What Every Son Needs To Hear From His Father (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) so not long ago I did a video on what (00:00:03) every daughter needs to hear from their (00:00:06) father I thought it would be good to do (00:00:07) a follow-up one here for the boys (00:00:09) although to be honest this one's (00:00:10) probably going to be a little bit more (00:00:11) flippant and a little bit more funnier (00:00:13) because you know it's it's boys and if (00:00:15) they don't like it they should just deal (00:00:16) with it I also had a woman asked me why (00:00:17) I couldn't have done just uh one on what (00:00:19) every child needs to hear why did I (00:00:22) separate it into daughters and sons and (00:00:25) the answer is um because they're (00:00:28) different of course there are some (00:00:29) things that all children need to hear (00:00:31) and if you would like to do that video (00:00:33) by all means be my guest maybe I'll even (00:00:35) watch it probably not from her but I (00:00:38) might watch one like that but I happen (00:00:39) to believe that Sons and Daughters (00:00:41) actually need different things at (00:00:43) various points in their life these are (00:00:45) things that every son needs to hear (00:00:47) first thing don't be a wuss look Facts (00:00:51) of Life are this the world Demands a lot (00:00:53) from men and raising a wuss is not going (00:00:55) to prepare them for it it doesn't do (00:00:57) much good for the world either I mean (00:00:58) let's be honest guys what do you think (00:01:00) of weak eff feminite men who can't do (00:01:03) anything do you want your son to turn (00:01:05) out that way okay the next time he hurts (00:01:08) himself or complains that something is (00:01:10) too hard just remind him that nobody (00:01:12) cares and to get up and get the job done (00:01:14) all right so that's number (00:01:16) one what's number two uh number two is (00:01:20) seriously don't be a wuss now why twice (00:01:23) and even back to back because it's that (00:01:25) important that's why men have to do (00:01:28) difficult things like build buildings (00:01:30) roads put out fires fight Wars fly Jets (00:01:33) Etc and those things are not typically (00:01:35) accomplished by guys who stop working (00:01:37) fighting or striving the moment it gets (00:01:39) difficult so when I say things like (00:01:42) don't be a wuss to my son it's not (00:01:44) because I'm being a jerk it's because (00:01:46) I'm trying to prepare him for something (00:01:48) because regardless of whether you think (00:01:49) it's right or just or whatever else (00:01:52) facts are facts and while yeah there's a (00:01:55) lot of things that women might be able (00:01:57) to get away with men can't you don't get (00:01:59) to cry in order to stop you don't get to (00:02:01) call timeout you've got to get up there (00:02:03) and you've got to get the job done no (00:02:04) matter what and I want my son to be (00:02:06) prepared for that I want him to be proud (00:02:08) of his ability to be prepared for that (00:02:11) and so yeah am I difficult on my son and (00:02:14) have I been difficult on my son for (00:02:15) quite some times when it comes to (00:02:17) sucking it up and carrying it on yeah I (00:02:20) have been and I don't apologize for it (00:02:23) and I think if you actually saw my son (00:02:24) and I interact you would realize that (00:02:27) he's appreciated it as well so that's (00:02:30) the first two things amazingly similar (00:02:32) but equally important all right so (00:02:34) what's the third thing that your son (00:02:36) needs to hear from his father Well when (00:02:38) things start to get difficult or when (00:02:41) he's trying to fight through something (00:02:43) and he starts to talk about something (00:02:46) being sore or heavy I like to look at (00:02:49) him and say have you tried putting a (00:02:51) little Manan on it yeah that's right be (00:02:53) a man right this is for when your son is (00:02:56) considering being a little wuss but (00:02:58) hasn't committed yet right again usually (00:03:00) happens when he's complaining about (00:03:01) something being heavy or sore or I don't (00:03:04) know that hurt so that's the part where (00:03:07) you subtly remind your child that well (00:03:09) Johnny crack corn and