MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY: The BIGGEST Mistake You are Making in LIFE! (I Wish I Knew THIS Sooner!) (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:03) [music] (00:00:09) [music] (00:00:27) When you think about your life right (00:00:29) now, you do so much. You were just (00:00:30) talking about all the projects and (00:00:31) travel and everything. If you ever get a (00:00:34) day that has no plan, no schedule, no (00:00:36) timeline, no phone, (00:00:38) >> no commitments. What does that look like (00:00:40) for you? (00:00:40) >> Oh, I don't get many of those. And I (00:00:44) need to my hunch is I need to learn to (00:00:47) get more of those. And when I get them, (00:00:49) I can be better at them because I have a (00:00:52) love of accomplishment to even feel a (00:00:55) significance for the day. M you know I (00:00:58) sleep better um when I have a purpose (00:01:01) and I went after something even if it's (00:01:03) just building something and um I I'm (00:01:06) still learning. I'm got to remind myself (00:01:08) now. I used to be better at it actually (00:01:10) to (00:01:12) I just go daydream mosy. Let's take a mo (00:01:15) everything's swing by today. That's one (00:01:18) thing I've I quit calling appointments (00:01:20) appointments and call them swingbys (00:01:22) >> and all of a sudden I find I get just as (00:01:23) much done but but I'm just it's just in (00:01:25) my dance of the day. Yeah, (00:01:27) >> but if I have one full day off, um I (00:01:30) will get my 9 and 1 half hours sleep, (00:01:33) which is preferred, which means maybe I (00:01:35) sleep till 9:30. I'll get up, um take my (00:01:40) time, mosey down. If Camila was up, my (00:01:42) wife was up before me, she'll have left (00:01:44) me a a matcha tea. If uh if she wasn't (00:01:48) or had to rush out the door, I'll go (00:01:49) make that tea. While the water's (00:01:51) boiling, I'll I'll go probably uh do (00:01:54) eight pieces of a puzzle. (00:01:56) which is a a wonderful way. I love (00:01:58) starting my day on that slow simple ah (00:02:02) eight little connections. Ah, you made (00:02:04) you rhymed eight different things and (00:02:06) very simple. Now I'll usually head out (00:02:08) to the maybe the front porch, (00:02:10) >> have that first tea, catch hopefully (00:02:12) catch 15 minutes of some morning sun (00:02:15) face. (00:02:16) >> Um then I'll uh um catch up on the on (00:02:20) the the the the world's news, what's (00:02:23) happening. And uh maybe I'll do my word (00:02:25) or a couple little simple little things. (00:02:27) I'm going to try and play tennis (00:02:29) somewhere in the day. (00:02:30) >> I'm going to try and break a sweat (00:02:31) somewhere during the day. Um I'll take (00:02:34) some project or something that I'm (00:02:37) working on or writing with me maybe to (00:02:39) my gym and have one of those lazy little (00:02:41) two and a half hour workouts where you (00:02:43) kind of stop and write some things and (00:02:45) then you kind of get hop back into it. (00:02:47) And then uh I'm probably going to cook (00:02:49) dinner that night when I don't have (00:02:51) anything going on. (00:02:51) >> Mhm. So, either I'm going to get the (00:02:53) ribe eyes and and and rub them down in (00:02:56) my rub and have everything and and and (00:02:57) or I'm going to do tuna melts for the (00:02:59) family that night. Um and then uh kids (00:03:03) never want to come home. We'll usually (00:03:05) hang. I'm picking I'm saying this day (00:03:07) that I have off as a school day. (00:03:08) >> Yeah. (00:03:09) >> And uh we'll hang catch up on days after (00:03:14) that. Maybe the family will all go catch (00:03:16) something. One of our favorite shows (00:03:17) we'll go watch an hour. And if we start (00:03:19) early enough, maybe we get two episodes, (00:03:21) [laughter] (00:03:22) kids will go down, then uh Camil and I (00:03:24) get to hang and uh for the last couple (00:03:26) hours of the evening. That'd be that'd (00:03:28) be a mosy through my day day. (00:03:31) >> Nice. I love that. (00:03:32) >> Yeah. (00:03:32) >> How how obviously the mindset of (00:03:35) achievement and purpose and growth has (00:03:38) served you so well, but there's a part (00:03:40) of you that sounds like I would like (00:03:42) more days like this. Where does that (00:03:44) come from? (00:03:45) >> I love to be on task. I love to have (00:03:48) something that I'm building and reaching (00:03:50) to finish and and do. I love the (00:03:53) building of that. I've started a lot of (00:03:55) the campfires in my life that I'm still (00:03:56) building. Um and I have plenty to fill (00:04:00) my 24-hour days. At the same time, I (00:04:04) want to keep learning and and be (00:04:07) inspired by something new, you know, (00:04:09) pick up something that I didn't like. I (00:04:11) just picked up tennis four years ago. I (00:04:13) didn't have I noticed I said you hadn't (00:04:14) had a hobby for 25 years m you found (00:04:17) your first hobby. I thought writing was (00:04:19) a hobby and I was like no no that's (00:04:21) actually not a hobby you know but to (00:04:23) find to be open to finding a new hobby a (00:04:27) new to go somewhere not I don't know (00:04:29) where we going we're going for a walk (00:04:31) >> to no destination in particular (00:04:35) >> you know to to lose track of time (00:04:37) >> with success and with a busy life and I (00:04:39) got a full life and I got a family and I (00:04:41) got a career I my hunch is that while (00:04:45) that can fill my days completely for my (00:04:48) own evolution in art just to make sure I (00:04:52) can still have that beginner's mind (00:04:53) where I can go go daydream (00:04:56) >> for nothing in particular. Go go go go (00:04:58) go where your nose takes you. (00:05:01) >> You know what I mean? Or [clears throat] (00:05:02) go where your ears take you. Follow that (00:05:05) to give my to make sure I'm giving (00:05:06) myself time (00:05:08) >> to let that happen. I think is a good (00:05:10) pro I think is a good it it always seems (00:05:11) to pay off. Yes. (00:05:13) >> And it never is looked at as like time (00:05:14) not well spent. (00:05:16) >> You know what I mean? But in the time I (00:05:18) can get a little bit anxious and be (00:05:19) like, "Let's do let's get ahead on that (00:05:22) thing, you know? Let's let's bring that (00:05:24) thing that you were supposed to have (00:05:25) done next Friday. What if we got that (00:05:27) done now?" (00:05:27) >> Yeah. Yeah. I can relate to that. I can (00:05:29) I can relate to that. And (00:05:31) >> I can see it too in in how easy it is as (00:05:34) someone who loves what they do and loves (00:05:36) creating and building and I fully get (00:05:39) it. (00:05:40) >> That's I mean, there's the upside and (00:05:41) I'm I'm not over here bitching about (00:05:42) that. I'm happy to have things in my (00:05:45) life that I love to build and do. (00:05:48) >> My wife knows it. She I'm I'm probably (00:05:50) most happy. It's probably obvious (00:05:52) >> when I'm when I'm working, when I have a (00:05:55) when I have a schedule, when I have a (00:05:56) day that is this many hours or 12 hours (00:05:59) or I just got through shooting something (00:06:00) for two months and then boom, hopped off (00:06:02) next day went into shooting something (00:06:03) for three days. I I love that. I sleep (00:06:06) well. The food tastes a little better to (00:06:09) me that night. that cocktail, that panel (00:06:14) on ice tastes better that night. I'm (00:06:17) actually, I think, have more time (00:06:20) and I'm a better father to my kids, the (00:06:23) conversations, and I'm more present when (00:06:26) I have that uh sense of accomplishment (00:06:28) through the day. (00:06:29) >> Yeah. What's uh you've written so many (00:06:31) chapters, you've lived so many chapters. (00:06:33) What would this chapter of your life be (00:06:35) called? Who (00:06:37) >> That's a great question. Um, (00:06:40) so I'm just turned 56 (00:06:44) and (00:06:46) 40s were my favorite decade. I think I (00:06:50) really customized. And I found that to (00:06:52) be true for a lot of people, especially (00:06:55) a lot of the men I talked to, they go, (00:06:56) "Man, 40s, you get rid of all that stuff (00:06:58) where you're wasting your time and (00:07:00) you're honing in on the stuff that turns (00:07:02) you on." Um, (00:07:04) look, 50s, I'm still in a (00:07:08) the early the first first few years of (00:07:10) 50s were a little wobbly for me. So you (00:07:13) go, "Oh, is this that midlife crisis?" (00:07:15) And I go, "What is that?" I don't like (00:07:16) the word crisis on that. Sounds like a (00:07:19) midlife, for lack of a better word, (00:07:21) opportunity that you just, it's a time (00:07:23) where for whatever reason, man looks (00:07:25) back and goes, "What have I done? And (00:07:28) now where am I going?" And I think my (00:07:30) hunch is that most people go through (00:07:32) what they call a midlife crisis. And if (00:07:34) it's hard for them or not healthy for (00:07:36) them, it's because maybe they're not (00:07:38) giving enough credit to what they (00:07:39) actually have done to get there. (00:07:41) >> You know, it's like, oh no, I did that. (00:07:42) >> Yeah. (00:07:43) >> Done. Next. (00:07:45) >> You know, like we're talking about with (00:07:46) me need more accomplishment. Well, wait (00:07:48) a minute. Sometimes it's all right to go (00:07:49) what what did you do back there that (00:07:51) actually you're still building? What if (00:07:53) we take that to another level? Uh put (00:07:55) another log on that fire. (00:07:58) My goal when I hit the 50s, my my goal (00:08:01) did it came to me was like, hey, you're (00:08:04) an actor, you [clears throat] you you (00:08:06) you play a character in someone else's (00:08:09) script that someone else wrote, directed (00:08:12) by someone else, lensed in a camera from (00:08:15) someone else and edited by someone else (00:08:17) before your performance is shared. And I (00:08:20) love acting, but I go, there's four (00:08:21) filters of my raw expression before it's (00:08:24) getting to you. We were talking about (00:08:25) this before we got on camera today. You (00:08:27) go. You go on stage. Boom. It's direct. (00:08:30) This is pretty direct, but there's still (00:08:31) a filter here. (00:08:32) >> Mhm. (00:08:32) >> You know what I mean? Writing, there's (00:08:34) still one filter. That's But that's when (00:08:36) I headed into writing is I wanted to get (00:08:38) rid of three of the filters. And that's (00:08:40) when said, "Oh, what if I write the (00:08:42) word? Can I pull off and give someone (00:08:46) translate the human experience where (00:08:47) they people can see themselves through (00:08:48) words? (00:08:50) >> Can I paint a picture of [snorts] my own (00:08:52) experiences which someone else can go, (00:08:53) "Oh, I've been there. I know what you're (00:08:56) talking about. But that's still a (00:08:57) filter. So the challenge I've been that (00:09:00) that keeps just gnawing at me since I've (00:09:02) turned 50 is like what's your (00:09:05) documentary? (00:09:07) What what are you doing? Are you a (00:09:11) character in life in the big show? The (00:09:16) one there or action was called the day (00:09:18) you were born and cut will be called the (00:09:21) day you die. What what what are you (00:09:24) doing live? Is that worth the show? (00:09:27) >> Is it entertaining? Is it educational? (00:09:29) Is it inspiring? (00:09:31) Is it does it turn you on? Could it turn (00:09:33) other people put people on? What's (00:09:35) happen? That's that's now we're talking (00:09:37) no filters. And so I've started to (00:09:40) question myself, what what's your let's (00:09:42) let's think about do you is there other (00:09:45) avenues for you to live (00:09:49) instead of doing someone else's script? (00:09:51) What's your script? (00:09:52) Now, that's led me to think about (00:09:55) different ways of leadership. It's led (00:09:56) me to to write more. It's also led me to (00:10:00) go on the hard days to give myself a (00:10:03) little amnesty and go, "Dude, take a (00:10:06) little wisdom from Bob Dylan." (00:10:10) You're all you are what you create (00:10:12) yourself to be. (00:10:13) >> Every maybe if you feel more alive (00:10:16) acting in a show through a character, (00:10:18) well, bravo. That's still you. Don't act (00:10:21) like that's not you. You and get to your (00:10:23) real self. Abby, you are to be the (00:10:26) creation. And it's okay if I'm going to (00:10:28) go play a part. (00:10:30) >> We're all playing a part. (00:10:33) >> Are we playing? If we can get to a part (00:10:35) that is essentially close to essentially (00:10:38) who we are, bravo for us. If we can't, (00:10:42) we're having trouble doing that. And if (00:10:43) we can play a part that we're good at (00:10:45) and shows a piece and translates to show (00:10:47) a piece of humanity, turns other people (00:10:48) and and us on even though it may not be (00:10:50) corly who we are, well, bravo for (00:10:53) getting away with that one, too, (00:10:55) >> you know. But play one at a time is (00:10:59) another is another little tip I have to (00:11:02) remind myself cuz the great performers, (00:11:05) whether I think in life or in acting, (00:11:08) you know, they they they can play any (00:11:10) part. They can be any creation, but (00:11:12) they're always one at a time. (00:11:15) >> And that's where some patience has to (00:11:17) come in. That's where a bit of that, (00:11:18) hey, don't rush to accomplish. Just play (00:11:22) one part at a time. (00:11:24) >> But as life gets big and you've got a (00:11:26) career and you got a family, there's (00:11:27) many parts to play, (00:11:28) >> you know, father, husband, performer, (00:11:31) you know, or writer, whatever those are. (00:11:33) But as you know with practice those all (00:11:36) that instead of feeling like five (00:11:37) different hats you got to wear one day (00:11:39) you go oh that's all part of the same (00:11:41) story that's all part of the same man I (00:11:44) am. (00:11:44) >> Mhm. So the chapter would be called one (00:11:47) one at a time. (00:11:48) >> The