The Kreatures of Habit Podcast Ep. #109 with Larry Hagner – Being The Best Dad You Can Be (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) and I'll never forget this man I've (00:00:01) known Jess for 27 years been married for (00:00:04) for 20 she sat me down one day we've got (00:00:07) a great relationship and she's never (00:00:09) told me before or since what she told me (00:00:12) one day she sat me down she held my hand (00:00:14) she's like I need to tell you something (00:00:15) and I'm like okay she goes it's really (00:00:18) hard for me to say and I never thought I (00:00:19) would say this out loud and I've been (00:00:21) thinking about it for a really long time (00:00:24) so I know it's true she's like but (00:00:26) you're losing me and I'm like what and (00:00:28) she and and that's not like us I was (00:00:30) like what do you mean I'm losing you an (00:00:32) entrepreneur straight out of New York (00:00:35) City Michael chernau was (00:00:37) [Music] (00:00:43) cracking what up y'all back again in (00:00:46) this studio creatures habit podcast I (00:00:48) have no idea what episode this is (00:00:50) somewhere in the early 100s but I just (00:00:53) want to say I'm grateful for you guys (00:00:55) for tuning in again uh the fact that (00:00:57) we've made over a 100 episodes for the (00:00:59) creatures habit podcast definitely means (00:01:02) that we've been doing it for over or at (00:01:05) least two years because I have not (00:01:07) missed a week since we started the (00:01:09) podcast so and and and what I've heard (00:01:13) and what I believe is that uh (00:01:16) consistency is everything consistency is (00:01:18) everything so we're going to keep (00:01:20) putting out these podcasts and uh and I (00:01:22) can't thank you guys enough for (00:01:23) listening today's episode is about Dad (00:01:26) life um is about Dad life something that (00:01:28) I am unbelievably (00:01:31) incredibly undeniably passionate about (00:01:34) being a father is I would honestly say (00:01:38) my greatest joy and accomplishment (00:01:41) having two boys that I genuinely love (00:01:45) and I genuinely feel love me back is (00:01:49) unlike anything I can describe into (00:01:51) words really and I didn't know what it (00:01:53) was like until it started happening so (00:01:55) I've got Larry hagner on the Pod today (00:01:57) Larry is uh he I would call him an (00:02:01) expert in the world of fatherhood he has (00:02:04) a podcast called the dad's Edge and um (00:02:07) he's an author he's got four kids and he (00:02:11) before he created the dad's Edge he was (00:02:14) in a very very different field and I'm (00:02:17) looking forward to hearing that story uh (00:02:19) from him how he how he went from medical (00:02:21) sales to creating uh a top father top (00:02:25) dad podcast or the top dad podcast in (00:02:28) the world of podcast which by by the way (00:02:30) is very very hard to do um you know (00:02:34) audio and podcast is definitely uh uh (00:02:37) people are are are taking to it but it's (00:02:38) really really hard to get people's (00:02:40) attention in this world so the fact that (00:02:42) he's got a top podcast in a specific (00:02:45) genre is is incredible so I'm really (00:02:47) excited to hear from Larry I want to (00:02:49) hear about his story and um and I want (00:02:51) to I want to get some dad habits so if (00:02:53) any of you dads out there are listening (00:02:55) to this podcast turn the volume up now (00:02:57) would be the time Larry welcome to the (00:02:59) show well hey man and congratulations on (00:03:01) over 100 episodes thank you dude that's (00:03:03) awesome thanks man yeah it's uh it's (00:03:06) it's you know and actually didn't even (00:03:08) really think about it until we sat down (00:03:10) that we that we that we' breached aund (00:03:11) over a 100 episodes but um yeah man I'm (00:03:14) I'm following your (00:03:16) footsteps that's awesome and you know I (00:03:18) know we were kind of talking before we (00:03:20) hit record today and uh you were talking (00:03:22) about your boys and and it's very (00:03:25) obvious that you've got just a heart of (00:03:28) gold for your boys like it's obvious (00:03:30) it's just the way you talk about them (00:03:31) your your voice tone like how you (00:03:33) describe them even and how you describe (00:03:35) your wife like which is really really (00:03:37) cool thanks man yeah I like really (00:03:39) didn't have a blueprint as a kid and so (00:03:42) if you looked at my childhood you know (00:03:44) you wouldn't necessarily like be able to (00:03:47) organically paint the picture of what my (00:03:49) family life looks like now and I think (00:03:52) that's interesting and cool and valuable (00:03:55) to share because your (00:03:58) past totally can project what your (00:04:01) future looks like or your present but it (00:04:04) does not have to you know it does not (00:04:06) have to yeah enough about me man let's (00:04:08) talk about um I want to hear how you (00:04:10) know this idea for the dad's Edge came (00:04:13) to be and um and why so you know my my (00:04:17) childhood was amazing and I you know it (00:04:20) was about 10 years ago man that you know (00:04:22) it was a Sunday morning and you know I (00:04:24) woke up for my wife and Sun was shining (00:04:26) bright and I opened up the window and (00:04:28) the light just hit my face just right (00:04:30) and suddenly like I was bestowed all the (00:04:33) knowledge of what it meant to be a good (00:04:34) father and I just I just had to share it (00:04:36) with the world so that's completely crap (00:04:40) I'm like wait a second what the [ __ ] oh (00:04:43) man so you had me dude I did I did so I (00:04:46) uh do you (00:04:47) know you did you had that serious look (00:04:50) on your face man I as I was saying that (00:04:53) I was like oh my God he's actually (00:04:54) buying this a little (00:04:57) bit uh no it it was not dude it was it (00:05:00) was not um I I don't know about your (00:05:02) your childhood but mine was was really (00:05:05) chaotic uh my mom was if you look at it (00:05:08) from a 30,000 foot view my mom was (00:05:09) married three times she dated several (00:05:11) guys in between every guy was like the (00:05:13) same guy same you know same guy (00:05:16) different name different face but abuser (00:05:18) partyer you know just absolutely toxic (00:05:21) and crazy uh the crazy thing though is (00:05:24) that my mom and biological father were (00:05:26) married super young they were like 21 (00:05:28) they were married for about 4 years (00:05:30) years they had me in (00:05:32) 1975 and then like nine months after I (00:05:35) was born they split up they had went (00:05:36) through a horrible divorce and he left (00:05:38) and like he was gone like I I have no (00:05:40) recollection of my dad you never met him (00:05:43) well I'll get i'll get to this cuz the (00:05:45) story is a little juicy so but uh I (00:05:47) remember you know being like four years (00:05:49) old I remember being in preschool and I (00:05:50) remember dads coming to pick their kids (00:05:52) up and I knew what a dad was and I just (00:05:54) thought that moms go out and find dads (00:05:57) like you like somehow we magically (00:05:59) appear as kids kids and then the mom (00:06:00) eventually finds the dad brings him home (00:06:02) I guess to the nest that was my (00:06:04) understanding so you'll appreciate this (00:06:07) I'll never forget being four years old (00:06:09) and my mom told me one morning she's (00:06:10) like hey um I have a very special friend (00:06:13) coming over for dinner tonight I'm (00:06:14) really excited for you to meet him and (00:06:15) we've been friends for a while it's her (00:06:17) way of saying she' been dating somebody (00:06:18) she worked with I was like and in my (00:06:20) mind I didn't say it out loud but I was (00:06:21) like oh my God she found the dad like (00:06:23) that's who she found so this guy comes (00:06:25) walking him in our house and he's got (00:06:27) like the handlebar mustache he's got a (00:06:29) briefcase he's wearing the three-piece (00:06:31) suit he was a software engineer and I'll (00:06:34) never forget like even how I felt as a (00:06:36) kid this guy walking in my home it was (00:06:39) cold outside he had a trench coat on and (00:06:41) my my mom introduced us and she said (00:06:43) Larry this is Joe Joe this is Larry and (00:06:45) I shook this guy's hand and with this (00:06:47) big bright smile I looked up at this guy (00:06:48) and I said are you GNA be my (00:06:52) Dad wow and he was like and I'm out yeah (00:06:55) he's