Brain Expert: “Don’t let your toddler have screen time” w/ Dr. Daniel Amen (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) Social media companies are purposefully (00:00:03) pissing you off. If you're anxious, you (00:00:06) stay on longer. The only thing they want (00:00:08) is your attention. When I'm looking at (00:00:10) my kids, if they're using some sort of (00:00:12) technology that's supervised that's (00:00:14) educating them, I view it as a net (00:00:16) positive. Do you disagree with that? Do (00:00:18) you think that's (00:00:18) >> I do. I think you have to be so careful. (00:00:20) When did autism spike? As a child (00:00:23) psychiatrist, I rarely [music] (00:00:25) saw it. Tylenol all of a sudden became (00:00:28) the star pain reliever. Then we also saw (00:00:31) an explosion of autism. (00:00:33) >> We sat down with Dr. Daniel Aean, a (00:00:35) worldrenowned psychiatrist, brain (00:00:37) expert, and 12 time New York Times (00:00:39) bestselling author. Aean has scanned (00:00:40) over 200,000 people's brains, including (00:00:43) those of NFL players and celebrities. (00:00:47) I know there's a lot of like hot topics (00:00:49) in the media right now, especially when (00:00:51) it comes to Tylenol, how that affects, (00:00:54) you know, children, especially when a (00:00:55) mother is taking that while pregnant. (00:00:57) So, I kind of wanted to start off with (00:00:58) that topic if that's it's all right. (00:01:00) >> Well, let's just go for it right away. (00:01:03) >> Okay. [laughter] (00:01:04) Um, so those of us that think of (00:01:07) ourselves as integrative or functional (00:01:09) medicine doctors, and I think of myself (00:01:12) as an integrative psychiatrist, (00:01:14) have known for a long time that Tylenol (00:01:19) is potentially a problem. And why? What (00:01:24) does it do? It disrupts liver function. (00:01:28) And so you can't properly detoxify the (00:01:32) poisons that are in your body. There has (00:01:35) been an association. So when did autism (00:01:38) really spike? Yeah. And the American (00:01:42) Psychiatric Association will lead you to (00:01:43) believe when they changed the diagnostic (00:01:46) criteria. That's absolutely wrong. I (00:01:50) mean, yes, maybe more people got (00:01:51) diagnosed, but as a child psychiatrist, (00:01:55) I rarely saw it in the 1980s when I was (00:01:59) doing my training. I rarely saw it in (00:02:02) the early 90s. About the mid 90s, it (00:02:05) exploded. (00:02:07) >> So, what happened? (00:02:09) >> Yeah. (00:02:09) >> And in the 80s, when a mom had a fever, (00:02:14) she'd use aspirin. But there were a (00:02:16) couple of cases of something called rise (00:02:19) syndrome where babies had allergic (00:02:23) reactions to aspirin and the (00:02:26) pediatrician said, "Oh, don't give them (00:02:28) aspirin anymore. Let's start using (00:02:30) Tylenol." So Tylenol, which was not big, (00:02:34) all of a sudden became the star pain (00:02:37) reliever and star relieving fever. And (00:02:41) then we also saw an explosion of autism. (00:02:45) Now, I don't think it's the only thing, (00:02:48) okay? (00:02:48) >> But it's a thing. And I believe autism (00:02:52) comes from a gene, genetically (00:02:55) vulnerable people, environmental toxin. (00:02:59) And I think Tylenol is one of them. (00:03:02) >> I also think BPAs, bisphenol A, that's (00:03:06) often in plastics. that Coca-Cola they (00:03:09) have BPAs in their cans and they say it (00:03:13) on their website proudly which sort of a (00:03:16) little it's bad marketing in my mind. Um (00:03:19) aspartame we'll talk about aspartame a (00:03:22) little bit that's in diet (00:03:23) >> soda and there's a brand new study on (00:03:26) phalates. So phalates one of the (00:03:29) chemicals in (00:03:31) >> um personal products like makeup. (00:03:33) >> Yeah. or deodorant or your sunscreen. Um (00:03:39) they put it as a preservative. And moms (00:03:43) who they they looked at cord blood, the (00:03:46) blood from the umbilical cord, so mom to (00:03:48) baby, those who had high levels of (00:03:51) phalate in their cord blood had a 500% (00:03:54) increased risk of having an autistic (00:03:56) child. Okay? (00:03:57) >> So think about this with me (00:03:59) [clears throat] (00:04:00) because it's not a genetic issue. Uh (00:04:03) because genetic issues don't all of a (00:04:06) sudden go from 1 in 10,000 to 1 in 31 (00:04:09) that it's an environmental vulnerability (00:04:13) put in something happened and it was an (00:04:18) environmental toxin. Ultimately if you (00:04:22) want the healthiest baby you have to get (00:04:25) healthy yourself. You mentioned how (00:04:27) Tylenol and I think you say this in your (00:04:28) in your new book that Tylenol is so (00:04:30) helpful for someone going through grief (00:04:32) and how you know I (00:04:34) >> a breakup. Yeah. (00:04:35) >> Yeah. Yeah. I guess like a Yeah. for (00:04:36) healing a broken heart. That's I for get (00:04:38) the exact quote that you said but yeah (00:04:40) you were talking about Tylenol when it (00:04:41) comes to a broken heart as well as (00:04:42) ibuprofen but for some reason with (00:04:45) ibuprofen it it works for women but not (00:04:47) men. Talk talk to me more about that. (00:04:49) >> So in change your brain change your (00:04:50) pain. Um, I thought the the idea behind (00:04:54) the book is that both physical and (00:04:57) emotional pain work on the same circuits (00:05:01) in the brain. And so when they figured (00:05:04) out that Tylenol actually helped with (00:05:07) the emotional pray pain of a breakup, (00:05:10) it's like, well, why is that? Because it (00:05:13) calms a area of the brain called the (00:05:16) medial toward the middle pain suffering (00:05:19) circuit. (00:05:21) That was just so interesting. And why (00:05:24) ibuprofen would work for women but not (00:05:27) for men, I'm not quite sure. But I found (00:05:30) that, you know, this genderbased (00:05:32) difference is just fascinating. But with (00:05:36) things like headaches, you want always (00:05:39) want to ask yourself, why do I have it? (00:05:42) Right? You you always want to be (00:05:45) curious, (00:05:46) not furious. So, what did I eat? What (00:05:50) did I drink? What's the level of stress (00:05:53) that I'm under? And how can I manage (00:05:57) these things in a better way? And we (00:06:00) often talk about how pain is repressed (00:06:04) rage. So, if you're really angry, but (00:06:08) you're such a nice person, you could (00:06:09) never say it. Um, (00:06:12) it often comes out in back pain or head (00:06:16) pain. and Tana, my wife often calls me (00:06:20) polyiana