chapter would be called ah I wish it (00:11:50) was called sometimes I think it should (00:11:52) be called one at a time. The long my (00:11:53) long answer to what would the chapter be (00:11:55) would be uh I loved your answer. We've (00:11:57) got a um (00:12:00) I opened up eight lanes to about 12 (00:12:04) lanes. (00:12:06) >> When you open up to more lanes and (00:12:07) you've been comfortable on these eight (00:12:09) and you know them well, well, there's a (00:12:12) little growing pains with getting (00:12:14) comfortable in those other new lanes. Um (00:12:17) without disregarding my eight that I've (00:12:20) built that I've built that I'm (00:12:21) comfortable in, (00:12:22) >> you know. So I would say (00:12:24) >> four more lanes. Let's call that chap. (00:12:27) It's called Four More Lanes. (00:12:28) >> Four More Lanes. Yeah. (00:12:30) >> It's interesting listening to you (00:12:31) because I think you've (00:12:33) highlighted a really interesting human (00:12:35) trait that we all possess where (00:12:39) when we achieve something and it's no (00:12:41) longer useful, we start to denigrate it. (00:12:47) So, for example, if I think a certain (00:12:49) mindset is going to help me at this (00:12:50) point in my life, I'll use it. It will (00:12:53) get me to where I want to get to. And (00:12:55) then when I get there, I'll go, I didn't (00:12:56) like that mindset. I wish I was this (00:12:58) way. And we kind of do that time and (00:13:00) time again. And I assume decade by (00:13:02) decade (00:13:03) >> where we reject the thing that got us (00:13:06) here. (00:13:07) >> Yeah. (00:13:07) >> And don't value it because now it isn't (00:13:10) what the new (00:13:11) >> world looks like. It's like, and making (00:13:13) it very basic, a crude example is, oh, I (00:13:16) used I thought that was cool to wear and (00:13:18) now 10 years later, I look back and I (00:13:19) think, why was I wearing that? Like I'm (00:13:21) crazy. And but think about that on an (00:13:23) internal soul level of the mindsets we (00:13:25) wear and the behaviors we wear and (00:13:27) >> like taking a moment as you said to give (00:13:29) yourself that amnesty to say (00:13:30) >> well yeah and to (00:13:33) and to make sense of humor the default (00:13:34) emotion when you look back and you're (00:13:36) embarrassed of something you did that (00:13:37) actually got you what you wanted (00:13:39) >> to go you know (00:13:41) >> to go instead of judging it at least (00:13:44) start off giggling at it helps with the (00:13:46) amnesty it also helps change gear and go (00:13:48) oh the realization oh I wouldn't have I (00:13:51) wouldn't have learned that lesson if I (00:13:53) wouldn't have been such an egotistical (00:13:54) prick at the time because I wouldn't had (00:13:56) the confidence to put myself in the (00:13:58) situation to get humbled. (00:13:59) >> Yeah. (00:13:59) >> You know what I mean? You can look at (00:14:01) all the piles of we step in (00:14:04) >> and (00:14:06) they lead to, (00:14:08) you know, the clean the clean water we (00:14:11) get to drink from the from the well down (00:14:13) the line or the truth we figure out. I (00:14:15) mean, it's it's it's you say that uh (00:14:17) it's a mystery going forward. It's (00:14:19) science looking back. M (00:14:20) >> you know (00:14:21) >> cuz we can all connect the dots to (00:14:24) exactly where we are right now (00:14:27) >> and there's a science to it (00:14:31) >> even and and that science has to do with (00:14:34) when we face planted and tripped (00:14:36) ourselves and messed up or went about it (00:14:38) the wrong way but maybe got the outcome (00:14:41) we wanted or went about it the wrong way (00:14:43) and didn't get the outcome we wanted. I (00:14:45) think that has a lot to do with our and (00:14:47) I don't know do you think this is a (00:14:48) western thing our relationship with (00:14:50) failure we're embar we in some ways I (00:14:54) wish we were more embarrassed [laughter] (00:14:56) all right but in other ways I'm like we (00:14:57) have to get a with children you know (00:15:00) it's like they're afraid to fail and (00:15:01) it's like (00:15:02) >> no no no if anything if I look back I (00:15:04) always answer the question what would (00:15:05) you do different I wish I wish I would (00:15:06) have taken more risk and failed more (00:15:07) >> and I'm still trying to challenge myself (00:15:09) to that (00:15:10) >> today but we have this relationship with (00:15:12) failure is like an embarrassing thing to (00:15:13) do instead of shaking hands go no (00:15:16) failure will happen and if it doesn't (00:15:18) happen you're probably not taking enough (00:15:20) risks or you're not getting out of your (00:15:23) comfort zone. So no failure is part of (00:15:25) the successful path. It's necessary and (00:15:29) we don't have a good relationship (00:15:31) >> with it. Do you is that a western (00:15:33) thinking? (00:15:34) >> I think it comes from the western versus (00:15:37) eastern ideology of time. So in eastern (00:15:40) traditions time is cyclical and in (00:15:43) western traditions time is linear. (00:15:44) >> Yeah. (00:15:45) >> And as soon as you make time linear (00:15:47) failure means a step behind (00:15:48) >> but as soon as time is cyclical well (00:15:51) then it's just repeating itself. (00:15:53) >> So that concept (00:15:54) >> transforms how you view failure because (00:15:57) failure then becomes a part of a cycle. (00:15:59) >> Yeah. (00:15:59) >> Whereas failure in a linear journey is (00:16:02) bad (00:16:03) >> because it means I'm going backwards and (00:16:05) someone else is doing (00:16:06) >> success in the same way in the western (00:16:08) world. Western world vertical as in oh (00:16:12) two steps up the ladder failure oh you (00:16:14) step back down the ring whereas in the (00:16:16) eastern philosophy it's not necessarily (00:16:18) so vertical quantity (00:16:20) >> yeah I would say it's I would say if the (00:16:22) western is outwards and upwards then the (00:16:25) eastern is inwards (00:16:27) >> okay (00:16:28) >> and so the inner journey for example the (00:16:31) quest to understand outer space would (00:16:35) not be as interesting as the inner sky (00:16:38) >> the inner sky would be more of a (00:16:40) magnetic pull to understand (00:16:42) >> heard (00:16:42) >> if that helps makes. Yes, it does. (00:16:44) >> Yeah. Yeah. (00:16:45) >> Yeah. And so these little mindsets I (00:16:48) feel it's it's what you said earlier. (00:16:50) You change your language about midlife (00:16:52) crisis to midlife life opportunity. (00:16:55) >> That language shift (00:16:57) is revolutionary for the mind. (00:17:00) >> It's wild, isn't it? The vernacular, the (00:17:04) prescriptionist definition or just a (00:17:06) word. I had the word I had I've had the (00:17:09) hardest time for 40 years (00:17:14) dealing with (00:17:16) the word humility. (00:17:19) Come on. Got to be humble, Matthew. You (00:17:21) got to be humble. We got to be more (00:17:22) humble. My shoulders would start to (00:17:24) cave. (00:17:26) >> My head would start to go down. I was (00:17:28) pass I became passive or lose. I had the (00:17:32) moment where it was my turn and I I (00:17:34) didn't take the opportunity. I had a (00:17:36) false sense of modesty. No, no, no. You, (00:17:38) you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, (00:17:38) you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, (00:17:39) you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, (00:17:39) you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, (00:17:39) you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you (00:17:39) go. Or that that person that's that that (00:17:42) that's at the um in front of you at the (00:17:44) stop sign that says, "No, you can go and (00:17:47) now it's your turn." They go, "No, you (00:17:48) can go." It's like, "No, it's your turn (00:17:50) to go." It's like, [laughter] don't sit (00:17:52) there and keep telling every sing That's (00:17:53) a false modesty. It's like there's they (00:17:56) went, now you can go. Don't let them all (00:17:58) go through or I'm going start honking (00:18:00) the horn. You know what I mean? until I (00:18:02) heard (00:18:04) um a definition that was humility is (00:18:07) admitting you have more to learn. And (00:18:09) soon as I heard that, I went, "Oh, oh, (00:18:12) I'm in. I purchase. I my now my my (00:18:15) chin's up, my heart's high, my shoulders (00:18:17) are back, and I admit I've got a lot (00:18:19) more to learn, but now I've got the (00:18:22) confidence to move forward." And I (00:18:23) didn't get that click. It was just a (00:18:26) definition. (00:18:27) Vulnerability is another word that kind (00:18:29) of has a mingling definition that some (00:18:32) people are hard to take at a or you know (00:18:34) sentimentality. (00:18:36) >> It's different between sentiment and (00:18:38) sentimentality. (00:18:40) >> And we all want to be humble but nobody (00:18:42) wants to be humiliated. Well, aren't (00:18:44) they of the same word? (00:18:46) >> You know, I mean, yeah, one little flick (00:18:48) of a definition. We found, you know (00:18:51) what, Camil and I, when we went to DC (00:18:54) with the gun control after the shooting, (00:18:56) we said instead of calling it gun (00:18:57) control and we're talking to especially (00:19:00) some people on the far right, the word (00:19:03) they love, which is true, not control. (00:19:07) Nobody wants mandate, but we call it gun (00:19:09) responsibility. (00:19:12) >> Oh. Oh, they're raising their hand go, (00:19:14) I'm all for responsibility. What do you (00:19:15) mean? (00:19:16) >> Mhm. But the word control, they're uh (00:19:18) I'm not even I'm not listening to (00:19:19) another another word. Control is what I (00:19:22) don't want. (00:19:22) >> Yeah. (00:19:22) >> But you say call it responsibility. Oh, (00:19:25) now I'll talk to you. (00:19:26) >> It's amazing how a word sometimes and (00:19:29) you don't know what someone else's (00:19:30) definition is. They may have a (00:19:32) completely different definition of that (00:19:35) by how they grew up, what they (00:19:36) experienced, what their parents taught (00:19:38) them, what school, how how that word, (00:19:40) what that gave them in their life when (00:19:42) they thought they were acting that way (00:19:44) >> or living that way. It's so true. It's (00:19:46) so true. And that's such a great example (00:19:48) with humility. I My favorite definition (00:19:50) that I learned about humility was (00:19:52) >> always being honest with yourself. (00:19:54) >> And so it's like humility is being (00:19:56) honest with yourself. So I'm good at (00:19:58) this and I'm not so good at this. I'm (00:20:00) I'm great at this and I can be confident (00:20:02) about it and this needs a bit of work, (00:20:04) you know. And so if I can be honest with (00:20:06) myself and that's humility because I'm (00:20:08) accepting that there's (00:20:10) >> more I need to learn, but there is (00:20:12) something that I have to offer. And (00:20:14) >> it's I I love the word, you know, I love (00:20:16) to be certain. (00:20:17) >> Yes. (00:20:18) >> Sometimes I mistake my I love to be I'm (00:20:21) a big fan of the word selfish. And I'm (00:20:24) still into redefining this. And my (00:20:26) pastor told me, God, hey, you're pushing (00:20:28) a large square rock up a very steep (00:20:30) hill. [laughter] (00:20:32) But you know, even biblically speaking, (00:20:33) do unto others as you would have them do (00:20:35) unto (00:20:36) >> Yeah. (00:20:36) >> you. (00:20:38) >> Love your neighbor as you love yourself. (00:20:41) That's the self. That seems to me purely (00:20:45) selfish. I believe seems to me that real (00:20:48) religion is extremely selfish. Living a (00:20:51) way now if we believe that you will (00:20:54) whether it's karma wise in life or (00:20:57) whether it's life after this life that (00:20:58) you will be rewarded later. That (00:21:00) projection that delayed gratification (00:21:03) sacrifices and consequences we make. (00:21:05) Maybe it's one we make now to give our (00:21:07) children a better life (00:21:09) >> two decades from now. Isn't that the (00:21:11) most self? Isn't that more selfish than (00:21:13) doing only for I at the sake of my (00:21:15) neighbor or my loved ones future? Seems (00:21:18) to me that's maybe I'm using the wrong (00:21:20) maybe I'm using the wrong word I'm told (00:21:22) sometimes, but I'm sticking with it. Um (00:21:25) >> yeah, but you know the the the certainty (00:21:30) I like to know. I want to be in the (00:21:31) know. I also want to damn well be in the (00:21:34) know about what I don't know. (00:21:35) >> Yeah. [laughter] (00:21:37) >> And that's part of that humility. You (00:21:39) what I mean? Like I I I mean, you know, (00:21:41) they say don't take yourself serious. (00:21:43) No, take yourself real seriously. (00:21:45) >> Yeah. (00:21:45) >> And also (00:21:47) take sense of humor seriously and also (00:21:50) take comedy very seriously. (00:21:52) >> Yeah. (00:21:52) >> Take gals very seriously. They happen. (00:21:56) >> Yeah. (00:21:56) >> You know. (00:21:57) >> Yeah. I loved your you just referenced (00:21:58) it. You were talking about karma. I (00:22:00) loved your redefinition (00:22:03) of how karma works. So in the book you (00:22:06) write (00:22:07) >> when you don't do good to others it's (00:22:10) guaranteed basically that they won't do (00:22:11) good to you but if you do good to others (00:22:16) >> it's not a guarantee that they'll do (00:22:18) good to you but (00:22:19) >> the universe will respond. Yeah, (00:22:21) >> along those lines. And I'm doing it from (00:22:22) memory. That's right. But talking about (00:22:24) redefinition, it stayed with me (00:22:27) >> because I thought you've just (00:22:30) >> pierced the veil of our false (00:22:34) understanding with karma, which is if I (00:22:35) do good to people, they do good to me. (00:22:37) And if I do bad to people, they do bad (00:22:38) to me. So, I'm expecting that when I do (00:22:40) good to you, (00:22:41) >> you'll do good to me. And we all know (00:22:43) that doesn't work like that. And I (00:22:45) thought, wow, this really pierces (00:22:49) the (00:22:51) choose to be good to others knowing that (00:22:53) good comes to me in other ways, (00:22:55) >> right? (00:22:56) >> But I don't have to find it through that (00:22:57) person. (00:22:58) >> Can you can you can we trust that? (00:23:00) >> Can we trust that unconditionally (00:23:02) for ourselves? (00:23:04) >> Mhm. (00:23:05) >> Again, that goes back to selfish for me. (00:23:07) For ourselves, again, the projection, it (00:23:09) seems like delayed gratification. And (00:23:11) the thing that we really try to teach (00:23:13) our children is what we still have the (00:23:16) most to learn about as adults. What are (00:23:20) the consequences? Can we believe more in (00:23:23) the consequences of our choices today? (00:23:26) Can we have more trust and belief in (00:23:32) you know that what I the choice I make (00:23:35) today if I make the better choice it's (00:23:38) going to reap rewards on others (00:23:42) including myself down the line (00:23:45) >> but we don't like to think past (00:23:48) now if you're successful (00:23:52) and you're fluent in life you have the (00:23:53) the the luxury of thinking of of (00:23:56) long-term thinking. (00:23:57) >> Yes. (00:23:57) >> Some people in misery, which this would (00:23:59) be fun to talk about. Someone in misery, (00:24:02) they're in delayed gratification. My (00:24:03) ass. What you talking about? I'm trying (00:24:06) to I'm hoping I'm trying to get (00:24:08) something tonight. I we can wake up (00:24:09) tomorrow and put some food on the table. (00:24:11) >> Yeah. (00:24:12) >> Is it a luxurious thing to talk about (00:24:14) delayed gratification? Is it a luxurious (00:24:17) thing to talk about making sacrifices (00:24:19) >> and doing what's well for yourself, but (00:24:21) also well for the most amount of others? (00:24:23) Is that a luxury? (00:24:25) to someone in misery because they sure (00:24:27) as hell have a hard time understanding (00:24:28) and I'm with you going I understand (00:24:32) you want me to talk about it what we can (00:24:34) do peace in the world and you're trying (00:24:35) to pay your rent you going I don't want (00:24:38) to hear about that (00:24:39) >> I'm I've got a household here I got two (00:24:41) bedrooms I got five kids I just got (00:24:45) fired and you want to talk to me about (00:24:46) what the best idea would be for the most (00:24:48) amount of people (00:24:50) >> right here (00:24:51) >> uh you know what I mean I understand (00:24:53) that (00:24:53) >> yes absolutely (00:24:55) I fully agree. (00:24:56) >> And then what do you do about that then? (00:24:57) So you understand it (00:24:59) >> but [gasps and sighs] (00:25:01) >> well I (00:25:04) I try to be humble (00:25:06) >> with it and go you can't just you know (00:25:11) speak trying come across as speaking (00:25:13) from on high. M (00:25:15) >> I think you know you talk about (00:25:17) someone in in a position who's lost or (00:25:20) in pain (00:25:22) again you talk to them about projection (00:25:24) and projecting further in life they're (00:25:27) like what are you talking about but (00:25:29) >> to those people and (00:25:32) when I myself have been there and trying (00:25:35) to and confused and frustrated and don't (00:25:38) have the luxury or the bandwidth to (00:25:40) think that far ahead (00:25:42) >> and try to go what All right so What's (00:25:44) the next (00:25:47) best right decision? What's And you (00:25:49) don't know what that is. (00:25:50) >> Yeah. (00:25:50) >> Well, I don't know. That's the one of (00:25:52) the problems. All right. What do you (00:25:54) >> What are you most faithful to? (00:25:58) >> Do that one. (00:25:59) >> Just one. Let's just go one in a row. We (00:26:02) ain't thinking about And if then No, (00:26:04) just just do one in a row. [laughter] (00:26:06) >> You know what I mean? And just start (00:26:08) with one and and and just (00:26:11) >> stop there. I remember being down in uh (00:26:13) after Katrina. (00:26:15) Um we were in Gulf and Mississippi and (00:26:19) um we were on these property where all (00:26:21) these houses were wiped out and we were (00:26:22) on this one place and there was this (00:26:24) lady's house was just a slate of cement (00:26:27) with some rubbage and stuff. It had been (00:26:29) completely knocked down. And she came (00:26:31) back and she was about 80 years old and (00:26:33) she was still in a night gown and she (00:26:34) sees it saw it for the first time and (00:26:36) she was just like (00:26:38) and we asked her, "What are you looking (00:26:40) for?" She goes, "Well, I I just want to (00:26:41) hope find a picture maybe in a scrapbook (00:26:44) so my grandchildren say I don't live, (00:26:46) but that's that will that will help me." (00:26:48) And and then I was sitting there talking (00:26:50) to her and I was like, "What are you (00:26:52) feeling right now?" She goes, "I just I (00:26:54) just can you tell me where to put my (00:26:57) right foot if I take a step?" (00:26:59) >> Yeah. (00:27:00) >> I just need (00:27:02) >> Yeah. (00:27:02) >> Is it solid? Is it going to cave? Am I (00:27:04) going to trip? Can you just tell me? I (00:27:07) don't even want to look right now. We (00:27:08) can I trust you to tell me that this if (00:27:11) I step this way, one step, my foot will (00:27:14) be solid and flat and I won't slip and (00:27:16) it won't be danger. I won't step on a (00:27:18) piece of glass. I'm not it's not going (00:27:19) to and that's just wanted one step. (00:27:22) That's a person in misery (00:27:25) going (00:27:26) >> just show me one solid step. I don't (00:27:28) want to know what's going on. No, I (00:27:31) don't not not what's happening in an (00:27:32) hour. Not what's happening in 30 (00:27:34) minutes. Just give me one solid step. (00:27:37) Yeah, (00:27:39) >> that seems to be a [clears throat] (00:27:42) a place to start for someone in misery. (00:27:45) >> Yeah, (00:27:46) >> that's doesn't have the ability to (00:27:48) project or so confused and you feel it's (00:27:51) got too much coming down on you, too (00:27:53) much pain to think down the down the (00:27:56) line. And then if you do that once, (00:27:59) then you reset and you bring up the same (00:28:01) question. All right, what's the next one (00:28:03) step? Mhm. (00:28:04) >> If one in a row over and over. (00:28:06) >> Mhm. (00:28:07) >> Instead of, "Oh, I'm going to put a (00:28:08) string together." No. Do one in a row (00:28:10) over and over and look up and maybe go, (00:28:12) "Look at that." (00:28:13) >> Yeah. (00:28:13) >> 10 in a row. (00:28:14) >> We got somewhere. But that's easier said (00:28:18) than done, you know. (00:28:19) >> No, I What do you think? (00:28:20) >> I No, I I love that. I I think you hit (00:28:22) the nail on the head. It's It's how we (00:28:24) teach children (00:28:26) >> to take one step at a time. It's how we (00:28:29) build new habits as people. We do one (00:28:31) day at a time. Mhm. (00:28:32) >> I think as soon as we start thinking (00:28:34) it's why New Year's resolutions fail, (00:28:36) it's why these big claims of I'm going (00:28:38) to do this for the rest of my life or (00:28:40) I'm going to do this for the rest of the (00:28:42) year. Why people struggle with vows and (00:28:44) commitments or whatever it may be. It's (00:28:46) because you're making this long-term (00:28:48) decision based on small amounts of (00:28:50) information. And you're spot on that I (00:28:52) think it's not compassionate to (00:28:54) challenge someone beyond that one step, (00:28:57) that footing that that they're just I I (00:28:59) love that answer. I think it's I think (00:29:00) it's I think it's the most empathetic, (00:29:02) compassionate and loving thing you can (00:29:04) do is to teach someone how to take the (00:29:06) next step without any pressure to climb (00:29:09) the whole mountain. So (00:29:12) what then would you say is the balance (00:29:16) between keeping the big picture in mind (00:29:19) but taking one step at a time (00:29:22) >> the (00:29:25) urge the will the incentive the the the (00:29:28) being to go no I'm chasing my (00:29:31) transcendent self I'm trying to be more (00:29:34) godlike whatever that is (00:29:36) >> which is a big big picture (00:29:39) >> I'm dying living as if I want to get to (00:29:43) heaven or whatever. I want to act in a (00:29:45) way that I have good karma. Those are (00:29:47) big ideas. (00:29:48) >> So, how do you what's the what's in your (00:29:51) mind? What's the dance between that and (00:29:53) yes, but put your head down one step at (00:29:57) a time. (00:29:58) >> As you're saying that, I'm reminded of a (00:30:00) beautiful line in scripture. This comes (00:30:02) from the Bhagat Gita, the Eastern text. (00:30:04) And (00:30:06) the text is not a rule book or a (00:30:09) principle book. It's based on a (00:30:11) battlefield and the character is the (00:30:14) greatest archer of his time and he's (00:30:17) having a crisis of faith and the bow (00:30:20) slipping from his hands. He's going to (00:30:23) have to fight his family who are the bad (00:30:26) side and he's the good side and he (00:30:28) doesn't feel capable of taking the lives (00:30:32) of people that he grew up with and (00:30:34) that's that's the scene and he's talking (00:30:36) to God who happens to be his charioteer. (00:30:39) So God's actually riding his chariot and (00:30:41) he pauses in between the two armies and (00:30:44) they have this dialogue which is 700 (00:30:46) verses 45 minutes long in time (00:30:49) >> and God's number one instruction is (00:30:51) think of me and fight. (00:30:54) >> Yeah. It's like think of me and fight. (00:30:56) So it's like it's like I want you to (00:30:58) think of me (00:30:59) >> and then do your duty (00:31:00) >> and take that step. And so, you know, (00:31:03) talking about what you're saying, it's (00:31:04) like this paradox where we think we have (00:31:06) to choose, but actually the instruction (00:31:08) in and of itself, (00:31:10) >> he repeats that twice. God repeats that (00:31:11) twice in the text. It's like, think of (00:31:13) me and fight. So, think of me and do (00:31:15) you, think of me and take the step- (00:31:17) because if you think of me and take the (00:31:19) step, (00:31:20) >> you'll have faith and trust, but you'll (00:31:22) also feel your action and the (00:31:23) confidence. But if you only think of me (00:31:25) >> and you just sit there, that's not going (00:31:27) to work. (00:31:28) >> Yeah. Let like like let's let's explore (00:31:29) those two extremes that where we where (00:31:32) we don't get it. (00:31:33) >> Yeah. (00:31:33) >> One are the fatalist. (00:31:34) >> Yes. (00:31:35) >> Yeah. I don't know. Inshalah. (00:31:37) >> Yeah. (00:31:38) >> Wait a minute. (00:31:39) >> We got to have our hands on the wheel. (00:31:41) Yes. You know what I mean? You know we (00:31:43) it is we have our freedom of choice and (00:31:47) you know. So where is it that we go rely (00:31:52) on faith too much? (00:31:53) >> Yes. And where is it? We're like, "No, I (00:31:57) am fully responsible for everything. The (00:31:59) next step is all that matters." Head (00:32:01) down. You don't see any horizon. (00:32:02) Exactly. You don't see any You're not (00:32:04) pursuing anything. You're just you're, (00:32:06) you know, (00:32:07) >> not Air Force, (00:32:09) >> Navy, Marines. You're army. You're (00:32:10) dealing with the ground only. You know (00:32:12) what I mean? [laughter] (00:32:13) >> Talk about SP, you know what I mean? (00:32:15) That that's the two extremes when it (00:32:17) feels like they can be out of balance. (00:32:18) that that paradox in the middle is what (00:32:21) so many of us are seeking and pursue and (00:32:23) try to live at. But (00:32:25) >> what are practical ways to to to to keep (00:32:28) that in the in in the middle where we're (00:32:31) feeling both at the same time where (00:32:32) we're thinking of God and and fighting. (00:32:34) Yeah. You know the old what's that old (00:32:36) southern adage the old man and the boy (00:32:38) walking here comes the tornado and the (00:32:40) boy drops on his knees to pray and I (00:32:42) said get your butt up boy scared (00:32:44) [laughter] prayer ain't worth the damn (00:32:45) right now. We got to go get shelter. (00:32:47) >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. (00:32:48) >> You know, and then other times, and I've (00:32:50) had my nichi and agnostic years where I (00:32:52) was like, it's all me. (00:32:54) >> Yes. Yes. (00:32:55) >> It is all about my hands on the damn (00:32:57) wheel. (00:32:58) >> Mhm. (00:32:58) >> Now, I don't regret those. And as a (00:33:02) believer, I don't I didn't feel (00:33:05) >> spiritually. (00:33:06) God was mad at me for that. (00:33:09) >> I thought he had a rice smile on his (00:33:11) face. He was like, (00:33:14) "Way to get your hands on the wheel. I (00:33:16) could use some more of that from some (00:33:17) more of y'all. But at the same time, (00:33:20) >> you thought you had it. I thought it was (00:33:22) all up to you. Huh. (00:33:23) >> But I I appreciate the effort. (00:33:25) >> Yeah. (00:33:26) >> But it was it was it was I remember the (00:33:28) feeling of appreciation and I needed it (00:33:30) at the time because I was giving myself (00:33:32) too much (00:33:32) >> Yes. (00:33:33) >> amnesty in places and I was getting my (00:33:35) chassis was a little loose on the edges (00:33:36) and I was like, "Well, you got to (00:33:38) [snorts] look in the mirror, MCA. Grab (00:33:40) the damn wheel, man." And quit like just (00:33:42) letting it let it all slide on fate. (00:33:44) >> Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? (00:33:45) >> Yes. Yes. Absolutely. It's I think (00:33:47) there's a reason why so many spiritual (00:33:49) and faith traditions you you went to (00:33:50) church on Sunday or a temple or (00:33:52) whatever. It's like that was the day (00:33:53) where you were fully dedicated in faith (00:33:56) aligned in trust and then you went and (00:33:57) worked six days and you carried that (00:33:59) with you and you tried to practice it as (00:34:01) a reminder but then you went back and (00:34:03) then you got reminded and then