like uh wow you know I mean but (00:06:57) like literally like I remember like he (00:07:00) just laughed very awkwardly I think I (00:07:02) think I actually remember my mom kind of (00:07:04) gasping for like like you know and but (00:07:07) you know they did get married six months (00:07:08) later they stayed together for six years (00:07:11) um they got divorced when I was 10 uh (00:07:13) and not to go into too much detail but (00:07:15) it was it was horrible like they fought (00:07:16) a lot um like cops were called to my (00:07:19) house I mean they they beat each other (00:07:21) up he beat me up I beat my mom up and it (00:07:23) was it was a really bad experience uh a (00:07:26) couple years go by and uh I started (00:07:28) asking questions I'm like wait a second (00:07:30) like I knew he came in my life at four (00:07:33) where where did I come from I had no (00:07:34) idea my mom had been married before (00:07:36) that's when she laid it on me she's like (00:07:38) I was actually married before you know (00:07:40) your dad and I was like okay I was like (00:07:43) well tell me about him and tell me (00:07:45) everything and she did to some degree (00:07:47) but I ended up running into him by (00:07:49) accident when I was 12 crazy he only (00:07:52) lived three miles from us I had no idea (00:07:54) neither did my mom as far as I know ran (00:07:57) into him he was remarried 2-year-old son (00:07:59) another one on the way and I spent like (00:08:01) every week with this guy like we hung (00:08:03) out all the time with your dad with my (00:08:05) dad biological yeah my biological father (00:08:07) and I dude I was so excited to meet my (00:08:09) dad cuz like I immediately started (00:08:11) calling him dad I still remember the (00:08:12) very first day I met this guy I was so (00:08:15) excited to meet this guy like you (00:08:16) remember Miami Vice like you know the (00:08:19) white suits and the green shirts and all (00:08:21) that yeah I actually wore a suit like (00:08:23) that when I first met him cuz I was like (00:08:25) I want to look my best what was his name (00:08:27) Don uh oh my God yeah I don't remember (00:08:30) uh yeah I can see his face but yeah he (00:08:32) wore suits like that but so anyway we um (00:08:35) we connected and we hung out for about 6 (00:08:38) months and then after a while things (00:08:41) just kind of got weird and stressful (00:08:43) like that's the only way I could (00:08:45) describe it now that I'm older the way (00:08:47) it felt when we would hang out is I knew (00:08:49) something was kind of like just heavy on (00:08:51) him and the best way I describe it now (00:08:53) is it's almost like if you're dating a (00:08:55) girl and she's not into you anymore and (00:08:56) she hasn't told you yet but you know (00:08:57) it's coming like that's kind of the (00:09:00) feeling and the aura that was going you (00:09:01) were that I was getting yeah and I (00:09:03) remember I picked up the phone one day (00:09:04) and I called him and I said hey what's (00:09:05) going on like and uh and he just (00:09:07) basically was like it's me it's not you (00:09:09) like I need to I I can't do this right (00:09:11) now it's too it's it's challenging so he (00:09:13) left um you know I went through I went (00:09:16) through a lot of hard times as a kid and (00:09:18) but fast forward I went to college met (00:09:19) my incredible wife and we got married (00:09:21) and this is where the story kind of (00:09:23) culminates so I'm 30 years old this is (00:09:25) 18 years ago I'm in a coffee shop in St (00:09:28) Louis for a business meeting that was in (00:09:29) medical device sales at the time and a (00:09:32) guy walks in the coffee shop and I just (00:09:34) kind of like looked up and I was like (00:09:36) holy [ __ ] that's my dad and I it had (00:09:38) been 18 years and um so anyway we ended (00:09:42) up it was really interesting how we (00:09:43) actually kind of our our paths crossed (00:09:45) again um but that interaction has now (00:09:49) turned into an 18-year relationship with (00:09:51) him he's still married to the same woman (00:09:53) I have two younger half Brothers we all (00:09:54) get along great my four boys know him as (00:09:57) grandma grandpa and uncle Grant uncle (00:09:59) clay and and everything's good but how (00:10:02) dad Edge got started was I grew up with (00:10:04) literally a laundry list of what not to (00:10:06) do you know but I didn't know what to do (00:10:09) and I always made a promise to myself (00:10:11) when I had kids because I really want to (00:10:13) be a good dad is I'm never going to hit (00:10:15) my kids out of anger no matter what (00:10:17) never going to spank them never going to (00:10:18) hit them out of anger and the night I (00:10:20) started that edge I broke that promise (00:10:22) and up until then my oldest was six my (00:10:24) youngest at the time was four so we're (00:10:26) going back you know 11 years ago and my (00:10:29) four year-old who's 16 now stepped out (00:10:31) of line and I spanked him and I (00:10:33) unfortunately spanked him so hard that (00:10:35) he hit the ground and I'll never forget (00:10:38) the look on his face when I went CU I I (00:10:40) knew immediately like I I I felt (00:10:43) terrible immediately I was like oh my (00:10:45) God what the hell did I just do and I go (00:10:46) to pick him up and what killed me the (00:10:48) most man was he looked at me and he did (00:10:50) this oh my gosh like he kind of was like (00:10:51) please don't hurt me and I was like and (00:10:53) and I literally in that moment I saw him (00:10:56) me and cuz that's how I was raised with (00:10:58) all these Jokers that came in out of my (00:11:00) life you know they were all heavy-handed (00:11:02) and it was in that that night man I was (00:11:04) like I'm I'm done like cuz at the time I (00:11:07) was had a mediocre marriage I was a (00:11:09) mediocre dad I wasn't the best with (00:11:11) patience I mean like I was not connected (00:11:13) to my kids I wasn't connected to my wife (00:11:14) but I desperately wanted to be and that (00:11:16) was the night I was just like I'm just (00:11:18) going to learn I'm going to learn like (00:11:19) there's got to be a way to learn this (00:11:20) stuff just like anything else and um (00:11:23) like you I have a background in health (00:11:24) so like I have a degree in sports (00:11:26) medicine with a minor nutrition so (00:11:28) exercise and eating healthy and the body (00:11:30) like I could tell you anything but I was (00:11:32) trained on that so the past 11 12 years (00:11:35) has been an education and it's been the (00:11:38) D Edge and so not only am I the founder (00:11:40) but I'm a client (00:11:42) too so what what is it so I mean you (00:11:46) know I mean that's a really vulnerable (00:11:47) story to tell dude that's a really (00:11:49) vulnerable story to tell and I think U (00:11:51) even me hearing it you know because I (00:11:53) had I was definitely the recipient of (00:11:56) those of those you know situations with (00:11:58) my dad just boom laid in on me hard and (00:12:03) interestingly you just painted this (00:12:04) picture of like your kid you know kind (00:12:06) of putting his hands up and in fear and (00:12:09) man it like hit me right in the chest um (00:12:12) because I recently had a I was doing (00:12:14) this breath workk stuff I've been doing (00:12:16) this breath work stuff and what came up (00:12:18) for me in the breath work was me as a (00:12:20) six-year-old kid in that literally I I (00:12:23) had a vision of myself with my shoulders (00:12:25) up to my ears just stuck in fear and I (00:12:28) was like that kid is been in my way the (00:12:30) whole time I got to heal that kid and so (00:12:32) when you said that I feel I'm so you (00:12:34) know there's what you did I would (00:12:37) imagine was you you like flipped to (00:12:40) switch I did and what was that it was a (00:12:43) surrender it really was um I just (00:12:46) interviewed I don't know if you know who (00:12:47) Granger Smith is but he's um country (00:12:49) western singer and he lost his (00:12:52) three-year-old son back in 2019 and he (00:12:55) talked about this horrible dark moment (00:12:58) where he was going to to take his own (00:12:59) life because he just couldn't handle the (00:13:01) grief anymore and he said something to (00:13:04) me and I interviewed him just a few (00:13:05) months ago i' I've done (00:13:07) 1130 1130 interviews now to date and (00:13:11) there are quotes that I remember from (00:13:12) people and his really hit me because it (00:13:15) reminded me of my moment as well (00:13:16) obviously his was way more drastic than (00:13:18) mine but he basically just prayed and he (00:13:22) was just like I don't I don't know what (00:13:24) to do anymore like I don't know what to (00:13:26) do anymore like but whatever it is can (00:13:27) you just show me what to do or just he (00:13:29) surrendered and the quote that he said (00:13:31) was is when we surrender it's power (00:13:33) under control a lot of people think that (00:13:35) when we surrender to learning something (00:13:38) new or to be enlightened with something (00:13:40) or to just take a step into the unknown (00:13:43) for for for something that's going to be (00:13:44) good something is going to improve our (00:13:46) lives it's scary and it's a surrender (00:13:49) but it's power under control and it was (00:13:52) terrifying but it was it was almost like (00:13:55) in that moment that I had released like (00:13:57) the pressure valve and the whole whole (00:13:59) thing got started like I was in my (00:14:00) office right after this happened and I (00:14:03) felt terrible and I was emotional and I (00:14:05) literally had tears coming out of my (00:14:06) eyes and I was on Facebook because (00:14:08) that's what you do as an adult when you (00:14:09) have a bad moment you go on a social (00:14:10) media you just start scrolling right and (00:14:12) I saw this button in the LEF hand corner (00:14:14) it said create a page I never created a (00:14:16) page and I clicked that button and the (00:14:19) literally I didn't even think about it (00:14:20) the words the good dad project because (00:14:22) that's what the dad Edge was you know (00:14:24) six years ago seven years ago the good (00:14:26) dad project and I was the project I was (00:14:29) like I wonder if I can just learn (00:14:31) patience I wonder if I can learn (00:14:33) connection I wonder if I can learn like (00:14:35) how to be a good husband like I wonder (00:14:36) if I can learn these things just as much (00:14:38) as I've learned anything else and it was (00:14:39) in that moment that that surrender felt (00:14:42) scary it felt like I was there's a part (00:14:45) of me that felt weak but there was more (00:14:47) a part of me that felt relieved like I (00:14:50) can actually go make a difference now (00:14:52) but it took that decision that Line in (00:14:54) the Sand that moment of surrender to (00:14:56) actually get there the dad's Edge or the (00:14:59) good dad project what does what does it (00:15:02) mean from your experience um have over (00:15:05) you know over a thousand interviews (00:15:08) talking about I would imagine dad (00:15:10) focused things not maybe all of the (00:15:13) conversations but that being sort of a a (00:15:16) foundation of this of this content what (00:15:19) does it mean to be a good dad I'm still (00:15:20) trying to figure that out be (00:15:22) honest uh you know it's here's here's (00:15:25) what I do know about it I've written two (00:15:27) books two that are not published right (00:15:28) now um they're going to be published (00:15:30) soon one is the spirit of fatherhood and (00:15:32) the other one is the pursuit of (00:15:33) legendary fatherhood and the publisher (00:15:36) that I went through for the pursuit of (00:15:37) legendary fatherhood fought me a little (00:15:39) bit on the title he's like why not just (00:15:40) call this legendary fatherhood I was (00:15:41) like cuz there's there's kind of no such (00:15:43) thing I was like there's the pursuit of (00:15:45) it there's the learning of it I don't (00:15:47) know one person though that has ever (00:15:48) walked the Earth that stood at the top (00:15:51) of mountain saying I am I know (00:15:54) everything there's a know about being a (00:15:55) good father and husband so I think that (00:15:57) being a good father father is all about (00:16:00) the pursuit of growth of constantly (00:16:03) sharpening the sword of of your (00:16:05) mentality your leadership skills your (00:16:07) your connection skills your (00:16:08) communication skills constantly being a (00:16:11) student of it constantly knowing that I (00:16:13) don't have this all figured out yet and (00:16:15) to just always be on the lookout for the (00:16:18) next lesson uh I think good Dads good (00:16:21) Fathers great fathers are the ones who (00:16:24) are human you know like um my my boys (00:16:27) will tell you that uh I never hesitate (00:16:29) to (00:16:30) apologize because that's often I (00:16:33) actually just did an interview with my (00:16:34) oldest son and I had no idea what he was (00:16:36) going to say I didn't give him any words (00:16:38) or anything like that I was like I just (00:16:39) want to have a conversation with you and (00:16:40) just talk and I asked him I was like you (00:16:43) know what does it mean what are what are (00:16:46) some of the things that you enjoy most (00:16:48) about you know our relationship together (00:16:51) and he said something to me that (00:16:52) surprised me he goes when you apologize (00:16:54) and I was like really and I was like (00:16:56) well tell me about that he goes it's one (00:16:58) of the most manly only masculine things (00:17:00) I think a man can do is to own his (00:17:03) mistakes and to ask for forgiveness when (00:17:05) he does screw up I think it's a weak man (00:17:08) who just allows his ego to stand in the (00:17:12) way of best relationships because they (00:17:13) don't want to ever admit that they're (00:17:14) wrong so I I think that connection piece (00:17:17) that humble piece is a big deal but I (00:17:20) also think it's really never being (00:17:22) stagnant never being okay with the (00:17:24) status quo as far as our personal (00:17:26) development our growth and if you really (00:17:27) look at what the DAT Edge is I yeah we (00:17:29) talk dad stuff sure but it's really (00:17:31) personal development through the lens of (00:17:33) a man a husband and a father what I'm (00:17:36) hearing is being a good dad is just an (00:17:40) extension of being a good man totally (00:17:42) and when you think about it that way you (00:17:44) know I it's inspiring for me to hear (00:17:49) that you know (00:17:51) because like you and I said it before we (00:17:55) we we hit you know record I was not (00:17:58) given the greatest blueprint you know as (00:18:00) a kid as a matter of fact I didn't I I (00:18:03) didn't have I I was given a terrible (00:18:05) terrible blueprint and any significant (00:18:08) experience with your kids is fresh and (00:18:10) new you know what I mean it's like so (00:18:13) how you deal with that is going to be (00:18:15) contingent on how you deal with your (00:18:17) life how you deal with life right and (00:18:20) like if you are (00:18:22) reactionary and you have a short fuse (00:18:26) and you project your feelings onto (00:18:28) others just cuz what you [ __ ] do your (00:18:30) kids are going to experience that period (00:18:33) so I like it's really this is this is (00:18:36) like actually really you know for me I'm (00:18:39) like wait a second it's not about being (00:18:40) a it is about being a great dad because (00:18:43) I I I aspire to be a great father every (00:18:45) single day and there's days where I fall (00:18:47) short without a doubt there are days (00:18:49) where I'm sitting at the dinner table (00:18:51) and I've made that commitment and I'm (00:18:52) just [ __ ] out to and I'm just not (00:18:54) there my kid is like Dad I want to show (00:18:56) you a magic trick and I'm like man I (00:18:58) want so badly to just be totally tuned (00:19:02) in with my 4-year-old trying to show me (00:19:04) a magic trick and I have a and it's hard (00:19:07) it's really hard and that sometimes I'll (00:19:09) walk away from that and I'll say man I (00:19:11) just am I a great dad or not and what (00:19:13) you just confirm for me is no dude the (00:19:16) pursuit is there yeah right yeah the (00:19:19) pursuit is there the pursuit is there we (00:19:21) will execute things 100% but will we do (00:19:24) it 100% of the time no uh there are (00:19:26) times where I I'll give you a great (00:19:28) example man (00:19:30) my seven-year-old had a um basketball (00:19:32) tournament and I was videoing like a lot (00:19:36) of his stuff and then in the in the um (00:19:39) in between videos and stuff like that my (00:19:40) wife and I were texting each other and I (00:19:42) got distracted and you know of course (00:19:45) like text from your wife and you're like (00:19:46) oh I'll check my email real quick I'll (00:19:48) check social media oh he's on the bench (00:19:49) right oh you just got dragged in right (00:19:51) he's he's on the