't have to force them (00:00:31) into anything any parenting practice or (00:00:33) educational practice that focuses on (00:00:36) Behavior rather than the child's (00:00:38) underlying emotional Dynamics is going (00:00:40) to be harmful discover the Revolutionary (00:00:42) approach to Parenting where trauma isn't (00:00:44) just treated it's prevented through (00:00:47) understanding connection and love do you (00:00:50) know win of the Pooh Christopher is (00:00:52) playing with his toys and then he starts (00:00:54) to grow up and he has to go to (00:00:56) school and he won't be able to play with (00:00:59) his toys anymore the book ends (00:01:01) with but wherever they go in the (00:01:04) Enchanted Forest a little boy and his (00:01:06) bear will always be playing together and (00:01:08) that was just bring tears to my eyes for (00:01:11) decades upon decades upon decades (00:01:13) because what we (00:01:15) want out of child rearing is at the end (00:01:19) of it there should be an autonomous (00:01:22) human being respectful of themselves and (00:01:25) of others who can be authentic and (00:01:28) connected at the same time that's our (00:01:29) goal I don't think anybody would (00:01:30) disagree that that's our goal for human (00:01:33) beings Dr gabber m is a Hungarian (00:01:36) Canadian physician renowned for his work (00:01:38) in the fields of psychology addiction (00:01:41) and Child Development Christopher (00:01:43) Robin's father a m was a writer he (00:01:46) bought these toys for his son to make (00:01:48) stories about them and Christopher Robin (00:01:50) actually suffered because he was (00:01:53) secondary to his father's career they (00:01:55) did not have a good relationship so (00:01:57) these characters that the father made (00:01:59) made up kind of dominated and squeezed (00:02:02) out Christopher Robin's own life so (00:02:05) there's something about the (00:02:06) dysfunctionality in fatherson (00:02:07) relationship born in Budapest in 1944 (00:02:10) monate survived the Holocaust and later (00:02:13) immigrated to Canada where he practiced (00:02:15) family medicine for over 20 years when I (00:02:18) realized that there's nothing to mourn (00:02:20) because I'm both the bear and the little (00:02:21) boy and I always will be playing that (00:02:24) nothing is lost but when I read that (00:02:27) book there was a sense of loss when I (00:02:28) read that passage there always (00:02:29) something's being lost childhood (00:02:31) innocence is being lost playfulness is (00:02:33) being lost which resonated with my own (00:02:35) childhood CU I did lose innocence and (00:02:37) and and playfulness very early in life (00:02:39) now that's a natural developmental (00:02:41) process as long as we provide the right (00:02:44) conditions for it but nothing in nature (00:02:46) develops in the wrong context so you (00:02:49) know I could have an acorn in my hand (00:02:51) and the nature of that Acorn is to (00:02:53) become an oak tree but not if I leave it (00:02:55) on my desk his unique perspective (00:02:57) combines his medical background with (00:02:59) deep insights into to trauma stress and (00:03:01) human (00:03:02) behavior mti's work challenges (00:03:05) conventional views on addiction ADHD and (00:03:08) mental health advocating for a (00:03:10) compassionate trauma-informed approach (00:03:12) to (00:03:12) Healing he has authored several (00:03:14) influential books including in the realm (00:03:17) of hungry ghosts and Scattered Minds he (00:03:20) is known for his talks on the impacts of (00:03:22) stress in early childhood experiences on (00:03:24) health and development his philosophy (00:03:27) emphasizes the importance of emotional (00:03:29) connection empathy and the healing power (00:03:32) of understanding in both parenting and (00:03:34) personal health a lot of parenting and (00:03:37) educational practices Focus not on the (00:03:39) long-term goal in development but on (00:03:41) fixing the kids behaviors in the short (00:03:43) term we talk about kids are acting out (00:03:45) what do you do when a kid acts out well (00:03:48) look at this phrase acting out what does (00:03:50) it mean to act something out but when I (00:03:53) say acting out when I see a kid is (00:03:54) acting out you will probably think of a (00:03:56) kid who's being oppositional or or or (00:03:59) rude or disobedient or (00:04:02) aggressive but that's not what the (00:04:04) phrase means acting out means to portray (00:04:07) and behavior that which we haven't got (00:04:10) the words to say in language so in