you did (00:34:05) six days of yourself (00:34:06) >> about Thursday evening. You were like I (00:34:08) need Sunday to come. (00:34:09) >> Yeah. Exactly. And I feel like that's (00:34:10) where that that third space has been (00:34:13) lost. It's like You know, 100 years ago, (00:34:16) third space theory, we had three spaces. (00:34:18) We had church, work, and and home. And (00:34:21) then fast forward as time went on, you (00:34:23) had work and home. And then fast forward (00:34:25) after the pandemic, and you just have (00:34:27) home, (00:34:28) >> right? (00:34:28) >> And they all had a purpose. It was like (00:34:30) church or temple or community or (00:34:32) whatever it was. It was a place that (00:34:34) gave you the space to look back on your (00:34:36) life and (00:34:37) >> take a step back because at home you (00:34:38) have to be dad or mom. (00:34:39) >> It was a physical place. It was a (00:34:41) physical place that gave you space (00:34:44) >> to ask different questions because at (00:34:46) work you're just asking how do I make (00:34:47) more money and at home you're asking how (00:34:49) do I be a better mom or dad (00:34:51) >> but then what about how do I do all the (00:34:53) other where's the space for that (00:34:55) question? [snorts] (00:34:57) So (00:34:58) in this age where most people less (00:35:01) they're not going to church less they're (00:35:04) going to the temples less (00:35:06) >> is it possible do you think or or how (00:35:09) can we improve if you do think it's (00:35:11) possible (00:35:12) without the ritual of that third space (00:35:17) because I understand the concept man (00:35:19) when I'm when I feel most spiritually (00:35:21) strong I'm pray all days of prayer (00:35:23) >> yes yes for sure (00:35:24) >> my every interaction Yes, (00:35:26) >> is a give and take and a rhythm of oh, I (00:35:29) didn't have to close my eyes (00:35:31) now. But that Sunday ritual where I did (00:35:36) need to get my heart above my head in (00:35:39) humility and bow in humility. Um, I saw (00:35:43) I got objective. (00:35:45) >> Mhm. (00:35:45) >> And saw myself from an eye in the sky (00:35:47) and was like, "Oh, are you doing you (00:35:50) need do you not you're not quite doing (00:35:52) or you could do this thing you think (00:35:54) you're doing a little more truly." Mhm. (00:35:56) >> You could have been more benevolent in (00:35:57) that. Oh, that was But I I needed that. (00:36:01) But but then a lot of times I mean (00:36:03) without the ritual and so many people (00:36:04) now go, I'm not religious, I'm (00:36:07) spiritual. (00:36:08) >> Mhm. (00:36:08) >> I'm not religious. I'm spiritual. (00:36:11) I think there's people that are a lot (00:36:13) more religious than they think they are. (00:36:14) >> Mhm. I think there a lot of that is that (00:36:17) term that's coming from what mankind has (00:36:21) done with religion (00:36:23) which in the Bible Jesus fought against. (00:36:25) So I was like huh that's not what I'm (00:36:27) talking about guys. This is not it's not (00:36:29) it's not it's not religion isn't a (00:36:31) capitalist thing. It's not a material. (00:36:33) It's what we've done with it that I (00:36:35) think a lot of people are fighting (00:36:36) against religion (00:36:37) >> in fairness. Yeah. The word means from (00:36:41) re leg (00:36:43) means to bind together and re means (00:36:45) again. So a lot of people that I hear (00:36:48) saying I'm spiritual and I'm for unity. (00:36:50) I'm like going that's religion. (00:36:53) >> Yeah. (00:36:54) >> To bind together again. That's to unify. (00:36:56) >> Yeah. But going back to our earlier (00:36:58) thought, language is limiting. And once (00:37:00) a word is scarred and wounded with (00:37:03) battle wounds of the past, it becomes (00:37:06) less (00:37:06) >> prominent today. (00:37:07) >> Yeah. See, I'm I'm a prescriptionist. I (00:37:10) keep going back like let's not (00:37:11) >> I'm not ready to give up on original (00:37:14) >> Yes. (00:37:15) >> definitions so quickly. (00:37:16) >> Yes. (00:37:17) >> And I can get sometimes I'm pushing that (00:37:19) square rock up the hill. Other times (00:37:23) [clears throat] they just go adapt. (00:37:24) Don't don't want to be caught as a (00:37:25) dinosaur. Right. So how do we again (00:37:27) where do we hold on to time and tested (00:37:31) truths (00:37:32) >> spiritual ones in this sense and still (00:37:34) say no but let's adapt and evolve people (00:37:37) move around in society differently now (00:37:38) maybe we don't need the third space on a (00:37:41) Sunday but we take the time every day to (00:37:44) meditate to pray and church is where you (00:37:46) are it's in nature that's where I find (00:37:48) my ch are those are you think these are (00:37:52) good supplements or (00:37:54) >> I want to know what you think (00:37:55) >> I'd like to Hey, (00:37:57) they are, but I'm not sure we're that (00:37:59) evolved. (00:38:01) I still think we need and want the (00:38:06) responsibility, the hand, the hold, the (00:38:08) oh, this is the day. (00:38:10) This is the place. This is where I go. (00:38:13) This is what we do. (00:38:15) I try to short sheet that bet all the (00:38:17) time myself, (00:38:19) but I know better. And I've never (00:38:22) followed through on go forward with the (00:38:25) ritual go. I've never followed through (00:38:28) on it and come away going ah six or I'm (00:38:32) always like yep yep you got to keep (00:38:34) doing that man and I'm got to trying to (00:38:37) do that more as a father and you know (00:38:39) head of the family and I'm not doing the (00:38:41) best job of it. And I'm understand this (00:38:44) thing but yeah it's where we are. It's (00:38:46) how we think. It's how we're gracious. (00:38:47) just how we're how we're thankful before (00:38:50) meals we talk about our day or we talk (00:38:52) about philosophy or stoicism and I'm (00:38:54) like yeah these are some of the same (00:38:55) thing but are they I'm kind of making an (00:38:58) excuse I think because philosophy is (00:39:00) different than religion although my (00:39:02) favorite parts of what I've studied as (00:39:04) religion is the stuff I can go oh I can (00:39:05) take that into the week oh I can use (00:39:07) that practically (00:39:09) >> and I still have trouble with burning (00:39:11) bushes and parted seeds and [laughter] (00:39:14) stuff like that but (00:39:17) That's maybe a failure of my own true (00:39:20) faith. That's that that seems to be (00:39:22) maybe that's my own pride (00:39:24) >> or my own pragmatism or my own belief in (00:39:27) philosophy and the way we live life (00:39:30) which I'm in eternally interested in. (00:39:35) >> But I'm I don't believe I'm going far (00:39:37) enough. (00:39:37) >> Yeah. (00:39:38) >> I think I'm shorting myself. I think (00:39:40) there's a gap there. And I do I think (00:39:42) God's going I appreciate you trying. You (00:39:45) had you had too much pride. You're not (00:39:46) going far enough yet. You haven't fully (00:39:48) surrendered to the faith. (00:39:49) >> Yeah. (00:39:49) >> To belief in faith. That's my And I (00:39:51) think you do need that. (00:39:53) >> My my hunch is (00:39:55) >> I don't care how tired you are Sunday (00:39:57) morning. You that's that's where you (00:39:58) should (00:40:00) and ought to and you know it. (00:40:01) >> Yeah. (00:40:02) >> Go for that reason. (00:40:03) >> Mhm. (00:40:04) >> So that's my hunch. (00:40:06) >> Yeah. Yeah. (00:40:07) >> Um (00:40:08) >> we're we're aligned. Yeah, I I think (00:40:10) that what we have available today are (00:40:13) poor conduit (00:40:16) greater depth that you get from (00:40:19) the physical community. The connection, (00:40:21) the communion of a direct message that (00:40:26) feels really clear and is from source. (00:40:29) Like there's a there's a power in that (00:40:30) that I've personally experienced too and (00:40:32) I've dabbled in both. By the way, I'm (00:40:34) the same. I'm I'm the same as you. I (00:40:35) live in a place where I don't have that (00:40:37) community as I've had in other places (00:40:39) that I've lived. I I constantly make (00:40:42) excuses and find other ways to justify (00:40:45) my my uh practice because I can't fully (00:40:49) be at the depth that I'd like to be. And (00:40:51) it's and so I'm doing it too to survive (00:40:53) and to stay connected. (00:40:55) >> But there's a difference between (00:40:57) surviving and thriving. And I know that (00:40:58) when I'm thriving in my practice and my (00:41:00) faith, it's when I'm doing it the way it (00:41:03) was done. Now this doesn't going back (00:41:04) and just to add the caveat I think we (00:41:06) all know it is that I'm not saying that (00:41:08) the way it was done in all ways was done (00:41:09) well. I'm saying that the form of (00:41:12) connecting communion reflecting (00:41:15) connection that (00:41:16) >> you can't substitute that with anything (00:41:18) else. But we're living in a world today (00:41:20) where we need new tools and we need (00:41:22) things that are more accessible and (00:41:24) people need them and are available to (00:41:26) them and I see them as a beginning of (00:41:27) the journey and a bridge not the (00:41:29) destination. Okay. So I think if we're (00:41:30) building a longer bridge (00:41:33) then that's healthy because if someone (00:41:35) never starts the journey on the bridge (00:41:37) will they ever make it to the place. (00:41:39) >> What are we building the bridge with? So (00:41:41) for example the brick and mort if if (00:41:43) people are trying to do their daily (00:41:46) meditation they're trying to maybe (00:41:47) they're meditating through an app. Maybe (00:41:49) they are uh trying to out with an online (00:41:52) workout right like if they were in the (00:41:54) gym at a class maybe that would be a (00:41:56) more fun atmosphere for them right? Uh (00:41:59) maybe people are reading a book about (00:42:02) poems and prayers inspired by but not (00:42:05) directly from the source but that's (00:42:08) their beginning bridge of their journey. (00:42:11) >> Yeah. Yeah. (00:42:11) >> To that direction in their own pace at (00:42:13) their own time whenever if and when they (00:42:15) want to go. And I I feel like that's (00:42:17) what (00:42:18) >> what you do and what I try and do and (00:42:20) what so many do is we're trying to build (00:42:22) bridges hopefully that are not the home. (00:42:24) I think the problem is when the bridge (00:42:26) becomes the home. Amen. (00:42:28) >> You don't want to live on the bridge. (00:42:30) >> Yeah. (00:42:30) >> Right. I can't remember who said it. (00:42:32) There's a famous quote that says um (00:42:34) >> the world is like a bridge. (00:42:37) >> Don't build your house on it. Cross over (00:42:38) it. (00:42:40) >> And that I don't know who said it, but (00:42:41) it's that that idea of (00:42:43) >> I think all of these platforms and apps (00:42:45) and tools, they're all bridges. (00:42:46) >> Yeah. (00:42:47) >> But don't live there. (00:42:48) >> Yeah. Don't live or don't feel that (00:42:52) that's home. (00:42:55) >> That's it. Yeah. I mean, (00:42:57) >> let me ask you this, though, (00:42:58) >> because like in the Bible, it talks (00:43:01) about we're all you, we're strangers (00:43:03) here. We [clears throat] never we don't (00:43:05) find a home here. In some version, and I (00:43:08) may be uh u uh theologically messing (00:43:11) this up, but what I get from it is, you (00:43:13) know, but you try your pursuit to try (00:43:16) and make heaven on earth, which you will (00:43:17) not because you will never find it here (00:43:19) till you get there. That's that's as (00:43:23) good as you can do. But you will always (00:43:24) be a stranger. You always be an (00:43:26) immigrant. You will always be looking (00:43:27) for a home here on Earth. (00:43:29) >> Yes. (00:43:29) >> Now, how does that necessarily mean that (00:43:31) that doesn't mean you we're living on a (00:43:33) bridge? (00:43:34) >> Yeah. (00:43:35) >> Or does it? (00:43:36) >> I believe so. I feel like the it's like (00:43:38) an airport terminal. (00:43:40) It just feels like home because we feel (00:43:42) like it's a long time, but because it's (00:43:44) not eternal, it can't possibly be the (00:43:46) destination, (00:43:46) >> right? (00:43:48) from a from a religious spiritual (00:43:50) >> but you're trying to make home or the (00:43:52) pursuit of home. (00:43:53) >> Yeah. (00:43:53) >> What you see home trying to trying to (00:43:55) bring it here. (00:43:56) >> Yes. (00:43:57) >> Trying to emulate it as much as (00:43:58) possible. Live in the light of that. (00:44:00) >> It's like I'm going to France next year (00:44:03) so I'm going to practice French now. (00:44:05) >> Right. (00:44:05) >> Like that I think is the the big picture (00:44:08) and the daily step at a time. It's like (00:44:11) I'm trying to (00:44:13) >> I'm trying to aspire to live. I'm I'm (00:44:15) going to move country next year, (00:44:17) >> but I'm going to practice the rules, the (00:44:18) rituals, the the language of that (00:44:20) country this year because then I'll be (00:44:22) prepared. (00:44:23) >> So So I don't not have a great life now. (00:44:26) I'm not postponing joy. I'm not (00:44:28) postponing happiness or love. I'm (00:44:30) practicing that culture that I believe (00:44:33) is better for me. Yes. Now, if that (00:44:35) makes any sense. (00:44:36) >> Yes. Yes, it does. (00:44:37) >> Yeah. What's what's been I feel like (00:44:39) you're such a I feel like your mind is (00:44:41) like you're constantly observing (00:44:42) patterns and observing even like (00:44:45) language as we've been talking. What's (00:44:47) something that you've observed about (00:44:49) humans that fascinates you that (00:44:51) surprises you maybe? (00:44:55) Um, (00:44:59) one, (00:45:00) our ability to adapt when there's not (00:45:03) another option. (00:45:04) >> Wow, that's a good one. We're elastic, (00:45:07) man. We are elastic. More elastic than I (00:45:10) like to practically think. But boy, when (00:45:12) we're put to it, I'm amazed how quickly (00:45:15) we can (00:45:17) change, (00:45:18) adapt, evolve, come to understand the (00:45:22) other side. When