because I'm a very positive (00:06:23) person. Um, but I realized in writing (00:06:28) change your brain, change your pain that (00:06:30) I have to befriend Hannibal Lectar (00:06:33) because you have to be able to find a (00:06:36) way to get the rage out. Now, (00:06:38) appropriately, right? We're not going to (00:06:40) become a serial killer. Um, [laughter] (00:06:43) but too often (00:06:45) >> John Sarno, who wrote wonderful books on (00:06:48) pain, talked about the goodest, the (00:06:51) people that have to be good in order to (00:06:54) be okay with themselves, that they (00:06:56) suffer a lot more with pain. And he (00:06:59) actually said it was repressed rage. M I (00:07:03) also find it very interesting the (00:07:04) connection that you drew between pain (00:07:07) that you're like experiencing and then (00:07:08) also and like grief specifically and (00:07:12) muscle pain knots in your back. We are (00:07:16) we're currently grieving very fresh (00:07:17) grief. We lost a baby at 17 weeks just (00:07:21) very recently. (00:07:22) >> I'm so sorry. (00:07:22) >> Still shaky still shaky about it. But um (00:07:26) seeing that you drew that connection, I (00:07:27) was I just turned to Matt immediately (00:07:29) was like that's crazy because I have (00:07:32) started developing knots like tweaking (00:07:34) my neck, knots in my back and like like (00:07:38) I went and got Matt you scheduled me (00:07:39) like a tension point. What's it called? (00:07:41) Attention point massage. Abby tweaked (00:07:43) her neck and so I scheduled her massage (00:07:44) and it really helped cuz she had all (00:07:46) these knots. (00:07:47) >> Was like, "You have so many knots in (00:07:49) your back." And then when I saw you drew (00:07:51) that connection between grief and (00:07:53) muscles, knots, all this stuff, I was (00:07:56) like, "Wow, that's crazy." That like (00:07:58) that turned a light on for me. (00:08:00) >> Well, and hypnosis can be very helpful. (00:08:04) Or EMDR. EMDR is a specific (00:08:07) psychological treatment for trauma. what (00:08:10) happened to you was clearly traumatic, (00:08:13) right? It's not a little T, (00:08:14) >> it's a big T. (00:08:16) >> And there's another technique I like a (00:08:18) lot called havening. Do you know what (00:08:21) that is? (00:08:21) >> No, I'm not familiar. (00:08:22) >> So, it's bilateral hemisphere (00:08:24) stimulation. So, I talk about all of (00:08:26) these in the new book, but whenever you (00:08:29) feel sad, do um bilateral hemisphere (00:08:34) stimulation. So, it's either this (00:08:37) or this. (00:08:40) >> I like this the best. (00:08:41) >> Okay. (00:08:42) >> And what I would have you do is go in to (00:08:45) the sadness (00:08:48) while you're doing this and go into it (00:08:50) for like 30 seconds. I mean, really feel (00:08:53) it, but then keep doing it and distract (00:08:56) yourself. like go to Disneyland in your (00:08:58) head or the mountains or the desert or (00:09:02) the beach or wherever you love and then (00:09:06) keep doing that for a couple of more (00:09:10) minutes (00:09:11) >> and then go how do you feel? So (00:09:13) initially if you do it with a havening (00:09:15) therapist they'll go okay on a scale of (00:09:18) 0 to 10 when you think about it how (00:09:21) upsetting is it? And you're like it's a (00:09:24) 10 (00:09:25) >> right? And then you haven then (00:09:29) and you do that (00:09:31) for like three minutes and then rate it. (00:09:34) And often my patients will go it's a (00:09:37) four (00:09:38) >> and I'm like well let's do it again. (00:09:39) Think about it for 30 seconds. Distract (00:09:43) yourself. Go to the beach and then it's (00:09:45) a two. (00:09:47) >> And then if you do it three or four (00:09:49) times it's like you're still sad but (00:09:53) you're not triggered. (00:09:56) And Ron Ruden, who discovered this, (00:09:58) found it was really good for panic (00:10:00) disorder. It was really good for (00:10:02) phobias. Is it? (00:10:04) >> Ah, that's music to my ears. I love a (00:10:07) good lollipop at the end of the day. (00:10:08) Honestly, lollipop is such a staple in (00:10:10) our household. (00:10:11) >> We started drinking Lollipop a couple (00:10:12) years ago because it's soda without all (00:10:14) the added sugar that most soda brands (00:10:17) have. (00:10:17) >> We literally all fight over our favorite (00:10:19) flavors. There's so many good ones, (00:10:21) though. Even our kids love it. (00:10:22) >> They taste so good. and you're only (00:10:24) looking at about like four or five grams (00:10:25) of sugar depending on the lollipop that (00:10:27) you drink. (00:10:28) >> Almost every American has some sort of (00:10:29) relationship with soda from their (00:10:31) childhood. Some people grew up drinking (00:10:32) it all the time and then quit and some (00:10:34) people are still addicted to it and (00:10:35) trying to quit. But Lollipop offers a (00:10:37) delicious alternative to traditional (00:10:39) soda using a functional ingredient blend (00:10:41) to support digestive health. 90% of (00:10:43) Americans consume more than the USDA's (00:10:45) daily recommended added sugar intake, (00:10:47) and sweetened beverages are the leading (00:10:49) source of added sugars in the American (00:10:51) diet. Lollipop is much much lower in (00:10:54) sugar than conventional sodas with only (00:10:55) two to five grams of sugar from natural (00:10:57) sugar. (00:10:58) >> And we have some exciting news for you (00:10:59) guys because you can get $2 off a (00:11:02) fourpack of Lollipop at (00:11:03) drinkallipop.com/unplanned. (00:11:06) This works on any flavor of fourpack, (00:11:09) including Spongebob at any retailer. (00:11:11) Lollipop is sold online and available in (00:11:13) almost 50,000 retailers nationwide, (00:11:16) including Costco, Walmart, Target, (00:11:18) Publix, Whole Foods, Kroger, and HEB. My (00:11:22) dad died uh (00:11:25) 5 years ago, and it was like the worst (00:11:28) day of my life. And a couple of days (00:11:30) later, I'm over at his house and (00:11:33) somebody put a picture of my dead dad in (00:11:36) the mortuary in a random stack of (00:11:38) papers. And I got it and it just it was (00:11:41) like somebody slugged me. I was so upset (00:11:43) and I was angry and what idiot would do (00:11:46) this and I couldn't stop thinking about (00:11:48) that. (00:11:49) >> And I was at my house later that day (00:11:53) >> obsessing about this. And (00:11:56) the little supervisor in my head goes, (00:11:59) "You treat people who have this problem. (00:12:01) What would you do?" (00:12:03) >> And I havened. I sat in the chair and I (00:12:06) thought about how angry I was and I (00:12:08) thought about the picture and I did that (00:12:10) >> for like 30 seconds and then I took my (00:12:12) brain to the beach (00:12:14) >> and I kept it (00:12:16) and it went from 10 to like four and (00:12:20) then I did it again. I went from 10 to (00:12:22) two and then (00:12:23) >> I fell in love with the picture (00:12:25) >> because it was the last picture of my (00:12:27) dad on earth. (00:12:29) >> That's really (00:12:30) >> it's so helpful and little kids can do (00:12:33) this. I I found it incredibly helpful (00:12:36) >> for when children are upset, stroke (00:12:40) them, right? Like on their arms, (00:12:43) >> have them think about what you're upset (00:12:45) about (00:12:46) >> and now go think about the playground or (00:12:49) think about being in the pool, you know, (00:12:51) whatever they love and it just settles (00:12:55) them. How do you think things would have (00:12:56) played out differently if say you would (00:12:58) have turned to drinking in that time or (00:13:02) went and binged a dozen donuts from (00:13:05) Crispy Cream or I don't know gotten (00:13:07) high? Like are you then prolonging the (00:13:10) pain into other areas and then it's it's (00:13:12) coming up and you don't even understand (00:13:13) why it's coming up like how how does (00:13:15) that affect? (00:13:15) >> Right. You just could you know you feel (00:13:17) better fast but doesn't last. (00:13:20) >> Yeah. (00:13:20) >> And I always want people to feel better (00:13:23) fast, right? That's a fast technique, (00:13:25) >> but I want it to last and I want you to (00:13:28) work through it (00:13:30) >> rather than pick up an addiction that (00:13:34) creates more problems for you, whether (00:13:37) it's the donuts, alcohol, marijuana, (00:13:40) whatever. (00:13:41) >> Why is it that doctors today are so (00:13:44) quick to prescribe SSRIs or some sort of (00:13:48) medication for things like that? Um, I (00:13:50) actually, just to be vulner v vulnerable (00:13:54) here for a second, I'm actually (00:13:55) currently on anti-depressants and (00:13:57) they've been they've been super helpful, (00:13:59) but it did shock me how easy it was to (00:14:01) get prescribed them. It was like a (00:14:03) 10-minute phone call uh just, you know, (00:14:06) with with a with a doctor through (00:14:08) through an app. Like, it was it was a (00:14:10) pretty simple process. And, you know, I (00:14:12) had been depressed for a very long time, (00:14:14) so I think it was probably a good thing. (00:14:16) And I'm doing a lot better. And it (00:14:17) definitely I I think it's helped me (00:14:19) through this horrible thing that we're (00:14:21) currently going through with with the (00:14:23) loss of our baby girl. But it was (00:14:25) shocking to me though how easy it was (00:14:26) cuz I I held off on, you know, (00:14:31) getting them for a very long time cuz I (00:14:32) was trying to fix it in all these (00:14:34) different ways, but I just kind of got (00:14:35) stuck in this in that like doom loop (00:14:37) that you talk about in your in your (00:14:39) book. Um why why is that that it's so (00:14:42) easy to prescribe them and just hand out (00:14:44) anti-depressants? 25% of the American (00:14:47) population is on psychiatric medication. (00:14:49) >> Wow. (00:14:50) >> It is a [snorts] huge win for the (00:14:53) pharmaceutical industry. It is a huge (00:14:56) loss for our society. Some people, (00:15:00) they're incredibly helpful. But (00:15:03) psychiatrists are the only medical (00:15:05) doctors who never look at the organ they (00:15:08) treat. So, you got prescribed 10 minutes (00:15:11) working through an app and nobody looked (00:15:14) at your brain. Nobody looked ahead of (00:15:16) time. Nobody looked afterwards. You have (00:15:18) no idea what it's really doing to your (00:15:22) brain. Now, maybe you had a brain (00:15:25) pattern where that medicine, what are (00:15:28) you taking? (00:15:28) >> I'm on Zolaf, so I take 50 milligrams (00:15:30) every night before bed. (00:15:31) >> Okay. So maybe your brain was busy and (00:15:36) the front part of your brain when it (00:15:38) works too hard, you can worry. You're a (00:15:40) little bit rigid. If things don't go (00:15:41) your way, you get upset and you can be (00:15:43) sad and those sad thoughts can cycle. (00:15:46) Something like Zoloft SSRI calms that (00:15:49) down. But if you take too much or you (00:15:52) take it for too long (00:15:55) that then you don't care that much. You (00:15:58) become a little bit less motivated. you (00:16:00) become a little bit more impulsive and (00:16:04) there's this balance between (00:16:07) neurotransmitters in your brain. So if (00:16:10) you think of serotonin, Zoloft is a (00:16:13) selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. (00:16:16) So what it's doing when your brain (00:16:18) releases serotonin, it's preventing the (00:16:21) breakdown of it. So it leaves more of it (00:16:23) around, right? And so it calms things (00:16:27) down. But as you raise serotonin, it's (00:16:31) on a teeter totter or counterbalances (00:16:34) with dopamine. And so as serotonin goes (00:16:38) up, relatively dopamine goes down. And (00:16:42) so (00:16:44) say they were really out of whack to (00:16:46) start. So maybe it balances, but maybe (00:16:49) your dopamine was a little bit low (00:16:52) because I think we talked before it's (00:16:54) like, well, maybe you have ADD, right? (00:16:56) Unplanned. (00:16:58) is uh you know before I'm like I wonder (00:17:02) if they have ADD um which means you (00:17:05) already started with low dopamine and so (00:17:08) it might you might become a little bit (00:17:10) more ADD (00:17:12) >> with it and so how do you know that's (00:17:15) been my argument for 30 years unless you (00:17:19) look ahead of time someone just monkeyed (00:17:23) around with your brain with no (00:17:26) biological data data and that's what's (00:17:30) happening. And it's like you asked why. (00:17:32) It's because it's the only tool (00:17:34) psychiatrists have now. When I trained, (00:17:37) I trained in the early 1980s at Walter (00:17:40) Reed. That wasn't the only tool we had. (00:17:43) I was the therapist. (00:17:45) >> Mhm. (00:17:45) >> I was the medical doctor. I was the (00:17:49) psychiatrist. So, I had medicine. I had (00:17:51) therapy. I had group counseling. I had (00:17:54) lots of tools in my toolbox. But in the (00:17:56) early 90s when managed care, they go, (00:17:59) "Oh, psychiatrist, you're you're too (00:18:01) expensive. You just do the drugs and (00:18:03) we'll hire, you know, lower paid (00:18:07) psychologists, marriage and family (00:18:09) counselors. They do the therapy." And in (00:18:12) my mind, I went, "Bullshit. I'm not (00:18:14) going to do that. I'm treating the whole (00:18:16) person. I'm not going to be anybody's (00:18:18) prescriber. (00:18:19) I'm going to be their doctor." So I've (00:18:23) hated that model, but it took over (00:18:26) psychiatry in the early 90s and it's (00:18:30) beautiful for the pharmaceutical (00:18:32) industry. (00:18:32) >> Speak more about all these other methods (00:18:34) there are to treat (00:18:35) >> if you came to see me and I totally (00:18:38) would give you an option of medication (00:18:40) because my job isn't to tell you what to (00:18:42) do. My job is to give you options, (00:18:45) right? It's called informed consent. and (00:18:48) [gasps] head-to-head against Zoloft, (00:18:50) walking like you're late. 45 minutes, (00:18:53) four times a week, equally effective. (00:18:56) But what do you have at the end of 12 (00:18:58) weeks of exercise? Well, you're cuter (00:19:01) and your brain [laughter] works a little (00:19:02) bit better. What do you have at the end (00:19:04) of 12 weeks of Zolaf? You're less (00:19:06) depressed, but it's harder to have an (00:19:08) orgasm. Uh I mean, I don't know if (00:19:11) that's true for you. (00:19:11) >> No. So, it's funny that you bring that (00:19:13) up because I was listening to you talk (00:19:16) about this very thing on a podcast and (00:19:18) not to be TMI, but I have a very high (00:19:21) libido. And so, just this past week, (00:19:24) I've been on Zoloft now for 4 months. (00:19:26) And I was like, Abby, like, I mean, it's (00:19:29) actually, I'm not even going to lie, a (00:19:31) little bit nice that I'm I'm not so (00:19:32) like, man, I just need some like I don't (00:19:34) know. But, [snorts] uh, but I was like, (00:19:36) Abby, like, this is weird. Like, I've (00:19:38) never (00:19:38) >> get more done in his day now. (00:19:39) >> Yeah. I'm not so distracted by thinking (00:19:41) about sex all the time. So, I mean, (00:19:43) [laughter] (00:19:44) maybe that's been helpful for me, but uh (00:19:46) >> well, I think for some people cuz (00:19:48) sometimes hyper sexuality can go along (00:19:51) with ADD and calming that down a little (00:19:55) bit can be so helpful, right, to give (00:19:59) you a little bit better impulse control (00:20:01) and not spinning (00:20:04) >> on the same thought over and over again. (00:20:08) >> Yeah. Um, (00:20:09) >> it is funny though, (00:20:10) >> but we were talking about natural (00:20:11) treatments. So, exercise, omega-3 fatty (00:20:15) acids, especially higher in EPA than (00:20:17) DHA. Learning how to not believe every (00:20:20) stupid thing you think is so important. (00:20:24) It's like when you're sad or you're (00:20:26) spinning, it's like, why are there no (00:20:30) classes in school on how to manage your (00:20:32) mind? Right? I'm friends with Paul Simon (00:20:36) and I love him. He has this song called (00:20:38) Kodakchrome which starts off with when I (00:20:40) think back on all the crap I learned in (00:20:42) high school. It's a wonder I can think (00:20:44) at all. I mean it's like why don't we (00:20:46) teach kids how to manage their (00:20:48) checkbooks and manage their minds, (00:20:52) right? We have a high school course (00:20:54) called brain thrive by 25 decreases drug (00:20:57) alcohol and tobacco use. Decreases (00:20:58) depression. Improves self-esteem. Why? (00:21:01) We teach them not to believe every (00:21:02) stupid thing they think. And then we (00:21:05) teach them to love and care for their (00:21:07) brain by asking themselves this question (00:21:09) every day. Is what I'm doing good for my (00:21:12) brain or bad for it? And so alcohol bad. (00:21:16) Marijuana bad. Hitting a soccer ball (00:21:18) with your head very bad. Right? So just (00:21:21) learning to do the right thing not (00:21:24) because you should. You do the right (00:21:27) thing because you love yourself. (00:21:29) >> Right? And the the thing you want to (00:21:31) love your brain. So three natural things (00:21:35) saffron 28 (00:21:38) randomized controlled trials against (00:21:41) zoloft (00:21:43) selelexa wellbutrin emipramine prozac (00:21:47) equally effective saffron is pro-sexual (00:21:51) so maybe that would not help you um (00:21:53) [laughter] (00:21:54) it enhances enhances sexual function it (00:21:59) helps with mood but also helps with (00:22:01) memory and focus there's five studies (00:22:03) with ADD and saffron. And so I'm (00:22:07) thinking for you, I'm think I'm doing (00:22:09) those four things first. And fifth is (00:22:13) learning not to believe every stupid (00:22:15) thing you think. Right? Whenever you're (00:22:17) sad, whenever you're mad, whenever (00:22:20) you're nervous or out of control, just (00:22:22) write down what you're thinking and then (00:22:25) go, "Is it true?" That is a basic skill (00:22:29) that second graders should learn. (00:22:31) >> As a parent, I would say my most most (00:22:34) dreaded meal of the day is lunchtime. (00:22:36) >> Really? (00:22:37) >> Yes. (00:22:37) >> Really? Especially with the kids. (00:22:39) >> Yeah. It's like we just cleaned up from (00:22:40) breakfast. I'm thinking about making a (00:22:42) dinner for the whole family. Like you're (00:22:44) telling me you need a third meal in the (00:22:46) middle of the day and I feel like I've (00:22:47) never have a good plan for it. And that (00:22:49) is why I have stopped stressing over (00:22:52) last minute meals and started using (00:22:54) Little Spoon. Their recipes are made (00:22:56) with pediatricians, packed with hidden (00:22:58) veggies, and somehow my kids will still (00:23:00) ask for seconds, which I feel like we're (00:23:01) always bargaining with our kids at meal (00:23:02) time, especially lunchtime. But Little (00:23:04) Spoon has been excellent. They love they (00:23:07) love their meals with Little Spoon. (00:23:08) >> They do. The Little Spoon meals even (00:23:10) come with, you know, a side, an entree, (00:23:12) a dessert. And so what I've been doing (00:23:14) when I give them the Little Spoon meals (00:23:15) is putting the dessert like away until (00:23:17) they eat [clears throat] the main (00:23:18) portion and then I give them their (00:23:20) dessert. (00:23:20) >> Oh, and they [laughter] sure do love it. (00:23:21) It honestly there's something nostalgic (00:23:23) about Little Spoon, too. Like it reminds (00:23:24) me of my childhood, but a much more (00:23:26) wholesome and healthier version than (00:23:28) what we were eating as kids. (00:23:29) >> Oh my