6 Powerful Mindset Shifts That Will Change Your Life (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) I cannot believe the Let them Theory (00:00:03) tour just wrapped. (00:00:05) [Music] (00:00:18) It was one of the most magical (00:00:20) experiences of my life, but not for the (00:00:24) reason you may think. And if you were in (00:00:27) those soldout audiences, you have no (00:00:30) idea what was going on behind the (00:00:31) scenes, the nerves backstage, the (00:00:34) mistakes that we made, the fire (00:00:36) department taking away our confetti (00:00:38) cannons, my daughters wanting to quit, (00:00:41) nerves, diarrhea, the police showing up (00:00:44) and arresting people that were drunk. (00:00:46) Today I'm taking you backstage and (00:00:48) behind the scenes and telling you the (00:00:50) stories that I haven't shared yet about (00:00:54) what went wrong and more importantly the (00:00:56) six lessons that changed my life. And (00:00:58) these six lessons will teach you how to (00:01:01) finally stop playing small and live the (00:01:04) life that you want. So let's start the (00:01:07) show. (00:01:10) Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to (00:01:13) the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited (00:01:16) that you're here. I am fired up for the (00:01:18) conversation today. I have so many (00:01:20) stories to tell you. So, you better (00:01:22) buckle up and pull that seat belt tight (00:01:24) because we are going to go on a wild (00:01:26) ride today. And I want to start by (00:01:28) saying it is always an honor to be able (00:01:30) to spend time together with you. I can't (00:01:33) wait to tell you the stories that I'm (00:01:34) going to share in the six lessons I want (00:01:36) to unpack for you. If you're new to the (00:01:38) podcast, I also wanted to take a moment (00:01:40) and personally welcome you to the Mel (00:01:43) Robbins podcast family. I am so glad (00:01:45) that you're here with me. And because (00:01:47) you made the time to listen to this (00:01:49) particular episode today, here's what I (00:01:51) know about you. You're not only the kind (00:01:53) of person who values your time, but you (00:01:57) made the time to listen to this. So, you (00:01:58) got to be somebody who wants more out of (00:02:00) your life. You're looking for the (00:02:02) lessons that are going to help you to (00:02:04) squeeze more out, take more risk. today. (00:02:06) That's exactly what's going to happen. (00:02:08) And if you're here listening because (00:02:10) someone in your life shared this (00:02:12) conversation with you, that is so cool (00:02:15) because they believe in your ability to (00:02:17) do things that you're afraid of. They (00:02:19) believe in your ability to do big (00:02:21) things, big things that maybe you've (00:02:22) never done before. And they know that (00:02:24) the conversation today is going to give (00:02:26) you the kick in the rear end and the (00:02:28) encouragement that you need. And I think (00:02:30) it's so cool you have people in your (00:02:31) life like that. See, this past month, I (00:02:34) did something that I have never done (00:02:38) before. I've been thinking about it. (00:02:41) Maybe there's something like that in (00:02:42) your life. There's something that you've (00:02:43) been thinking about doing, but you (00:02:44) think, "Oh, I could never do that. Now's (00:02:46) not the time. I don't know if I'm (00:02:47) qualified. It might be uncomfortable. I (00:02:50) don't know how things would go." And so, (00:02:52) you keep talking yourself out of it. (00:02:53) Well, that was me. I would see all these (00:02:55) other people that hosted podcasts and (00:02:57) written books going on these live tours (00:02:59) and I thought, hm, maybe someday I'll go (00:03:02) on a tour. Well, it happened. Last month (00:03:06) I went on my first ever live tour. Let (00:03:10) them the tour. And if you were there, (00:03:13) huge shout out. It was an absolute (00:03:15) blast. I loved seeing everybody in (00:03:17) Boston and New York and Toronto and (00:03:20) Chicago and London. Holy cow. And yes, (00:03:23) we are going to take the tour out in (00:03:24) 2026. So, I can't wait to hear where you (00:03:27) want us to come next. I'm so excited to (00:03:30) take you behind the scenes and tell you (00:03:31) the crazy stories and put you right in (00:03:33) those moments where the stress and the (00:03:35) nerves and the fear was paralyzing. But (00:03:37) I have to say this, (00:03:39) this first leg of Let Them the Tour is (00:03:42) one of the highlights of my entire life. (00:03:45) I will literally be on my deathbed and (00:03:47) look back at this as one of the greatest (00:03:49) things I've ever experienced. And it's (00:03:52) not just because I got to experience it (00:03:54) with my daughters, but it's because of (00:03:58) how it stretched me. It's because of the (00:04:00) things that went wrong. It's because I (00:04:02) put myself in a situation that was so (00:04:05) outside my comfort zone and anything (00:04:07) that I had ever done. And whenever you (00:04:10) do that, you not only surprise yourself, (00:04:13) but life surprises you back. And this (00:04:17) tour was exactly that. and I cannot wait (00:04:22) to get back out on tour in 2026 and see (00:04:25) you and come to your city and have you (00:04:28) experience this, too. So, I just wanted (00:04:30) to say that because I'm going to harp on (00:04:32) the bad stuff and how scary it was and (00:04:34) all that stuff, but this truly was (00:04:36) magical. And that's a big takeaway and (00:04:39) it's why I want to push you because when (00:04:41) you do put yourself in a situation that (00:04:44) forces you to stretch and grow, going to (00:04:46) college, breaking up, starting a new (00:04:49) job, moving to a new city, anytime (00:04:51) you've done that, you become a better (00:04:54) version of yourself. And that's my (00:04:56) mission with our conversation today (00:04:58) because you have something right now (00:05:02) that you know you want to try that is (00:05:04) completely out of your comfort zone. (00:05:06) Period. It's true. Like stop and think (00:05:08) about it. There's somewhere in your life (00:05:10) where you're playing small or there's (00:05:12) some aspect that you're just sticking to (00:05:14) what's familiar. Oh, I'll do that in a (00:05:16) couple years. Oh, I like watching other (00:05:18) people do this online. Maybe someday (00:05:20) I'll do what I see other people doing (00:05:22) online. But there's a part of you that (00:05:24) really wants to do it. You know, for (00:05:27) some reason though, you just can't get (00:05:28) yourself to do it. I believe the best (00:05:31) things in life come from doing the (00:05:33) things you don't believe that you can (00:05:37) do. You know, the things that the little (00:05:39) voice in the back of your head is (00:05:41) constantly talking you out of. Whether (00:05:43) you want to start a YouTube channel, but (00:05:45) no, people might judge you. Everybody (00:05:48) else has a YouTube channel. What am I (00:05:50) gonna say? What if it doesn't work? or (00:05:52) maybe you want to take a dance class or (00:05:54) you think you're a terrible dancer. You (00:05:56) know, funny enough, I was in a new yoga (00:05:58) studio this weekend where I live in (00:06:00) Vermont and they're offering these (00:06:02) hiphop and shuffle dance classes and the (00:06:05) first thing I thought is, "Oh my gosh, (00:06:06) I'd really love to do that." But then (00:06:08) you want to know the second thing I (00:06:09) thought, "Oh, I'm a terrible dancer. I (00:06:10) couldn't go to a class to learn to (00:06:12) dance." There are so many things in this (00:06:14) category. Maybe you want to start (00:06:15) volunteering, but you don't know how to (00:06:17) get started. You want to write a book, (00:06:18) but you think everybody else has already (00:06:19) said what you want to say. You want to (00:06:20) go on a date, but oh, what if they say (00:06:22) no? You want to start your own business, (00:06:24) but oh, what if I fail? All these things (00:06:27) that you want to do that you're afraid (00:06:30) of, that you're nervous, these are the (00:06:34) biggest opportunities for growth and fun (00:06:37) and stretching yourself and learning (00:06:40) more about yourself. And so, today, I'm (00:06:43) going to teach you exactly how you can (00:06:46) conquer these things in your life. step (00:06:50) by step because I'm going to share with (00:06:52) you these six mindset shifts and lessons (00:06:55) that helped me go from I I can't do (00:06:58) this. Why did I sign up to do this? To (00:07:01) going, "Oh my gosh, I'm doing this." (00:07:05) There's a huge difference between the (00:07:06) Mel Robbins that was on this planet (00:07:10) before the Let Them tour and the person (00:07:13) that is your friend Mel Robbins postour. (00:07:16) And it's because of these six things (00:07:18) that I learned doing something that I (00:07:19) didn't think that I can do. If you can (00:07:22) just take everything I'm about to pour (00:07:24) into you, the funny stories, the lessons (00:07:26) that I learned, the crazy twists and (00:07:28) turns that I'm about to bring you (00:07:30) backstage and behind the scenes. If you (00:07:32) can take all this to heart, it will help (00:07:35) you take the leap. And I promise you, (00:07:38) you are going to surprise yourself with (00:07:40) what you are truly capable of. I mean, (00:07:44) just like that doll can stretch beyond (00:07:46) your wildest