guess what I don't (00:03:12) care it's an important way to let your (00:03:14) son know that he is welcome to complain (00:03:16) about it after the job is done and (00:03:18) everyone is out of earshot but until (00:03:20) then get back to work all right so (00:03:23) what's the fourth thing that uh Sons (00:03:25) need to hear from their fathers well (00:03:27) this next one is would you like to come (00:03:29) along see boys need time with their (00:03:32) father dedicated time away from their (00:03:34) mother and their sisters it doesn't have (00:03:36) to be much but they need to know that (00:03:38) they are welcome to come along to things (00:03:40) oftentimes to things that you might not (00:03:42) imagine they're even interested in what (00:03:44) might seem to you like a job or errand (00:03:48) might just make their whole day because (00:03:49) they got to help Dad with the big boy (00:03:51) stuff now obviously everything I've (00:03:53) talked about so far is uh age (00:03:55) appropriate on some level but uh try it (00:03:57) out sometimes um no matter what age (00:03:59) you're son is if he's little if he's (00:04:02) teenagers whatever it is when you're (00:04:04) going to Lowe's or when you're going to (00:04:05) work on something or pick something up (00:04:07) let him know and say hey you want to (00:04:09) come along now I'm going to be honest (00:04:12) with you it helps if you start doing (00:04:13) this when they're little because the (00:04:15) same is true of daughters as it is of (00:04:17) sons if um when they were little you (00:04:20) didn't take much of an interest in what (00:04:21) they were interested in and you didn't (00:04:23) include them in much well then when they (00:04:25) get older they're not going to include (00:04:27) you in much but if you start off when (00:04:31) they're (00:04:32) young devoting that time and uh (00:04:35) including them on things again things (00:04:37) that you might not even think that they (00:04:39) would be interested in you will be (00:04:41) absolutely shocked in how it makes their (00:04:42) whole day next thing you might consider (00:04:44) is uh telling your son can you help me (00:04:46) with this asking your son to help you is (00:04:49) not only time you get to spend together (00:04:52) or education that is taking place but (00:04:54) again it's letting him know that you (00:04:56) trust his strength competency and (00:04:58) responsibility one of the things that (00:05:01) young men need is challenges and one of (00:05:05) the ways that you prepare them for those (00:05:06) challenges when they're little you let (00:05:08) them work with you and yeah don't get me (00:05:11) wrong if you're working on something (00:05:12) really important give them something (00:05:14) else to work on that they think is a (00:05:16) part of the project but is not going to (00:05:18) cause any excess damage or require three (00:05:20) more Lowe's trips than you already have (00:05:22) put in the project but make sure that (00:05:25) they get to swing a hammer make sure (00:05:27) that they get to mow Lawns and do other (00:05:29) things that (00:05:30) will give them a sense of responsibility (00:05:32) but also accomplishment and (00:05:35) then don't spare them criticism when (00:05:38) they need to do it right but when they (00:05:39) do do it right when they get it (00:05:42) right that's when you look at them and (00:05:44) you let them know that you're proud of (00:05:45) them it's important for boys to have (00:05:47) those challenges and to overcome those (00:05:50) challenges and to know that their (00:05:51) father's proud of them when they do (00:05:53) because like with anything else in life (00:05:55) you get more of what you reward and less (00:05:56) of what you punish they don't punish (00:05:59) your kid for wanting to get in there and (00:06:00) do things and reward them when they do (00:06:03) it right all right so what's another (00:06:04) thing that your son needs to hear from (00:06:05) you I used to like to tell my son even (00:06:07) when he was a little bit smaller uh take (00:06:10) care of your mother and sisters while (00:06:11) I'm gone now interestingly enough some (00:06:14) people in Hollywood in pop culture don't (00:06:17) think this is appropriate I think it was (00:06:18) Alyssa matat that