gosh. (00:23:30) >> And that's because everything's made (00:23:31) with real ingredients. No artificial (00:23:33) flavors, sweeteners, or dyes. It's the (00:23:35) rare combo of convenient and healthy. (00:23:38) And isn't that what we're always looking (00:23:39) for? (00:23:39) >> Oh, yes, Abby. And here's the exciting (00:23:41) part. Little Spoon is now in Target. (00:23:44) Plus, Target has an exclusive frozen (00:23:46) line. Think their cult favorite chicken (00:23:49) nuggets, meatballs, and sliders. Find (00:23:52) them in the snack and freezer aisles. (00:23:54) >> Little Spoon is the meal time hack (00:23:56) parents can't stop talking about. Try (00:23:58) their no prep nutrient-packed meals and (00:24:01) snacks for babies, toddlers, and big (00:24:03) kids. Get 50% off your first online (00:24:05) order at littlespoon.com/unplanned (00:24:07) with code unplanned at checkout. That's (00:24:09) lit t- s p o n.com/unplanned. (00:24:14) And don't forget to use our shows code (00:24:16) for 50% off your first order. that this (00:24:18) generation, your generation's thought (00:24:22) like I I've seen some of the world's (00:24:24) most famous people, they have the same (00:24:27) thought. I'm not enough. (00:24:29) >> One guy sold 400 million albums. I'm not (00:24:33) enough. I'm like, dude, if you're not (00:24:35) enough, nobody is enough. (00:24:37) >> Who are you talking about when you when (00:24:39) you say that? (00:24:39) >> Well, I don't want to say that one, but (00:24:41) [laughter] (00:24:41) >> but you know, I mean, so many people (00:24:45) they go, "Oh, I'm not enough. I'm not (00:24:47) good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm (00:24:49) not pretty enough. I'm not tall enough. (00:24:51) I'm not rich enough. I'm not enough. And (00:24:54) I'm like, is that true? Yes. Is it (00:24:58) absolutely true? No. How does it make (00:25:01) you feel? Small. How would you feel if (00:25:04) you didn't have the thought? Fine. Take (00:25:07) the original thought, turn it to its (00:25:09) opposite. I am enough. And then just (00:25:12) focus. Do you have any evidence you're (00:25:14) enough? (00:25:16) >> Married to a beautiful woman, have a job (00:25:18) you find fascinating. (00:25:21) It's where you bring your attention. So (00:25:24) if you naturally tend to be depressed, (00:25:27) we naturally tend to be negative and (00:25:30) negativity is bad for your brain. And so (00:25:34) I try to teach all of my patients (00:25:38) positivity (00:25:40) bias. What's positive about this (00:25:42) situation? And there's nothing positive (00:25:45) about having a miscarriage except you (00:25:47) guys are still together and you still (00:25:48) love each other and you can try again. (00:25:50) And (00:25:52) >> my mom had a miscarriage. She cried. (00:25:55) I'll never have a baby. (00:25:58) >> Yeah. She has seven children and 54 (00:26:03) grandchildren, great grandchildren. (00:26:05) [laughter] It's like (00:26:06) >> don't believe every stupid thing you (00:26:08) think. So when you get that thought just (00:26:12) write it down and go is that true (00:26:15) >> something I love that you have shared (00:26:17) many times is pain shared is pain (00:26:19) divided and that I found so much relief (00:26:22) in that in this time like I have talked (00:26:25) more openly cried more openly like (00:26:27) shared so much in a time that I don't (00:26:31) know I felt like a little pressure like (00:26:32) maybe I should just be quiet and like (00:26:35) get myself collected before I talk about (00:26:38) this, but I have found so much healing (00:26:40) in like talking about my pain. And I (00:26:43) guess we can talk about that aspect of (00:26:45) like managing our pain, like sharing our (00:26:48) pain and like how that has a tangible (00:26:51) benefit to how we experience it. (00:26:54) >> It also connects you (00:26:56) >> and it gives some purpose to the pain (00:26:59) because as you shared it, other people (00:27:01) have shared theirs with you. Mhm. (00:27:04) >> Now, ultimately, you want to share how (00:27:06) you're getting better. (00:27:08) >> Mhm. (00:27:09) >> Right. You don't want to just share the (00:27:12) pain, (00:27:13) >> but in sharing it, other people can tell (00:27:17) you their experience. And that's the (00:27:20) connection that is healing. And we get (00:27:24) sick in four circles and we get well in (00:27:26) four circles. So, I always think about (00:27:29) what's the biology of that. your (00:27:32) hormones went through a wicked quick (00:27:35) transition. So there's a physical aspect (00:27:38) to that. There's also a psychological (00:27:40) aspect to it which is loss, (00:27:43) >> right? And grief and then there's a (00:27:46) social aspect to it. There may be some (00:27:49) tension or disappointment and there's a (00:27:52) spiritual aspect. It's like well why did (00:27:54) that happen to me? And I think getting (00:27:57) well is taking care of yourself (00:27:59) physically, not believing every stupid (00:28:02) thing you think or using something like (00:28:04) EMDR or havening to manage it, (00:28:08) connecting, sharing the pain, always (00:28:12) looking for the purpose. (00:28:14) >> It's it's just been on our minds (00:28:15) constantly, you know, it's been (00:28:16) something that like the automatic (00:28:18) negative thoughts have definitely come (00:28:19) up. Feeling helpless, hopeless, like (00:28:21) that's that's obviously been a thing as (00:28:23) well. And so it's just been it's been (00:28:25) something that's been really hard. I (00:28:27) think (00:28:28) >> the thought what's the thought (00:28:30) >> from my perspective? I think it h I (00:28:33) think being on anti-depressants has (00:28:35) definitely helped uh me, but it's it's (00:28:38) been sad to see Abby like blame herself (00:28:42) for all of that. Um and so just (00:28:45) reminding her that there's absolutely (00:28:48) nothing that she did wrong. seeing her (00:28:50) go into this like blame game of like, (00:28:51) "Oh, maybe I did this. Maybe I did (00:28:53) that." And it's like, "No, you you (00:28:55) didn't. There's nothing you did." It's (00:28:56) just sucky stuff like this happens (00:28:59) sometimes. (00:29:00) >> Well, we always try to believe we have (00:29:02) more power than we do. [laughter] (00:29:05) >> Truthful. (00:29:06) >> Yeah. When you go, I could have done (00:29:07) this or I could have, you just write (00:29:09) that out. (00:29:10) >> And then it's like, well, is that true? (00:29:13) >> Is it absolutely true? The flip is I did (00:29:17) what I knew to do and bad things happen (00:29:21) to good people, (00:29:24) >> right? And