dreams, you can stretch (00:07:49) into a new version of you. Now, you may (00:07:52) be thinking, Mel, (00:07:55) why why would you be nervous about going (00:07:58) on a tour woman? You were a motivational (00:08:02) speaker for 10 years. You were on some (00:08:04) of the biggest stages around the world. (00:08:06) You gave speeches for a life. You have (00:08:07) this podcast. You're you're talking to a (00:08:09) camera and into a microphone right now, (00:08:11) Mel. You record all the time. I don't (00:08:15) really believe you. Going on a tour was (00:08:17) something you were afraid of. I mean, (00:08:19) isn't that kind of the same thing? (00:08:23) I thought it was. But let me tell you (00:08:25) something. Going on tour is a completely (00:08:30) different animal than recording a (00:08:32) podcast or even giving a speech. Like, (00:08:35) think about speeches. Like when I was (00:08:38) hired to give a speech, and I'm still (00:08:39) hired to give speeches for some of the (00:08:41) biggest brands around the world, it's (00:08:43) somebody else's event. You basically (00:08:46) show up and they hand you an hour and I (00:08:47) hand them my presentation and then they (00:08:49) give me a clicker and then I go on the (00:08:50) stage and I do my thing and then I leave (00:08:52) and that's it. When you go on tour, (00:08:56) you're responsible for everything. (00:08:58) You're creating your own event from the (00:09:01) very beginning. Like absolutely (00:09:03) everything. I had no idea (00:09:07) what I was getting myself into. And that (00:09:10) brings me to the very first lesson. (00:09:15) Lesson number one. What if you did it (00:09:19) bigger? I want you to really consider (00:09:22) this. (00:09:24) What if you approached the things that (00:09:26) you wanted to do in your life or the (00:09:28) things that you're already doing and you (00:09:30) did it bigger? And I want to explain (00:09:32) what I mean. So, let me tell you a (00:09:33) story. So, when I first decided, okay, (00:09:35) we're going to go on tour. I really want (00:09:38) to get out into the world. I want to see (00:09:40) you in real life. I want to hug you. I (00:09:42) want to have fun together. We hired a (00:09:45) tour production company cuz that's what (00:09:47) you do, right? And I thought, okay, I'm (00:09:48) I'm really good at this. In fact, I (00:09:50) might have said something very arrogant (00:09:52) in the first meeting. Oh, guys, this is (00:09:53) going to be a breeze. Like, I I give (00:09:55) speeches for a living. I know what we're (00:09:56) doing here. I got we got a great team. (00:09:59) We do production for a living. This is (00:10:00) going to be great. And I just kind of (00:10:02) envisioned, okay, we would get a bunch (00:10:04) of theaters, there would be a couple (00:10:06) thousand people out there, and I'd walk (00:10:07) out and I'd give a speech. But as we (00:10:10) started planning it with this worldclass (00:10:13) production team, and here's the thing, I (00:10:15) didn't hire a team that does like small (00:10:18) speeches. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I (00:10:20) didn't even realize it, but I did it (00:10:21) bigger from the start. We hired a team (00:10:24) that does like stadium tours for famous (00:10:26) musicians. I mean, we brought in the big (00:10:29) guns. So, I'm sitting in this meeting, (00:10:31) right? And I'm thinking, "Okay, I know (00:10:32) how to do this. I know I I've been on (00:10:34) other people's tours where they've (00:10:35) interviewed me on stage. I've been on (00:10:38) stages." And as we're planning it, (00:10:41) Marcus, I'm going to blame Marcus (00:10:44) because there's always somebody in your (00:10:46) life that makes you go bigger. Today, (00:10:48) your friend Mel Robbins is going to make (00:10:50) you go bigger. But damn it, it was (00:10:51) Marcus who in the meeting said, "Look, (00:10:55) you know, Mel, I can't do the Australian (00:10:58) accent. He actually has an Australian (00:10:59) accent, which would make it sound a lot (00:11:00) better. But he was literally like, (00:11:01) "Look, I can't I can't do it. It's (00:11:03) embarrassing." So he goes, "Look, you (00:11:05) you're a fantastic speaker. I've been (00:11:07) watching your speeches on YouTube. You (00:11:09) could absolutely just roll onto that (00:11:11) stage, Mel, and you could light the (00:11:13) place on fire and you could give an (00:11:15) incredible speech and people would leave (00:11:16) and go, "Oh, that was really great." And (00:11:18) you know, I feel really inspired. (00:11:21) Or you could bring the stories of your (00:11:25) life and the lessons that you want to (00:11:28) share to life and do theater and leave (00:11:34) people gobsmacked. (00:11:39) And when he said that, you know what I (00:11:41) said? Let's do that. Let's do that. Cuz (00:11:45) doesn't it sound fun to go bigger? And (00:11:47) you and I are just sitting around, (00:11:49) aren't we? waiting for permission from (00:11:50) someone else to say, "Hey, you should do (00:11:52) that bigger. Hey, you should swing for (00:11:53) the fences. Hey, I think you could (00:11:55) stretch a little bit more." And I got (00:11:57) lucky because Marcus dared me to do it (00:12:01) bigger. And that's the first lesson. (00:12:05) It's an invitation from me to you. I (00:12:08) dare you to do it bigger. Now, here's (00:12:12) the problem. In my defense, I had no (00:12:16) idea what I was agreeing to. Seriously, (00:12:19) when I said yes, let's go smack people. (00:12:22) Yes, let's bring this to Yes, let's do (00:12:25) theater. Let's have sets. Let's do all (00:12:27) the things and just have people be (00:12:30) completely blown away because they (00:12:31) weren't expecting this. I didn't really (00:12:34) understand what I was saying yes to. And (00:12:37) that's the beauty of this lesson. What (00:12:40) if you did it bigger? Because you don't (00:12:42) know what you're saying yes to. You (00:12:45) don't because you've never done it (00:12:46) bigger. And so I literally didn't even (00:12:49) understand you guys because I just kept (00:12:51) saying as as we're marching toward the (00:12:54) opening night, right? And I keep getting (00:12:58) requests like, "Okay, we need all the (00:13:00) graphics. We need the visuals. We need (00:13:01) the the videos done. We need this. We (00:13:03) need that." And I was so chill cuz I (00:13:06) didn't understand that we were doing it (00:13:08) bigger. I literally thought, "Oh, no, (00:13:11) no, no problem. The show is Thursday (00:13:13) night. We can send them this stuff on (00:13:15) Tuesday. We can roll in there Wednesday (00:13:17) afternoon. We can do a quick rehearsal. (00:13:18) I got my clicker and the PowerPoint. (00:13:21) Oh my god. (00:13:23) Because I didn't know what I had signed (00:13:25) up for. When I showed up for rehearsal (00:13:29) in Boston at the Wang Theater, so we're (00:13:32) talking Wednesday afternoon, (00:13:35) the reality of doing it bigger hit me. (00:13:40) And the feeling that you have when you (00:13:43) realize I have bit off more than I can (00:13:45) chew is (00:13:49) there were 30 crew members running (00:13:53) around. There were hundreds of these (00:13:57) huge black cases of equipment that I've (00:13:59) only seen at like a Taylor Swift or, you (00:14:01) know, a Kendrick Lamar concert. They (00:14:04) were rolling this stuff around. Oh my (00:14:06) gosh. that they were assembling this (00:14:09) huge LED screen that took up the entire (00:14:12) stage. There were lighting racks. There (00:14:14) were haze machines. They were building a (00:14:17) platform for a bed that I was using. (00:14:19) There were sets. I mean, all they were (00:14:22) marking the stage so that they had the (00:14:24) camera shots because we had three (00:14:27) cinematic cameras that filmed the whole (00:14:30) thing. And there was a director that was (00:14:32) calling. And all of a sudden occurred to (00:14:34) me, "Oh my god, (00:14:38) this isn't a speech. (00:14:40) I actually have to know the show because (00:14:44) I've got to be at a certain spot on the (00:14:46) stage at a certain time and they're (00:14:49) marking it and I don't even know my (00:14:52) lines for a show about my own life." And (00:14:55) that's when it hit me. We have one day (00:15:00) until we have to do this show. It is (00:15:03) 3:00 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. (00:15:06) They're building the sets. We haven't (00:15:07) even rehearsed this thing. Hell, we're (00:15:08) still writing the show. The crew is (00:15:10) starting to get really nervous because (00:15:12) they're now realizing uh Mel Robbins has (00:15:15) been telling us for a month that she's a (00:15:16) pro at this and she doesn't even know (00:15:18) her own show. So, it was stress diarrhea (00:15:23) for three days straight. That's how (00:15:25) panicstricken I was. The bathroom in my (00:15:28) green room smelled like a porta potty at (00:15:30) a construction site. And we did our (00:15:33) rehearsal on Wednesday. (00:15:35) It was terrible. Everybody was super (00:15:38) nervous. We woke up the next day on (00:15:42) Thursday. So, this is going to be (00:15:43) opening night. Opening night. And the (00:15:46) first night, I got to say, like we went (00:15:49) on, it went over a half an hour over (00:15:53) schedule. The slides got stuck at one (00:15:55) point. I accidentally disconnected (00:15:58) myself from my microphone. We finished (00:16:00) the show. And you want to know my first (00:16:02) thought after going bigger? I thought, I (00:16:06) hate