Is It Lying if We Tell Our Kids Santa Is Real? (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) [Music] (00:00:07) let's go to oh we were coming from quad (00:00:09) cities and now we're just going to twin (00:00:10) cities minnesota let's go to emily (00:00:12) what's going on emily (00:00:14) i'm good dr don how are you i am (00:00:17) dancing like i've never danced before on (00:00:19) the ceiling in fact like the old lionel (00:00:21) rich what's up (00:00:23) um well i've got a really tough question (00:00:26) for you today (00:00:27) bring it (00:00:29) probably the toughest you've ever had (00:00:31) my husband and i are trying to navigate (00:00:33) santa claus (00:00:36) and parenting are (00:00:38) our kids (00:00:39) coming from two different uh tutors in (00:00:42) christian backgrounds okay so (00:00:45) what what is so you you and your husband (00:00:48) disagree on (00:00:51) the (00:00:51) what role santa claus is going to play (00:00:54) well yeah well i guess (00:00:56) whether we're going to teach our kids to (00:00:58) believe in santa or not god teach them (00:01:01) to believe you said that's so great (00:01:04) um (00:01:05) okay so (00:01:06) i (00:01:08) on the internets posted something about (00:01:10) never lie to your kids like it drives (00:01:12) you crazy never lie to your kids (00:01:14) and the number one question i always get (00:01:16) back is what about santa claus what (00:01:17) about santa claus what about santa claus (00:01:20) and so when i hit send on those things (00:01:21) i'm always thinking about (00:01:23) you know divorce and you know grief and (00:01:27) things like that and everyone's like (00:01:29) what about santa so here we go let's (00:01:31) answer this definitively once and for (00:01:33) all and (00:01:34) on the internets there is no once and (00:01:35) for all it's forever never all men okay (00:01:37) so (00:01:39) how old are your kids (00:01:41) uh i've got a two and a half year old (00:01:42) which is who we're thinking of i also (00:01:44) have a nine months old okay (00:01:48) all right so what do you want to do (00:01:52) well before kids i didn't want to (00:01:56) um teach them about santa (00:01:59) why not scrooge funruner.com.net (00:02:03) i i didn't (00:02:05) i didn't learn i mean i didn't believe (00:02:07) in santa i grew up in a really christian (00:02:09) home that (00:02:10) we didn't do halloween either so (00:02:12) basically just just not just no holidays (00:02:16) no no holidays um is that in the bible (00:02:19) didn't lie to us we knew about him and (00:02:21) you know we like we could (00:02:24) you know we had stockings and my parents (00:02:26) filled them in the morning and we just (00:02:28) pretend you know but it wasn't we never (00:02:29) believed (00:02:30) my husband what faith tradition are you (00:02:32) from (00:02:34) christian (00:02:35) my dad uh was a lutheran pastor (00:02:40) is that in the bible (00:02:42) what nobody even in sansa no i mean we (00:02:46) we celebrated holidays but we didn't uh (00:02:50) we weren't talking about santa and then (00:02:51) we couldn't participate in halloween it (00:02:53) was too much of the devil (00:02:56) very cool okay yeah so (00:02:59) yeah i wouldn't call it cool (00:03:03) did your do your did you dress your kids (00:03:05) up for halloween this year (00:03:07) we did yes dude you're breaking down the (00:03:09) barriers man (00:03:11) your dad has lost control of his (00:03:13) daughter (00:03:14) yeah it's going off the rails in twin (00:03:16) cities i love it okay (00:03:18) so (00:03:21) husband is he all in (00:03:24) yes okay (00:03:26) and i i think it's super magical but (00:03:28) then yeah like the line when you're two (00:03:30) and a half year old looks into your eyes (00:03:32) and asks you if wookies are real (00:03:35) and you're just like (00:03:36) no no they're not but he believes in it (00:03:38) so much because he heard it in a book (00:03:40) once (00:03:41) it's hard to then be like no i'm going (00:03:43) to teach him about santa and then (00:03:46) shatter his dreams at four or five