we're put to it, you (00:45:24) give us the option, we we take the out, (00:45:26) man, (00:45:27) >> and we we we argue and re I'm not I (00:45:30) ain't budging. (00:45:31) >> Nuh-uh. You know what I mean? (00:45:34) Um and then on the flip side of that (00:45:36) somewhat is (00:45:41) how we (00:45:44) seem to find (00:45:46) in this pursuit of the ideal. (00:45:50) we seem to almost say well that is our (00:45:52) home that is who we are and then go okay (00:45:56) so there and then we we our practice is (00:46:00) not as evolved as we think it is but we (00:46:02) keep saying and and and I love the we (00:46:04) can get tap into the 11th% of our mind (00:46:07) which we don't tap into we can be (00:46:08) greater we can transcend but practically (00:46:11) every day I think there's some great (00:46:15) wisdom in going we're not as evolved as (00:46:17) we think we are. (00:46:20) Let's quit acting like we are. I love (00:46:22) the pursuit. It's like rehabilitation (00:46:25) and justice. I'm for rehabilitation, (00:46:27) man. I'm I I mean I I love the New (00:46:30) Testament. You know what I mean? At the (00:46:32) same time, we are repeat offending son (00:46:35) of a guns over and over and over. And if (00:46:39) I've done you wrong and you've allowed (00:46:42) me to come to you and ask for (00:46:43) forgiveness, the first order on the (00:46:46) docket should be me. If you choose to (00:46:48) forgive me, the first order on the (00:46:50) docket should be me from now on doing (00:46:53) anything I can to not have to come (00:46:55) apologize to you again. (00:46:58) It's not just that you forgave and gave (00:47:00) me the chance to be forgiven. (00:47:03) I got some sweat equity on my side to (00:47:06) quit doing the actions that cause me to (00:47:09) have you forgive me to have me apologize (00:47:11) again. And we don't forget, we seem to (00:47:13) not forget that side. I love Kumbaya. (00:47:17) This is the ideal place we can go. But I (00:47:21) feel like we relax and kind of almost (00:47:23) take for granted thinking we're that (00:47:25) evolved. And no, we're not. That's the (00:47:27) constant pursuit. We ain't there. So, (00:47:30) let's deal with the hard math right (00:47:31) here. And one thing we can depend on (00:47:33) people being is people. Nothing we do is (00:47:35) unbelievable. We do stupid all the (00:47:38) time. (00:47:40) We break our own noses because we (00:47:43) tripped ourselves running downhill. We (00:47:46) steal. We're jealous. We covet. We talk (00:47:48) blue and vote red. We talk New Testament (00:47:52) and act old. (00:47:56) We're entrenched in some ideas. Now, go (00:47:59) back to that the first half of of what (00:48:02) surprised me about people u when I was (00:48:04) talking about the adapt the flexibility (00:48:06) of adaptation. I remember I was it was (00:48:10) probably 12 years ago. It was in (00:48:12) Alabama. I was doing research for a film (00:48:15) down there uh um Free State of Jones and (00:48:17) in Mobile, Alabama on the docket that (00:48:20) night, the next morning the vote had (00:48:22) gone through about whether Alabama was (00:48:23) going to allow gay marriage (00:48:26) and I'm sitting in Alabama and I was (00:48:28) like I don't think this is going to (00:48:30) pass. Deep South Alabama. I mean it (00:48:34) sounds like that's a very progressive (00:48:36) idea to them. Wasn't judging it. I'm (00:48:37) just saying as an anthropologist and (00:48:39) sociologist I'm like the next morning it (00:48:41) passed 53% to 47%. I was like, "Wow." I (00:48:45) talked to my friends, a lot of them on (00:48:48) the left were abhorded. (00:48:51) I can't believe that. Those bigots only (00:48:54) 53. And I was like, "Only 53? I thought (00:48:57) it was going to be 8020 the other way. (00:49:01) That was a massive amount." Me talking (00:49:02) about meeting people where they are. (00:49:04) >> It was a massive flexibility. That (00:49:06) surprised me. And that was just 12 years (00:49:07) ago. So, we have to understand where (00:49:09) people have come from. I write about it (00:49:11) in the book about I wish more crimes (00:49:14) were from uh ignorance. (00:49:16) >> And what I mean by that is if I know the (00:49:19) right thing to do and I know the wrong (00:49:21) thing to do and I still do the wrong (00:49:23) crime, shame on me. I knew better. But (00:49:27) there's certain crimes we commit daily (00:49:29) that someone just goes, I I didn't know. (00:49:32) >> Yeah. (00:49:33) >> Okay. Now, let's talk about some real (00:49:36) rehab because you didn't make the wrong (00:49:39) choice. You just didn't know. (00:49:41) >> Yeah. (00:49:41) >> Now talk about some amnesty. Yeah. I've (00:49:44) got to meet you in a different place and (00:49:45) we have to deal with solving the problem (00:49:47) differently than I do with the guy that (00:49:49) knew better and did it anyway. (00:49:52) >> Yeah. Do we expect too much from people? (00:49:58) >> Practically speaking, yes. [laughter] (00:50:02) Yes. I mean we underwhelm (00:50:07) and underserve (00:50:09) and undershow (00:50:11) a lot (00:50:13) but we all have different expectations (00:50:16) of ourselves and and of others. I mean (00:50:20) so again part of that hey just expect it (00:50:23) that old expect the worst the best. I (00:50:25) don't like that. I like actually expect (00:50:27) the absolute best and when it comes in (00:50:30) under that, you know, shoot for the A, (00:50:32) make a C is better than shoot for C, (00:50:34) make an F. When you how quickly when you (00:50:36) dealt with reality and go, okay, well, (00:50:38) that's a hell of a lot better outcome (00:50:40) and I got more out of you and you got (00:50:41) more out of me than we would have if (00:50:43) we'd had come in going like, let's just (00:50:44) make a C. (00:50:46) >> You know what I mean? We maybe, you know (00:50:48) what I mean? We we went for the (00:50:49) perfection and we came in under it, but (00:50:51) it was still pretty dog on good. Well (00:50:54) done. That's where I'm I call it an (00:50:57) overshow theory. (00:50:58) >> How do you deal with when someone (00:51:01) disappoints you based on your (00:51:02) expectation? (00:51:04) [sighs] (00:51:06) >> Um (00:51:09) I'm quicker to (00:51:12) say, "Yep, (00:51:14) that was reality. That's what they're (00:51:16) able to do." Whether it's forgiveness or (00:51:19) amnesty or whatever you call with so (00:51:20) with others than I am for myself. (00:51:23) explain. (00:51:24) >> I expect perfection from myself a lot (00:51:28) and (00:51:30) I don't reach it (00:51:32) and I know I can or I believe I can. (00:51:36) That's a better word. I believe I can. (00:51:38) And I don't want to quit believing I (00:51:40) can. That's sort of where I find myself (00:51:43) in approaching life. Keep going for (00:51:46) perfection. Keep finding that reality (00:51:49) comes in under that and you will have (00:51:52) climbed more stairs if we're going to (00:51:53) have a vertical by the end. You will (00:51:56) have had more quality. Your roots will (00:51:57) have been deeper and wider inside and (00:52:00) out vertically (00:52:02) and to the south than if you didn't (00:52:05) chase that perfection. The challenge for (00:52:07) me is (00:52:09) when reality comes in and it's served (00:52:11) and the bell's rung and there's no more (00:52:13) time to take the test. When you see that (00:52:15) you didn't make a 100red and you made an (00:52:17) 88, how quickly can you go instead of (00:52:19) going, "Oh, (00:52:22) dude," or how quickly can you go, (00:52:25) "All right, 88, (00:52:29) not bad." (00:52:31) >> Yeah. So again that pursuit of an ideal (00:52:34) >> plus the practical what's the next (00:52:37) >> step solid step (00:52:39) >> and (00:52:40) I I work to become uh I work to (00:52:43) >> try and remain as much as I can (00:52:47) >> to feel satisfaction in that reality. (00:52:50) But that's the hard part is how quickly (00:52:51) can you go from like I've never I say (00:52:53) this all the time and I don't like it to (00:52:55) be misconstrued. I've never made a film (00:52:58) that lived up to my expectations. I've (00:53:00) never given a performance that lived up (00:53:02) to my expectations. (00:53:04) I've done films that I think (00:53:07) it's a lot better than I could have (00:53:08) done. And I'm not saying, "Oh, I should (00:53:10) have direct." I'm saying, "That was a (00:53:13) it's awesome. That's a really great (00:53:15) piece of art." Not just transcendent. It (00:53:19) didn't change the the world or tap into (00:53:22) a piece of humanity that enlightened (00:53:25) myself and everyone else on a unanimous (00:53:27) level. (00:53:29) >> That's what I'm going for. But I had (00:53:33) never done it. So (00:53:36) why and again I've worked and people (00:53:40) have made films I think are are (00:53:43) outstanding and better than they would (00:53:45) have been if I would have been the (00:53:47) director for sure. But that's part of I (00:53:49) think maybe why when I do do good work (00:53:53) or make good creations or good art. I (00:53:55) think that was part of it that I was (00:53:57) going for (00:54:00) >> the infinite (00:54:02) pure spot in space that was immaculate. (00:54:06) >> Yeah. (00:54:06) >> Believing I could achieve perfection but (00:54:09) knowing I couldn't. (00:54:10) >> But I still like to believe. (00:54:12) >> I mean my my my favorite word in the (00:54:14) world is unanimous. (00:54:17) >> What? (00:54:20) >> I mean unanimous. We don't have as many (00:54:22) black and whites today, man. Maybe it's (00:54:24) something unanimous that we can all (00:54:25) agree on. Maybe it's a a value. Maybe (00:54:29) it's a it's it's a way of making a (00:54:31) living. Maybe it's a piece of art. You (00:54:33) just unanimously go, "No, [snorts] (00:54:34) that's just that's great. It's a one of (00:54:37) one." (00:54:39) >> But (00:54:40) you seek unanimous (00:54:42) Sammy Davis Jr. I don't know what (00:54:44) success is. I know what failure is. (00:54:46) That's trying to please everybody, you (00:54:47) know? I mean, you seek, you ain't going (00:54:49) to get it. (00:54:50) >> There's no way. But (00:54:51) >> you still believe it. (00:54:52) >> Come on. to keep believing it. I don't (00:54:55) know. I feel like it keeps me in the (00:54:56) chase. Keeps me in the race. (00:54:58) >> Yeah. (00:54:58) >> Keeps me going (00:55:01) almost. [laughter] (00:55:02) [clears throat] Okay. Okay. You know, (00:55:03) yeah, I like that. (00:55:05) >> You have to live like that. Like there (00:55:07) there's a there's a joy to live like (00:55:09) that. And and it's a joy again, you (00:55:11) know, it's been the theme of our (00:55:12) discussion today. It's almost like being (00:55:14) able to accept both. Like you said, you (00:55:16) believe you can knowing you won't, (00:55:18) >> right? And it's that what makes it (00:55:20) beautiful because if you only believe (00:55:22) you can, then you'll be really (00:55:24) disappointed when it doesn't happen, (00:55:25) >> right? (00:55:26) >> And if you only know you'll never get (00:55:28) there, then well, you'll never do (00:55:29) anything. (00:55:30) >> So, so it goes back to that same Yeah, (00:55:33) that same piece. So, so on your ranking (00:55:35) score, where is Interstellar of your (00:55:37) performance? Where do you go in (00:55:39) Interstellar? Yeah. Where are you like (00:55:41) your performance? Like that's not to us (00:55:42) it's perfect. (00:55:43) >> Uh (00:55:44) >> to you it's not. So, what what is the (00:55:46) >> No, no, I think it's I think it's very (00:55:48) good and I and I think the movie is (00:55:50) really good. I think I think the (00:55:52) character is really good. I think my (00:55:53) performance is really good. (00:55:54) >> Um I have appreciation for it and I know (00:55:58) >> if I'm boing or if I'm birdie and I know (00:56:00) when I'm like I've seen myself on screen (00:56:02) you kind of bullshitting there kind of (00:56:03) [laughter] and then I've seen I'm like (00:56:05) bam okay. (00:56:07) >> Um so (00:56:07) >> it's still 88 like you know yeah yeah. (00:56:11) Well but I'm also as you know from the (00:56:12) book I'm not into extra credit. I don't (00:56:14) like 4.2 GPA. That tells me like what (00:56:17) happened? Are we then we're not giving (00:56:18) the right test? If four was the (00:56:20) pinnacle, (00:56:22) >> you know, (00:56:22) >> that means not many people should be (00:56:24) getting it, (00:56:24) >> if anybody. (00:56:26) >> Yeah. So now we're getting four twos, (00:56:27) four fours. That tells me we've (00:56:29) overleveraged the original task (00:56:33) >> or we've added amnesty or too many (00:56:35) places to to not do the the have the (00:56:38) real competence and merit at the task (00:56:40) that you're supposed to get because (00:56:42) especially I think in the west because (00:56:43) we want everyone to feel really great (00:56:45) participation trophies. 