a (00:04:12) game of Charades where you're not (00:04:14) allowed to speak what do you have to do (00:04:17) you have to act it out if you landed in (00:04:19) a country where nobody spoke your (00:04:20) language and you have to portray (00:04:23) hunger you'd have to act it out the (00:04:27) Primacy of (00:04:28) attachment the the essential condition (00:04:31) for healthy development is the child's (00:04:33) relationship with nurturing adults kids (00:04:35) are acting out through emotional (00:04:37) needs the question is are we going to (00:04:39) respond to the child or we going to try (00:04:41) try and suppress the behavior so much of (00:04:44) what's taught as parenting advice is (00:04:46) designed to manipulate or shape or (00:04:48) suppress kids behaviors rather than (00:04:51) understanding the child Dr Gabor mate (00:04:53) emphasizes that the Cornerstone of a (00:04:55) child's psychological well-being is (00:04:57) secure attachment a bond not merely (00:05:00) rooted in physical closeness but in (00:05:02) emotional availability and (00:05:05) connection this attachment forms the (00:05:07) foundation for a child's sense of safety (00:05:10) selfworth and ability to navigate the (00:05:12) world I arrived home from a speaking (00:05:14) trip to Philadelphia actually arrive (00:05:16) here at the airport in Vancouver I'm (00:05:18) feeling really good successful trip good (00:05:21) flight home my wife Ry she'd picked me (00:05:23) up at the airport but when I land I get (00:05:26) a text saying I haven't left home yet do (00:05:28) you still want me to come and I take a (00:05:31) taxi home and when I come in I barely (00:05:33) even looking at her and for 24 hours I (00:05:35) give her the cold shoulder the cold (00:05:37) treatment until she finally says knock (00:05:40) it off already but what was that all (00:05:41) about is that when I was a 11 month old (00:05:46) my mother gave me to a complete stranger (00:05:48) to save my life the meaning that I made (00:05:51) out of that the traumatic wound is I'm (00:05:54) not wanted because I'm not lovable until (00:05:56) that wound is resolved which it hadn't (00:05:58) been obviously fully seven years ago I (00:06:01) arrive at the airport and something (00:06:03) trivial like my wife the woman in my (00:06:05) life who I'm relying on is not showing (00:06:07) up and then I get triggered defensive (00:06:10) withdrawal which incidentally is the (00:06:13) normal response of young children when (00:06:14) they're separated from their mothers is (00:06:17) that when they see them again they don't (00:06:19) even look at them it's protective the (00:06:23) brain says you were so hurt when you (00:06:25) abandoned that you're not going to make (00:06:27) yourself so vulnerable again and so (00:06:30) that's how the Adaptive response and by (00:06:33) the way as I found out from my mother (00:06:36) many decades after the original incident (00:06:39) when I saw her again after the five or 6 (00:06:41) weeks separation I wouldn't even look at (00:06:43) her for several (00:06:44) days however in today's fast-paced (00:06:47) fragmented Society this natural process (00:06:50) is frequently disrupted early (00:06:53) separations whether due to parental work (00:06:55) demands societal pressures or cultural (00:06:58) norms can create emotional gaps that (00:07:00) impact a child's (00:07:02) development similarly the mere presence (00:07:05) of a parent is not enough true (00:07:07) attachment requires a parent who is (00:07:09) attuned responsive and emotionally (00:07:12) present Dr mate warns that these (00:07:14) disruptions can lead to psychological (00:07:16) wounds that manifest later in life as (00:07:18) anxiety addiction or struggles with (00:07:22) relationships the challenge lies in (00:07:24) reclaiming the essence of secure (00:07:26) attachment in a world that often pulls (00:07:28) parents and children in opposing (00:07:29) Direction directions for mate the (00:07:32) solution begins with (00:07:33) awareness understanding the (00:07:35) Irreplaceable role of emotional (00:07:37) connection and making intentional (00:07:39) choices to nurture it despite modern (00:07:41) distractions so what are the irreducible (00:07:43) needs of human beings human infants for (00:07:45) healthy development first of all a (00:07:48) strong attachment relationship in which (00:07:49) they feel absolutely secured and welcome (00:07:52) that's just a need we can grow without (00:07:55) it but our development is going to be (00:07:56) distorted our sense of ourselves is (00:07:59) going