this. I woke up Friday morning. I (00:16:09) called my husband, Chris. I was in a (00:16:11) complete state of panic and I said, I (00:16:13) can't do this. Like, I can't do the (00:16:16) show. I'm not built for acting. I don't (00:16:18) know why I didn't just do a speech. I (00:16:20) don't know why I dragged our daughters (00:16:22) into this cuz they don't want to be here (00:16:23) either. The show last night, like, the (00:16:26) audience loved it. I didn't like it. (00:16:27) Like, I don't want to do this again. And (00:16:30) I got to give props to Chris because he (00:16:32) said to me, "Mel, get your ass off this (00:16:34) phone and get back to that theater and (00:16:36) you get back on that stage and you go (00:16:37) rehearse and make it better." And look, (00:16:40) I want to be clear about something. The (00:16:41) show wasn't bad. I'm talking about my (00:16:44) experience of what it felt like to (00:16:46) stretch myself and do something new. We (00:16:49) had half of the team from 143 Studios, (00:16:52) that's my company, they produced the (00:16:54) podcast. Half our team was there. After (00:16:56) the show, everybody came back and were (00:16:58) like, "Oh my god, that was unbelievable. (00:17:00) You're hilarious. The show's amazing." (00:17:02) And I'm like, "It was terrible. It was (00:17:04) too long." They were like, "Don't cut (00:17:05) anything." And I'm like, "We couldn't (00:17:07) hear you laughing. Are you sure it was (00:17:08) funny?" "Oh my god, it was hysterical. (00:17:10) We didn't know you were that. I couldn't (00:17:12) believe you were doing skits." And so (00:17:14) your experience of what it's going to (00:17:17) feel like when you do something big or (00:17:20) you stretch yourself is not going to (00:17:23) match what other people experience when (00:17:27) they watch you doing it. The thing (00:17:28) that's incredible about going bigger is (00:17:31) that once you commit you're in it. Once (00:17:33) the stretching starts, oh man, is it (00:17:35) painful. You are going to be so mad that (00:17:37) you said yes to these things. And here's (00:17:40) the thing though. By Saturday night, I (00:17:44) gotta tell you something. I thought, I (00:17:48) love this. I love this tour. I love the (00:17:52) experience of it. I love the creativity (00:17:54) of it. I love so much about this. I just (00:17:56) want to quit the podcast. I want to quit (00:17:57) everything. I just want to tour. And I (00:18:01) never would have had that realization (00:18:04) if I hadn't (00:18:06) committed to going bigger. And if I (00:18:10) hadn't just jumped on that roller (00:18:12) coaster and let it rip. I mean, the (00:18:15) truth is, how many times have you had (00:18:17) that moment where you're like, I can't (00:18:18) do this, so I'm not even going to (00:18:19) bother. Like, I don't even know if I (00:18:21) could make it through that, so I'm not (00:18:22) going to put my toe in the water. I (00:18:24) mean, if you stopped there, I can't do (00:18:27) this. Imagine if I had stopped on Friday (00:18:30) morning. Like, I'm a really creative (00:18:31) person. I could come up with a reason to (00:18:34) cancel the door. I lost my voice. Like, (00:18:36) some reason to I can't do this. I'm (00:18:38) stopping this. But if you stop where you (00:18:41) think the edges are, you actually never (00:18:43) get to your Saturday night. You never (00:18:46) stretch yourself beyond where you are (00:18:48) right now. At some point, you have to (00:18:50) post the video. You have to sing the (00:18:52) song. You have to just give the (00:18:55) presentation at work. I could have run (00:18:58) for the hills, but I was in the roller (00:19:00) coaster with the bars locked down (00:19:02) because we had sold out audiences every (00:19:04) night. And so this conversation right (00:19:08) now is an invitation from your friend (00:19:10) Mel. (00:19:12) Imagine if you did it bigger. And you (00:19:15) don't even have to know what that means. (00:19:16) I mean, I certainly didn't. Clearly, (00:19:18) based on the story that I'm telling you, (00:19:21) maybe you have always wanted to take a (00:19:22) dance class, but you're a terrible (00:19:24) dancer. And even though there's a studio (00:19:26) just 10 minutes from your house, you've (00:19:28) never signed up. Doing it bigger means (00:19:31) bigger than your fears. Go sign up. In (00:19:34) fact, we were just talking about this (00:19:35) before the show. The producer on our (00:19:37) team, Yuna, said, "Oh my god, I've (00:19:40) always wanted to be a better dancer. (00:19:42) There's this dance studio I want to go (00:19:44) to, and the reason she has not gone, "Oh (00:19:46) my god, I would look so bad." Well, (00:19:48) that's what we all do. Can't you go (00:19:50) bigger in life? Aren't you willing to (00:19:52) stretch yourself enough to do it bad (00:19:55) just so that you do it? I mean, maybe (00:19:56) you've been meaning to ask your boss for (00:19:58) a raise, but it's been over a year and (00:20:00) you still haven't done it. Maybe you've (00:20:02) always wanted to be a musician and you (00:20:03) spend hours and hours and hours watching (00:20:05) everybody else sing and write and put (00:20:07) their stuff on social media. You know (00:20:09) that all you got to do is start posting (00:20:11) covers of you singing on Instagram and (00:20:14) Tik Tok, but every time you film a (00:20:16) video, you don't feel big, you feel (00:20:18) small. What if you did it bigger? What (00:20:20) if you allowed yourself to be big and (00:20:22) you just posted it? When you go bigger, (00:20:26) it's just like sitting that seat in the (00:20:27) roller coaster and locking yourself in. (00:20:30) What is it going to feel like? Say it a (00:20:32) little louder. What's it going to feel (00:20:34) like when you go bigger? Even when (00:20:36) you're an idiot like me and you don't (00:20:38) even know what you're agreeing to, I'll (00:20:40) tell you what it's going to feel like. (00:20:41) It's going to be uncomfortable. You're (00:20:43) going to feel nervous. You're going to (00:20:45) be afraid once you're kind of in you're (00:20:47) be like, "Why the hell did I agree to do (00:20:48) this thing?" And here's what I want you (00:20:51) to know. You have to keep going because (00:20:54) you got to get to your Saturday night. (00:20:56) You got to do it at least three times in (00:20:59) order for you to get through that like I (00:21:01) can't do this. I don't like this. This (00:21:02) is new. I don't like stretching myself. (00:21:04) Oh my god. What are people thinking? (00:21:06) Until you get to the point where you're (00:21:07) like, oh wait a minute. (00:21:10) This is pretty cool. I kind of get this (00:21:12) now. And so you're going to get to your (00:21:15) Saturday night. You're going bigger. (00:21:17) You're showing up. That's amazing. So (00:21:19) let's get to lesson number two. You (00:21:21) ready? You got to bring the fun. I mean, (00:21:23) come on now. Aren't you sick and tired (00:21:25) of the world being serious? Aren't you (00:21:27) tired of everything being so heavy? And (00:21:29) that's not to say there aren't big (00:21:30) issues in the world or serious things (00:21:32) going on in your life. But lesson number (00:21:35) two that I learned by going big and (00:21:39) doing let them the tour, something that (00:21:41) stretched me beyond my wildest (00:21:43) imagination, you have to bring the fun. (00:21:46) If you're scared, bring the fun. If (00:21:48) you're out of your comfort zone, bring (00:21:50) the fun. If stuff is getting stiff and (00:21:52) serious and the stakes feel high, boom, (00:21:55) bring the fun. And here's why this is so (00:21:58) important. It is this counteractive (00:22:01) anecdote or antidote or whatever the (00:22:03) hell the word is to moments when you're (00:22:05) afraid because of course you're going to (00:22:07) be afraid. Of course, you're going to be (00:22:08) nervous. I was nervous. I mean, I (00:22:10) already told you I wanted to cancel my (00:22:11) own show. But there is this moment where (00:22:15) I had to remind myself, you know, Mel, (00:22:18) you're starting to take yourself a (00:22:20) little too seriously. You know, you're (00:22:23) starting to put too much pressure on (00:22:24) yourself. (00:22:26) Mel, you're not in an emergency room (00:22:29) performing heart surgery on somebody (00:22:31) that's about to die. How about you take (00:22:34) this a little less seriously? How about (00:22:36) we dial down the stress? What if you (00:22:38) bring the fun? What if you were to (00:22:40) loosen up and lean into this? I mean, (00:22:43) think about a roller coaster. You got a (00:22:45) choice. You can grip your butt cheeks (00:22:46) together and hold it all in and scream (00:22:49) in terror and or you can let loose a (00:22:53) little bit and have some fun cuz you (00:22:56) know what? You're already in it. I mean, (00:22:58) you and I take ourselves so seriously (00:23:00) and that's especially true if you're (00:23:02) nervous. (00:23:04) So what if you not only did it bigger (00:23:08) and you did something you'd never done (00:23:10) or you did it in a different way, but (00:23:12) what if you brought the fun? And so (00:23:14) focusing on the fun, what was (00:23:16) interesting is night one I was like (00:23:18) stiff. Like I had like rigamortis on (00:23:20) stage. I was walking around like (00:23:22) Frankenstein, super stiff because I was (00:23:24) trying to remember my marks and my lines (00:23:26) and so was my daughter. And the whole (00:23:29) goal of