4.2 GPA. (00:56:49) Well, I feel better. (00:56:51) All right, got the 4.2 GPA start getting (00:56:55) a 3.8. eight education the credit that (00:56:57) extra credit we give is sort of balanced (00:56:59) with the debit of the actual what we (00:57:03) learn from it sometimes if we give too (00:57:04) much extra credit so (00:57:06) >> what what validation do you pursue (00:57:09) >> my (00:57:12) wives (00:57:14) my children (00:57:17) um I have a counsel in the sky three (00:57:21) people that are extremely important to (00:57:22) me in my life my had Penny Allen and (00:57:27) John Cheney (00:57:29) and I see them, wink at them, talk with (00:57:34) them, listen to them, seeing run ideas (00:57:37) by them, run decisions by them, and then (00:57:40) I look up and see what their reaction is (00:57:42) and and and and I it's been a very (00:57:44) trusted council for me. Um, it's sort of (00:57:48) my way to give people practical people, (00:57:51) physical bodies and souls that are no (00:57:53) longer with us here on earth physically (00:57:56) [snorts] (00:57:57) to put them in a heaven sense and it's a (00:57:59) connection. They're they're a conduit (00:58:01) from God to me (00:58:02) >> and I have no expectations of them. And (00:58:05) sometimes when I'm so excited like isn't (00:58:07) this great? I look up and they're not (00:58:08) dancing. I'm like, why aren't you (00:58:11) dancing? Got other times (00:58:14) where two of them will be dancing and (00:58:16) one of them hidden and I have to go (00:58:19) through oh why is that something they (00:58:22) don't understand or are they the (00:58:24) underdog and I need to be listening to (00:58:25) them because that's why they're going (00:58:27) you know better than that I I don't (00:58:29) agree with that. Um, and then sometimes (00:58:33) all three of them are, you know, my (00:58:36) dad's got a, you know, dancing in his (00:58:38) underwear with a Miller light and a (00:58:39) piece of lemon mering pie, (00:58:42) pennies up on a chair, screaming out (00:58:45) loud and buddy John Cheney just leaning (00:58:48) back and his old cotton yellow shorts as (00:58:50) he do with his shoulders back going, (00:58:54) "There you go, b." Yeah. So I think (00:58:58) their validation and that's a conduit to (00:59:00) a practical conduit in my imagination (00:59:02) because I don't have a picture in my (00:59:04) mind of God. Um and I don't I I don't I (00:59:07) don't think we can or should I think (00:59:10) that minimalizes um you know we have (00:59:13) pictures of of physical beings that have (00:59:15) walked the earth that we can call (00:59:17) prophets and stuff but of God I don't (00:59:18) have a picture. I don't think it's a an (00:59:20) its (00:59:23) or anything like that. Um, (00:59:27) so (00:59:29) and then I mean look, (00:59:32) inherently that all brings me back to (00:59:33) seeking my own (00:59:34) >> Mhm. (00:59:35) >> my own validation. Um, you know, I try (00:59:39) to (00:59:40) measure how I counsel and referee myself (00:59:43) off of some of the people I just brought (00:59:44) up to you. (00:59:45) >> So, that's where I pretty well stick. (00:59:47) That's where I prove it. I I don't I (00:59:48) don't really look outside that that much (00:59:51) further outside my circumference (00:59:53) >> just because (00:59:56) >> I can't it's it's too fickle. (00:59:58) >> Yeah. Yeah. (00:59:58) >> It's too I can't really I don't have a (01:00:01) trust. Again, that goes that Sammy Davis (01:00:03) Jr. You trying to look around and go, (01:00:05) does everyone approve? (01:00:07) >> Yeah. (01:00:07) >> Uh it's going to be it's going to going (01:00:10) to be lonely and hard and (01:00:12) >> not necessarily the best for you. You (01:00:14) know what I mean? And I know I've pulled (01:00:16) some things off my life where I, (01:00:20) you know, people thought I changed and (01:00:22) made it, wow, what a recreation. I'm (01:00:24) like, I'm doing the same thing. You just (01:00:27) put it in bold print now. I was doing (01:00:30) the same thing 15 years ago. You know (01:00:32) what I mean? Sometimes we change by (01:00:33) saying the same. And then other times, (01:00:36) >> again, as we talked about in the (01:00:37) beginning of the conversation, (01:00:39) >> you give yourself time to daydream. You (01:00:40) pick out a new tact about how to maybe (01:00:42) go about something, a new way of (01:00:44) uncovering something, a new way of (01:00:45) solving something, a new way of finding (01:00:47) satisfaction in a situation, a new way (01:00:49) of dealing with a crisis, a new way of u (01:00:52) dealing with success. You know, looking (01:00:54) at it from a different point of view, (01:00:56) just to have another almost ammo arrow (01:01:01) in the quiver and how in this hunt is (01:01:04) life. How does someone like you who (01:01:07) built their career on control (01:01:10) grasp the concept of trust? I'm a trust (01:01:14) first guy. (01:01:16) I come here today whether we had never (01:01:20) talked before. I have I have nothing in (01:01:23) my head going into anyone's situation. (01:01:26) Wonder if they're trying to get me. Oh, (01:01:27) is he going to ask a tricky question? (01:01:29) Oh, is he trying to play a guy? I don't (01:01:31) Uh-uh. Because that'll hang me up. I (01:01:33) won't be able to freely think and go. (01:01:36) Now, at the same time, have I been doing (01:01:39) this long enough where before I'm about (01:01:41) to say something or as I'm saying it, I (01:01:43) can go, "Oh, if you don't finish this (01:01:44) sentence right, that's going to be a (01:01:46) headline in a rag bag or something." You (01:01:48) know what I mean? You know what I mean? (01:01:49) Oh, that's not going to be the headline (01:01:50) you want. (01:01:51) >> I'm conscious enough of that. But I'm a (01:01:53) trust first guy and I've been and I've (01:01:55) been burned and I'm like (01:02:00) I'll I'll make that bet again because I (01:02:02) know that I put that that if I put more (01:02:06) trust on Howdy, it's going to do (01:02:09) something to you (01:02:11) where maybe you aren't the most (01:02:13) trustworthy. I've seen people become (01:02:15) more trustworthy. I've seen people give (01:02:16) more because they go, "Oh, this guy's (01:02:18) given me a massive amount of trust. He (01:02:20) just empowered me, dude. (01:02:21) >> Yeah. Yeah, (01:02:22) >> he just gave me He saw a dignity in me (01:02:24) that I didn't see. (01:02:26) >> He's given me a license, a privilege, (01:02:28) some hoot ball to go, "Oh, okay." (01:02:31) >> And I believe in that. And I I see that (01:02:33) in people and it's a bit of that, you (01:02:35) know, may what we give from our soul get (01:02:36) a like response from others. I believe (01:02:38) in that reciprocity. I'm a trust first (01:02:41) guy. I don't [clears throat] (01:02:43) The residuals for going through life (01:02:45) without trust. (01:02:47) Oh that sucks. (01:02:49) >> Yeah. I mean, yeah, I also, you know, I (01:02:53) trust myself more now than maybe I used (01:02:56) to. And I think that's just come from (01:02:58) growth and evolution and and and you (01:03:00) know, I used to always be a guy who and (01:03:03) I'm still a guy who I don't like (01:03:05) drawers. I like my stuff laid out. (01:03:08) >> I want to see it cuz if it's in the (01:03:10) drawer, I'll forget I even needed it. I (01:03:12) want to see it. I was always a guy who's (01:03:14) like, if I'm going to come in this room, (01:03:17) I'll make sure that my keys to the keys (01:03:19) to my the door in the other room on the (01:03:21) kitchen table, leave that door cracked. (01:03:25) I'm have more confidence now to go, you (01:03:27) can shut the door. I know where I left (01:03:28) the keys. I don't have to look over my (01:03:29) shoulder again. (01:03:30) >> I had this spiritually when I went into (01:03:33) True Detective. I was in a really strong (01:03:36) spiritual place. And that character, my (01:03:39) relationship with God at that time was (01:03:41) really strong. that character went into (01:03:43) some philosophical nihilism and things (01:03:46) that are like (01:03:48) away from faith. (01:03:51) I was able to go I'm locking in and not (01:03:55) looking back for five months. (01:03:58) >> Wow. (01:03:58) >> And I don't need to look over my (01:04:00) shoulder cuz I know when I come out of (01:04:02) this, (01:04:03) >> my relationship's good back there. I (01:04:06) don't need to peek over my shoulder to (01:04:07) make sure I don't have a I I had the (01:04:10) trust earlier and many other times in my (01:04:13) life I wouldn't have had the trust to go (01:04:14) that far cuz I'm like hang is this okay? (01:04:17) >> Am I about to get struck by lightning (01:04:19) here? Is this blasphemous? You know what (01:04:21) I mean? Are we good? (01:04:23) >> You know, okay, I I'm just acting. (01:04:26) >> You know what I mean? So I I had a great (01:04:28) amount of trust. I'm strong spiritually (01:04:30) then to go and when I feel stronger (01:04:33) spiritually is that you know the (01:04:35) foundation's stronger we can jump higher (01:04:38) we can go further we can not look over (01:04:40) our back as much and trust and you know (01:04:43) and we travel and trusting relationships (01:04:46) and and away from the kids I'm away from (01:04:49) the kids right now it's been a week okay (01:04:50) but we check in yeah does facetime help (01:04:52) with trust yeah because you get to more (01:04:54) than just a phone call but the idea of (01:04:57) the very simple natural ideas of going, (01:04:59) "Hey, (01:05:01) it's 10:00. I'm We're on the phone. I'm (01:05:03) on one side of the world. You're on the (01:05:05) other, but we're both under the same (01:05:07) moon. We're both under the same sun. (01:05:11) Son you're under right now just hasn't (01:05:13) got to me yet. But it'll be the same (01:05:14) one. And the moon that I'm under right (01:05:17) now just hadn't got to you, but it's (01:05:18) it's coming." There's a (01:05:20) >> again that time now we're getting into (01:05:22) the cyclical time you're talking about (01:05:23) and not the linear where we feel like, (01:05:25) "Oh, I'm losing (01:05:27) >> Yeah. (01:05:28) a day. (01:05:28) >> No, it's coming around. It's it's it's (01:05:31) all balance. There's a trust I get from (01:05:34) that. (01:05:35) >> And then another trust I get is if I'm, (01:05:39) you know, it's in between that it's it (01:05:43) all it means everything means everything (01:05:47) and nothing matters at all. (01:05:49) >> Yeah. (01:05:49) >> In between there. (01:05:50) >> Yeah. How do you Yeah. That like I love (01:05:52) that there. So, how do we live like (01:05:54) that? So again, trust if I'm going to go (01:05:56) to the fatalist side of uh uh um what I (01:05:59) do doesn't matter. (01:06:02) Doesn't matter. I'm going to die, dude. (01:06:03) What doesn't matter? (01:06:05) I used to not have the trust to go, "Oh, (01:06:08) but I'm going to still do every bit of (01:06:10) the work to make sure." And that I'm put (01:06:13) my hands on the wheel. (01:06:14) >> Mhm. (01:06:14) >> Right. So to go, "Oh, it doesn't (01:06:17) matter." It's what I'll tell myself if (01:06:18) I'm nervous. I'm going to go give a (01:06:20) speech or something. I'm prepared. (01:06:22) I busted my tail and broke the sweat to (01:06:24) get prepared. I'm full. Now, if I trust (01:06:26) that and I know I did that. Now, I need (01:06:29) to tell myself, dude, this doesn't (01:06:31) matter. (01:06:31) >> Yeah. (01:06:32) >> You're gonna die. What does the hell (01:06:34) does this matter? Cuz I know I'm not (01:06:36) going to go be lazy and then prepared (01:06:39) and f off. So, now that I trust that I (01:06:42) will that I'm prepared and I take it (01:06:45) very seriously, now I come to the I like (01:06:47) to end it with a well, no. (01:06:50) >> Yeah. (01:06:51) >> None of this matters. Yeah. Yeah. (01:06:52) >> To relax. If I go, you know, too much (01:06:55) the other side, I'm I'm I'm tight. I'm (01:06:58) trying I'm trying too hard. I'm not I'm (01:07:00) not giving myself the freedom to to (01:07:02) listen and and and and riff and take (01:07:04) somebody's answer and go with it. You (01:07:06) know what I mean? So, (01:07:08) >> that's that's how I try to balance the (01:07:10) two, you know? (01:07:11) >> But that took but I didn't 20 years ago (01:07:14) if I'd have said and with some of us in (01:07:17) life, if you tell them, dude, none of it (01:07:19) matters. It's all fate. It's all going (01:07:20) to happen in all happen. It's going to (01:07:22) happen. People will just f off. (01:07:24) >> Yeah. (01:07:24) >> And go like, "Well, it doesn't matter (01:07:26) how I treat you or treat me." And you're (01:07:29) like, "No, it does." But can you trust (01:07:31) that you're not going to be a tyrant (01:07:33) when you let yourself off? (01:07:34) >> Yes. (01:07:35) >> You know what I mean? (01:07:36) >> Yeah. Yeah. Well said. Well said. It's (01:07:38) that that balancing act in everything (01:07:40) we're talking about. Everything. We just (01:07:42) keep coming back to that like to be able (01:07:45) to believe that what I'm about to do is (01:07:47) important and then have the ability to (01:07:49) embrace my own insignificance (01:07:51) >> at the same time is is beautiful. Like (01:07:54) >> there's a quote I always remember (01:07:55) hearing as a kid is like you're just a (01:07:57) you're you're you're this the smallest (01:07:59) grain of sand in the palm of God. And (01:08:03) for whatever reason, (01:08:06) very early on in my childhood, when I (01:08:08) heard that, that felt power from that. I (01:08:11) didn't feel small. I felt like, wow, how (01:08:14) cool, how awesome. Yeah. And in that is (01:08:19) the idea of like it all means something (01:08:21) and none of it matters at all. (01:08:23) >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. (01:08:24) >> But it's very easy to look think of that (01:08:26) that analogy and go, "Oh, well, so I (01:08:29) don't matter." (01:08:31) No. Oh, (01:08:34) but can that grain of sand in the palm (01:08:37) make you go, "Oh, no. I matter more than (01:08:40) I thought." (01:08:41) >> Yeah. And And it's both. (01:08:42) >> Yeah. (01:08:43) >> And it's both. And it's Yeah. I remember (01:08:45) we were on a beach in South India. I was (01:08:47) with my my monk teacher and we were on a (01:08:49) walk and it was a bunch of young monks (01:08:51) with my teacher and it's a big fishing (01:08:53) town. So, South India is very known for (01:08:56) being a fishing community and there'd be (01:08:58) loads of fish nets with full of fishes (01:09:00) and then there'd be the few that had (01:09:01) fallen out on the on the beach as we (01:09:04) were walking and whenever we'd walk past (01:09:05) one my teacher would pick it up and put (01:09:06) it back in the water. It was still, you (01:09:08) know, uh tossing up and down on the on (01:09:10) the beach and we were just looking at (01:09:12) the whole beach in front of us and there (01:09:13) were like hundreds maybe, I don't know, (01:09:16) maybe thousands of fish that had fallen (01:09:17) out of the nets that won't go to be (01:09:20) cooked in a restaurant but won't make it (01:09:22) back to the ocean. Yeah. (01:09:23) >> And probably he was just every time we'd (01:09:26) walk past he'd pick one and we'd be like (01:09:28) we said to him like we're not going to (01:09:30) be here all day and there's no chance (01:09:31) we're going to get to all of