to be distorted so a strong (00:08:01) unconditionally loving (00:08:04) attachment context that's an irreducible (00:08:07) need of the human child in under (00:08:09) gathered gr groups kids don't get put (00:08:12) down to cry on their own they car (00:08:14) everywhere as soon as they cry they're (00:08:16) picked up if they even put down you know (00:08:18) kids are not made to sleep on their own (00:08:20) away from the parents and to cry (00:08:22) themselves to sleep sleep train them in (00:08:25) the US over 60% of parents report using (00:08:28) some form of sleep training with their (00:08:29) infant (00:08:30) when a kid is crying it's because they (00:08:32) need to be held that's the need of the (00:08:34) child to connect with the parents and (00:08:36) babies can only connect physically when (00:08:38) they're not picked up they're losing (00:08:40) their attachment relationship so they (00:08:42) cry when they cry their brains are (00:08:45) suffused with stress hormones that (00:08:47) interferes with brain development all (00:08:49) the parenting advice they parent these (00:08:51) days it's almost designed to interfere (00:08:54) with healthy brain development (00:08:55) understanding and healing (00:08:57) trauma trauma is not what happens to to (00:09:00) you it is what happens inside you as a (00:09:02) result of what happens to you our trauma (00:09:05) actually affects our brain's development (00:09:07) children have no self-regulation so (00:09:09) right if you're stressed as an (00:09:11) adult if you're mature enough you can (00:09:14) regulate yourself you can take a few (00:09:16) breaths you can calm yourself down you (00:09:18) can say okay slow down let me think (00:09:19) about this let me deal with this an (00:09:22) infant can't do that infant's got no (00:09:24) self-regulation whatsoever so the infant (00:09:27) brain requires the mature function of (00:09:30) the adult's brain to regulate (00:09:32) itself but what if the adult's brain is (00:09:35) not functioning maturely because that (00:09:37) adult themselves never got the right (00:09:39) conditions for healthy (00:09:41) development now you have an immature (00:09:43) adult's brain regulating or trying to (00:09:45) regulate in immature infant's brain that (00:09:48) self-regulation never devolves Dr gabber (00:09:51) mate reveals that many behavioral (00:09:53) challenges in children often stem from (00:09:55) early stress or trauma which may include (00:09:58) experiences that adults might dismiss is (00:10:01) insignificant these seemingly minor (00:10:03) events such as prolonged separation (00:10:06) emotional neglect or moments of feeling (00:10:08) unloved can profoundly affect a child's (00:10:11) sense of self-worth and connection to (00:10:14) others over time these early wounds can (00:10:16) manifest as anxiety Defiance aggression (00:10:20) or difficulty forming healthy (00:10:22) relationships M underscores that a key (00:10:25) factor in understanding these issues (00:10:27) lies in the parents own emotional (00:10:28) landscape parents who have unresolved (00:10:31) traumas or unprocessed emotional pain (00:10:34) May unconsciously project their (00:10:35) struggles onto their children either by (00:10:38) overreacting becoming emotionally (00:10:40) unavailable or inadvertently (00:10:42) perpetuating harmful patterns this isn't (00:10:45) about blame but about awareness (00:10:47) recognizing how past pain influences (00:10:50) present Behavior by addressing their own (00:10:52) traumas and learning to be emotionally (00:10:54) present parents can break these Cycles (00:10:57) creating an environment where their (00:10:59) children feel secure valued and (00:11:01) connected trauma means a wound that's (00:11:04) the literal meaning of the word it's a (00:11:05) Greek word for wounding so trauma is a (00:11:08) psychological wound that you sustain and (00:11:11) um it behaves like a wound then decades (00:11:14) later if anything reminds me of that it (00:11:17) hurts as much as it did when I (00:11:18) originally incurred the wound parenting (00:11:20) with emotional (00:11:22) presence the greatest gift that a parent (00:11:24) can give to a child is his or her (00:11:27) happiness Dr gabber offers a Beacon of (00:11:30) Hope with his concept of parenting with (00:11:33) emotional (00:11:35) Presence at the heart of M's philosophy (00:11:38) is the belief that the Cornerstone of (00:11:39) Child Development isn't merely physical (00:11:41) care but the quality of emotional bonds (00:11:44) formed between parent and (00:11:46) child