having fun, it just helped me (00:23:31) loosen up. It helped me bring the fun. (00:23:33) And when I started to loosen up, it (00:23:35) changed the experience and it changed (00:23:38) the feeling that I had. And here's what (00:23:40) I discovered. I freaking love physical (00:23:42) comedy. By night two, instead of like (00:23:45) saying the lines and talking really (00:23:47) stiff and then moving to the smark, I'm (00:23:49) crawling across the stage. I'm crawling (00:23:51) all over the table. I'm cracking jokes. (00:23:53) I'm swaggling my arms. I'm letting it (00:23:55) loose because the more fun you're (00:23:57) having, the more fun everybody has (00:24:00) around you. So, let me ask you, you (00:24:03) know, that big presentation or that (00:24:05) dance class or that openhouse you're (00:24:07) going to hold as a real estate agent or (00:24:08) that stuff you're going to do on social (00:24:10) media or that person that you admire (00:24:12) that you really want to collaborate with (00:24:13) in business or music. How could you (00:24:16) bring the fun? And one of the reasons (00:24:18) why it's so important to bring the fun (00:24:20) is because it's contagious. (00:24:23) It's really contagious. One of the (00:24:26) coolest things that happened aside from (00:24:28) meeting you and so many fellow (00:24:30) listeners, you know, from the podcast (00:24:32) had flown in from all over the world (00:24:35) is working with a crew that does these (00:24:39) massive stadium tours with all these (00:24:41) massive successful crazy amazing (00:24:44) musicians, right? What was so cool is (00:24:48) they're like top top top professionals (00:24:50) because they want to do a good job. They (00:24:52) value what they're doing. But by the (00:24:54) time the tour was over, it was so (00:24:57) rewarding to hear them say to us, "This (00:24:59) was my favorite tour that I've ever done (00:25:02) because it was so much fun and you guys (00:25:05) are about family and there's like so (00:25:08) much growth and stretching that (00:25:09) happened." And because you had so much (00:25:11) fun, the fun took the tension away. And (00:25:14) what happens in an environment where (00:25:16) you're having fun? People don't slack (00:25:19) off. You know what they do? It's the (00:25:20) opposite. People show up with even more (00:25:24) excellence. People show up and care (00:25:26) more. And so, how can you add fun in (00:25:30) your life? How can you bring more fun to (00:25:32) work? I mean, if you're trying a a new (00:25:34) yoga class and you fall over because (00:25:36) you're trying to do like some move for (00:25:38) the first time, laugh. It's funny. Like, (00:25:42) why do you have to be perfect? If you're (00:25:44) with your co-workers on a high stress (00:25:46) project, you're already playing big. How (00:25:49) about you pause and start high-fiving (00:25:50) everybody and cracking jokes and (00:25:52) lightening in the mood? I mean, even for (00:25:53) me, saying, "Well, we're not doing brain (00:25:56) surgery here. So, let's lighten up and (00:25:58) let's have a little bit more fun with (00:25:59) this." If you're trying to get into (00:26:00) running, how about you create the best (00:26:03) playlist ever? Like, ever. Not the old (00:26:06) one you've listened to for three years. (00:26:08) You know the one I'm talking about, but (00:26:10) you just like create something that's (00:26:12) like, "Wow." And you really have fun (00:26:15) with it. And if you do take the dance (00:26:17) class, bring a friend so you can look (00:26:19) silly together because neither of you (00:26:21) know the steps. Let's say you want to (00:26:22) start competing. You want to start (00:26:23) racing or jiu-jitsu or anything. How (00:26:26) about you like act like one of those (00:26:28) athletes, pick a theme song, put it on (00:26:30) in your headphones, bounce around, like (00:26:32) get yourself in the mood, have a little (00:26:34) bit more fun because when you loosen up, (00:26:37) you actually perform better. And (00:26:39) bringing the fun changed everything (00:26:42) because bringing the fun helped me lower (00:26:44) the stakes and the self-criticism. (00:26:46) Bringing the fun helped me loosen up and (00:26:49) lean in to the ride that I was on. And (00:26:52) bringing the fun is going to shake (00:26:54) things up in your life, in your work, (00:26:57) and the way that you're doing things, (00:26:58) too. And this next lesson is something (00:27:01) that is a pro tip. I have been using (00:27:04) this lesson for my whole life honestly (00:27:07) and I was reminded of it with this tour (00:27:11) and so I want to share it with you (00:27:12) because it's such powerful powerful (00:27:14) powerful mindset hack. Whenever you're (00:27:16) doing anything in life I want you to (00:27:18) always start with the end. What does (00:27:20) that mean? It means before you begin I (00:27:24) want you to imagine how the thing ends. (00:27:28) It's a super powerful hack that really (00:27:33) sets you up to succeed and it gives you (00:27:35) a roadmap for how to show up for things. (00:27:38) And let me unpack this. So, people have (00:27:40) been asking me to go on tour for a long (00:27:43) time, but the fact is I just haven't had (00:27:45) time to be on the road between launching (00:27:47) this podcast and writing the Let Them (00:27:49) Theory book and all the other stuff that (00:27:50) we do in our business. I'm like, I I (00:27:52) don't I don't have six weeks to just go (00:27:55) on tour. But I really knew I wanted to. (00:27:58) And so when we finally said, "Okay, (00:28:00) now's the time. We're gonna go on tour. (00:28:03) We're going to go to these cities. We're (00:28:04) going to try this as just like this (00:28:06) little contained experiment." Cuz I (00:28:08) didn't know how it was going to go. And (00:28:10) then of course Marcus dared me to go (00:28:12) bigger. And I'm like, "Okay, we'll do a (00:28:14) show." And next thing you know, we're (00:28:15) basically doing Broadway in a rock and (00:28:17) roll concert. And that was a story that (00:28:19) I already just told you. But here's one (00:28:21) thing is that I was very clear from the (00:28:25) moment I said yes about what I wanted it (00:28:29) to feel like in the end. And I want you (00:28:33) to stop and think about this because (00:28:34) this is a really important lesson. (00:28:37) Always start with the end. So what does (00:28:42) that mean? So here's how you set this (00:28:44) up. (00:28:45) When the tour was over and all the dust (00:28:49) had settled and the crew had gone back (00:28:52) home and I was back in Vermont and we (00:28:55) were back doing the podcast and just (00:28:57) back to normal life. (00:29:00) What did I want to have had happened? (00:29:04) Right? What did we accomplish? And it (00:29:06) might surprise you to hear what I didn't (00:29:10) say. I didn't say, "Oh, when the tour is (00:29:13) over, I want to have sold out (00:29:15) everything. I wanted to make a ton of (00:29:17) money. I wanted to make the book even (00:29:19) more popular. I wanted to go viral in (00:29:22) terms of the videos that people that (00:29:23) that wasn't at all what I saw when this (00:29:28) thing was over. (00:29:31) Here's what I said I wanted to have (00:29:34) happen when this was all over." Because (00:29:37) when you start with the end, you start (00:29:40) to recognize (00:29:42) what actually matters to you. So number (00:29:44) one, I said, well, by the time the tour (00:29:46) is over, I want to be proud of the fact (00:29:49) that we created this just magical (00:29:52) experience from the moment people walked (00:29:54) in the front doors. surprise and delight (00:29:56) like just unexpected what happens that I (00:29:59) really wanted people to enjoy this to be (00:30:02) moved by it and inspired to laugh to (00:30:06) walk out of there and go that was (00:30:08) unbelievable (00:30:11) and so it was really about that the (00:30:14) experience left people surprise (00:30:17) gospacked moved that was number one (00:30:20) number two the starting with the end the (00:30:22) second thing that I wanted to do is I (00:30:24) wanted the show to get better every (00:30:28) single time we did it. And the third (00:30:32) thing is I wanted to just have a ton of (00:30:34) fun doing it. And that meant not just (00:30:36) me, I wanted the whole crew who we had (00:30:39) never worked with. I wanted the team, I (00:30:40) wanted our audience, I wanted the teams (00:30:43) that were at all the venues that we were (00:30:44) rolling into. I just wanted it to be (00:30:47) fun. And the reason why this lesson, (00:30:49) start with the end, is so important is (00:30:52) because it tells you what you're (00:30:54) actually measuring for success. (00:30:58) And just think about how different (00:30:59) somebody operates if they say, "Oh, I (00:31:01) want to sell everything out." That's (00:31:04) what you're going to measure. (00:31:06) That was not on my radar at all. It's (00:31:09) really really important to see the power (00:31:11) in this because it it informs you how to (00:31:13) show up. And so I said all this stuff (00:31:16) and even though you're going to start (00:31:17) with the end and say I want to have a (00:31:18) lot of fun. I want the show to get (00:31:20) better. I I want to like have the (00:31:22) audience be surprised and delighted. All (00:31:23) this stuff, right? That doesn't mean (00:31:26) that's how it's going to feel. That just (00:31:28) gives you the guard rails to get (00:31:29) yourself back on track. So if you