bench right now he's (00:19:52) not in there so I'll just go ahead and (00:19:54) kind of catch up on a few things and he (00:19:55) gets back in there I'll get on there (00:19:56) well what do you think happened when we (00:19:57) got in the car like like Dad I saw you (00:19:59) on your phone you weren't paying (00:20:00) attention he did he did and um so he (00:20:02) didn't see me watch him when he was (00:20:05) playing because he was playing so he's (00:20:07) looking up at me while he's in the on on (00:20:09) the bench and he goes and I I literally (00:20:13) just did a podcast on this like don't be (00:20:15) on your device when your kids are are (00:20:17) playing sports right cuz they're going (00:20:18) to see so true and it was like one week (00:20:20) later like he calls me out on it and I'm (00:20:22) like oh my God and I I was like I was (00:20:24) like buddy I and here's the ego right I (00:20:26) was like buddy I was watching your game (00:20:28) he goes well when I was looking up at (00:20:30) you you were on your phone I go were you (00:20:32) looking up on me on the bench or while (00:20:34) you're playing he like on the bench I (00:20:35) was like I tried to defend it I was like (00:20:37) I was watching you while you're playing (00:20:39) but I was on my phone while you were on (00:20:40) the bench and he goes well why I was (00:20:42) like I was texting mom and I I checked (00:20:44) my email and then when you got playing (00:20:45) again and and then in my mind I'm like (00:20:47) you're so full of [ __ ] like you're (00:20:49) you're you're being a dumbass right now (00:20:51) and and I but I literally I didn't own (00:20:55) it until I put him to bed that night and (00:20:58) when I when I put him to bed that night (00:20:59) and this was literally just a handful (00:21:01) this was last weekend I go Colton I go I (00:21:04) need to thank you and I need to (00:21:05) apologize to you and he's like seven so (00:21:08) he's like why and I go because you (00:21:11) called me out and rightfully so I was on (00:21:13) my phone during your game and here's my (00:21:15) promise to you I will never be on my (00:21:17) phone during your game again I was like (00:21:20) so phone phone will stay out in the car (00:21:22) I was like you know it was a really good (00:21:24) reminder and I appreciate you reminding (00:21:25) me that I shouldn't really do that (00:21:28) whether you're on the bench or not (00:21:29) whether you're in the game or not I need (00:21:30) to be watching cuz I want to watch I (00:21:32) don't want to miss and I was like so I'm (00:21:34) sorry and that won't happen again and he (00:21:36) he was just like oh you don't need to (00:21:38) apologize it wasn't that bad I was like (00:21:40) yeah it was yeah it was I was like it (00:21:42) was that bad I was like cuz you remember (00:21:43) it and I don't want you to look back on (00:21:46) game times and your dad's in the stands (00:21:48) and that's how you remember me and I (00:21:51) don't want to miss even an opportunity (00:21:52) with your game but like so I I think are (00:21:55) we ever going to do this thing right (00:21:58) 100% the time it is absolutely (00:21:59) impossible but I think as long as we're (00:22:02) in that Pursuit right we're growing (00:22:04) we're learning you know like I did (00:22:06) martial arts for 12 years of my life you (00:22:09) know I I competed I did you know we did (00:22:10) tournaments and all kinds of and I (00:22:12) didn't win every match you know I mean I (00:22:13) wrestled in high school didn't win every (00:22:15) match but there was that Pursuit you (00:22:17) know you constantly show up to practice (00:22:19) you refine those skills you know you (00:22:20) refine the takedowns you know you do (00:22:22) different things to learn it's never (00:22:24) going to be perfect but I think there (00:22:25) can be that pursuit of try trying to (00:22:29) make make it the majority if that makes (00:22:31) sense dude I'm like I'm like you're (00:22:33) you're saying this and you know I I just (00:22:36) I just got a glimpse of my I take my (00:22:38) kids to karate every Thursday and half (00:22:41) the time man I'm I'm I'm on the I'm on (00:22:44) the phone and I'll look up and I'll see (00:22:46) Finn look at me cool name by the way (00:22:49) thanks and I'm like [ __ ] man yeah and (00:22:53) I'm just here to say that like God and (00:22:56) it brings me it it makes me emotional (00:22:58) because I just know I know that those (00:23:01) kids I've said this before in the (00:23:04) podcast but it's so true and I have to (00:23:06) remind myself because I'm not perfect (00:23:08) here I'm not even close to all those (00:23:10) kids want all those two boys want in (00:23:13) life is my attention yeah and their (00:23:15) mother's attention but that's all they (00:23:17) actually like they want their friends (00:23:19) they want their Pokemon cards they they (00:23:21) want to go to karate they want to they (00:23:22) want to ski uh on Sundays but more than (00:23:25) all that my boys want me to tell them I (00:23:28) [ __ ] love them and I know that and it (00:23:30) makes me sad to to see to think that (00:23:32) like that kid looked at me out of the (00:23:34) corner of his eye and caught me looking (00:23:35) on my goddamn phone being a dad is a (00:23:38) real privilege you know and man like (00:23:41) sharing sharing stories like that I (00:23:44) think there's somebody right now (00:23:46) listening to this on in the car on their (00:23:48) way to work or on their way home from (00:23:50) work and what we just said jabbed him (00:23:53) right in right in the heart cuz it's (00:23:55) it's just so important we don't need to (00:23:58) be distracted from our children we (00:24:00) choose to be I got to say that to myself (00:24:02) we don't need to be distracted from our (00:24:04) children we choose to be you know um (00:24:06) what are some uh man that got me good (00:24:08) dude what are some some things that we (00:24:11) can share potentially habits that we can (00:24:13) share to implement um to help us just be (00:24:17) better as husbands fathers ultimately (00:24:21) men but in the realm of this husband and (00:24:23) father thing that you've been working on (00:24:25) for the last 10 years marriage is one of (00:24:27) my most favorite things to talk about I (00:24:29) heard you talking about your wife and (00:24:31) you and I could like literally be cloned (00:24:33) how we talk about our wives um I I tell (00:24:35) my boys last night I had my arm around (00:24:38) my wife and we're putting my and my (00:24:39) oldest one was saying good night to us (00:24:41) and you know he's 17 and I go Ethan and (00:24:44) he goes I know you love (00:24:46) her CU like he knows the voice tone and (00:24:49) everything and like I'll be like Ethan (00:24:50) he'd be like I know you love Mom I (00:24:52) openly I publicly compliment my wife (00:24:55) constantly in front of the boys so let (00:24:57) me talk about Mar marriage first when it (00:24:59) comes to needs right men and women have (00:25:02) have three different needs men need to (00:25:03) be appreciated respected validated that (00:25:06) last one's hard for us to hear but at (00:25:07) the end of the day I mean it's it's (00:25:09) something that's in us you know and then (00:25:11) women need to feel seen heard and safe (00:25:15) and if you ask most men do you know your (00:25:17) three basic needs in a relationship they (00:25:19) don't know and they don't know their (00:25:21) wives and wives don't know their own and (00:25:23) they don't know their their husbands (00:25:25) either so can you just repeat them again (00:25:27) yeah so uh men need need to feel (00:25:29) respected appreciated validated uh women (00:25:32) need to feel seen they need to feel (00:25:34) heard and safe so those three things and (00:25:38) if if you are able to fulfill those (00:25:41) three needs for your wife she feels very (00:25:43) fulfilled she feels loved and and the (00:25:45) flip side if she can do that for you (00:25:47) then you feel loved uh I think (00:25:49) communication is anytime I do any type (00:25:52) of marriage coaching whatsoever I can (00:25:54) almost say things before the guys do now (00:25:57) I'm like if you can improve one thing in (00:25:58) your relationship with your wife what (00:25:59) would it be and what do you think it is (00:26:01) I know what it actually is I know the (00:26:02) best thing to do because it's strong in (00:26:04) our relationship but being there for her (00:26:07) protecting her yeah yeah I mean I I (00:26:09) think that's that's definitely one of (00:26:11) them