these (01:09:33) >> and and he was like yeah but to that one (01:09:35) fish that's their whole life (01:09:37) >> like you know so to you it's like we're (01:09:39) not going to get to 400 (01:09:41) >> because you it's and so it's both. It's (01:09:42) like our our work is insignificant (01:09:46) >> but it's significant (01:09:47) >> and and then that goes back to that that (01:09:49) that that we can get paralyzed (01:09:52) you know the the think globally act (01:09:54) locally is another term of you know I (01:09:55) mean you get paralyzed think but I can't (01:09:57) it's too much instrumental now I just do (01:09:59) the do one in a row (01:10:00) >> yeah one at a time one step (01:10:01) >> just one one at a time and you know the (01:10:04) sun sets and you had to be home by dark (01:10:06) and there's still some fish slipping (01:10:08) well get on home and you didn't get them (01:10:10) all but you got you were in the asset (01:10:12) that sex. Sometimes that I think is is (01:10:14) how I deal with maybe letting myself off (01:10:18) trying to figure out a proper balance of (01:10:20) forgiveness and saying, "No, the buck (01:10:23) stops here." (01:10:24) >> You know, some things I I'm like, man, (01:10:26) I'm not I don't feel like I'm this is (01:10:27) magic or this is absolutely beautiful or (01:10:30) this is absolutely true. I'll go okay, (01:10:33) not everything in life's going to be (01:10:34) that, but are we in the asset section? (01:10:37) >> Are we in the black, so to speak? Is is (01:10:39) is the thing you're doing (01:10:42) uh uh uh on on a proton, not [laughter] (01:10:45) not an electron. Is it? Yeah, it is. (01:10:48) Does it not harm? You know, sometimes, (01:10:50) you know, I mean, I do this in work. (01:10:52) Some scenes are magic. They come to (01:10:54) life. You just know. Some scenes you get (01:10:56) in, you're like, dude, I'm just (01:10:58) connecting the dots. Let's just get out (01:11:00) of here without, you know, I don't have (01:11:02) a great truth to tell. Let me just get (01:11:04) out of here without telling a lie. (01:11:05) >> Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I have to let (01:11:09) myself off and go not everything's going (01:11:12) to be a wow magical truth. (01:11:16) Sometimes it's just till the soil and (01:11:19) don't tell the lie. Don't (01:11:20) >> don't trip yourself. Don't hit the ball (01:11:22) out of bounds. (01:11:23) >> Yeah. (01:11:24) >> Take one in. It's in the rough. Yeah. (01:11:25) You didn't out of bounds. You're still (01:11:26) you're still playing. Stay in the Just (01:11:28) stay in the game on the upside. You know (01:11:30) what I mean? Sometimes it's just that I (01:11:32) remember I had an acting teacher. I did (01:11:34) a performance one time and I was real (01:11:35) happy with it. and she came back. She (01:11:36) was like, "Not bad, but every single (01:11:39) scene it's like you're trying to hit a (01:11:41) grand slam, Matthew. Sometimes you need (01:11:43) a single. (01:11:45) >> Sometimes you need to take a ball that (01:11:46) was not in the strike zone. [snorts] (01:11:48) Sometimes you need to lay down a bunt. (01:11:49) Sometimes you need to." I was like, "Oh, (01:11:52) that's right. Not everything's a grand (01:11:54) slam. It's not every single thing (01:11:56) matters. If we think, you know, it's (01:11:57) like if we think every single thing is (01:12:01) significant and everything matters, (01:12:05) we'll be Nothing will have significance. (01:12:08) [laughter] (01:12:08) >> Yeah. (01:12:08) >> We'll be paralyzed by minutia and (01:12:11) details (01:12:12) >> and stats (01:12:14) >> that will there will be no baseline to (01:12:16) any of it. There will be no song. It'll (01:12:17) all be notes. (01:12:18) >> You know what I mean? (01:12:19) >> Yeah. The idea of significance (01:12:21) evaporates if everything was (01:12:22) significant. (01:12:23) >> Yeah. (01:12:23) >> There is no there there would be nothing (01:12:26) that stands out (01:12:28) or special. Yeah. It just wouldn't it (01:12:30) wouldn't hold. The idea wouldn't hold (01:12:31) anymore. (01:12:32) >> Yeah. What's it the first when I asked (01:12:33) you the question about validation, the (01:12:35) first person that came to your um at (01:12:38) least what you said out loud was your (01:12:40) wife um who's here to and uh I was (01:12:43) wondering what what do you feel is the (01:12:45) biggest mistake we make about love? (01:12:49) Biggest mistake we make about love. (01:12:54) Groovy, groovy question. Thank you. And (01:12:57) she's back there probably listening (01:12:59) right now going, I can't wait to hear (01:13:00) this answer. (01:13:02) I think one of the biggest mistakes that (01:13:03) I think I know I could make is taking it (01:13:06) for granted. (01:13:08) >> Again, it's on the same topic we've been (01:13:10) on. You vow to love each other and say a (01:13:14) marriage for instance, and it's through (01:13:16) sickness and health until the death and (01:13:17) I love you. My love's not in question. (01:13:20) That doesn't mean it doesn't take (01:13:21) maintenance (01:13:23) to take it for granted that oh that's (01:13:26) we're fine. I take it for granted. Oh, (01:13:28) we got, you know, we got the kids, the (01:13:30) family, it's all great to take that for (01:13:34) granted sometimes and not do the (01:13:37) maintenance, (01:13:39) which (01:13:41) shouldn't feel like work, but is it's (01:13:43) it's it's conscious. It's it's it can (01:13:45) take work. It can be a thought and a (01:13:47) choice you make to go (01:13:50) that little thing. I'm making my tea. (01:13:53) She's not up. (01:13:55) I really want to get to that puzzle for (01:13:57) those eight pieces. (01:14:01) Want to make her one, put it in a yeti, (01:14:03) and have it covered so when she gets up, (01:14:05) it's ready. A little a little (01:14:07) thoughtful. A little thoughtful thing (01:14:09) like that. Was that work? No. (01:14:13) Is that delay gratification for the (01:14:16) relationship? Yes. You know, that's (01:14:20) going to, you know, that that that (01:14:21) that'd be a nice thing to do for them. (01:14:24) If I don't do it, it's not going to be (01:14:25) missed. (01:14:27) >> As a as a small example, (01:14:29) >> I think another one with love, and you (01:14:32) and I touched on it, I think before (01:14:34) cameras were recording, is the idea that (01:14:39) you find the one, and that's the one. (01:14:42) And and and and wow, I make the male (01:14:47) makes them Wonder Woman, and they think (01:14:50) we're Superman. (01:14:52) Oh (01:14:54) Don't do that to me and don't let me do (01:14:57) that to you. (01:14:59) I can't live up to that. (01:15:02) >> You can't live up to that. Back to (01:15:05) unanimous and seeking perfection. That's (01:15:07) a tough nut to handle when you're like (01:15:10) project that on someone that's unfair to (01:15:14) project onto them and they project it on (01:15:16) you and neither one of you can live up (01:15:18) to it. It's the idea of the and I and (01:15:20) and and and this is not a popular (01:15:22) statement with my wife, but [laughter] I (01:15:25) think it's for me it's true and I hope (01:15:27) maybe maybe I'm too practical (01:15:30) about love. Maybe I'm not romantic (01:15:32) enough about it, but I don't see how the (01:15:35) honeymoon period lasts forever. (01:15:40) I just the honeymoon (01:15:43) is all on the hope, the possible. We (01:15:46) don't know each other as well as we're (01:15:47) going to know each other. It's before we (01:15:49) get married and we make the consecration (01:15:50) and the covenant of marriage. And now (01:15:52) we're getting into some real stuff and (01:15:55) we got real pains and real pleasures and (01:15:58) real responsibilities and real fatigue (01:16:00) and real winds together and we're (01:16:04) building. We've expanded and got a (01:16:06) family and oh man, we're bonfire. But (01:16:09) that's harder and it's not honeymoon's (01:16:12) only in the (01:16:15) the the perfection stage. It's only in (01:16:17) the up in the air. Wow. The the the the (01:16:20) youth of it, the beginning, the (01:16:21) springtime, the fresh bud. And I love (01:16:24) it. But it's if you try to hold on to (01:16:26) that 100 watt bulb to be the light all (01:16:30) the time, you're Wonder Woman. I'm (01:16:32) Superman. (01:16:35) It seems to me humanly impractical to (01:16:37) live up to it and unfair to each other. (01:16:39) >> There's a preacher down in San Diego, my (01:16:41) buddy Mark Norby turned me on to. I'm (01:16:43) forgetting his name, but he talks about (01:16:45) No, no, no. Love's [clears throat] more (01:16:46) like a It's a 30 W bulb. Dim the light a (01:16:51) little bit. It'll last longer. It'll (01:16:53) illuminate longer. Not as bright, but (01:16:55) it'll last longer. And it's more (01:16:57) realistic for you and her. (01:17:00) >> It's more human. And it's still lovely. (01:17:04) has always stuck with me is a is a (01:17:06) >> I've never heard that. Yeah, you know (01:17:09) >> it is true whi which honeymoon period (01:17:11) lasts as it is and things can go deeper (01:17:15) and be more powerful and be more (01:17:17) profound but not be the same and that (01:17:20) >> if you just dated someone new for 3 to 6 (01:17:23) months every year you'd experience (01:17:25) honeymoon period every year for the rest (01:17:27) of your life Peter the honeymoon fresh (01:17:30) it's transient it was all brand new but (01:17:33) it didn't have all four seasons you (01:17:34) didn't get into act two where the (01:17:36) conflict comes where somebody's getting (01:17:38) sick. (01:17:38) >> Yeah. (01:17:39) >> Where you didn't get to act three where (01:17:42) you got to land the plane and figure it (01:17:45) out and come down and (01:17:48) be on your deathbed going, "Love you, (01:17:50) too." (01:17:51) >> Yeah. (01:17:52) >> Hey, we did we did all right. You know (01:17:53) what I mean? (01:17:54) >> I always It's a (01:17:57) I'd always in my younger years like what (01:18:00) what do you think? If there's a God and (01:18:01) you see him, what do you what do you do (01:18:03) he's going to say to you? I was always (01:18:04) like, (01:18:06) I think he's going to say thank you. (01:18:08) [laughter] And then this hit me 5 years (01:18:10) ago. 5 years ago, I was like, no, that's (01:18:14) a bit arrogant there, P. What he's (01:18:17) probably going to say mean he's going to (01:18:18) say you're welcome (01:18:22) >> in that (01:18:25) is a (01:18:28) a way I'm seeing life more (01:18:32) >> now. and to some extent have before but (01:18:35) in that isn't an inherent sort of what (01:18:37) are we doing you know is life long is it (01:18:39) short is it hard is it easy I don't know (01:18:43) it's hard some ways it's really long (01:18:46) it's really short (01:18:49) easy sometimes but (01:18:57) yeah you're welcome (01:19:01) I can say thank (01:19:03) Yeah, (01:19:05) but I've got a Yeah, we've talked about (01:19:07) I'm happy to I'm happy to and I'm not (01:19:10) going to shy away from with still being (01:19:12) sensitive to people musicians that are (01:19:14) like easy for you to say MC. Hey, I (01:19:18) saying you're welcome to me. You know (01:19:19) what I mean? I'm not living a life of I (01:19:21) I I want to be open and understand that. (01:19:23) At the same time, I'm very happy and (01:19:25) level eyed with with saying and (01:19:27) believing that um and having (01:19:31) a life where if I meet God, he she it's (01:19:35) going to go. You're welcome. (01:19:41) And then (01:19:43) lays into that, I wrote it in green (01:19:45) lights, but I do have a hunch that the (01:19:48) world's conspiring (01:19:50) to make me happy. (01:19:53) Again, I may be off my rocker. I may be (01:19:56) I may be a a conspiracy theory for the (01:20:00) upside. I may be delusionally (01:20:01) optimistic. And I I don't care. I I I (01:20:05) actually believe it. It's the trust (01:20:06) first thing. (01:20:07) >> Mhm. (01:20:08) >> I actually believe it. And I believe I'm (01:20:11) a part of a lot of other people's army (01:20:13) that are there conspiring to make them (01:20:15) happy. And I believe that I've got a lot (01:20:17) of an army that are going (01:20:20) not consciously just I look I believe I (01:20:24) I know I got a lot of people in my life (01:20:26) that believe know that if I'm around I'm (01:20:28) looking out for them and I have their (01:20:29) best interest in mind whether they know (01:20:31) it or not consciously and I know I have (01:20:34) a lot of people in life some I know a (01:20:37) lot I know a lot I don't that are like (01:20:40) looking out for you MC (01:20:42) and I'm very thankful for that but I (01:20:44) believe that and it Yeah, I know it's (01:20:46) true. (01:20:47) >> Do you think we can all build that (01:20:49) belief? (01:20:51) >> Yes, I do think we can build that belief (01:20:54) >> that everything's conspiring. (01:20:55) >> I don't think we can rely on that (01:20:56) belief. I do think we can build that (01:20:58) belief. I do think that (01:21:03) raising, you know, kiddos, we're going (01:21:06) to ACL, kiddos. We're going in (01:21:09) backstage. (01:21:10) Come on. Me and your mom are here. Pass (01:21:13) the security guard. lets us in. (01:21:16) Did y'all say thank you? Yeah, we did. (01:21:19) Or no. Well, go go go say thank you. (01:21:21) Why? I don't know. Let's think (01:21:23) selfishly, bud. 10 years from now when (01:21:26) you're at the concert and your mom and (01:21:28) dad ain't here. (01:21:31) Who got you in backstage to the to the (01:21:33) front of the line and you're 20 people (01:21:35) back in the line and they're saying no (01:21:37) more. That's it. (01:21:40) There's chance that security guard may (01:21:41) look down there and go, "Hey, Levi, come (01:21:43) on up. Come on in." Because you said (01:21:46) thank you. I'm not saying be that way (01:21:49) for like, "Oh, then I can get more. I'll (01:21:52) get more privileges." I'm just saying (01:21:55) where you go, how you interact with (01:21:57) people at whatever height in the back (01:22:00) kitchen to the back door to the alley to (01:22:03) the homeless to the billionaire to the (01:22:06) pres. how you interact