years (00:03:48) old (00:03:52) that's so great (00:03:54) the transference of trauma from one (00:03:56) childhood to another is so great don't (00:03:59) watch it in action so good (00:04:01) okay so here is my thoughts on santa (00:04:04) claus (00:04:06) i believe that we have in an effort this (00:04:10) is all derivative from the enlightenment (00:04:13) we're at the back end of the (00:04:14) enlightenment i believe (00:04:17) we thought we could break everything (00:04:20) down into its smallest parts smallest (00:04:22) pieces we bought into a lie that (00:04:24) everything's a machine so if we took the (00:04:26) body apart together and all the way down (00:04:29) to the smallest cell we could figure it (00:04:31) out (00:04:33) and what we lost in that was (00:04:36) myth (00:04:37) we lost common stories that we told (00:04:39) ourselves things that bonded us together (00:04:41) and what we're finding out is (00:04:44) uh if i was just listening to andrew (00:04:46) huberman yesterday he's one of the (00:04:47) smartest men on the planet i love him (00:04:49) he's at stanford (00:04:50) talking about how people heard the same (00:04:53) story (00:04:55) and they were they listened to the story (00:04:57) this is a study i think it's in cell (00:04:58) magazine like the top top top scientific (00:05:01) academic journals (00:05:03) different people listen to the same (00:05:05) story in different places at different (00:05:06) times and their heartbeats lined up (00:05:10) here's what i'm getting at we are bonded (00:05:13) through connection not through are the (00:05:15) smallest pieces of us okay so here's why (00:05:18) that's important (00:05:20) i believe we have in an effort to (00:05:23) quantify everything to solidify (00:05:25) everything one of my favorite poets um (00:05:28) she says (00:05:29) um (00:05:31) damn the scientists for turning stars (00:05:34) into balls of burning gas (00:05:36) right we used to look up in the sky and (00:05:38) see these magical twinkling lights and (00:05:41) now they're just (00:05:42) sulfur and hydrogen and whatever we've (00:05:44) ruined them okay in an effort to take (00:05:47) them apart so what does that have to do (00:05:49) with santa claus (00:05:51) i'm a big believer in not stealing (00:05:54) stories (00:05:55) and common experiences and things that (00:05:58) are a part of us (00:06:01) from our kids cause the world's gonna do (00:06:03) that from them they're gonna take (00:06:04) everything from them they're gonna (00:06:06) they're gonna the world's gonna ruin the (00:06:09) greatest things about being a human (00:06:11) laughter and sex and joy and family and (00:06:15) relationships it's all gonna end up a (00:06:16) mess (00:06:18) and so man if you can create a magical (00:06:21) five six years with your kid (00:06:23) i say live every second of it (00:06:27) and create the (00:06:30) magic create the universe all that stuff (00:06:34) let your kids enjoy that with their (00:06:36) friends and their kids and then what (00:06:38) they'll do is over time they begin to (00:06:40) figure it out like wow santa claus is (00:06:42) like in four different places in that (00:06:43) mall that was weird they'll start to (00:06:45) figure it out and it's how they begin to (00:06:47) peel back the world but they do it at (00:06:49) their own pace at their own speed and (00:06:50) then there will come a moment when your (00:06:52) kid looks at you and says mom listen (00:06:54) i don't believe in this anymore or (00:06:57) mom i gotta ask you is this real or is (00:06:59) my son did (00:07:01) he conflated god and santa in a really (00:07:06) really deflating way (00:07:08) and so here's what i did i think i don't (00:07:10) remember how old he was but it's one of (00:07:11) my favorite moments i've had with him (00:07:13) i (00:07:14) just like out of a taster's like a (00:07:17) taster's choice commercial like an old (00:07:19) beer commercial or something i (00:07:21) he said something along the lines of (00:07:24) i'm gonna ask god for this and if god (00:07:26) doesn't come through i'm gonna ask