communication is the one I hear all (00:26:12) the time Oh that's oh yeah that that's (00:26:14) the one I think is the is the number one (00:26:16) most important thing yeah isn't it it it (00:26:18) is like that's that is the problem that (00:26:21) men that I've worked with and we we were (00:26:23) we've helped over gosh 4,000 guys in the (00:26:25) past you know seven years um and we (00:26:27) actually have data on why they want to (00:26:30) come and do life with us cuz they fill (00:26:31) out an application first and you know (00:26:33) 80% of men who come and do life with (00:26:35) with with us and in that edge have (00:26:38) identified marriage as one of the (00:26:39) reasons that they're there and (00:26:41) communication is the number one most (00:26:42) ultimate important thing for them but (00:26:44) the thing is is that men and women quite (00:26:47) frankly we speak different languages we (00:26:50) just do and a lot of times what our (00:26:52) relationships feel like is she's (00:26:54) speaking French and we're speaking (00:26:55) Chinese and it's it's hard it's very (00:26:58) very hard if you could improve one thing (00:27:00) within marriage it's being able to be a (00:27:04) really damn good listener and to let her (00:27:06) know that you're listening like that's (00:27:08) where the scene and her thing comes from (00:27:10) the other thing that's interesting too (00:27:11) from a psychological standpoint if you (00:27:13) can make her feel seen make her feel (00:27:15) heard that that last one safe Falls like (00:27:17) a domino which is pretty cool so a lot (00:27:20) of men are like why I listen to her you (00:27:22) know I I talked to her I was like but (00:27:24) are you able to identify what she's (00:27:26) feeling when she's talking are you are (00:27:28) you listening for words or are you (00:27:30) looking for words and emotions and (00:27:31) they're always like well I'm listening (00:27:32) for the words I'm like well you have to (00:27:34) understand that in order for her to feel (00:27:36) seen and heard then you got to look for (00:27:38) that emotional part too because that (00:27:40) women are emotional beings and so are (00:27:42) men to some degree but more so with with (00:27:44) women one of the biggest pitfalls that I (00:27:46) ever see is when a man tries to fix a (00:27:48) woman's problems when she comes in vents (00:27:50) I learned that quick right especially (00:27:52) when she was pregnant just don't try to (00:27:54) fix it yeah don't try to fix it uh the (00:27:56) other thing too is um I think that's (00:27:59) really important that I've noticed is (00:28:02) that if you do everything right like if (00:28:06) you do everything well outside of the (00:28:08) bedroom the bedroom is a direct result (00:28:12) of everything else that's going well in (00:28:13) the relationship MH you know versus like (00:28:16) why I got to focus on intimacy before (00:28:19) all this other stuff cuz that's what I (00:28:20) want I see that one really that that one (00:28:23) Falls flat a lot especially for guys and (00:28:25) especially for women they don't like it (00:28:27) and and the guys like the results of it (00:28:29) as far as uh one more thing with (00:28:31) marriage um gosh one of the most (00:28:33) simplest things in the world to to to (00:28:35) tweak in your marriage is the is a date (00:28:37) night I know it sounds oversimplified (00:28:40) but you have to go out as a couple you (00:28:42) can't be constantly Mom and Dad 20 you (00:28:45) know 365 247 it's important you got to (00:28:48) do that right we're never off the clock (00:28:50) with that but we need you know buckets (00:28:53) of time containers of time where it's (00:28:55) just her and I you know you and your (00:28:57) wife and getting back to what it means (00:29:00) to be a couple and having deeper (00:29:02) conversations besides what are we doing (00:29:05) for dinner next week and uh what are the (00:29:07) kids schedules for sports this weekend (00:29:09) and what chores need to be done around (00:29:10) the house and like you know my wife and (00:29:12) I every time we go on a date we we (00:29:15) always have a list of like four or five (00:29:17) questions we're going to ask each other (00:29:18) and we don't know love that oh it's (00:29:20) great man like I I just asked my wife (00:29:22) you know not too terribly long ago if (00:29:24) you and I were sitting on our deck 20 (00:29:27) years from today and we were just (00:29:29) enjoying the weather and we both had a (00:29:31) glass of wine and we cheersed to an (00:29:32) amazing life in the past 20 years that (00:29:35) have been amazing what had to happen (00:29:37) what had to happen that hasn't happened (00:29:39) yet and my wife was like oh my God such (00:29:41) a good question and the cool thing about (00:29:43) that type of question is it's called the (00:29:45) generative question it's a connected (00:29:46) question it's an intimate question (00:29:48) because it generates images and visions (00:29:51) and intimacy and connection because as (00:29:52) soon as I ask that question she's (00:29:54) automatically thinking about all these (00:29:56) amazing things that we could do as a (00:29:58) couple and she's imagining them with me (00:30:01) so like being able to get really curious (00:30:03) and be and be really good at just asking (00:30:06) questions about her and about you guys (00:30:08) and and depth um I think that's what's (00:30:10) missing in a lot of marriages because we (00:30:12) talk about the high level stuff a lot I (00:30:14) I am with you 100% that a date night is (00:30:16) so important and you know my wife and I (00:30:19) will go through spurts where we're very (00:30:20) very good about it and then we'll fall (00:30:22) off and you know we'll have to remind (00:30:24) her you know the last quarter of 2023 (00:30:27) terrible date night terrible terrible (00:30:29) commit commitment to date night and so I (00:30:31) said to her whether she likes it or not (00:30:34) two date nights a month and because I (00:30:36) know if I say four I'm not I'm not going (00:30:38) to be able to make it and and I want to (00:30:39) be a man of my word so two that nights a (00:30:41) month but one other thing that I would (00:30:43) add to that you know I you you've been (00:30:46) with your wife 18 plus years years now (00:30:48) 20 years yeah Don and I are celebrating (00:30:51) in April will'll have celebrated 19 (00:30:55) years together and it's awesome yeah (00:30:57) yeah so we're on the same trajectory (00:30:59) you've got you've got more kids than I (00:31:01) and you started younger um but I have to (00:31:04) say that the absolute number one like (00:31:10) unequivocal sauce Secret Sauce to our (00:31:12) relationship is communication no matter (00:31:15) what just iny face like Fearless (00:31:18) communication and I know that that is (00:31:21) hard predominantly for most men to just (00:31:25) have an emotion get in touch with it get (00:31:28) in tune with it and have the balls to (00:31:30) tell your wife how you're feeling in a (00:31:33) vulnerable place you're like it's in (00:31:35) your mind for whatever reason men are (00:31:37) wired to just think it's going to like (00:31:39) [ __ ] disappear and I know that that (00:31:41) does not happen it just simply does not (00:31:43) happen so if you're a dude and you're (00:31:44) listening to this and you get you have a (00:31:46) feeling about something that you want to (00:31:48) talk to your wife about but you think (00:31:49) that you know it's miraculously just (00:31:51) going to [ __ ] disappear if you just (00:31:53) sweep it under the rug you're wrong it's (00:31:55) not going to disappear as a matter of (00:31:56) fact it's going to grow it's going to (00:31:58) grow like a like a weed and so so that (00:32:01) piece the communication I literally call (00:32:04) I call it upfront in-your-face (00:32:06) communication so it's just like no (00:32:08) matter what you're feeling something you (00:32:10) know it's going to suck to say it you (00:32:11) know it's going to potentially you know (00:32:13) turn into an argument or even a fight um (00:32:16) but in my opinion if you don't say it it (00:32:19) will own you and the relationship if if (00:32:22) you won I got a story that might really (00:32:23) hit that home this one's another (00:32:25) vulnerable story uh one I'm not proud of (00:32:27) but it is what it is but it's the same (00:32:30) thing I mean a lot of men feeling any (00:32:32) type of emotion right sometimes what we (00:32:35) the thing that halts us from sharing it (00:32:37) is like well I