go (00:31:31) back to that story, remember I wanted to (00:31:33) quit the show. I call Chris. I'm telling (00:31:36) him I just want to cancel everything. I (00:31:38) hate this thing. And he says, "Get your (00:31:39) butt back over to that theater." and I (00:31:42) get to the theater and I call a meeting. (00:31:44) What do I do? I go to the lesson number (00:31:46) three. I think about the end. But if I (00:31:50) think about the end, how is this going (00:31:52) to turn out? Oh, well, the show's got to (00:31:54) get better every night. We got to have a (00:31:56) lot of fun. We got to make sure the (00:31:58) audience literally is enjoying (00:32:00) themselves. That became the guidelines (00:32:02) for Friday morning. How do we have more (00:32:04) fun? I just want to get this better, (00:32:06) guys. How do we make the show better? (00:32:08) And so, I asked everybody for feedback. (00:32:10) And then we started cutting lines and (00:32:12) trimming the show and we got coaching (00:32:13) about being more physical and that made (00:32:15) it better. This tool, start with the (00:32:18) end, is something I have used in life, (00:32:21) in business, absolutely everything. And (00:32:24) I'm going to give you a few examples (00:32:25) because this thing is such an amazing (00:32:27) mindset hack. So, let's say you're going (00:32:29) into a business meeting or you're going (00:32:30) into an interview, right? Start with the (00:32:32) end in mind. What does that mean? Here's (00:32:34) what that means. When the interview's (00:32:37) over or the business presentation is (00:32:39) done and you have left the room, what do (00:32:43) you want people to be saying about you? (00:32:46) When it's over, (00:32:48) based on how you answer that question, (00:32:50) you know exactly how to act. You know (00:32:53) what energy to bring. You know how you (00:32:55) should prepare. You know how you should (00:32:57) conduct yourself because you've started (00:32:59) with the end. And that end vision gives (00:33:01) you a guideline for what to actually (00:33:04) have your eye on. that matters so that (00:33:07) you can create that. You know, let's say (00:33:09) you are signing up for that dance class. (00:33:11) If you have the end in mind and you've (00:33:12) left your first dance, how do you want (00:33:15) that to feel? (00:33:17) You know, you're clearly not going to (00:33:18) feel like a prima ballerina in your (00:33:20) first class, but you might feel like (00:33:21) that was fun. I'm proud of myself. Now, (00:33:24) you know how to show up. This is all (00:33:26) about what you're measuring in life. Too (00:33:29) many people, what are they measuring? (00:33:30) Oh, they're measuring all the crap, (00:33:32) right? Oh, how much money do we make? (00:33:33) How many followers do I get? viral did (00:33:35) this thing go. (00:33:36) But there's a deeper measurement of (00:33:39) success (00:33:41) for the thing that you want to do (00:33:44) bigger. (00:33:46) And maybe the measurement of success is (00:33:48) I'm just proud of the fact that I did (00:33:50) it, that I survived it, that I got on (00:33:53) that roller coaster, I locked in, I (00:33:55) screamed for the first half, and then I (00:33:57) actually let my hands up and allowed (00:33:58) myself to enjoy it. Or maybe you're (00:34:01) proud of yourself because going bigger (00:34:02) and having fun means that you posted (00:34:05) about your business or your art or your (00:34:07) music 30 days in a row and you didn't (00:34:11) look at followers and you didn't look at (00:34:13) comments and you didn't look at views. (00:34:16) You looked at the fact that you did it. (00:34:18) And that brings me to lesson number (00:34:20) four. Things will go wrong and you will (00:34:27) be fine. See, nobody knows how it's (00:34:30) supposed to go. And it's a skill in life (00:34:33) to learn that when things roll in a (00:34:36) different direction, you can just kind (00:34:39) of roll with them. And so many things go (00:34:43) wrong when you're doing live theater. I (00:34:46) mean, I've never had the number of (00:34:48) things go wrong standing on a stage (00:34:51) giving a presentation. I mean, I've been (00:34:53) in front of 27,000 people giving a (00:34:55) speech. Nothing went wrong. Holy cow. It (00:34:59) was like the wheels came off every (00:35:01) night. It was something new. I mean, on (00:35:03) the third night of the show, this is (00:35:04) Saturday night, Wang Theater, Boston. I (00:35:07) am on lock. I am loving this show. We (00:35:10) have worked out the kinks. We are having (00:35:12) fun. We are loose. We know our marks. (00:35:14) We've done the show, so we know what (00:35:16) we're doing. We're doing physical (00:35:17) comedy. It's hysterical. (00:35:20) Oh my gosh. I started to (00:35:26) cough on stage. And I don't just mean (00:35:29) cough a couple times. I mean, I had this (00:35:31) weird thing happened where it was like I (00:35:32) brea breathed in. I don't know if that's (00:35:34) the right word, but I like sucked in (00:35:35) some air and it was like it was almost (00:35:37) like there was a cotton ball in the air (00:35:39) that went right in my mouth and hit me (00:35:42) on the throat. And so I had this like I (00:35:45) had the craziest coughing fit I've ever (00:35:49) had in my entire life in front of 3,500 (00:35:52) people. And I'm not kidding it went on (00:35:57) for about 10 minutes straight. At one (00:36:00) point I was coughing so hard that my (00:36:04) eyes were watering. I'm like, "Oh, now (00:36:06) you know the show's alive." And I start (00:36:08) waving at Sawyer, who's on stage with (00:36:11) me, as I'm trying to chug water, and (00:36:13) she's like, "Mom, are you are you okay?" (00:36:15) Like, I think she thought she was going (00:36:16) to have to do the Heimlick maneuver. (00:36:18) Only I hadn't been eating anything. I (00:36:20) even walked off the stage at one point (00:36:23) and just kind of waved at Sawyer to just (00:36:26) riff while I while she was talking to (00:36:28) the crowd. Meanwhile, everybody's (00:36:30) running around trying to make tea, (00:36:31) throwing lozeners at me. I've got like (00:36:33) 16 throat cough things in my mouth as (00:36:36) I'm trying to like loosen up the the the (00:36:38) the throat so I can get some some some (00:36:41) words out. He was hysterical. And once (00:36:44) that went wrong, oh my god. The reason (00:36:47) why the Saturday night show was so (00:36:48) fantastic is the wheels were off. And (00:36:51) once I got my voice back, once you (00:36:53) survive a coughing tack, holy cow, you (00:36:56) show up and swing for the fences. (00:36:57) Because once that happened, oh my god. (00:37:00) Well, we might as well just take this (00:37:01) thing completely off the rails. And that (00:37:03) was so fun. So, how does this apply to (00:37:06) you? So, let's say you do go to a new (00:37:08) gym, which I'm just going to say if you (00:37:10) haven't been to a gym for a long time, (00:37:12) it takes a lot of courage to walk into a (00:37:14) brand new gym. You don't know anybody. (00:37:16) You've maybe never lifted weights, but (00:37:17) you have like I'm lifting weights. And (00:37:20) after the first rounds of reps, you drop (00:37:23) the barbell. It makes a huge sound. (00:37:26) Everybody spins and looks at you. Okay, (00:37:28) something went wrong. Take a deep (00:37:29) breath, laugh it off, shrug your (00:37:31) shoulders, you just made it right. Or (00:37:32) you go to a yoga class and you're like (00:37:35) in one of those inversions and then you (00:37:36) fart. It is the most embarrassing thing. (00:37:39) Do you know my husband's a yoga (00:37:40) instructor? He says it happens a dozen (00:37:43) times a class. Just laugh, make a joke (00:37:46) about what you had for dinner, say (00:37:48) nothing, shrug your shoulders, namaste, (00:37:50) you can make it right. Or maybe you're (00:37:52) giving a big presentation at work and (00:37:53) the slides don't load. Oh my gosh, I've (00:37:57) had that happen. (00:37:59) things are going wrong. You can make it (00:38:01) right. All you do to make it right is (00:38:03) go, I cannot believe this is happening. (00:38:05) Can you guys give me just a couple (00:38:06) minutes while I try to sort this thing (00:38:08) out? And that's how you make it right. (00:38:10) Or you just close the laptop and you (00:38:12) say, well, this is not going according (00:38:14) to plan. So, here's what we're going to (00:38:15) do. Instead of talking to you for 30 (00:38:17) minutes, I'm going to share the main (00:38:18) bullet points for 10 minutes and then (00:38:20) I'm going to take questions. You just (00:38:21) made it right. There you go. You sign up (00:38:23) for an open mic and you totally bomb. (00:38:26) All right, things went wrong. How do you (00:38:27) make it right? You sign up and you do it (00:38:29) again. That's it. That's it. You try a (00:38:32) new bold outfit and you instantly felt (00:38:35) self-conscious. Well, first of all, you (00:38:37) now know that when you go bold, you're (00:38:39) going to feel like it's terrible. And (00:38:40) so, you're doing it right. Okay? It may (00:38:43) feel wrong, but you're actually doing it (00:38:44) right. And I think that's the twist on (00:38:46) this. When it feels wrong, you're (00:38:50) actually doing it right. Because that's (00:38:54) what it feels like. See, here's the (00:38:56) thing about life. Those nerves (00:39:00) don't go away. (00:39:02) No, they don't. That's part of the ride. (00:39:05) The fear is going to keep showing up. (00:39:09) And