secure attachment as he describes (00:11:50) isn't about constant physical proximity (00:11:53) but about a deep intuitive understanding (00:11:55) and responsiveness to a child's (00:11:57) emotional needs (00:12:00) this presence requires parents to be not (00:12:02) just physically there but emotionally (00:12:05) attuned creating a safe haven where (00:12:07) children can express themselves freely (00:12:10) without fear of rejection or (00:12:13) misunderstanding the environment that we (00:12:15) raised kids is so much different than it (00:12:19) was in times of the past where there was (00:12:22) a community there was Elders (00:12:24) grandparents Aunts Uncles cousins in (00:12:27) communities children had many parents I (00:12:30) mean they knew the biological parents (00:12:32) and had a special relationship with them (00:12:33) but they really parented by the whole (00:12:35) community so they felt very safe very (00:12:37) contained um very connected that's our (00:12:41) that's how we evolved as human beings (00:12:43) and we live that way for hundreds of (00:12:44) thousands of years mate Champions the (00:12:47) idea that all emotions are valid by (00:12:49) allowing children to experience their (00:12:51) feelings fully and validating these (00:12:53) emotions parents teach emotional (00:12:57) literacy this practice is not about (00:12:59) endorsing every emotional Outburst but (00:13:02) about understanding and guiding children (00:13:04) through their feelings teaching them (00:13:06) that it's safe to express emotions this (00:13:09) validation helps in developing (00:13:10) self-regulation skills resilience and a (00:13:13) deeper self- understanding which are (00:13:15) invaluable for navigating life's (00:13:17) complexities needs of children are for (00:13:20) unconditional loving Acceptance in the (00:13:22) context of a secular relationship where (00:13:24) the child doesn't have to work to make (00:13:26) the relationship work the acceptance and (00:13:29) the regard hard should be unconditional (00:13:31) allow the child to have all their (00:13:33) emotions whatever the emotions are let (00:13:35) the child have them understand them (00:13:36) don't force them to suppress their (00:13:38) emotions I'm not saying be permissive (00:13:40) with behaviors I'm saying don't force (00:13:42) the child to suppress their emotions (00:13:44) don't tell them not to be angry don't (00:13:46) tell them to cheer up when they're sad (00:13:48) validate the anger validate the sadness (00:13:51) these are essential brain circuits for (00:13:53) such feelings nature gave them those for (00:13:56) a reason allow the child to experience (00:13:58) them that way they can stay connected to (00:14:00) themselves mat's perspective on common (00:14:02) parenting practices like sleep training (00:14:04) or timeouts is particularly provocative (00:14:08) he argues these methods can signal to (00:14:09) children that their needs are secondary (00:14:12) to convenience or discipline potentially (00:14:14) leading to feelings of Abandonment or (00:14:18) worthlessness instead he promotes a (00:14:20) responsive approach where parents (00:14:22) interpret crying or Tantrums not as (00:14:25) behaviors to be corrected but as (00:14:27) Communications to be understood in a (00:14:29) dressed with (00:14:30) empathy Dr gabber M's approach to (00:14:33) Parenting with emotional presence isn't (00:14:35) a one-size fits-all solution but a (00:14:38) guiding (00:14:39) philosophy it asks parents to delve deep (00:14:42) into their own emotional lives to heal (00:14:44) and to be present in a way that Fosters (00:14:46) a child's emotional (00:14:48) wholeness in an age where disconnection (00:14:51) and distraction are rampant mat's (00:14:53) teachings offer a path back to the (00:14:55) fundamental human need for (00:14:58) Connection by prior prioritizing (00:15:00) emotional presence parents can nurture (00:15:02) children who are not just surviving but (00:15:05) thriving equipped with the emotional (00:15:07) tools to face life's challenges with (00:15:09) resilience and compassion 25% of women (00:15:12) have to go back to work within 2 weeks (00:15:14) of giving (00:15:15) birth but that amounts to a massive (00:15:18) abandonment of infants because that (00:15:20) infant physiologically and emotionally (00:15:22) needs to be with the mom for much longer (00:15:24) we create the separation right from the (00:15:25) beginning you are the person we want in (00:15:28) this world MH secure attachment (00:15:32) unconditional you don't have to be (00:15:34) pretty you don't have to be smart you (00:15:35) don't have to be compliant you don't (00:15:37) have to be cute you don't have to be (00:15:39) clever you're just you're the one we (00:15:41) want the vital role of simple play in (00:15:44) brain development Dr Gabor mate (00:15:46) underscores the essential role of (00:15:48) unstructured simple play in child (00:15:51) development countering the Modern Trend (00:15:53) towards structured learning and digital (00:15:55) engagement he posits that play is (00:15:58) fundamental for brain growth (00:15:59) particularly in areas governing (00:16:01) creativity problem solving and emotional (00:16:04) regulation play stimulates neural (00:16:07) connections that support cognitive (00:16:09) functions like adaptability and (00:16:12) creativity just as lion cubs practice (00:16:15) hunting through playful stalking (00:16:17) children use play to build problem (00:16:19) solving and decision-making skills (00:16:21) essential for (00:16:23) adulthood through play children learn (00:16:26) empathy social cooperation and conflict (00:16:29) resolution (00:16:30) ution play it turns out according to all (00:16:32) the research is much more important for (00:16:35) brain development than cognitive uh (00:16:38) learning and really so there's all this (00:16:41) stuff with Baby Einstein and teaching (00:16:43) kids uh all this stuff early and you (00:16:46) know video games to promote brain (00:16:50) development it's all nonsense what (00:16:52) promotes brain development is healthy (00:16:54) spontaneous play that's why animals play (00:16:57) that's why your puppies play that's bear (00:17:00) cuffs (00:17:01) play in modern childhood marked by (00:17:04) academic pressures and Screen addiction (00:17:06) free play offers a much needed (00:17:08) counterbalance it provides a natural (00:17:10) outlet for stress helping children (00:17:12) process emotions and (00:17:14) decompress and our in our society we've (00:17:17) almost totally deprived kids of (00:17:20) spontaneous play So when you say what it (00:17:22) takes to develop a healthy child meet (00:17:24) those four conditions and you'll have an (00:17:26) emotionally healthy balanced connected (00:17:29) grounded U confident child parenting in (00:17:32) modern (00:17:33) times the modern world presents parents (00:17:36) with a myriad of hurdles economic (00:17:38) pressures demand more from parents in (00:17:40) terms of time often at the expense of (00:17:42) the emotional availability crucial for (00:17:44) Child (00:17:45) Development the cultural shift towards (00:17:48) individualism means fewer communal (00:17:50) support systems leaving parents to (00:17:52) navigate the parenting Journey with less (00:17:54) guidance and more (00:17:56) isolation additionally the digital Aid (00:17:59) AG introduces an overload of screen time (00:18:02) which competes for the attention and (00:18:03) emotional connection between parents and (00:18:05) children it's very difficult to risk is (00:18:07) these days because we're not living in (00:18:10) the way that human beings evolved like (00:18:12) every animal evolves in a certain (00:18:14) environment and context and is suited to (00:18:16) that environment and context if you want (00:18:18) to understand elephants don't study them (00:18:21) in a zoo parenting kids was it used to (00:18:23) be a group activity it happened in the (00:18:25) tribe in the clan parents had lots of (00:18:28) support kids spent whole day are on (00:18:30) their parents it wasn't goodbye in the (00:18:32) morning hello in the evening and most of (00:18:34) our time is spent away from each other (00:18:36) that would never used to be the case not (00:18:37) to millions of years ands of thousands (00:18:39) of years now we can't go back to that (00:18:41) life you know nor would anybody want to (00:18:43) necessarily but we have to understand (00:18:45) what we've lost another issue in modern (00:18:47) times is that many children grow up with (00:18:49) fewer or no siblings limiting (00:18:52) opportunities to engage in play that (00:18:54) Fosters social skills cooperation and (00:18:57) conflict resolution (00:18:59) difficult to blame a parent who is (00:19:01) stressed economically or relationally or (00:19:03) whatever and the kid is upset or here's (00:19:05) a iPad go througho yourself right not a (00:19:09) question of blaming but that child loses (00:19:12) human contact that child learns to suit (00:19:15) themselves through some technological (00:19:18) gadgetry rather than developing the (00:19:20) internal