Jordan Peterson: Society Forgot This About the Role of a Mother (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) what what what's the role of a mother (00:00:03) if she's awake i had a client come see (00:00:07) me a while back (00:00:08) not very long ago a woman in about who's (00:00:11) about 30 and (00:00:13) trying to make decisions about her life (00:00:17) she was pretty career oriented and so i (00:00:19) asked her about although (00:00:20) maybe having a bit of trouble with her (00:00:22) career i've seen this many many times (00:00:25) so this is an amalgam this is a story (00:00:27) that's in amalgam (00:00:29) and i talked to her about the other (00:00:31) elements of her life it's like well (00:00:32) you know there's only five things you do (00:00:36) in life so you've got your career down (00:00:38) you know what do you do outside of your (00:00:40) career that's meaningful and engaging (00:00:42) how are things going with your family it (00:00:44) could be your family of origin your (00:00:46) siblings whatever (00:00:46) do you have an intimate relationship and (00:00:49) like what's your plan for (00:00:50) your own family and apart from those (00:00:53) five things there's sort of (00:00:54) something like get some exercise now and (00:00:56) then don't eat too badly and (00:00:58) try to stay away from the drugs you know (00:01:00) that that kind of (00:01:01) and the crime that kind of lays out (00:01:04) life and if you miss any of those five (00:01:07) things (00:01:08) or if you do any of those other things (00:01:10) wrong then you're in trouble and you can (00:01:12) get away (00:01:12) with missing a couple of them but not (00:01:13) all of them you know and she said (00:01:15) something along the lines of well i'm (00:01:16) not sure i should bring a child into (00:01:18) this world (00:01:19) and i thought oh god christ you got to (00:01:21) come up with something better than that (00:01:22) such a bloody cliche which is what i (00:01:24) told her i said you know you must have (00:01:25) thought that up when you were 16. it's (00:01:27) like (00:01:28) really that's your you can't do any (00:01:30) better this is a very very smart woman (00:01:32) it's like really you know you can't do (00:01:33) any better than that (00:01:34) it's like yes obviously this is a veil (00:01:37) of tears and (00:01:38) you know a well of suffering and all of (00:01:39) that you know if you ask 30 people who (00:01:42) are (00:01:43) wondering about having children why (00:01:45) they're wondering (00:01:46) 20 of them will say that and so that (00:01:49) that tells you how original it is it's (00:01:50) not original at all it's not a (00:01:52) thought it's like this little it's like (00:01:54) a it's like a it's a meme (00:01:56) it's something that lives in your mind (00:01:57) it's not a thought (00:01:59) and it's certainly not something it's (00:02:01) certainly not something that you should (00:02:02) just take at face value and then say oh (00:02:04) well i'm not having a family then it's (00:02:06) like no no (00:02:06) you kind of look at that and you (00:02:08) criticize it a little bit it's like well (00:02:10) the pop (00:02:11) the it's the other one that's the other (00:02:12) one that's very common there's too many (00:02:14) people on the planet already (00:02:16) it's like (00:02:19) i really don't like that statement it's (00:02:22) like (00:02:23) just who are you going to ask to leave (00:02:25) just how are you going to get them to (00:02:26) leave (00:02:27) you know it's a serious question and who (00:02:30) says there's too many people (00:02:31) what the hell is wrong with people (00:02:33) anyways sort of (00:02:34) we're running around ruining the planet (00:02:36) yeah it's like (00:02:38) i think it was the club of rome who (00:02:40) prophesied by the way that there would (00:02:42) be so many people on the planet by the (00:02:43) year 2000 that there would be widespread (00:02:45) starvation (00:02:46) and they were completely and utterly (00:02:47) wrong about that and i think it was the (00:02:49) club of rome (00:02:50) who either compared us to a virus or a (00:02:52) cancer on the face of the planet (00:02:54) it's like oh really that's what you (00:02:56) think about people eh aren't you (00:02:58) something (00:02:59) isn't that something to think about (00:03:00) human beings viruses and cancer (00:03:02) what do you do with viruses and cancer (00:03:05) invite them in and make them at home (00:03:06) it's like no (00:03:07) you try to eradicate