one of the things that I haven't (00:39:11) truly put you at the scene at is how (00:39:15) much fear, I'm talking like paralyzed, (00:39:19) panicstricken (00:39:21) fear (00:39:22) my daughter and the co-author of the Let (00:39:25) Them theory, Sawyer Robbins, had. I (00:39:27) mean, I dragged her kicking and (00:39:31) screaming onto the Let Them tour, onto (00:39:34) that stage with me. And for this next (00:39:36) part of our conversation, I am going to (00:39:39) bring her onto the podcast with me. And (00:39:41) she's going to talk about the fifth (00:39:43) lesson, which is how you flip your (00:39:45) mindset about fear. Because even though (00:39:48) I had been doing a show for years and I (00:39:50) was terrified and all that stuff, I'd (00:39:53) been spending a decade on stages. Sawyer (00:39:58) on the other hand, the last time she was (00:40:01) on stage was in fifth grade when she was (00:40:04) the crow in the Wizard of Oz. And so my (00:40:08) level of fear was a little different (00:40:10) than her level of fear. And you're going (00:40:13) to hear it straight from her. not only (00:40:16) about how to go big when you're that (00:40:17) afraid you've never done it before, but (00:40:20) what is it like to have your worst fears (00:40:23) playing out in front of 3,500 people (00:40:27) live on stage? And for these next two (00:40:29) lessons, I can't teach these on my own (00:40:32) because these are lessons that Sawyer, (00:40:34) my daughter and co-author of the Let (00:40:36) Them Theory, is going to bring to life. (00:40:39) So, please help me welcome Sawyer (00:40:41) Robbins to the conversation. Hey, babe. (00:40:44) Hey. You know, I wanted Sawyer to have (00:40:47) you come on for this part of the (00:40:49) conversation (00:40:51) because one of the lessons from doing (00:40:54) this tour together is something that you (00:40:57) said, which is fear means you're doing (00:41:01) something that matters. (00:41:04) And I'd love to have you just explain (00:41:06) what that means. (00:41:08) I think the biggest thing for me on tour (00:41:12) is I am (00:41:16) not great on stage and I had so much (00:41:20) fear going into this. To give you some (00:41:22) context, my last public speaking (00:41:27) experience was a 15 person class in (00:41:30) college where I had to coach myself in (00:41:34) my dorm every single time before I had a (00:41:37) speech and would be profusively sweating (00:41:40) and freaking out and calling my (00:41:42) therapist and just so so nervous. Public (00:41:44) speaking is not my forte. And so when I (00:41:47) came onto (00:41:49) this tour and we decided I was going to (00:41:51) be on stage, I was so nervous. Not only (00:41:56) because I felt like I didn't have (00:41:57) experience, but mostly because I really, (00:42:00) really wanted to do well. And I cared so (00:42:04) much about this. This is our book. I (00:42:07) wanted everyone to love it just as much (00:42:09) as us. And I felt like the weakling. And (00:42:12) so I was petrified. And because it (00:42:16) really really mattered to me, I want to (00:42:18) unpack this, but before we do, this (00:42:20) connection between fear and things (00:42:23) mattering to you. So fear and caring (00:42:25) about something. (00:42:28) Why did you say yes? Because I can't (00:42:31) even remember (00:42:33) how I roped you in to doing You can How (00:42:37) did Okay, what happened? So where were (00:42:40) we? Put me at the scene. We were up here (00:42:43) in the Vermont um studio and above the (00:42:46) garage. (00:42:48) And I had been overseeing this tour for (00:42:54) about 3 months and owning the (00:42:58) whole logistics and project of it. And (00:43:00) when we started talking about who was (00:43:03) going to be up on stage, mom, you turned (00:43:07) to me and you said, "Sawyer, I would (00:43:09) love for you to come out on stage for (00:43:12) like five minutes and so I can introduce (00:43:14) you as the co-author." And of course, I (00:43:17) said, "Yeah, absolutely. I'd love to do (00:43:18) that. Like, that would be such an (00:43:20) honor." Um, and so I agreed. Okay. Then (00:43:26) about a month later, we actually sit (00:43:29) down and we start working out everything (00:43:33) about this tour. And you said, (00:43:36) "I can't do this all alone." (00:43:40) And so so slowly but surely as we were (00:43:44) planning, Mel kept being like, "So (00:43:46) you're going to come in here and then (00:43:48) you're also going to come in here and (00:43:50) then you're going to come in here too (00:43:51) and then you're going to go off stage, (00:43:52) but come right back." And lo and behold, (00:43:56) I was on stage for 50 minutes of the (00:43:59) entire show. You're half the show. I'm (00:44:01) half the show. Yeah. So it was very (00:44:04) incremental and I knew that she was (00:44:08) nervous and so I wanted to be supportive (00:44:11) and I also this was my project. I wanted (00:44:14) to be amazing and so I said yes to (00:44:16) everything and unsure of actually how (00:44:20) much it was going to take. Now, I've (00:44:22) already talked about how I had no clue (00:44:24) what I was saying yes to. Mhm. and that (00:44:26) I blame Marcus for making me go bigger (00:44:30) and you're now basically pointing the (00:44:32) finger at me for making you go bigger, (00:44:35) which is an important thing in life (00:44:36) because the one of the missions of (00:44:38) sharing these lessons is to (00:44:42) inspire you as you're watching this on (00:44:44) YouTube or you're listening or you're (00:44:46) sharing this with somebody in your life (00:44:47) who needs to take more risks and stretch (00:44:49) themselves. (00:44:51) Our mission is to have you go bigger. (00:44:53) Mhm. And when we walked in to the Wang (00:44:58) Theater in Boston for our first (00:45:00) rehearsal and you saw the scale (00:45:03) of what we had taken on. Mhm. What did (00:45:07) you feel? I completely panicked. (00:45:10) And I remember going through rehearsals (00:45:13) and me screwing up my lines and just (00:45:17) getting so tripped up and the tears (00:45:20) started welling in my eyes and just (00:45:24) feeling complete in complete disbelief (00:45:27) that I was about to go out on stage and (00:45:29) perform this. Yeah. The roller coaster (00:45:31) has left the station and you're now (00:45:33) locked on and on it. Yeah. And I think (00:45:35) it didn't help that you also looked at (00:45:37) me wideeyed and nervous (00:45:41) like what are we doing here? Yes. Um you (00:45:44) say fear means you're doing something (00:45:46) that matters. Fear means that you care. (00:45:49) What does that mean and why is that a (00:45:51) lesson that that you want to share? I (00:45:54) think it was very obvious for me that I (00:46:00) was so nervous about this entire tour, (00:46:04) about doing well, about showing up, (00:46:06) about overperforming, getting better. (00:46:09) And I also had my sister Kendall to (00:46:13) compare to who hopped on last minute. (00:46:15) And for those of you who are not in the (00:46:17) audience, she sings a beautiful song on (00:46:19) stage, but she was not nervous at all. (00:46:23) Not at all. Not at all. And she's a (00:46:26) singer songwriter. She's a singer (00:46:28) songwriter and she has experience on (00:46:30) stage, but she it was so interesting to (00:46:33) be getting ready with her beforehand. (00:46:36) I'm freaking out. I really want to do (00:46:39) well because this matters so much to me (00:46:42) and I love what we're talking about and (00:46:45) I have a stake in this. whereas she (00:46:47) would just roll up to rehearsal like in (00:46:50) her sweatpants sweat like sweatshirt, (00:46:53) strum a few cords and be like, "All (00:46:54) right, I'm ready to go. Let's do this." (00:46:57) And I think that because the let them (00:46:59) theory, she didn't write the book and it (00:47:02) doesn't mean as much to her in her own (00:47:05) personal life. She was not she didn't (00:47:08) care. She didn't really care. She (00:47:09) literally would say, "This is your tour. (00:47:11) It's not mine. I appreciate the (00:47:13) opportunity, but I don't really care." (00:47:15) And so you what you're pointing to is (00:47:18) that if you don't actually care, you're (00:47:20) not afraid. (00:47:21) If you don't care, you're not nervous. (00:47:25) That there is this very important (00:47:27) connection (00:47:29) between the things that you're nervous (00:47:31) to do and the things that you're afraid (00:47:33) of and the fact that you deeply deeply (00:47:36) care. Mhm. And (00:47:40) what's interesting about this lesson is (00:47:42) that you're right, like Kendall is a (00:47:45) pro. She has a tremendous amount of (00:47:47) experience on stage. But she felt like, (00:47:50) okay, I just have this part to play and (00:47:52) I can nail this part and I can sing the (00:47:54) song that I wrote and have this moment (00:47:57) on stage with you guys talking about (00:47:58) comparison, but that's it. It's not my (00:48:01) show. I don't have to worry about it. (00:48:02) That's how I felt when I would give a (00:48:03) speech. I know my role. I don't really (00:48:06) care how the rest of the event goes. I (00:48:07) don't have to even think about it. But (00:48:09) what's interesting is she's performing (00:48:11) at a music festival outside of Chicago (00:48:14) this summer and she's playing, you know, (00:48:17) on like they have all these stages, side (00:48:19) stage B and it's the audience that she (00:48:23) was in front of every single night is (00:48:25) way bigger