we know miscarriages often (00:29:27) happen when there's sometimes something (00:29:29) wrong with the baby. (00:29:31) >> And so it's nature's way of not creating (00:29:36) more suffering. (00:29:38) >> But we don't know. Mhm. (00:29:39) >> But when your mind goes on the attack, (00:29:44) that's when you need to write it down (00:29:47) >> and treat yourself like a good mom (00:29:51) >> would or a good friend or a good teacher (00:29:54) or good coach. It's too often we treat (00:29:58) ourselves in such an abusive way and (00:30:03) it's like, hey, would a good coach say (00:30:05) that to me (00:30:07) >> or would a good friend say that to me or (00:30:09) would I say this to someone I cared (00:30:12) about? And it's like, you wouldn't. So (00:30:15) then give that part of you a name. I (00:30:18) love it. Give your mind a name. Like I (00:30:21) named my mind after my pet raccoon when (00:30:23) I was cuz she was a trouble pet raccoon. (00:30:26) >> I did. No way. Loved her (00:30:28) >> indoor like inside your house. (00:30:29) >> Oh no. Slept in my bedroom. (00:30:31) >> What? That's scary. (00:30:33) >> But she pee tepeeed my mother's (00:30:35) bathroom. Was a very bad day. Ate all (00:30:37) the fish out of my sister's aquarium. (00:30:40) Very bad day. But that's my mind. It (00:30:43) just creates trouble. M (00:30:47) >> and so if you give your mind a name, you (00:30:50) just can separate (00:30:53) >> from it. And if you can be a little bit (00:30:55) dispassionate and watch it and go, "Oh, (00:30:58) it's a storm." (00:31:00) >> And the storm because of the loss and (00:31:02) the hormones, but you don't have to (00:31:04) attach to it because it's not the (00:31:06) thoughts you have that make you suffer. (00:31:09) It's the thoughts you attach to. M (00:31:13) >> you've talked before about how when you (00:31:16) look at the brain, you scan scan (00:31:17) someone's brain who is praying or (00:31:20) meditating, you see all sorts of (00:31:23) activity. And I I want to get into what (00:31:25) that looks like because I believe you (00:31:27) referenced on a podcast a study that (00:31:29) somebody did on Tibet Tibetan monks and (00:31:32) Francescan uh nuns. But uh where my (00:31:35) question is coming from is is there a (00:31:37) similar thing going on in the brain when (00:31:39) you look at someone who is reflecting on (00:31:42) a loved one that's passed on or a you (00:31:46) know someone that was close to them and (00:31:47) they're and they're like they live in (00:31:49) the in their brain with them if if that (00:31:50) makes sense. We all live in each other's (00:31:53) brains and when we lose somebody (00:31:56) important to us, the brain still looks (00:31:59) for them and that's where it becomes (00:32:02) more active different than in prayer and (00:32:06) meditation. Okay? (00:32:07) >> They tend to calm down an area of the (00:32:11) brain called the posterior singulate (00:32:13) gyrus. big term. Um, it's part of a (00:32:16) brain that's like the chatterbox in your (00:32:19) brain that like talks to you and (00:32:22) sometimes punishes you, says bad things (00:32:25) to you. Meditation and prayer calm those (00:32:29) areas down and they strengthen your (00:32:32) frontal loes. And there's always this (00:32:35) dance between your emotional brain or (00:32:38) the chatterbox (00:32:40) um and your frontal loes. So think of (00:32:42) your frontal loes as the break in your (00:32:46) brain or if you think of the writer and (00:32:49) the elephant. So your emotional brain is (00:32:51) like the elephant but it has a writer (00:32:53) and the writer like directs the energy. (00:32:57) No, it's like now we're going to do (00:32:58) that. We're going to do this and you (00:33:02) need that. But if you were in a car (00:33:04) accident, if you played football in high (00:33:06) school, if you're drinking alcohol or (00:33:08) smoking pot, what you're doing is you're (00:33:10) weakening the rider or you're weakening (00:33:12) the break and your emotions can get out (00:33:16) of control. So, we never want to do (00:33:19) anything to damage (00:33:22) uh this break part in your brain. This (00:33:26) also breaks pain and and change your (00:33:28) brain, change your pain. I talk about (00:33:30) three pain circuits in the brain. This (00:33:33) being the most important one because if (00:33:36) this is weak, it can't shut down pain, (00:33:40) physical or emotional. I don't know (00:33:41) about you, but sometimes keeping up with (00:33:43) my supplements is kind of a headache. (00:33:45) You know, they're expensive, they're (00:33:47) hard to keep up with, but everyday dose (00:33:49) is an affordable solution because they (00:33:51) cover all of your bases in just a cup of (00:33:54) coffee. It takes 30 seconds to make and (00:33:56) you get coffee plus a bunch of (00:33:58) supplements with vitamins, minerals, and (00:34:00) amino acids. (00:34:01) >> That's so nice because honestly, when it (00:34:03) comes to vitamins and supplements, I'm (00:34:04) always confused about what I'm supposed (00:34:06) to take. This seems like such a (00:34:07) brainless way to get your health and (00:34:10) nutrition kickstarted for the day. (00:34:11) Everyday Dose offers coffee that does (00:34:13) more. Their coffee plus features (00:34:16) functional ingredients for smooth (00:34:18) energy, calm focus, gut health, and skin (00:34:20) support. Their coffee plus is available (00:34:22) in two varieties. Mild roast, which is (00:34:25) smooth and lightbodied with 45 milligs (00:34:28) of caffeine, and medium roast, which is (00:34:31) rich and fullbodied with 90 milligs of (00:34:34) caffeine. Exciting news, you can now (00:34:36) find Everyday Dose in Target stores (00:34:38) across the country. Celebrate with a buy (00:34:41) 1 get one deal. Just buy any two (00:34:43) Everyday Dose products at a Target store (00:34:45) near you and they'll pay you back for (00:34:46) one. Visit everydaydosese.com/unplanned (00:34:49) for more details. (00:34:50) >> We talked before last time we had you on (00:34:52) the show a lot about alcohol and how (00:34:54) damaging that is. I think there's been a (00:34:55) lot of research coming out recently (00:34:57) where people are realizing that alcohol (00:34:59) is essentially poison and it's not good (00:35:01) for you and even even drinking in (00:35:03) moderation isn't good. But now there's (00:35:05) been this big push um towards marijuana. (00:35:09) It's been interesting to see like we (00:35:11) recently moved to Arizona and (00:35:14) immediately I started noticing like all (00:35:16) these signs that were like free weed (00:35:18) Friday, come