don't know how she's (00:32:38) going to take it or I need to protect (00:32:40) her from this or I don't want to be (00:32:42) rejected or or some way somehow they (00:32:44) just have this perception of like she's (00:32:46) going to see me like this 2017 is really (00:32:50) tough story it was it was a very tough (00:32:51) season so I was training for an ultra (00:32:55) event I don't know if you know who Mark (00:32:56) dine is uh founder of SEAL Fit but he he (00:32:59) he's former Navy SEAL um he runs a (00:33:02) program out in California for citizens (00:33:03) who want to try out the Navy SEAL hell (00:33:05) week he calls it kakuro so it's 50 hours (00:33:08) and I got to be really close with Mark (00:33:11) and and so I I was like I'm I'm going to (00:33:13) do this and I trained for like a year (00:33:15) for it 50 hours it's like no joke so I (00:33:18) got really dumb with my workouts and I'm (00:33:20) talking like I was training like three (00:33:22) and a half four or five hours a day just (00:33:24) completely frying myself and it was the (00:33:27) beginning of February in (00:33:29) 2017 I went for a crazy workout and just (00:33:32) literally decimated like my body and (00:33:35) that night I couldn't sleep and I didn't (00:33:36) know it at the time but I just (00:33:37) completely fried my adrenal system out (00:33:40) well the next night I couldn't sleep and (00:33:41) then the next night and over a 33-day (00:33:44) period I was sleeping on average 1 hour (00:33:48) to if I got lucky it was 3 hours but I (00:33:52) was sleeping an hour to 3 hours per (00:33:54) night for 33 straight days went to my (00:33:56) doctor and ended up in the emergency (00:33:58) room a couple times I lost 30 lbs like (00:34:00) it was awful rabdo what's rabo so oh (00:34:04) rabdo is like when your body just kind (00:34:05) of shuts down from exertion oh yeah it (00:34:07) was it was it was just done like it was (00:34:09) fried and it was it was almost like it (00:34:11) was over stimulated and and it was this (00:34:14) vicious cycle of I couldn't sleep and (00:34:16) because of that I couldn't sleep it was (00:34:18) just really weird so docs had tried (00:34:21) everything on me they tried Ambien and (00:34:23) Lunesta and trazodone nothing would work (00:34:26) and what really sucked was is after like (00:34:28) 33 days of that like I ended up in the (00:34:30) hospital it was horrible and then (00:34:32) finally after that I started to get my (00:34:35) sleep back to normal but every night I (00:34:37) had like this horrible anxiety that it (00:34:39) was all going to start all over again CU (00:34:41) there there's a lot of scary [ __ ] out (00:34:42) there but but staring at the wall for 6 (00:34:44) hours a night with nothing but your (00:34:46) thoughts when it's quiet that will (00:34:47) freaking drive you crazy and I went to a (00:34:50) counselor cuz I felt like I couldn't get (00:34:51) my head right after it and then he (00:34:53) diagnosed me with PTSD I was like PTSD I (00:34:55) was like I didn't I'm not I haven't been (00:34:57) to war or anything like that he's like (00:34:59) yeah but that's a serious traumatic (00:35:00) event man like that's a long time to go (00:35:02) through that so I went to counseling for (00:35:05) eight months for PTSD and every night I (00:35:08) just had like this and even during the (00:35:10) day like I just had like this anxiety (00:35:12) that it was all going to start all over (00:35:14) again and I never communicated that with (00:35:16) Jessica I was kind of I wouldn't say I (00:35:18) was cold but I was distant I didn't want (00:35:20) to worry her like I wanted to protect (00:35:22) her I was like I don't want her to to (00:35:24) know like I'm freaking out over this I (00:35:26) don't want her to know how stressed out (00:35:27) am over this but what I didn't realize (00:35:29) was is all my actions were stating that (00:35:31) and I'll never forget this man I've (00:35:33) known Jess for 27 years been married for (00:35:36) for 20 she sat me down one day we've got (00:35:38) a great relationship and she never told (00:35:40) me before or since what she told me one (00:35:43) day she sat me down she held my hand (00:35:45) she's like I need to tell you something (00:35:46) and I'm like okay she goes it's really (00:35:49) hard for me to say and I never thought I (00:35:51) would say this out loud and I've been (00:35:52) thinking about it for a really long time (00:35:55) so I know it's true she's like but (00:35:57) you're losing me and I'm like what and (00:35:59) she's and and that's not like us I was (00:36:01) like what do you mean I'm losing you she (00:36:03) goes you're different you're not the guy (00:36:05) I married like you're cold you're (00:36:07) distant you're not letting me in like I (00:36:08) know something's going on with you and (00:36:10) every time I ask you about everything (00:36:12) you're fine you're fine or you you got (00:36:14) this going on that what is going on like (00:36:17) you're not talking to me talk to me and (00:36:19) I'm like I don't like what what are you (00:36:21) talking about like I'm losing you though (00:36:22) and she's like I'm not like packing my (00:36:24) bags yet or anything like that she goes (00:36:26) but I'm starting to think about life (00:36:27) without you and I was like holy [ __ ] and (00:36:30) I was like all right well if you want to (00:36:31) know what's going on here here it is and (00:36:33) I told her like everything like all my (00:36:35) stress about it my anxiety about it you (00:36:37) know sleeping again and like was this (00:36:39) going to start all over again getting (00:36:40) through PTSD she knew about that but she (00:36:42) didn't know the depths of it and I'll (00:36:43) never forget this man she held my hand (00:36:45) she's like you should have told me this (00:36:46) a long time ago like it's okay it's (00:36:49) really okay she's like do you understand (00:36:51) our relationship at all and I'm like (00:36:53) what do you mean she goes she goes Larry (00:36:55) like I'm your wife but I'm also your (00:36:56) teammate like like you're my king I'm (00:36:58) your queen and there are times in life (00:37:00) that we have to go to battle together (00:37:02) and unless you let me in on the battle (00:37:04) plan and what we're facing I can't help (00:37:06) so there are times where I'm going to (00:37:08) have to shoulder some of like our load (00:37:11) sometimes emotional physical or whatever (00:37:14) and guess what there's going to be times (00:37:15) that you're going to have to shoulder it (00:37:16) but we got to be willing to talk about (00:37:19) it and if you're just going to shut me (00:37:20) out because you want to protect me (00:37:22) that's not going to work and dude that (00:37:24) was like the biggest wakeup call of like (00:37:27) telling myself I shouldn't tell my wife (00:37:29) this because of this I shouldn't share (00:37:30) this because of that I share everything (00:37:33) with her now and here's the funny thing (00:37:35) it's actually made us closer and it's (00:37:37) connected us more we actually have more (00:37:40) intimacy we actually have more sex like (00:37:42) and I would have thought it would have (00:37:43) gone the other direction but it hasn't (00:37:45) 2017 I had the exact same situation are (00:37:48) you serious in 2017 I started getting (00:37:52) just the most abnormal symptom of (00:37:55) something and I didn't tell anybody body (00:37:57) about it cuz I was like okay I'm just (00:37:58) you know I'm just feeling these things (00:38:00) who knows what it is but I started to (00:38:02) really internalize it I was extremely (00:38:04) tired and my hands were swelling up and (00:38:06) my feet were swelling up my joints were (00:38:08) getting swollen at times and you know (00:38:10) I'd feel my gut was going and you know (00:38:13) I'd kind of get like weird dry eyes and (00:38:15) this weird film on my teeth and I just (00:38:17) like couldn't figure it out and I was (00:38:19) really trying to just like I don't want (00:38:20) to bug anybody out and but at a certain (00:38:23) point it started to get really bad and (00:38:26) uh so I I told my wife I said hey know I (00:38:28) don't know what's going on but (00:38:29) something's really bad like I I think I (00:38:31) might have cancer or something you know (00:38:32) like and she's like what and I was like (00:38:34) I just don't know you know I don't know (00:38:35) what it is and and I didn't like get the (00:38:38) immediate response that I was like (00:38:39) hoping to get from her so I kind of (00:38:41) internalized internalized it again