than even who will probably (00:48:27) be standing in front of her at this (00:48:28) festival. And she's afraid and nervous (00:48:32) and because she cares. And so, how do (00:48:36) you use this lesson (00:48:38) in order to (00:48:41) push yourself to do things outside your (00:48:44) comfort zone? Because if you're scared (00:48:45) to give a presentation, it's because you (00:48:46) care how you do at work. If you're (00:48:48) nervous to post your music, it's because (00:48:51) the music means something to you and you (00:48:53) care about what people think. If you're (00:48:56) afraid to ask somebody out, it's (00:48:57) probably because you actually like them. (00:48:59) So, how can you use this lesson (00:49:04) to (00:49:06) flip the like the feelings of fear (00:49:09) because they're not going to go away. I (00:49:10) mean, were you scared before every (00:49:11) performance? Oh, every single one. I was (00:49:14) running to the bathroom and (00:49:16) hyperventilating and going backstage, (00:49:19) putting on my lip gloss 15 times cuz I (00:49:21) thought it came off. Like, I was I was (00:49:23) petrified every single time. That never (00:49:25) never left. And so, how does knowing (00:49:28) that you care and that's why you're (00:49:30) nervous help you manage the fear that's (00:49:33) always going to be there? Because I was (00:49:34) afraid, too, because basically, if (00:49:36) you're about to walk on stage, you have (00:49:38) no idea how it's going to go. It's a (00:49:40) live audience. It's theater. You haven't (00:49:44) done this tonight in front of this (00:49:47) audience. So, how could you know how (00:49:49) it's going to go? You just know your (00:49:52) part and that you can rely on yourself (00:49:54) to do it. But how do you use this (00:49:55) lesson, Soy, to feel that fear? Put your (00:49:59) lipstick on 55,000 times, jump up and (00:50:02) down backstage, and then walk out on (00:50:04) that stage and do the thing you (00:50:05) rehearsed. How do you do that? I think (00:50:07) that I (00:50:10) really had to (00:50:12) keep telling myself that I was meant to (00:50:14) be there, even though my fear and my (00:50:17) anxiety and my imposter syndrome kept (00:50:19) convincing myself that I'm not meant to (00:50:21) be on stage. I'm not supposed to be (00:50:23) here. This is my mom's show. She's the (00:50:25) performer. I am the sidebody. I should (00:50:29) be the I'm She is in the spotlight. I am (00:50:32) in the limelight. And that I kept trying (00:50:36) to push through because I knew that the (00:50:39) fear was good. And I knew that this was (00:50:43) what I was meant to do. You know, one (00:50:45) thing that's interesting about you (00:50:46) saying (00:50:48) this thing like, "Oh, I'm not supposed (00:50:49) to be here. I'm not supposed to be (00:50:50) here." (00:50:52) That's not true because you are there. (00:50:54) Like that's how you know that you're (00:50:55) supposed to be in the room that you're (00:50:57) in because you're in it. Like be in the (00:51:01) room and be afraid and understand that (00:51:03) you're only afraid because you care (00:51:04) about it. And you had this other lesson (00:51:07) though because I think that the other (00:51:11) important lesson is what you ended up (00:51:15) doing with this notion of thinking that (00:51:18) you can't do something or you're not (00:51:20) supposed to do something. And so if one (00:51:22) of the lessons is, oh, you're always (00:51:24) going to be afraid when you care about (00:51:26) something, that's just part of the way (00:51:29) that life rolls. So, expect it and see (00:51:32) it not as a sign that you're gonna screw (00:51:34) up, but see all that clenching and the (00:51:37) nerves and the panicking as a sign that (00:51:39) you just care about how it goes. Mhm. (00:51:42) And you had this other lesson. You (00:51:43) actually share this on stage during the (00:51:45) tour. And that lesson, this is the sixth (00:51:49) lesson from Let Them the Tour. What is (00:51:52) that lesson? (00:51:54) that lesson that I share on stage and (00:51:57) thoroughly believe is do it because you (00:52:01) think you can't. (00:52:03) And what I mean by that is there is in (00:52:08) my life there has been no better feeling (00:52:12) than telling myself I'm going to do (00:52:14) something no matter how small it is. It (00:52:16) could be getting out of bed. It could be (00:52:17) going to a workout class or it could be (00:52:20) taking a trip halfway across the world. (00:52:22) But picking something and telling (00:52:25) yourself you're going to do it and (00:52:26) actually doing it and the feeling that (00:52:30) you get, the proudness that you feel, (00:52:32) the confidence you I swear to God, it's (00:52:35) better than love. And your boyfriend (00:52:37) does not like that line. No, he he hates (00:52:40) self love. That's is how you love (00:52:42) yourself. Mhm. You love yourself (00:52:46) by showing yourself that you're worthy (00:52:49) of attempting the things that you want (00:52:52) to do in life. And you know that's a (00:52:55) really important thing to understand. (00:52:56) You will become the kind of person who (00:52:59) can handle scary things by handling it. (00:53:02) You become the kind of person that takes (00:53:04) risks by taking risks. Like I think a (00:53:08) lot about the person that I was before (00:53:11) we did this tour together. Yeah. And I (00:53:15) always thought that I was somebody and I (00:53:17) am somebody who swings for the fences. I (00:53:20) jump in with both feet. I'm willing to (00:53:22) try new things. Like that is one of my (00:53:24) secrets that I'm like, "Okay, I'll I'll (00:53:26) say yes and then I'll figure it out." (00:53:29) And that's what I mean by what if you (00:53:32) went bigger? What if you just jumped (00:53:35) into the thing even though you don't (00:53:37) know how to do it and you trusted that (00:53:38) you could figure it out? Do it because (00:53:41) you think you can't. (00:53:44) And can't is often I think code for well (00:53:47) I've never tried it. Yes, for sure. For (00:53:51) sure. I think that (00:53:54) the what in my life the first time I (00:53:59) ever felt this was when right after (00:54:03) graduation in college I was the most (00:54:06) unhealthy I'd ever been. I felt so (00:54:09) horrible about myself. I knew I wanted (00:54:11) to do something and (00:54:14) I (00:54:16) chose to do 75 hard, which explain what (00:54:18) that is for somebody, not the details, (00:54:20) but what exactly is 75 hard? 75 hard is (00:54:22) essentially a 75day challenge where you (00:54:25) push your mental and physical toughness (00:54:28) through five different tasks that you (00:54:30) need to do every single day, including (00:54:32) diet, exercise, no drinking, etc. (00:54:36) And the whole To put this into context, (00:54:38) I've never been able to complete this (00:54:39) because if you miss one day, you have to (00:54:40) go back to the beginning. Exactly. And I (00:54:45) finished successfully the 75 days and I (00:54:50) have never ever ever felt so good about (00:54:54) myself. And it wasn't because I lost (00:54:56) weight or felt more healthy or got the (00:54:58) results that I wanted. It was solely (00:55:01) because I completed something I never (00:55:04) thought I could do. And then I think (00:55:07) throughout my life, I've done several (00:55:09) other things, this tour being a huge (00:55:11) one, where you kept roping me into it (00:55:15) more and more. And instead of saying no, (00:55:18) I knew (00:55:20) I really did think I couldn't do it. But (00:55:23) I chose to say yes because I truly (00:55:25) thought I can't. And coming out of this (00:55:27) tour, I want like add it to the list. I (00:55:31) truly feel so proud of myself. Well, I'm (00:55:35) proud of you, too. And I want you to (00:55:36) take this lesson. And this is a lesson (00:55:39) that everybody in your life also needs. (00:55:42) And the lesson is if you think you (00:55:44) can't, that's the reason to do it. Like, (00:55:48) if you think you can't get the job, (00:55:50) that's the reason to apply for it. If (00:55:51) you think you can't post your art on (00:55:53) social media, that's exactly why you (00:55:55) should be putting it on social media. If (00:55:58) you think you couldn't possibly ever (00:56:00) perform live, you'd die if you had to (00:56:03) sing a song on SA. That's exactly why (00:56:05) you should do it. That's why you should (00:56:07) start going to the cooking class because (00:56:09) you think you can't ever be a cook that (00:56:12) you know can cook great meals for your (00:56:14) family. If you think you can't move to (00:56:16) your dream location in the city you've (00:56:18) always wanted to live in, that's exactly (00:56:19) why you should do it. Like when you say (00:56:24) no to somebody (00:56:26) and you never thought you could say no, (00:56:28) that's how you say yes to the person (00:56:30) that you want to be. And so I love this (00:56:34) advice because it's so simple and it's (00:56:35) and it's kind of obvious, too. Like if (00:56:38) you just did the things you think you (00:56:39) couldn't do, you'd be the person that (00:56:42) you've always wanted to be. Totally. And (00:56:45) so whatever it is, you think you can't (00:56:48) run the race, you think you can't go on (00:56:49) that solo trip, you think you can't fall (00:56:51) in love again after heartbreak, you (00:56:53) think you can't backpack alone, you're (00:56:55) wrong. And the reason why you need to do (00:56:58) it is because you don't