get your free weed, like (00:35:20) weed pizza, like all these there's this (00:35:22) big business now behind marijuana cuz (00:35:24) it's getting legalized all over the (00:35:26) country. And from the research that I've (00:35:28) done on it, it seems to be a lot less (00:35:32) harmful for your health than alcohol, (00:35:34) but that doesn't still mean that it's (00:35:36) healthy for you. So, I'm I'm curious, (00:35:38) what do you say to the person that, you (00:35:42) know, views marijuana as medicine, (00:35:44) medicinal, you know, helpful for chronic (00:35:47) pain or uh headaches? Like, what what do (00:35:50) you say to that person? (00:35:51) >> Yeah, I'm not a fan. Uh I published a (00:35:54) study on 62,454 (00:35:59) patients. It's the world's largest (00:36:01) imaging study on how the brain ages. And (00:36:06) little kids have really busy brains. And (00:36:09) as we get older, it becomes sleepy. And (00:36:13) then what we looked at is what (00:36:15) accelerates aging. Having schizophrenia (00:36:18) was the worst. Your brain looked 10 (00:36:21) years older. (00:36:22) >> The next worst was marijuana. (00:36:24) >> Really? (00:36:25) >> Yeah. And then I published a study on a (00:36:26) thousand marijuana users. Every area of (00:36:29) the brain was lower in blood flow. And (00:36:31) then there's a brand new study out (00:36:33) earlier this year from another group (00:36:35) that I have nothing to do with on a (00:36:37) thousand marijuana users, young ones. (00:36:40) The areas involved with learning and (00:36:42) memory were lower. It's not innocuous. (00:36:46) It's a lie. Teenagers who smoke or use (00:36:50) marijuana in their 20s have an increased (00:36:52) risk of anxiety, depression, suicide, (00:36:56) and psychosis. There's actually a gene (00:37:00) that if you have this gene, you have a (00:37:02) 700% increased risk if you use marijuana (00:37:06) becoming psychotic. And most people (00:37:09) never test for the gene. So if you're (00:37:12) using marijuana, it's a little bit of (00:37:13) Russian roulette. On our podcast, change (00:37:16) your brain every day. We recently had (00:37:19) Julius Randall. So Julius is threetime (00:37:23) NBA allstar. is a superstar power (00:37:28) forward for the Minnesota Timberwolves (00:37:30) has smoking a lot of pot and almost got (00:37:32) divorced over it. He saw a scan and (00:37:35) Julius is very smart. He saw a scan and (00:37:38) saw the damage it was doing and he (00:37:39) stopped. Well, a year later emotionally (00:37:43) because he learned how to not believe (00:37:44) every stupid thing he thinks. He learned (00:37:46) how to have better habits. got his ADD (00:37:49) treated and he's not using marijuana and (00:37:53) he's so much better as his brain is (00:37:55) better. I'm not a fan of it especially (00:38:00) because it can decrease motivation. It (00:38:03) can decrease your coordination. Um (00:38:06) there's one city in Ohio where 42% (00:38:11) of the accidents are associated with (00:38:13) marijuana. So we are just changing (00:38:17) addictions. Okay. And now the new one is (00:38:21) psilocybin. It's like psilocybin for (00:38:23) everybody. And (00:38:25) >> in some cases marijuana is helpful. In (00:38:28) some cases under really good supervision (00:38:31) psilocybin probably is going to be (00:38:33) helpful for depression and PTSD. The (00:38:36) problem is this. As soon as we go, oh (00:38:40) this is good medicine. Now we have mass (00:38:44) numbers of young people (00:38:47) having mushroom parties. (00:38:49) >> Interesting. (00:38:50) >> And what's the incidence of mental (00:38:52) health problems in the young? (00:38:55) They've exploded. And they've exploded (00:38:59) in part around the societal lies that (00:39:02) alcohol is a health food, marijuana is (00:39:04) innocuous, and mushrooms are a good way (00:39:07) to deal with your depression. We are (00:39:10) worse than ever before. Suicide in young (00:39:14) people has gone up 746% (00:39:19) since the year 2000. So now we can add (00:39:22) in social media and cell phone use where (00:39:27) we we're no longer dripping dopamine, (00:39:31) we're dumping dopamine. And when you (00:39:34) wear out your dopamine stores by the (00:39:37) constant phone, the constant social (00:39:39) media, the constant comparison, alcohol, (00:39:42) marijuana, psilocybin, (00:39:45) you just feel bad all the time and then (00:39:49) you get on the app and get on an SSRI (00:39:51) and you think you're fine. But there's (00:39:54) new research associating SSRI use in (00:39:58) older people with dementia. So, if I was (00:40:02) you, I wouldn't think, "Oh, this is my (00:40:04) happy pill forever." Yeah. I would go, (00:40:07) >> "I'm going to figure out how to manage (00:40:10) my mind, get really healthy." (00:40:12) >> Yeah. (00:40:13) >> And use this (00:40:16) >> as a tool. Yeah. A little bit like GLP1 (00:40:19) drugs. It's like, if you think you're (00:40:22) going to use that to manage your weight (00:40:23) for the rest of your life, you're going (00:40:25) to be in big trouble. Yes, you want to (00:40:28) turn off the food noise, (00:40:30) >> but you also want to manage. You want to (00:40:32) learn how to manage your mind and manage (00:40:34) your body. (00:40:35) >> It's funny you bring that up because (00:40:36) that was actually my very next question. (00:40:38) What should I do as somebody that is (00:40:40) currently on anti-depressants? I don't (00:40:42) want to be on this forever. I want to (00:40:43) get off. Even though I'm sure it'll be (00:40:46) frustrating to have a high higher libido (00:40:48) again, I'm sure I can manage that. I'm (00:40:49) sure I can find natural ways of dealing (00:40:51) with that. So, what should somebody do (00:40:54) that is wanting to get off of (00:40:56) anti-depressants? So, make sure you talk (00:40:58) to your doctor and love your brain. And (00:41:02) at some point, we'll look at it, right? (00:41:04) And then balance it. Eat things you love (00:41:09) that love you back. Like, I love donuts. (00:41:14) I could have six and I'd be so happy and (00:41:17) I would be fat and inflamed and (00:41:19) miserable. [laughter] (00:41:22) >> I was surprised to hear you say you like (00:41:24) When's the last time you had a donut? (00:41:26) [laughter] Been a long time. (00:41:28) >> In the past 5 years, have you had a (00:41:29) donut? (00:41:30) >> No. (00:41:31) >> What? (00:41:31) >> Cake. Ice cream. The last five years. (00:41:33) >> When I go to Europe, I might have a (00:41:35) gelato. But (00:41:39) >> Drew Kerry, you know the comedian Drew (00:41:41) Cary? He said it best. Eating crappy (00:41:44) food