got really bit out of (00:06:20) shape and said we need to stop telling (00:06:22) boys to take care of their mom when (00:06:24) Dad's away as if she can't take care of (00:06:26) herself yeah don't listen to her she's a (00:06:28) because men protect protect at (00:06:30) least the good ones do and while it is (00:06:32) your job to teach your son how to (00:06:34) protect the first people he will (00:06:36) practice on are his mother and sisters (00:06:39) and when you tell your son to protect (00:06:40) his mother and sisters you are calling (00:06:42) out the protector in him and you're (00:06:44) adding responsibility to it you're (00:06:46) creating in him the expectation that (00:06:49) this is the role a man plays and he (00:06:51) needs to start accepting it as such and (00:06:53) you'll be surprised at how much they (00:06:54) embrace it this is also something that (00:06:56) your wife can do that his mother can do (00:06:58) in order to help it as well (00:07:00) once a boy starts to reach to a certain (00:07:02) age where he can understand this concept (00:07:04) you start to give him more tasks it can (00:07:06) be everything from lifting something (00:07:07) heavy to helping Mom open a jar to where (00:07:10) when you're not home him being the one (00:07:12) that looks outside the window when (00:07:14) something goes bump in the night but (00:07:16) whatever it is call out the protector (00:07:19) and your son again you'll be surprised (00:07:22) at how eagerly he Embraces it so another (00:07:24) thing you need to tell your boy is I'm (00:07:26) proud of you I remember when my son was (00:07:28) pretty young there was an incident (00:07:30) at a sleepover where some kids killed an (00:07:32) animal for no reason other than to kill (00:07:34) it and he didn't approve and he refused (00:07:36) to join in and he was made fun of it (00:07:38) pretty bad for it but he stood his (00:07:40) ground and told him that they shouldn't (00:07:42) be doing what they were doing and it (00:07:43) really bothered him not just for what (00:07:44) happened because at that point he was (00:07:46) the smallest in his friend group and (00:07:47) didn't have the ability to force them to (00:07:49) do anything but nevertheless he refused (00:07:51) to be intimidated into joining in but (00:07:53) because of what happened and his (00:07:55) inability to do anything about it I (00:07:59) think he was a little bit ashamed and I (00:08:01) remember speaking to him the next day (00:08:02) and telling him that I was very proud of (00:08:04) him for standing up in a situation where (00:08:06) it would have been very easy to turn a (00:08:07) blind eye or to give in the toughest (00:08:09) time to stand strong is when you're (00:08:11) outnumbered or when you can't do much (00:08:13) about it but you do it anyway that's (00:08:17) honorable and a man should be (00:08:20) honorable and I remember telling him (00:08:22) that in that moment at a very young (00:08:25) moment in his life where anybody else (00:08:28) would have excused for not doing the (00:08:31) right thing he stood (00:08:33) up it's a good habit to (00:08:36) set because inevitably as a man there's (00:08:39) going to be times where you have to be (00:08:40) honorable and you have to be brave in (00:08:42) situations where it could go very badly (00:08:44) for (00:08:45) you and you set the patterns for how (00:08:48) someone will behave in that situation (00:08:50) when they're young and demonstrating (00:08:52) strong character at that formative point (00:08:54) in his life was something that I wanted (00:08:57) to earmark by making sure that I had his (00:08:59) attention (00:09:00) looking him in the eye and telling him (00:09:03) I'm proud of you I'm proud of you for (00:09:05) doing the right thing make sure you do (00:09:07) that only do it when it's warranted (00:09:11) otherwise you cheapen (00:09:12) it but there'll be times and when it (00:09:16) happens make sure he (00:09:17) knows is believe me he'll remember it (00:09:20) all right so what is the last thing I (00:09:22) have for you today on uh stuff that (00:09:24) every son should hear well the last one (00:09:27) is I love you I know gay right I'm just (00:09:31) kidding no maybe a little I make sure (00:09:33) that I tell my son I love him um because (00:09:36) it's