think you can. (00:57:02) You need to prove yourself wrong. (00:57:04) Nothing changes your life faster (00:57:07) than doing something that you always (00:57:10) told yourself that you couldn't. Even if (00:57:12) you just try, you're still proving the (00:57:15) voice wrong. I'm telling you, nothing (00:57:18) rewires your identity faster. Nothing (00:57:22) changes how you see yourself faster. (00:57:24) Nothing quiets that annoying inner (00:57:27) critic faster. This is I I I said that (00:57:30) the the experience of doing this with (00:57:32) you and Kendall because of the amount of (00:57:34) stuff that went sideways and the amount (00:57:35) of emotions everybody had and the amount (00:57:37) of like breakdowns everybody had and the (00:57:39) amount of fear backstage about what was (00:57:41) happening that created this hyperrowth. (00:57:45) This is like the down slope on the (00:57:48) roller coaster. If you want to feel more (00:57:50) confident, go out and prove it. Do (00:57:53) something that you are scared to do. Ask (00:57:56) somebody out in person instead of hiding (00:57:58) on the apps. Post the videos of you (00:58:00) singing. Pitch your ideas at work or to (00:58:04) like somebody that fun is an angel (00:58:07) investor. Pull up at the gym even though (00:58:10) you haven't seen the inside of a gym in (00:58:12) a decade and act like you belong or even (00:58:16) better walk up to the front desk and (00:58:18) say, "I have no idea what to do. Is (00:58:20) there somebody that works here that (00:58:22) would be willing to show me a simple (00:58:23) thing that I could do for 30 minutes? (00:58:26) Do it because you think you can't. (00:58:29) That's the fastest way to shut up (00:58:31) self-doubt is do the opposite of what (00:58:33) it's telling you to do. And here's how I (00:58:35) know this is true. And you know this is (00:58:36) true, too. I'm not telling you something (00:58:38) you don't know. You just don't want to (00:58:39) do it. Mhm. The version of me (00:58:43) that is the version post let them the (00:58:46) tour. That version of Mal did not exist (00:58:48) before this tour. Period. I was built (00:58:53) day after day night after night (00:58:56) through every awkward moment through (00:58:58) every laugh through every deep breath (00:59:00) through every thing that failed through (00:59:02) the coughing fits through the fights (00:59:05) mother and daughter through the attit (00:59:06) like all of it. I didn't become this (00:59:10) version of myself by thinking about it. (00:59:13) I became this version by doing something (00:59:16) new and stretching myself. And did I (00:59:19) mess? Of course, I messed up a lot. And (00:59:23) you're going to too. You might get (00:59:25) rejected. You might fall on your face. (00:59:28) You will feel uncomfortable. (00:59:30) But you're going to survive it. And more (00:59:32) importantly, you're going to grow from (00:59:34) it. And isn't that what you want? Do you (00:59:36) want the same old same old for the rest (00:59:38) of your life? Wouldn't that be boring? (00:59:40) Well, prove it. Prove it. Because the (00:59:45) price of admission to have the kind of (00:59:47) life that you want and to have pride in (00:59:50) yourself is doing the thing you think (00:59:52) you can't do. Doing something that (00:59:54) scares you and then showing up again and (00:59:57) then showing up again until you get to (00:59:59) your Saturday night. That's how you (01:00:02) become the kind of person who can handle (01:00:05) difficult things by handling difficult (01:00:07) things. That's how you close the gap (01:00:09) between who you are now and who you want (01:00:10) to be. You got to do the things the (01:00:13) version of you would do. So, let me ask (01:00:16) you, what's the thing you think you (01:00:18) can't do? (01:00:21) Yeah. The thing that makes your stomach (01:00:23) flip or your butt, I don't want to do (01:00:26) that. That's how it always feels for me. (01:00:30) I don't (01:00:31) that thing that you've wanted for a long (01:00:33) time, but boy, have you spent a lot of (01:00:38) energy talking yourself out of it. Oh, I (01:00:40) couldn't start a podcast. Everybody has (01:00:41) a podcast. Oh, I can't go into real (01:00:43) estate. Everybody's in real. Oh, I can't (01:00:45) move to that city. My friend lives in (01:00:46) that city. Oh, I'll never find love (01:00:48) because that person found love. Oh, I'm (01:00:50) too old. I'm too late. I'm too this. I'm (01:00:52) too that. What is it that you're talking (01:00:55) yourself out of? (01:00:57) I know you know what it is. I'm not even (01:00:59) going to give you a list. Maybe it's big (01:01:03) or maybe it's something tiny. You just (01:01:07) are going to start saying no. You're (01:01:09) going to stop making everyone else happy (01:01:11) and you're going to start doing the (01:01:13) things that make you happy. Whatever it (01:01:16) is, I need you to hear your friend Mel. (01:01:19) You're never going to feel ready. And (01:01:21) the reason why is because you've spent (01:01:22) decades probably telling yourself, "I (01:01:24) can't do that. I'm not that kind of (01:01:25) person." You're not going to feel (01:01:27) prepared. You're not going to feel smart (01:01:28) enough, talented enough. You're not (01:01:29) going to feel ready. Definitely not the (01:01:32) first time you do it. Definitely not (01:01:34) before you take the leap. That's not (01:01:36) what makes you ready. What makes you (01:01:38) ready is actually just taking the leap. (01:01:41) You will never believe it before you do (01:01:45) it. That's the huge thing everybody gets (01:01:48) wrong about life. You have to do the (01:01:51) thing first. (01:01:54) then you believe that you can do it. And (01:01:57) you know, one more thing I wanted to (01:01:59) say, I know there are so many of you who (01:02:01) wanted to be at Let Them the Tour, but (01:02:04) you couldn't get a ticket, whether it (01:02:06) was sold out or it wasn't coming to your (01:02:08) city or life just got in the way. I (01:02:10) really hope that some of the things that (01:02:11) we shared today, some of the things that (01:02:13) in particularly put into the YouTube (01:02:15) version of this episode brought the tour (01:02:18) to life, that it reminded you that you (01:02:22) can do things bigger than you've ever (01:02:24) done before, that your fear is just part (01:02:27) of what's going to happen. And it only (01:02:28) means that you care, and that you are (01:02:30) capable of so much more than you think. (01:02:33) So stop sitting around waiting to feel (01:02:36) ready, and just do it because you think (01:02:38) you can't. And then you're going to (01:02:40) actually realize you've been ready the (01:02:42) whole time. You've just been talking (01:02:44) yourself out of it. And I also want to (01:02:46) share some good news. We are not done (01:02:49) with Let Them the Tour. We are already (01:02:52) planning 2026. (01:02:54) We are going to be coming to cities (01:02:56) around the world. I want to hear from (01:02:58) you. Where should we go next? Just put (01:03:00) it in the comments on Spotify, on (01:03:02) YouTube, wherever it is that you are (01:03:04) listening or watching right now. What (01:03:06) city, what country do you want us to do? (01:03:09) let them the tour in next. And if you (01:03:11) want to be sure to get a ticket, because (01:03:13) my god, the entire thing sold out in (01:03:16) like 20 seconds. I had no idea that we (01:03:19) were all so wanting to get together in (01:03:23) person and have something that you could (01:03:25) do that would be inspiring and hilarious (01:03:28) and fun and uplifting and be with (01:03:30) like-minded people. So, if you want to (01:03:32) make sure that you get a ticket in round (01:03:34) two of Let the Tour, just go to (01:03:37) melrobins.com and please get on the (01:03:39) newsletter because we're going to try to (01:03:41) protect everybody from all the bots and (01:03:42) the resellers by creating a registration (01:03:45) process for a code and doing ticket (01:03:47) sales completely differently this time. (01:03:49) And I cannot wait to see you in person (01:03:52) when we do it again. And in case no one (01:03:55) else tells you today, I wanted to be (01:03:57) sure to tell you that I love you and I (01:04:00) believe in you and I believe in your (01:04:03) ability to do the things that you can't. (01:04:07) I believe in your ability to create a (01:04:10) better life. I hope the six lessons and (01:04:13) all the stories that we told now makes (01:04:16) you realize that you got to do the (01:04:18) things you think you can't because (01:04:20) that's the only way you believe in your (01:04:23) ability to do them in the first place. (01:04:25) All righty, I will see you in the very (01:04:28) next episode. In fact, I'm going to be (01:04:30) waiting to welcome you in the moment you (01:04:32) hit play. I'll see you there. All (01:04:34) righty. I know you're thinking, Mel, I'm (01:04:37) so inspired. What's the next video? (01:04:38) Well, first I want to say thank you for (01:04:40) being here all the way to the end. Thank (01:04:41) you for sharing this with people that (01:04:43) you care about. Thank you for hitting (01:04:44) subscribe because that's one way you can (01:04:47) support me because I'm always supporting (01:04:48) you. So, thanks for doing that. And (01:04:50) here's the very next video you're going (01:04:52) to want to watch next. And I'm going to (01:04:53) welcome you in the moment you hit play. (01:04:55) I'll see you there.