them you got to (00:03:09) bloody well watch your metaphors folks (00:03:11) because it isn't clear that you come up (00:03:13) with them or that they run you (00:03:15) so you better watch them (00:03:20) so anyways mary you know and mary's the (00:03:23) great mother right that she's the mother (00:03:25) that's what mary is whether she existed (00:03:27) or not is not the point she (00:03:29) exists at least as a hyper reality she (00:03:32) exists as the mother (00:03:33) what's the sacrifice of the mother well (00:03:36) that's easy if you're a mother and you (00:03:37) if you're a mother who's worth her salt (00:03:40) you (00:03:40) offer your son to be destroyed by the (00:03:43) world (00:03:44) that's what you do that's what's going (00:03:46) to happen (00:03:47) right he's going to be born he's going (00:03:50) to suffer he's going to have (00:03:51) his trouble in life he's going to have (00:03:53) his illnesses (00:03:54) he's going to face his failures and (00:03:57) catastrophes (00:03:58) and he's going to die that's what's (00:04:00) going to happen and if you're awake you (00:04:02) know that (00:04:03) and then you say well perhaps he will (00:04:05) live in a way that will justify that (00:04:07) and then you try to have that happen and (00:04:10) that's what makes you worthy of a statue (00:04:12) like that (00:04:14) but still the sacrifice of the mother (00:04:20) is it right to bring a baby into this (00:04:22) terrible world (00:04:24) well every woman asks yourself that (00:04:26) question some say no and they have the (00:04:28) reasons (00:04:29) mary answers yes voluntarily mary is the (00:04:32) archetype of the woman who answers (00:04:35) yes to life voluntarily that's what that (00:04:39) image (00:04:39) means and not because she's blind (00:04:44) she knows what's going to happen and so (00:04:46) she's the archetypal representation of (00:04:48) the woman who says yes to life knowing (00:04:50) full well what (00:04:51) what life is not naive not someone who (00:04:54) got pregnant in the back seat of a 1957 (00:04:56) chevy you know in one in a one night of (00:04:59) of of (00:05:00) half drunk idiocy not that but (00:05:02) consciously (00:05:04) consciously knowing what's to come and (00:05:07) then also allows it to happen because (00:05:08) that's another thing that's (00:05:10) a testament to the courage of mothers my (00:05:12) mother was good at this my mother's a (00:05:14) very agreeable person (00:05:15) too agreeable for her own good but (00:05:18) that's what happens if you're agreeable (00:05:19) because (00:05:19) you're too agreeable for your own good (00:05:21) that's the definition of agreeable (00:05:23) and so she's a nice person and still is (00:05:26) luckily she's still alive and (00:05:27) we've had a very good relationship and i (00:05:29) have always (00:05:31) been able to make her laugh which is (00:05:33) which is a good thing (00:05:34) and but she was tough cookie that woman (00:05:37) you know (00:05:37) if if uh remember once she came across (00:05:43) i was out playing in this baseball (00:05:46) diamond little (00:05:47) diamond and empty lot really in this (00:05:50) little town i grew up in i was about 10 (00:05:53) and she walked by i was there with a (00:05:55) bunch of my friends (00:05:57) and i was about to have a fist fight (00:05:58) with this little tough kid that i hung (00:06:00) around with and (00:06:02) there were half girls on the team and (00:06:03) the fist fight had (00:06:05) some relationship to status maneuvering (00:06:07) you know in relationship to that (00:06:09) anyways we're gonna have a fight and my (00:06:10) mom walked by she took a look (00:06:13) and i could see from her demeanor that (00:06:16) she knew (00:06:17) exactly what was about to happen and she (00:06:19) looked (00:06:20) for a second and then she walked by and (00:06:22) i thought (00:06:23) whoa good work mom no kidding (00:06:26) it's like last bloody thing i needed at (00:06:28) that moment was (00:06:30) for her to come charging up and say you (00:06:32) boys aren't planning to have a fight (00:06:33) are you it's like well yeah mum we're (00:06:36) we're actually planning to have a fight (00:06:38) and (00:06:38) now that you came and intervened i (00:06:40) actually lost before the goddamn thing (00:06:42) even started (00:06:48) so two thumbs up for mom she was also (00:06:50) the person that said (00:06:51) because i had some trouble with my dad (00:06:53) when i was a k (00:06:54) you know what adolescent he had some (00:06:57) trouble with me so you know (00:06:59) it was 50 50. that's for now it's (00:07:01) probably 70 30 with me on the 70 end of (00:07:04) the (00:07:04) being the trouble and anyways i left (00:07:07) home when i was about (00:07:08) 17 and uh she said something really (00:07:12) interesting when i left home (00:07:13) she said it was too good at home you'd (00:07:16) never leave (00:07:17) i thought hey mom that's pretty good you (00:07:19) know for for an agreeable person (00:07:21) you've got a real spine man so that was (00:07:24) pretty good (00:07:25) so (00:07:28) so you know mother that says this the (00:07:30) mother is the person who also says (00:07:33) get out there take your goddamn lumps (00:07:35) because you're tough enough so that (00:07:37) you can handle it she doesn't say (00:07:41) you just stay down there in your bedroom (00:07:43) brooding away (00:07:45) because the world is unfair and treating (00:07:46) you badly (00:07:48) and your suffering is too much she says (00:07:50) yeah there's a lot of suffering out (00:07:52) there but (00:07:53) you're a hell of a lot tougher than you (00:07:54) think you are (00:07:57) so (00:08:00) in turn mary's son christ offers himself (00:08:02) to god (00:08:05) so completely that his faith and trust (00:08:07) in the world is not broken (00:08:08) by betrayal torture or death (00:08:15) that's the model for the honorable man (00:08:17) so (00:08:18) you know you have an interesting dynamic (00:08:20) there you have the woman who's willing (00:08:22) to make the sacrifice (00:08:25) lays the groundwork for the son who is (00:08:27) willing to make the sacrifice (00:08:30) that works out pretty nicely and it's a (00:08:32) good thing to know (00:08:34) in christ's case however as he (00:08:36) sacrifices himself (00:08:38) god his father is simultaneously (00:08:40) sacrificing his son right that's one of (00:08:42) the oddities of the trinitarian model is (00:08:44) that (00:08:45) god sacrifices himself to himself same (00:08:47) thing happens in norse mythology right (00:08:50) um is it norse it's zeus (00:08:54) germanic mythology zeus sacrifices (00:08:56) himself to himself he actually hangs on (00:08:58) a tree (00:08:59) he's actually wounded in his side it's (00:09:01) very interesting parallel (00:09:03) but i think part of the idea is well the (00:09:06) humanity the human race is trying to (00:09:07) work out well (00:09:08) what's the ultimate sacrifice it's (00:09:10) something like that the (00:09:11) ultimate sacrifice of value well the the (00:09:15) the passion story and i told you i was (00:09:18) foreshadowing i'm bringing (00:09:20) into consideration things we won't talk (00:09:22) about for a long time (00:09:23) maybe not at all in this lecture series (00:09:24) i don't know because i don't know how (00:09:25) far i'll get is that (00:09:27) well there's a supreme sacrifice (00:09:28) demanded on the part of the mother and (00:09:30) there's a supreme sacrifice demanded on (00:09:32) the part of the sun and there's a (00:09:33) supreme sacrifice demanded on the part (00:09:35) of the father (00:09:35) all at the same time and then that makes (00:09:38) the supreme sacrifice possible (00:09:40) and hypothetically that's the one that (00:09:42) renews that's the sacrifice that renews (00:09:44) and redeems (00:09:45) it's a hell of an idea man and the thing (00:09:47) about it is that (00:09:50) i don't know if it's true but i know (00:09:52) that it's opposite (00:09:53) is false and generally the (00:09:57) opposite of something that's false is (00:09:59) 1 (00:10:00) it's it's opposite is false is because (00:10:02) if the mother doesn't make the sacrifice (00:10:04) then you get the horrible edible (00:10:05) situation or something like that in the (00:10:07) household which is just (00:10:08) its own absolute catastrophic hell and (00:10:11) if you want a really good insight into (00:10:12) that i would say watch the documentary (00:10:14) crum (00:10:15) c-r-u-m-b a man that's been rated by (00:10:18) some critics says the best documentary (00:10:20) ever made and it is (00:10:21) some piece of work man it is the only (00:10:22) thing i've ever seen (00:10:24) that actually lays out the eatable (00:10:25) catastrophe in its full nightmare (00:10:28) you know so you could you could look at (00:10:30) that (00:10:31) so if the maternal sacrifice isn't there (00:10:33) then that doesn't work if the paternal (00:10:35) sacrifice isn't there (00:10:36) you know if you're if the father isn't (00:10:38) willing to put