the truth and he deserves to hear (00:09:39) it every bit as much as his sisters do (00:09:42) but one of the ways that you're going to (00:09:43) show love to your son is by also giving (00:09:45) him (00:09:46) respect men and women both want love and (00:09:49) they both want respect but I stand by (00:09:51) the fact that I believe they interpret (00:09:53) it and put different value on it men (00:09:56) have a very hard time feeling love if it (00:09:58) isn't accompanied by respect (00:10:00) love without respect feels a lot like (00:10:02) pity to a man love can be freely given (00:10:06) but respect has to be earned and that is (00:10:09) one of the reasons men desire it so (00:10:10) badly also respect helps a man find his (00:10:13) place in a group because you are (00:10:15) respected for something fighting Sports (00:10:18) intelligence whatever it may be men seek (00:10:21) to find their place in society in the (00:10:23) areas where they receive respect or the (00:10:25) areas they tend towards so keep that in (00:10:27) mind when dealing with this with your (00:10:29) son you're going to need to tell him (00:10:30) that you love him but you're also going (00:10:33) to need to tell him and show him that (00:10:35) you respect him and just like what I (00:10:36) said before you can't manufacture it you (00:10:40) can't do it when it's not earned I (00:10:41) remember very vividly when my um son was (00:10:45) playing (00:10:46) football and uh everyone in the peeee (00:10:48) league got a participation Trophy and he (00:10:51) comes out he shows it to me and I said (00:10:54) are you proud of that and he goes no and (00:10:57) he throws it away I said (00:11:01) why he was because I didn't want to just (00:11:03) participate I wanted to (00:11:05) win and then he showed up the next (00:11:08) season and they won and he got a trophy (00:11:11) that was worth (00:11:12) winning and I showed him that I (00:11:14) respected him for (00:11:16) that again it's not being (00:11:19) harsh it's preparing your son for a (00:11:22) world that is going to treat him very (00:11:25) differently especially now it's not just (00:11:27) that the world doesn't need any more (00:11:29) weak men (00:11:30) can't afford to have them and so it will (00:11:32) be difficult at (00:11:34) times when you want to run and pick them (00:11:36) up and hold them and there'll be times (00:11:38) for that as well but you need to make (00:11:39) sure that he can stand up on his own and (00:11:41) the more he realizes that you love him (00:11:45) because he's your (00:11:47) son but you respect (00:11:49) him because of the man he's become (00:11:52) that's going to be the sort of thing (00:11:53) that carries him through in situations (00:11:55) where he needs to be the sort of man (00:11:58) that his wife will need that his (00:12:02) children will one day need and that (00:12:04) ultimately our culture desperately (00:12:07) needs so those are a couple things to (00:12:09) keep in mind with respect to what your (00:12:11) son needs from you as a father again not (00:12:15) a comprehensive list I guarantee you as (00:12:17) I think about this more I'm going to (00:12:18) think of things I forgot or think of (00:12:20) things that I should have said maybe a (00:12:21) little bit differently I'm sure there's (00:12:23) people that cut off right away the (00:12:24) moment I made a joke about telling your (00:12:25) son not to be a wuss just keep in mind (00:12:27) it was only half a joke it is something (00:12:29) that you should tell them but I want to (00:12:32) make it very (00:12:33) clear just because I'm a little bit more (00:12:35) tender and sensitive with my daughters (00:12:37) doesn't mean I love my son any less I (00:12:40) have a different obligation with respect (00:12:41) to what I'm preparing them all (00:12:43) for and I want my son to be prepared and (00:12:47) at 18 years old and about to leave home (00:12:51) I believe he (00:12:52) is and I'm very thankful for that (00:12:54) because I was very proud of him as a (00:12:57) boy and now I'm very proud of him as a (00:12:59) man (00:13:00) he'll always be my son and now he's (00:13:03) moving into a stage where he's also a (00:13:05) friend and a (00:13:07) colleague and I don't think a father can (00:13:09) ask for much more than that