and I (00:38:43) went a year thinking I was dying and not (00:38:46) telling not talking enough because I (00:38:48) thought I was going to be bothering her (00:38:49) or and then uh ultimately I I I (00:38:53) mentioned it to her and she was like you (00:38:55) know she she knew that I gone to the (00:38:57) doctor a few times and all my blood work (00:38:59) came back fine everything was normal you (00:39:01) know and she's like she's like babe like (00:39:03) you're this is you (00:39:07) know anyway I found out I ultimately I (00:39:10) had chronic lyme disease which like (00:39:13) thank God I I got diagnosed with that (00:39:15) because my wife my mother like all the (00:39:18) people in my life that I actually sh (00:39:20) ended up sharing it too and and had a (00:39:22) similar experience with you or like I (00:39:23) finally like shared it they thought I (00:39:26) was was losing my mind because of all (00:39:29) the results that had come back and then (00:39:31) finally I met a doctor but it's so weird (00:39:33) that you had that experience in 2017 (00:39:35) brought my wife and I definitely closer (00:39:37) because I was I I was honest with her I (00:39:39) was like hey you know like I am I was (00:39:42) nervous to share this with you (00:39:44) because I don't want to be the guy (00:39:46) that's complaining about my you know (00:39:48) what I mean like I'm I'm your I'm your (00:39:50) husband right you know I'm I'm I'm your (00:39:52) husband you know and um so I mean that's (00:39:56) such a great lesson for anybody (00:39:57) listening to you know like you're in a (00:39:59) you're in a partnership man you know (00:40:01) like there are some people that don't (00:40:02) even say wife or husband they just say (00:40:03) partner you know I don't understand what (00:40:05) I don't I don't I don't really get that (00:40:07) like the partner thing but I get that (00:40:10) you know like I would never call my wife (00:40:12) my partner she's my wife but I (00:40:15) understand the partner component of it (00:40:17) you know when when your wife said you (00:40:18) know we're we're we're we're Team you (00:40:21) know like I would rather be on no one (00:40:23) else's team you know yeah um same why (00:40:27) don't we just talk about fatherhood (00:40:28) before we wrap this thing up so uh just (00:40:31) so just the importance of what to do (00:40:33) with fatherhood and yeah just you know (00:40:35) like if there's if there's a couple of (00:40:37) of of gems that you can drop for for us (00:40:40) um in in in your experience of this like (00:40:44) idea for pursuit of of great fatherhood (00:40:47) so I think so like I said I have four (00:40:49) boys you know 17 16 10 and (00:40:53) seven I think I'm one of those people (00:40:55) that I can tell you if something has (00:40:58) worked if I can look hindsight you know (00:41:00) because I've I've learned a lot of (00:41:02) different things as far as communication (00:41:04) connection as a dad and implemented them (00:41:06) and I can look back and see the the (00:41:09) breadcrumbs and and know I think at this (00:41:11) point what has worked really really (00:41:13) really really well and the things that (00:41:14) haven't and I will tell you that you (00:41:17) know if anybody ever you have one son (00:41:19) that's six right and how old's the other (00:41:21) one eight so funny that's same spread as (00:41:24) my two older ones um (00:41:27) but if anyone ever tells you oh just (00:41:29) wait till they're teenagers they won't (00:41:31) want anything to do with you you know (00:41:32) they're going to be this they're going (00:41:33) to be that I always tell people now I'm (00:41:34) like just run the other direction (00:41:36) because if you're if you can do things (00:41:38) right at six and eight you're going to (00:41:41) have a much better chance I I in my (00:41:43) personal opinion of a great relationship (00:41:45) with them when they're teenagers uh I (00:41:47) mean even now like I what does that mean (00:41:49) do things right so like for instance um (00:41:52) kids spell l o v e t i m right so (00:41:56) spending (00:41:57) uh I'm I'm a big fan of oneon-one time (00:41:59) you know whether it's your you know I I (00:42:01) take my I just took myself have you (00:42:03) always done that yeah since they were (00:42:05) since they were little yeah big 10one (00:42:08) dates um with with my kids are are a (00:42:10) very big deal and then once a year I (00:42:13) take each one of them on a trip actually (00:42:15) just a few months ago me and my oldest (00:42:16) were here uh we were doing some media (00:42:19) and uh and then we spent three days here (00:42:20) in New York sightseeing but um I like to (00:42:23) do one big getaway with them you know (00:42:25) just oneon-one every year (00:42:27) and then just for a couple days when did (00:42:29) that start how old were they yeah so my (00:42:30) oldest was six first thing we did was go (00:42:33) to Chicago you know then we did uh (00:42:36) Colorado and we've done New York now and (00:42:39) um my uh my my 16-year-old's going to LA (00:42:43) with me uh on Monday to be on uh squint (00:42:47) um podcast from the sand lot so I'm like (00:42:50) hey man you want to go meet squint and (00:42:51) we'll go hang out in La for a day or two (00:42:53) so things like that I think when you (00:42:57) when you do a oneone even if it's just (00:42:59) like a getaway like a small getaway like (00:43:01) I'm talking like camping like it doesn't (00:43:03) have to be (00:43:04) extravagant but I firmly believe that (00:43:07) you're making a deposit into a core (00:43:09) memory they're never going to forget (00:43:11) that and neither are you right we might (00:43:12) forget about the other things here and (00:43:14) there but that I think is super (00:43:16) important is a one-on-one small trip (00:43:19) getaway every year with with your kid (00:43:21) you know and then I I I also think the (00:43:24) micro small 101 you know time with your (00:43:27) kid and day trip or even just like (00:43:30) breakfast like I I'll take my I took my (00:43:32) 10-year-old out to breakfast you know (00:43:34) before school and we played Uno and we (00:43:36) talked and we had some of the best (00:43:38) conversation just playing at Uno and (00:43:39) talking over breakfast and we weren't at (00:43:41) home like so things like that I mean my (00:43:43) oldest had a wrestling meet uh over the (00:43:46) weekend it was just me and him and I was (00:43:48) like hey you want to go out to dinner (00:43:49) and that's also my way of like I really (00:43:51) want to talk and catch up you know and (00:43:53) and just get really into your life and (00:43:56) and (00:43:57) I honestly think if you can spend time (00:44:00) but not just time but connected time get (00:44:03) like super curious just about their (00:44:05) lives I mean Google's great you can like (00:44:07) whatever kids whatever age your kid is (00:44:09) we actually just created a a PDF for (00:44:12) guys who have kids between the ages of (00:44:14) six and 10 and and the top 25 questions (00:44:17) you can ask them and they're freaking (00:44:19) fun man they're got to send me that I (00:44:20) will there's so much fun but it's just (00:44:23) it's you know these questions much like (00:44:25) my wife and I use there springboards (00:44:27) into conversations you know into into (00:44:30) depth and into connection and if you can (00:44:33) be genuinely interested in their life (00:44:37) ask them really fun curious questions (00:44:39) about them reflect back spend time the (00:44:42) way they want to spend time like I think (00:44:44) a lot of dads they want to bring kids (00:44:45) into their Hobbies which I think is okay (00:44:47) but I also think what's really cool is (00:44:48) like bring me into yours you teach me (00:44:51) something you know my my seven-year-old (00:44:52) is playing basketball right now I never (00:44:54) played basketball I'm like teach me what (00:44:56) teach me some teach me how to dribble (00:44:58) teach me how to shoot you know things (00:45:00) like that I think are really really (00:45:02) important um but connection one other (00:45:06) thing too that I think is (00:45:09) is I don't think it's I think it's on (00:45:11) people's (00:45:12) radar but I think you can really really (00:45:16) make Hefty deposits every night before (00:45:19) bed I spend about 15 10 to 15 minutes (00:45:22) with each kid which which means my (00:45:24) bedtime routine is about an hour but we (00:45:26) always I always ask you know tell me (00:45:28) about the best part of your day you know (00:45:30) or tell