circuitry of (00:19:22) self-regulation you know and the message (00:19:25) is they don't matter the great Buddhist (00:19:28) teacher tnad Han who died about a year (00:19:30) ago he said that the greatest gift a (00:19:32) parent can give to their child is his or (00:19:34) her own happiness so take care of your (00:19:36) emotional states cuz your kid is (00:19:38) sensitive enough to be downloading your (00:19:41) emotional states and making them their (00:19:42) own so if you're stressed unhappy (00:19:44) depressed anxious addicted believe me (00:19:47) your kid is going to absorb all that and (00:19:49) make it about themselves that there's (00:19:51) something wrong with them so take care (00:19:53) of yourself live a life that you can (00:19:55) live with and if you get the first three (00:19:57) years right by the way you got made so (00:20:00) when your kids are really small (00:20:01) consciously make the first three years (00:20:03) as stressfree and as clear of psycholog (00:20:07) dysfunction as possible that means work (00:20:08) on your traumas work on your (00:20:10) relationship with your partner your (00:20:12) spouse in embracing Dr Gabor mate's (00:20:15) philosophy of parenting with emotional (00:20:17) presence we're not just adopting a new (00:20:20) parenting technique we're committing to (00:20:22) a journey of mutual healing and profound (00:20:26) connection this approach calls us to be (00:20:28) present not only in the physical sense (00:20:30) but in the emotional depths where our (00:20:32) children truly need us it's about (00:20:34) understanding validating and navigating (00:20:37) emotions together breaking cycles of (00:20:40) trauma and fostering an environment (00:20:42) where emotional literacy (00:20:44) thrives as we strive to be more present (00:20:47) we nurture not just our children's (00:20:48) Futures but also heal parts of ourselves (00:20:52) creating a legacy of emotional health (00:20:54) and resilience now as to cuddling kids (00:20:58) let them experience the stresses of Life (00:21:00) believe me they will that's how life is (00:21:04) we don't have to add extra stress to (00:21:06) their lives by punishing them they're (00:21:08) going to have disappointments their (00:21:10) friends will not want to play with them (00:21:12) one day their cat will die they may (00:21:14) break a leg they will lose a beloved (00:21:17) object mom or dad may get sick their (00:21:19) best friend will move away to a (00:21:21) different town these are the inevitable (00:21:23) stresses of life we don't have to impose (00:21:26) stresses on kids what we have to do is (00:21:28) to help them cope with the stresses that (00:21:29) naturally arise thank you for joining us (00:21:32) on this insightful Journey Into the (00:21:33) Heart of parenting through Dr mti's Lens (00:21:37) if you found value in these ideas please (00:21:39) like share and subscribe for more (00:21:41) content on conscious parenting and (00:21:44) emotional well-being when a kid has (00:21:46) grief because their best friend moved (00:21:48) away you hold them and you say that (00:21:50) really sad is that's really sad that (00:21:51) makes you feel sad doesn't it you don't (00:21:54) buy them a toy to make them feel better (00:21:56) you let them have their sadness but you (00:21:59) support them in that (00:22:00) sadness parents who cuddled their kids (00:22:03) try and protect them try and bribe them (00:22:05) they're not helping their kids but (00:22:07) neither are parents helping their kids (00:22:09) who punish their kids or who forc their (00:22:11) kids to suppress their natural emotions (00:22:14) what is one change you could make this (00:22:16) week to be more emotionally present for (00:22:17) your child leave your thoughts or (00:22:19) experiences in the comments below and in (00:22:22) the end Christopher and Winnie the (00:22:26) bear of little brain (00:22:29) uh who's the smartest of the whole lot (00:22:32) and they walk off together and the the (00:22:33) book ends with the statement something (00:22:36) like and whatever they do or wherever (00:22:38) they go in the Enchanted Forest the (00:22:40) little boy and his bear will always be (00:22:42) playing together and that phase would (00:22:45) bring tears to my eyes for (00:22:49) years because play is so important enjoy (00:22:53) is so important and that's what these (00:22:55) people are talking about and they didn't (00:22:57) allow themselves to experience it they (00:22:59) sacrific the play and the joy for all (00:23:01) these other (00:23:03) things you know