The 3 ways EVERYBODY lies with Evy Poumpouras | Meet your Maestro | BBC Maestro (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) One of the reasons people are so (00:00:02) interested in learning how to read (00:00:03) people is because they're lied to. (00:00:07) Deception is a big thing. Nobody likes (00:00:09) being lied to. It hurts us. We feel (00:00:11) betrayed. We feel manipulated. And most (00:00:14) often people just want to know how to (00:00:15) read people to kind of protect ourselves (00:00:18) from it. Let me tell you this. Everybody (00:00:22) lies. Everybody lies. Let's just get (00:00:24) that out the way. There are three (00:00:27) primary ways in which people lie. The (00:00:29) first way people lie is they just tell (00:00:31) you a full-on lie. It's a completely (00:00:33) fabricated story from beginning to end. (00:00:36) That's one. Two, you get someone who (00:00:39) gives you a lie sprinkled in with a (00:00:42) little bit of truth, little bit of lie, (00:00:44) little bit of truth. So, it's almost (00:00:45) kind of like this up and down journey in (00:00:48) which you're trying to figure out what (00:00:49) parts truth, what parts lie. (00:00:52) The third way people lie, and it is bar (00:00:56) none the most common way people lie. (00:00:58) They lie by omission. I'm just not going (00:01:01) to tell you about this part of the (00:01:03) story. I will give you this portion, but (00:01:06) I'm going to leave this portion out. Do (00:01:09) you know why people lie like this? Most (00:01:12) people know lying is wrong. We feel bad. (00:01:14) Most of us feel guilty when we lie. So, (00:01:16) we don't want to be liars. Who wants to (00:01:18) be a liar? I don't want to be a liar. So (00:01:21) I leave that part out. The problem is (00:01:23) when I leave this part of the story out, (00:01:26) it changes the whole story. And so this (00:01:29) is the way the majority of people do (00:01:31) this because it helps them be okay with (00:01:34) it. But you need to know when that (00:01:36) happens. And that's why it's important (00:01:38) to read people because you need to know (00:01:40) what part of the story did they leave (00:01:42) out. And you don't want to be in the (00:01:44) dark because when there are bits of (00:01:45) information missing, you have no idea (00:01:48) what's going on around you. The other (00:01:51) important thing for you to know when it (00:01:52) comes to people lying is please don't (00:01:54) take it (00:01:55) personally. Sometimes people do it and (00:01:58) it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes (00:02:01) people lie because well maybe they don't (00:02:03) want to share something with you. It's (00:02:05) personal. Maybe they don't want you to (00:02:07) know the truth because they're afraid (00:02:09) you might judge them. Maybe they are (00:02:11) trying to deceive you. They don't want (00:02:12) you to know. Period. The end. Maybe (00:02:15) they're lying because they don't want to (00:02:16) feel vulnerable or exposed. You ever (00:02:19) have a scenario where people ask you, (00:02:20) "Hey, how are you? How's everything?" (00:02:22) And your response is, "I'm great. How (00:02:24) are you?" And that morning, maybe you (00:02:27) had a massive argument with one of your (00:02:29) family members. You're all a mess. You (00:02:31) had a tough morning. But in that moment, (00:02:33) you do what? You don't want to tell them (00:02:35) that. I don't want to tell you what's (00:02:36) going on in my personal life. So, I'm (00:02:38) going to lie and I'm going to tell you, (00:02:40) I'm great. It's just another way in (00:02:42) which we protect ourselves. Also think (00:02:45) about maybe a scenario where you give (00:02:47) too much information, you ever reveal (00:02:49) too much and then you walk away (00:02:50) thinking, why did I say all of that? (00:02:54) Right? They're just protective (00:02:55) mechanisms. But the point for you to (00:02:57) realize is everybody lies, including (00:02:59) you. However, it really is important for (00:03:03) you to be able to see when that happens. (00:03:06) When I did interviews with suspects, (00:03:08) often my goal was to see whether they (00:03:10) committed a specific crime. And one (00:03:13) pattern that would emerge when I would (00:03:15) do these interviews is people would lie (00:03:19) linear. Linear is they lie in order. So (00:03:23) when they tell you a story, they're (00:03:24) telling it to you in a chronological (00:03:26) order. First I did this, then I did (00:03:29) this, then I did this. Often people do (00:03:32) this because it helps them keep their (00:03:34) lie in order. Another thing they do is (00:03:37) when they lie, they tell you a story. (00:03:41) When we're about to lie someone, we (00:03:43) think, "All right, I have to give them a (00:03:44) story." So often I would ask people, (00:03:47) "Can you tell me what you did yesterday (00:03:49) from the moment you woke up to the (00:03:51) moment you went to bed?" They start to (00:03:53) tell me what they did. But when they (00:03:55) shape that story, it sounds like this (00:03:58) beautifully written kind of arc. It's (00:04:00) got a beginning, a middle, and an end. (00:04:03) Because when we're creating a lie, we (00:04:05) think, "Oh, I think this needs to sound (00:04:07) like this. So I'm going to tell my story (00:04:09) like this. It's beautiful. It flows. (00:04:12) It's (00:04:13) great. But reality isn't like that. The (00:04:16) truth is messy. Our days are messy. And (00:04:19) so, you want to pay attention to that. (00:04:21) If somebody's telling you this beautiful (00:04:23) story and it flows and it sounds like a (00:04:25) story, guys, I got to tell you, it (00:04:28) probably is. What you want to look for (00:04:30) are the messes, the spontaneous (00:04:33) corrections. So, if somebody's telling (00:04:34) you the story of how their day started (00:04:36) today, and they say to you, "Yes, I woke (00:04:38) up around 6:00. I got the kids ready. (00:04:40) Then I went out to work. I got into the (00:04:42) taxi. It took me to the office. Oh, (00:04:45) actually, wait. Before I got in the (00:04:46) taxi, I actually had to stop by the dry (00:04:48) cleaners to pick this up. That is a (00:04:51) spontaneous correction. Why is this key? (00:04:54) Because I didn't tell the person, hey, (00:04:56) can you clarify? They on their own (00:04:59) corrected it. So, when somebody tells (00:05:01) you a story and they spontaneously, that (00:05:03) means on their own you didn't initiate (00:05:06) it. They correct that story. it's (00:05:08) probably an indication that they are (00:05:10) actually telling you the truth. Another (00:05:13) one to look out for is emphatic (00:05:15) nos. The truth is simple. If I ask you a (00:05:18) question, you should be able to give me (00:05:20) a yes or a no. So if I say to you, did (00:05:22) you have pizza last night? No, I didn't (00:05:25) have pizza. But if you turn around and (00:05:27) you say, absolutely not. I did not have (00:05:29) pizza. I would never have (00:05:31) pizza. Why are you working so hard? Why (00:05:35) are you working so hard to sell me that (00:05:37) you didn't have pizza? Just pay (00:05:40) attention to people's responses. The (00:05:42) truth is simple. No, I don't have pizza (00:05:45) or yes. But if you get that really (00:05:49) heavy-handed, you need to inquire by (00:05:51) yourself and say, "Why is this person (00:05:53) working so hard to sell me on the (00:05:56) truth?" The truth is simple.