his son (00:10:40) out into the world let's say to be (00:10:41) broken and betrayed and all of those (00:10:43) things (00:10:43) then that's a non-starter because the (00:10:45) kid doesn't grow up and then if the sun (00:10:47) isn't willing to do that well then who (00:10:49) the hell is going to shoulder the (00:10:50) responsibility (00:10:51) so if those three things don't happen (00:10:54) then it's cataclysmic it's chaotic it's (00:10:57) hell (00:10:58) if they do happen is it the opposite of (00:11:00) that well you could say well maybe it (00:11:02) depends on the degree to which they (00:11:04) happen (00:11:04) and and it's a continuum how thoroughly (00:11:07) can they happen (00:11:08) well we don't know you know because you (00:11:10) might say (00:11:13) how good a job do you do of encouraging (00:11:15) your children to live in truth (00:11:18) let's say well that's part of the answer (00:11:20) to this question (00:11:21) and the answer likely is well not you (00:11:24) don't do as good a job of it (00:11:25) as you could so it works out quite well (00:11:28) but you don't know how well it could (00:11:29) work if you did it (00:11:31) really well or spectacularly well or (00:11:33) ultimately well or something like that (00:11:35) you don't know (00:11:36) and you know people have an intimation (00:11:38) of this because one of the things that's (00:11:40) really cool about having a young (00:11:41) baby this is something you don't know (00:11:43) till you have there's two things you (00:11:45) don't know (00:11:48) there's a lot more than two there's (00:11:50) three things you don't know (00:11:53) until you have a baby the one is that (00:11:55) you didn't grow up yet (00:11:57) because you actually don't grow up until (00:11:58) someone else is more important than you (00:12:00) you can't so people think they grow up (00:12:02) if they don't have children but they (00:12:04) don't they just think they do now there (00:12:05) are some people who (00:12:06) make sacrifices of other sorts but this (00:12:09) is a whole different (00:12:10) ball of wax as far as i'm concerned it's (00:12:13) not a very elegant metaphor but (00:12:15) um you learn that it's (00:12:19) kind of really relieved not to be the (00:12:20) center of attention that's cool (00:12:22) that you can sit back because of course (00:12:25) your child (00:12:26) in your family and in society is (00:12:28) immediately the center of attention (00:12:30) and so unless you're narcissistic then (00:12:33) you allow that to happen (00:12:35) and then you learn all sorts of really (00:12:37) good things about other people because (00:12:38) other people really like babies it's so (00:12:40) cool i lived in montreal when we had our (00:12:42) first child (00:12:43) and i lived in a pretty rough (00:12:44) neighborhood by montreal standards right (00:12:47) it's like (00:12:47) you know montreal is such a great city (00:12:49) like toronto it's like even the rough (00:12:51) neighborhoods are (00:12:51) they're more like charming with a little (00:12:54) you know dark under (00:12:55) belly something like that but there were (00:12:58) some rough characters in our (00:12:59) neighborhood it was pretty poor (00:13:00) and we'd we'd uh push her around in her (00:13:03) stroller and (00:13:04) these like grizzled wrecked old guys (00:13:06) would come by and (00:13:07) they'd look at her and they'd just light (00:13:09) up and they'd come over and like smile (00:13:11) at her and (00:13:12) you know you just saw their the positive (00:13:14) element of their humanity just (00:13:16) well forth you have there has to be (00:13:18) something seriously wrong with you if (00:13:20) you don't respond that way to a baby you (00:13:22) know i mean (00:13:23) that's that's not good that's not good (00:13:25) but it was so cool to see these people (00:13:26) you kind of give them (00:13:27) generally you'd sort of walk four feet (00:13:29) around them on the street you know (00:13:31) and yet they were all of a sudden all (00:13:33) that (00:13:35) the layers that were on them would just (00:13:37) fall off and they'd be so (00:13:38) and the babies are sort of like public (00:13:40) property weirdly enough too (00:13:42) sort of like pregnant women you know (00:13:43) because people often treat pregnant (00:13:45) women sort of like their public property (00:13:47) too i mean in a positive way oh well (00:13:48) you're gonna have a baby yeah and then (00:13:50) you know they well they do all sorts of (00:13:52) cute things (00:13:54) so