me something that made you laugh (00:45:32) today tell me how you were kind to (00:45:33) somebody today and really what I'm (00:45:35) wanting to reflect I want them to to (00:45:36) tell me something that they're proud of (00:45:38) something that was a high point for them (00:45:40) what I'm also doing in that moment is (00:45:41) I'm training my kid how to mentally get (00:45:43) into gratitude despite their day they (00:45:46) might they'll probably find one or two (00:45:47) gems in there I also like to ask a (00:45:50) question of what challenged you most (00:45:51) today what' you fail at today I want to (00:45:53) get them really used to being okay okay (00:45:56) with failure as long as they're learning (00:45:58) you know so like well tell me what you (00:45:59) learn from that and then I'll ask them a (00:46:01) question of what are you most excited (00:46:03) about tomorrow or so tell me something (00:46:04) that's On Your Horizon that you're super (00:46:06) stoked about because when I see when (00:46:09) they tell me like oh well tomorrow I've (00:46:10) got this and that going on I mean that's (00:46:11) going to be the first thing I ask them (00:46:12) when when they walk on the door so (00:46:14) interested dads are (00:46:17) interesting I think we do at the dinner (00:46:22) table and the boys have been kind of (00:46:24) like hit or miss with it over the last (00:46:26) few months unfortunately but I we gun (00:46:28) for it every night we do rose bud Thor (00:46:31) and seed and you know Rose the last one (00:46:34) was what seed seed what's you how you're (00:46:36) helping someone okay yeah seed how how (00:46:38) you know I I kind of made that one up (00:46:41) that's good yeah um but that's you know (00:46:44) I love I love you know you know the rose (00:46:47) bud thoron and Seed it's so interesting (00:46:50) to watch a little (00:46:52) child like try to think about something (00:46:55) to say and it's it and it's you know (00:46:57) it's obviously fun for me and my wife to (00:46:59) like see this like six-year-old five (00:47:01) sixy old kid sort of being like how did (00:47:04) I help someone today because that's the (00:47:06) one that they're always like stuck on (00:47:07) like how did I help someone today I I (00:47:10) always have a a a physical a mental a (00:47:14) family and I try to do a financial goal (00:47:17) every year and I'm not a New Year's (00:47:19) resolution guy I'm not like I'm never (00:47:21) going to do this again but I do like to (00:47:23) have my my my sight set on a certain (00:47:26) Target in the pillars of my life that I (00:47:29) uh think are important and this year for (00:47:33) family (00:47:35) um was committing to one-on-one time (00:47:38) with my kids there you go and (00:47:42) um you (00:47:44) know it's so interesting that we've (00:47:46) always been a unit you know like it's my (00:47:49) like my wife worked her ass off before (00:47:53) we had kids and then once once she got (00:47:55) pregnant we just decided that for her (00:47:57) career she was going to stop working and (00:48:01) um and and and be a mom mom hardcore and (00:48:04) she's the best mother to ever I mean I'm (00:48:06) sure your wife is a is is a is a close (00:48:08) second (00:48:09) but but my wife is a damn like she is (00:48:13) just a thoroughbred mom you know and uh (00:48:16) and now she's she's actually getting (00:48:18) back to work I'm really proud of her (00:48:19) she's she's getting a real estate (00:48:21) license she got a real estate license (00:48:22) she's she's going after it but there's (00:48:25) just so many things that said that I (00:48:26) think are (00:48:28) are I know for sure anytime I hear (00:48:34) um family I don't question I know it's (00:48:38) it's happiness for me yeah it's (00:48:41) just it's just happiness (00:48:44) and it might not be for you listening (00:48:47) right now but it can be you know and I (00:48:51) love and I'm so grateful that you're out (00:48:53) there sharing this this information (00:48:56) after you did something that would (00:48:58) potentially really rub people the wrong (00:48:59) way sure you know um and you're out (00:49:02) there and you're and you're helping (00:49:04) people be better humans specifically (00:49:07) dudes you know in the dad and the (00:49:09) husband Arena which I think which I have (00:49:13) found to be the happiest place for me to (00:49:17) live you know I agree like I just really (00:49:19) do love being like if there's anything (00:49:23) any if you know you could take away (00:49:25) pretty much anything thing for me but if (00:49:27) you threatened to take away my (00:49:30) connection to my wife and children I (00:49:32) will kill you yeah that would be the (00:49:34) only one that would be the only thing (00:49:35) that that would that would take me to a (00:49:37) point (00:49:38) where that's that's the one thing you (00:49:40) can't take away and and I and I'm so I'm (00:49:42) so lucky I feel to have that that that (00:49:45) piece of my life and be very clear about (00:49:48) it yeah super clear right cuz like (00:49:50) ultimately are we working to live or we (00:49:52) living to work yeah you know like what (00:49:55) is it um dude I can't thank you enough (00:49:57) for being on the show I really thanks (00:49:58) for having me G have you on mine too so (00:50:01) I'd love that yeah um where can we find (00:50:03) you all you have to do is Google the DAT (00:50:05) Edge everything will come up you can go (00:50:07) to the DAT edge.com I have all my (00:50:08) podcasts there way to connect as well uh (00:50:11) a couple free trainings in there too so (00:50:13) like some of the things I talked about (00:50:15) like good questions ask your kids good (00:50:17) questions ask your wife I've got PDFs on (00:50:18) all that good stuff Instagram is the D (00:50:21) Edge um pretty much anywhere is the D (00:50:23) Edge so awesome yeah Larry (00:50:26) really really great way to kick off the (00:50:28) year man you know I think uh serious (00:50:31) value today thank you thank you thank (00:50:32) you appreciate you man appreciate you (00:50:35) and there you have it guys um I am going (00:50:38) to literally Implement half the things (00:50:41) that we talked about here and you know (00:50:43) it's so it's it's it's it's really um (00:50:47) gratifying for (00:50:49) me to hear Larry talk about some of (00:50:52) these attributes or some of these (00:50:54) characteristics of what it means to be a (00:50:57) great man husband father um that I'm (00:51:00) either doing them or working on doing (00:51:03) them and I'm just here to say that if (00:51:05) you are in any way shape or form (00:51:09) questioning um your ability to be a (00:51:12) great father great man great husband (00:51:14) just know that every single day you get (00:51:16) an opportunity every single day you get (00:51:18) an opportunity to do or not and uh I (00:51:23) think this podcast is giving us a a a (00:51:25) grip of things to do um in pursuit to be (00:51:30) a great human being that (00:51:34) ultimately projects into your (00:51:36) relationships with your family so I am (00:51:39) just like filled with gratitude if I you (00:51:42) know I could I could just call it a day (00:51:44) and go to sleep uh right now if you (00:51:46) enjoyed this podcast it would mean the (00:51:48) world to me if you shared it with uh (00:51:49) with your friends and family it really (00:51:51) would it would mean the world to me and (00:51:52) you know I say it after every single (00:51:53) episode but that's just the truth right (00:51:55) like we don't do advertising on this (00:51:57) podcast I am uh paying for this podcast (00:52:00) myself because I uh really all I care (00:52:04) about is for you guys to share the (00:52:06) podcast um and if you're feeling up for (00:52:09) it give us a festar rating and review (00:52:10) that would be super nice cherry on top (00:52:12) would love that um but if not all good (00:52:15) just hit share um in in in when we post (00:52:19) this on social media share it with your (00:52:20) community and and uh because I just know (00:52:22) the value is just is just you know it's (00:52:25) it's it's it's awesome um and uh Larry I (00:52:30) can't thank you enough for being on (00:52:31) again brother really thank you so so (00:52:32) much check out Larry H and his podcast (00:52:35) um and just go to the dad dad Edge uh (00:52:38) and and and pick up some of the stuff (00:52:40) that that we shared I'm sure there's a (00:52:41) ton more that we didn't go over but uh (00:52:44) until the next one y'all I appreciate (00:52:45) y'all I love you peace