with people. It's (01:22:08) it it rever it re you're slowly building (01:22:13) an army. I I had this I tell this (01:22:15) example and uh (01:22:18) I was coming home about two years ago (01:22:21) two-lane highway and it was all parked (01:22:25) just going kind of a traffic jam was (01:22:26) taking we just moving 5 miles an hour (01:22:28) stop. 5 miles an hour stop and there was (01:22:30) a lady in a in a car here and we just (01:22:32) moved into this new home. lady in a car (01:22:34) here and everyone's like, you know, get (01:22:36) forward as quick as possible. And she (01:22:38) was waiting to get into the tournament. (01:22:39) And so like I was like, we're not going (01:22:40) anywhere. I slowed down, let her in. (01:22:43) 15 minutes it takes to get home. I'm (01:22:45) noticed I'm right behind this lady. As I (01:22:47) approach my house, she pulls in the (01:22:49) driveway to the first driveway before I (01:22:51) get to my house. I pull in my house. I (01:22:52) get out of my car. It's my neighbor. (01:22:55) >> [laughter] (01:22:55) >> I didn't know it was my neighbor, but (01:22:57) I'm like, (01:22:59) >> I GOT SOMEBODY inherently watching over (01:23:01) my house when I'm not here from now (01:23:02) because I let her in. (01:23:04) >> Yeah. (01:23:04) >> Back there. (01:23:05) >> Yeah. (01:23:05) >> And she goes, "Thank you for letting me (01:23:07) in back there." I remember that. Did I (01:23:11) do that because (01:23:13) >> I'm hoping I can get a neighbor and part (01:23:15) of an army that can keep an eye out for (01:23:16) me? No. (01:23:18) Did I get (01:23:20) an army, someone on my side? (01:23:22) >> Yeah. (01:23:22) >> Yeah. (01:23:23) >> Yeah. the conspiring point too. I think (01:23:25) if you if you believe that everything is (01:23:28) conspiring for you to be happy, you just (01:23:31) start to notice those moments. And I (01:23:34) think noticing is so much more important (01:23:36) than (01:23:37) >> thinking because we all think but we (01:23:40) don't always notice. (01:23:41) >> Yes. (01:23:41) >> It's like what do we notice every day? (01:23:43) If you notice the security guard who (01:23:45) opened the door, if you notice the, you (01:23:48) know, the lady who eventually becomes (01:23:51) part of your army at home, it's like, (01:23:53) what are you noticing? Because you can (01:23:54) notice both. Like, I think I could sit (01:23:56) here with you and I'm sure you could (01:23:58) tell me two stories. One story of (01:24:00) everyone who screwed you over, took (01:24:02) advantage of you, exploited you, where (01:24:04) the trust first didn't work. (01:24:06) >> And I think you're telling me another (01:24:08) story today, which you're noticing, (01:24:09) which is you saying, (01:24:11) >> "Oh, yeah." (01:24:12) >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. (01:24:13) Yeah. So, what do we Yeah. What do we (01:24:15) notice? What are we aware of? What do we (01:24:17) give credit to? (01:24:19) I think that's part of the athleticism (01:24:22) of life because (01:24:26) that doesn't mean I'm not skeptical. (01:24:28) >> Correct. It does mean I'm not cynical. (01:24:32) It doesn't mean I'm not clever and wise (01:24:35) and (01:24:36) letting my home be just pillaged. And I (01:24:41) got a lot to protect and I protect it. (01:24:43) It doesn't mean I'm foolish with myself (01:24:46) or with my things and my life and the (01:24:48) family and things I've built. But yeah, (01:24:50) what do I what do what what do we (01:24:52) notice? What do we give credit to (01:24:56) and go, "Oh, let's tend that garden. (01:24:59) Let's multiply that. Let's get some (01:25:02) compound interest on that ROI. Let's (01:25:06) make that epidemic, (01:25:09) not the disease, not the wreck, not the (01:25:12) harm. I talk about it in points of (01:25:14) prayers. Make the positives plural. (01:25:18) >> Yeah. (01:25:18) >> And the negatives singular. (01:25:20) >> Yes. (01:25:20) >> And don't talk about the negatives. (01:25:22) >> Amen. Yeah. (01:25:22) >> In the present tense. If they happened, (01:25:25) talk about them in the past tense. You (01:25:27) stop their path to prophecy. That's the (01:25:30) noticing thing. And that doesn't mean (01:25:32) don't Oh, no. I don't see the negatives. (01:25:35) No, no, no. That's childhood. Hey, (01:25:37) Hallmark card. Dream it. You can do it. (01:25:40) Positive thinking. (01:25:45) Yeah. See how far that gets you. You (01:25:47) know what I mean? You'll be done unto. (01:25:49) And then, you know, so we go from (01:25:51) innocence to naive to skepticism. And (01:25:55) then if we can hold off there from going (01:25:57) off the ledge into that fourth one, (01:25:59) which is a disease, (01:26:01) cynicism. M (01:26:03) >> I'm all for skepticism (01:26:05) and noticing the negative, seeing the (01:26:09) harm, noticing the disease, (01:26:12) but sure like to spend time and notice (01:26:15) more and compound the interest on the (01:26:17) prevention of those cures or the (01:26:20) multiplied factor of the good things (01:26:23) that are conspiring to work for us and (01:26:25) are just like there we go that works not (01:26:27) only for me for you too. (01:26:28) >> Mhm. (01:26:30) >> Make those epidemic again. I love flip (01:26:32) flip flip the word epidemic's always (01:26:34) used. It's just something like oh no (01:26:36) >> just like consequence. (01:26:37) >> We all go oh I don't not the consequence (01:26:39) like no get consequences with (01:26:41) everything. (01:26:42) >> And the positive side the pleasure side (01:26:44) of consequence is just as valuable as (01:26:46) the negative. You got to you know (01:26:48) >> epidemic selfish consequence. Those are (01:26:51) the three that that you're going to (01:26:53) fight for. Matthew, I could talk to you (01:26:55) for hours and hours and I've been so (01:26:57) grateful for your time and energy. We we (01:26:58) end every episode with a final five (01:27:00) which we did last time. So, we've (01:27:01) reconstructed them for you. Uh, these (01:27:03) questions have to be answered in one (01:27:05) sentence, but I'll probably want you to (01:27:07) riff. So, feel free. Don't don't feel (01:27:09) any pressure, (01:27:10) >> okay? But try to get them out in one (01:27:11) sentence. (01:27:12) >> You can try, but if but I would like you (01:27:14) to I want you to free flow, but yeah, (01:27:17) [snorts] (01:27:17) >> you're always the best when you're free (01:27:18) flowing. So, I don't want to I don't (01:27:19) want to hamper you and Yeah. Uh, (01:27:21) question number one, (01:27:24) what do you believe makes a good dad? (01:27:32) time (01:27:34) being there. (01:27:36) You know, I say this is (01:27:40) that's what makes a good father. (01:27:44) You know, sometimes we're under the (01:27:46) illusion that if we make the baby, we're (01:27:50) the father. (01:27:53) No, you're not. (01:27:55) You may be the the daddy papa, but it (01:27:58) takes time to be (01:28:01) a father, (01:28:04) to be there for your children, (01:28:08) to balance (01:28:12) sharing with them what you already know (01:28:15) so they can learn a little quicker and (01:28:17) hold them back and letting them fall (01:28:20) from that tree limb and bruise their arm (01:28:22) on their own because that's how they'll (01:28:24) remember Because even though you knew (01:28:27) sometimes there's certain heights I call (01:28:28) it like tree limbs or certain kids go (01:28:31) out on limbs (01:28:33) and if we brush every limb they go out (01:28:35) on I mean they're on the limb and (01:28:37) they're they're they're 5 years old and (01:28:39) it's it's 5 feet above the soft St. (01:28:42) Augustine grass. If we rush over there (01:28:45) and go get down get down get they No, (01:28:47) no, no. You're going to you're going to (01:28:50) stunt their growth and their they have (01:28:52) fear of heights. Kids don't aren't (01:28:53) aren't scared of heights until they die. (01:28:54) Until they fall, right? Let them go out (01:28:57) there. That's a safe fall. May get a (01:28:59) bruise. Now, there's certain ones if (01:29:01) they're 60 feet up [clears throat] (01:29:04) and it's a concrete you might want to (01:29:06) go. Hey, bud. I was thinking come just (01:29:08) take your time and come on over to the (01:29:10) trunk and shimmy on that. Maybe get a (01:29:12) help them get them down from that. But (01:29:13) certain limbs, let them get on the end (01:29:15) of it. Let them let them fall. Let them (01:29:16) let them get bruised. Let them They'll (01:29:18) remember that from experience. And so, (01:29:20) yeah, (01:29:21) >> I like it. Uh, question number two. What (01:29:24) does it mean to be a real man? (01:29:26) >> To be a real man? Well, you know, (01:29:30) staying on the fatherhood thing, and (01:29:32) this is not just the the only (01:29:34) definition, but I'll piggyback off the (01:29:35) last question. The only thing I ever (01:29:38) knew in life I wanted to be was a (01:29:40) father. And it is because I remember I (01:29:42) was 8 years old. My dad was a big yes (01:29:44) sir and no sir man. So he would (01:29:46) introduce me to his friends, right? And (01:29:48) I would always as 8y olds looking up (01:29:49) from four, five, six, seven, eight years (01:29:51) old shake their hand. Yes, sir. Nice to (01:29:53) meet you, sir. Nice to meet you. And (01:29:54) what hit me at 8 years old was that all (01:29:57) of those men whose hands I shake and (01:29:59) called them sir, they were dads. They (01:30:00) were fathers. And in my 8-year-old mind, (01:30:02) I went, "Oh, (01:30:04) that's how you make it. That's success." (01:30:09) Become a father. (01:30:12) That's how you become a man. (01:30:16) That's how you become a king. (01:30:20) So, (01:30:22) that's not answer across the board, but (01:30:24) that's going to be my answer. (01:30:24) >> Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Uh, and I I'll (01:30:27) only do three because of time. Um, last (01:30:30) one. What does it mean to be a good (01:30:33) friend? (01:30:35) >> Yeah. (01:30:37) Yeah. A good friend (01:30:41) reminds their friend (01:30:46) of the the best in themselves, (01:30:49) the truth in themselves. (01:30:53) Whether it's (01:30:55) there to say, "Yeah, just like that when (01:30:58) they are the most themselves or whether (01:31:00) it's there to go, hey, (01:31:04) you know, you got this other way. I mean (01:31:06) in the situation you handle it like this (01:31:08) and it was so pure man and it kind of (01:31:12) didn't (01:31:13) go that way this ah so saying hard (01:31:17) things and helping them kind of (01:31:20) renegotiate or showing to them (01:31:22) objectively hey I see who you are you've (01:31:25) shown me who you are and then when (01:31:27) you're you I'm over here going (01:31:30) and uh I take great pleasure in seeing (01:31:33) you succeed without me. (01:31:36) >> Wow. Wow. That's powerful. (01:31:40) >> A good friend really (01:31:42) takes honest and earnest pleasure in (01:31:45) seeing their friend succeed with (01:31:49) without them. (01:31:52) >> We to end we got a little note from a (01:31:54) good friend of yours. (01:31:55) >> Oh. uh who sent it in and I think it'll (01:31:58) be better if you read it out loud than (01:31:59) me because it's for you and so I'm gonna (01:32:02) hand it to you and you can uh read it (01:32:04) out loud for us. (01:32:04) >> What do we got here? (01:32:08) >> I marvel at how you move through this (01:32:11) world. (01:32:13) Amazing actor, bestselling author, (01:32:14) innovative entrepreneur, first rate (01:32:16) father, husband and son, but more than (01:32:19) anything a brilliant philosopher. And it (01:32:23) is that philosophy that pervades (01:32:25) everything you do. One that intertwines (01:32:28) curiosity with poetry. (01:32:31) From the time I met you nearly 30 years (01:32:33) ago, I knew you were my brother. And you (01:32:37) continue to inspire me to this day. Love (01:32:40) you, buddy. Wood. (01:32:44) PS. Miss our cuddle time. Me and Camila. (01:32:47) THAT IS [laughter] (01:32:51) >> PERFECT. (01:32:52) >> YEAH. (01:32:53) >> AH, thank you, buddy. (01:32:55) >> Thank you. (01:32:56) >> He is a great friend. (01:32:59) He is a great friend. Boy, he is a good (01:33:01) friend to me. I love the way that he (01:33:05) loves (01:33:07) >> me. (01:33:08) >> It's really, really beautiful to (01:33:09) receive. (01:33:11) >> Well, Matthew, thank you for your time, (01:33:12) your energy. uh whether I'm reading your (01:33:14) books, whether I'm in your presence, or (01:33:16) whether I'm listening to you. As I said (01:33:17) to you before the first time I (01:33:18) interviewed you, I listened to your (01:33:21) acceptance speech from the Oscars every (01:33:23) day for 30 days once upon a time in my (01:33:26) life. And there only two speeches I've (01:33:28) done that with. One is Steve Jobs's (01:33:30) commencement speech at Stamford and one (01:33:32) is your acceptance speech. I listen to (01:33:34) it every day for 30 days. And it it (01:33:36) intern I find when you do that it (01:33:38) internalizes (01:33:39) ideas and um concepts and energy in a (01:33:44) way that (01:33:45) you don't get if you don't repeat. So (01:33:47) very grateful to you for your life, your (01:33:49) work and (01:33:50) >> you're welcome and thanks for sharing (01:33:51) that with me, man. Yeah, (01:33:52) >> thank you so much. (01:33:53) >> Had a wonderful time. (01:33:54) >> Appreciate you. If this is the year that (01:33:56) you're trying to get creative, you're (01:33:58) trying to build more, I need you to (01:34:00) listen to this episode with Rick Rubin (01:34:02) on how to break into your most creative (01:34:04) self, how to use unconventional methods (01:34:07) that lead to success, and the secret to (01:34:10) genuinely loving what you do. If you're (01:34:12) trying to find your passion and your (01:34:14) lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one (01:34:17) for you. (01:34:18) >> Just because I like it, that doesn't (01:34:19) give it any value. Like, as an artist, (01:34:21) if you like it, that's all of the value. (01:34:24) That's the success comes when [music] (01:34:26) you say, "I like this enough for other (01:34:28) people to see