for (00:07:27) santa i'm gonna have santa something (00:07:28) like that i mean it was just a total (00:07:29) mess (00:07:31) so my wife looked at me and we have the (00:07:32) rule in our house that whoever gets (00:07:34) asked the question has to answer it (00:07:36) so i said hank come outside with me (00:07:39) and i took him out this is so cheesy i (00:07:40) know i took him out in the back of my (00:07:42) pickup truck and we climbed up in the (00:07:44) back of the pickup truck and i said son (00:07:47) sometimes this is where we have hard (00:07:49) conversations this is where grown-ups (00:07:51) have hard conversations in the back of (00:07:52) the truck so we're gonna have one and i (00:07:54) just gotta level with you (00:07:56) and it was one of the most magical (00:07:58) conversations ever (00:08:00) and it was me saying hey i wanted you to (00:08:02) enjoy this i wanted you to love this (00:08:04) experience there was something magical (00:08:06) about waking up in the morning and did (00:08:07) we hear the rooftop all that stuff (00:08:11) and (00:08:12) i gotta level with you it was me and (00:08:14) your mom and i walked him through it and (00:08:15) then it was so great as we were getting (00:08:16) out he felt so big and so like it was a (00:08:19) great moment between us he got while i (00:08:21) had told him the stories and why we (00:08:23) wanted him to enjoy that experience how (00:08:25) fun it was (00:08:26) and then as we were leaving he goes dad (00:08:28) one more thing i was like yeah and he (00:08:30) goes (00:08:31) easter bunny no and i said (00:08:34) no son and he's like all right so we we (00:08:36) had the thing right and so here's the (00:08:38) thing it's a common myth it's a part of (00:08:41) us and we have just sucked that we've (00:08:42) made it truth or fiction kids are much (00:08:45) more fluid than that (00:08:47) and their experience of truth evolves it (00:08:50) moves in their participation it's the (00:08:53) the same thing is i'm not gonna let him (00:08:55) go see a movie because i don't want him (00:08:57) to ever think that star wars is real i'm (00:08:59) not gonna let him go to the theater (00:09:01) because i don't want him to believe in (00:09:03) romeo and juliet no man don't do that (00:09:06) don't take that from your kid is that (00:09:07) fair yeah that's fair i do think elf on (00:09:10) the shelf is from satan i think i i (00:09:13) agree elf on the shelf is evil it's a (00:09:16) way to if you're listening to this burn (00:09:18) your elf on the shelf burn him do you (00:09:20) all yourself on the shelf (00:09:23) we did i can see kelly's not (00:09:27) james you elf on the shelfer (00:09:28) uh not in the traditional way we kind of (00:09:30) like (00:09:31) uh do a (00:09:33) it's a long story we kind of like do the (00:09:36) elf on the shelf but we don't make it (00:09:37) like he's watching you you better behave (00:09:39) because that's kind of creepy more that (00:09:41) he's staring you down and judging you (00:09:44) no just kind of like hey you can teach (00:09:46) him about the christmas story or her (00:09:48) about the christmas story and you know (00:09:50) help her understand what it's all about (00:09:52) stuff like that and yeah we totally use (00:09:54) it as a threat (00:09:57) yeah we're like don't make us go tell (00:09:58) our elves was alphys (00:10:00) and we have like you know elvis is (00:10:03) watching so yeah james is a better (00:10:04) person (00:10:06) this emily is why kelly's kids will (00:10:08) probably be in counseling (00:10:12) they are (00:10:13) right that's right so elf on the shelf (00:10:15) from satan directly from satan if you (00:10:18) don't want your kids to do something (00:10:19) just tell them yourself you don't have (00:10:20) to like pawn it off on some toy on top (00:10:22) of the ceiling but (00:10:24) um yeah dude i i'm all in on it let him (00:10:27) be a part of it let him own it (00:10:29) and then watching my son (00:10:32) and like (00:10:33) teach the story to my daughter and let (00:10:35) her be a part of it it's just fun man (00:10:36) it's just we just gotta bring some fun (00:10:38) and joy back into our lives is that fair (00:10:41) yeah that's totally fair i don't think (00:10:42) it's i i don't think it's lying to kids (00:10:44) any more than taking them to the movies (00:10:46) or taking them to theater or anything (00:10:48) like that is there will come a moment (00:10:49) when they start to say well what about (00:10:51) the story of if you have a faith (00:10:52) tradition you know if you're a muslim or (00:10:53) if you're a christian (00:10:55) oh what about how does this work that's (00:10:57) a whole other conversation by the way (00:10:58) their understanding of god is going to (00:11:00) shift and morph over the course of their (00:11:02) life too like yours has right has yours (00:11:04) shifted and morphed (00:11:06) yeah yeah i see so that's part of their (00:11:07) journey and part of their adventure (00:11:09) just don't don't don't put so much (00:11:11) weight on this thing i'm all in on santa (00:11:13) so are you going to do santa or not are (00:11:15) you going to steal from your child i'm (00:11:17) skeptically kidding (00:11:19) no i think i think we'll do it yeah we i (00:11:22) mean (00:11:23) we were halfway in the door anyways but (00:11:25) then i just got cold feet i was like (00:11:30) do you when you listen to your husband's (00:11:31) stories do you feel like you missed out (00:11:35) um (00:11:36) i don't you feel like he's an idiot like (00:11:38) your parents sucked what lame losers no (00:11:41) i i i don't think either i think i (00:11:43) i (00:11:45) i felt like i knew something (00:11:47) that no one else like no other kid did (00:11:49) because they all still believed as a (00:11:50) child so i i was fine with it i thought (00:11:52) oh (00:11:53) it was like it was like a power move for (00:11:55) you it was like a flex you're like (00:11:57) my peasant little friends and they're (00:11:59) dumb they're dumb myths (00:12:01) but i didn't paddle at all i kept it a (00:12:04) secret until my friends figured it out i (00:12:06) had a friend named brian and i told him (00:12:08) it's one of the worst his mom told me to (00:12:10) leave his house and she should have was (00:12:11) one of my (00:12:13) wait did you not grow up believing in (00:12:15) santa oh no i just had an older sister (00:12:16) who loved ruining every every (00:12:19) oh you believe that idiot so she loved (00:12:21) that she was awesome um but i ruined it (00:12:24) for a friend but nope i'm all in that's (00:12:26) how i do it in my house i'm all in do (00:12:28) your kids believe in santa (00:12:30) yes yes but again we're (00:12:33) we don't like um (00:12:34) make it all about santa it's kind of (00:12:36) like and we don't also we don't like (00:12:38) create this (00:12:39) like well here's how he comes down the (00:12:40) chimney we're kind of like i don't know (00:12:41) what do you think like kind of keep it (00:12:44) mysterious so we're not like just (00:12:46) kelly you're all in yet again james is a (00:12:47) better parent mine did and (00:12:50) i have a special needs daughter who's 18 (00:12:53) but only about five developmentally so (00:12:56) she still believes she's all in yeah (00:13:00) it's magical right yeah and even my son (00:13:02) now he (00:13:03) he plays into it now we all do it now (00:13:05) because she still believes yeah it's so (00:13:07) great the one thing that we don't have a (00:13:09) fireplace in my house emily and we don't (00:13:14) so josephine was asking and i was a (00:13:16) little bit creeped out at myself (00:13:18) explaining how he can just get in the (00:13:19) front door like i thought that's (00:13:21) probably not i mean that's gonna come (00:13:22) back in some counseling sessions someday (00:13:24) and then there was this guy that just (00:13:25) came in the front door and so anyway i (00:13:27) get that it's probably not the best (00:13:28) story to tell but it is where we're at (00:13:30) right now it's cool i might get some (00:13:32) deer hooves and and hit them on the (00:13:34) ceiling this this year we'll see