isn't a reward, it's a punishment. (00:41:48) [laughter] (00:41:50) >> Even (00:41:50) >> I try to love things that love me back. (00:41:52) Every night I make Tana brain healthy (00:41:55) hot chocolate. Like every night (00:41:57) unsweetened vanilla almond milk, (00:42:00) raw cacao, a little bit of chocolate, (00:42:03) stevia. There's a company I like called (00:42:05) Sweet Leaf and I love it (00:42:08) >> and it loves me back. (00:42:09) >> You seem to be a man of discipline. I it (00:42:12) it seems like discipline plays an (00:42:13) important role in your life. like you (00:42:15) >> love plays the biggest role in my life (00:42:19) and I love me and I love Tana and I love (00:42:25) my kids but I realize I never want to (00:42:29) have to live with any of them [laughter] (00:42:32) right I want to be clear and independent (00:42:37) for as long as I can (00:42:41) >> u I don't want to be a burden but I (00:42:43) don't want to live with It's like, no, I (00:42:46) want to be in control of me for as long (00:42:49) as possible, (00:42:51) >> right? So, I think of it as love that I (00:42:54) do the right thing, (00:42:56) not as discipline. And what I think (00:42:59) Lincoln said, discipline (00:43:02) was choosing between what you want now (00:43:07) versus what you want most. (00:43:10) >> Are you a big fan of Abraham Lincoln? (00:43:12) love Lincoln because he failed (00:43:15) repeatedly, (00:43:17) was depressed, was suicidal twice in his (00:43:21) life. (00:43:21) >> Really? (00:43:22) >> Yeah. I was just at the White House and (00:43:24) was really fun for me cuz got to talk to (00:43:26) RFK Jr. and um and right next to the (00:43:30) Lincoln bedroom and and I've always been (00:43:34) a huge fan of his and in the winter of (00:43:37) 1840 he was depressed, suicidal. He had (00:43:40) a political setback and he went to his (00:43:42) doctor in Illinois, Springfield, (00:43:44) Illinois. And how did his doctor, Anson (00:43:47) Henry, diagnosed Lincoln with (00:43:49) melancholia, or what we would now call (00:43:51) depression? He talked to him. He looked (00:43:54) at him. He looked for symptom clusters (00:43:57) the same way your 10-minute doctor did, (00:44:00) right? You told him the symptoms. He (00:44:03) gave you the diagnosis, which was (00:44:05) basically a regurgitation of your (00:44:07) symptoms. and then he diagnosed and (00:44:10) treated him. That's insane that we're (00:44:13) still doing it the way we did it 185 (00:44:17) years ago. (00:44:19) But yeah, I love everything about (00:44:22) Lincoln from his overcoming a traumatic (00:44:26) childhood. And do you know why he was (00:44:27) depressed? I'm guessing because of all (00:44:29) the really crazy stuff going on back (00:44:31) then with the (00:44:32) >> So, what a lot of people don't know is (00:44:34) when Lincoln was 10, he was kicked in (00:44:37) the head by a horse and was unconscious (00:44:40) all night long and he would have (00:44:43) visions. So, I think of them as temporal (00:44:45) lobe problems probably from the head (00:44:48) injury. Depression is a very common (00:44:51) cause of a consequence of concussions (00:44:56) >> and but if you don't look, you don't (00:44:58) know. (00:44:58) >> Our bedroom is a sanctuary. Abby and I (00:45:02) love getting [laughter] cozy in the (00:45:03) sheets. Why are you laughing right now? (00:45:05) We love We love reading our books (00:45:07) together. (00:45:08) >> It's where the [laughter] (00:45:10) >> We have very right now. (00:45:12) >> We've got cozy earth sheets, y'all. (00:45:14) Okay. They're so soft. They're so (00:45:16) comfortable. We've had these for over a (00:45:17) year and they're made with like bamboo (00:45:20) or something, right? (00:45:21) >> Yeah. Visos from bamboo. It's (00:45:23) temperature regulating which is really (00:45:25) nice because sleeping next to Matt (00:45:26) Howard, if you haven't done it, is like (00:45:28) sleeping next to a room heater. (00:45:30) >> A furnace. (00:45:31) >> A furnace. [laughter] (00:45:32) [gasps] (00:45:32) >> And so I am always running cold. So it's (00:45:35) nice to have that to support different (00:45:37) types of sleep styles and patterns. Cozy (00:45:39) Earth also has a cuddle blanket that I (00:45:41) am obsessed with. We've draped it over (00:45:42) our sectional in our living room. It is (00:45:44) so luxurious, you guys. It offers a (00:45:46) combination of comfort and style, and we (00:45:49) love cozying up to that at the night (00:45:51) when we're watching our show after the (00:45:52) kids go to bed. (00:45:53) >> And the great thing about Cozy Earth is (00:45:55) it's a risk-free purchase. There's a 100 (00:45:58) night sleep trial. You try them out and (00:46:00) if you don't love them, return them (00:46:02) hassle-free, but trust me, you want one, (00:46:05) too. (00:46:05) >> I am always recommending Cozy Earth (00:46:07) confidently because they offer a 10year (00:46:10) warranty. Because once you feel comfort (00:46:12) of this level, you'll want it to last a (00:46:13) decade. Head to cozyearth.com and use (00:46:16) our code unplanned for up to 20% off. 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I actually got on (00:47:44) anti-depressants not too long after I (00:47:46) had my my third concussion. So, my first (00:47:49) concussion, I was wrestling a guy in (00:47:51) college. We were messing around. He (00:47:52) shoved me into a cabinet, whacked my (00:47:54) head, got a concussion. Second one was (00:47:56) actually a year ago this month. I was in (00:48:00) Aby's group fitness class. uh fell (00:48:03) backwards on this like soft, you know, (00:48:05) plush mat thinking I I was just gonna (00:48:08) like roll just like normal. And there (00:48:10) was a metal kettle bell right there that (00:48:12) smacked my head. It started gushing (00:48:14) blood. Second concussion. Third one. (00:48:16) Went on a surf trip to Nicaragua with (00:48:17) some friends. Took a a fiberglass (00:48:20) surfboard to the face. (00:48:21) >> Maybe your depression is really post (00:48:24) concussive. (00:48:25) >> Could be. (00:48:26) >> And (00:48:27) Zolaf's not the right long-term (00:48:30) treatment for that. hyperbaric oxygen (00:48:32) imaging because how do you look? How do (00:48:34) you know unless you look? I mean, I (00:48:35) can't say that over and over and over (00:48:37) again. We put people in a hyperbaric (00:48:39) chamber and put their brain in a healing (00:48:42) environment. So, I don't know if we (00:48:44) talked about it last time, but I did the (00:48:46) first and largest study on active and (00:48:48) retired NFL players. So, I've scanned (00:48:50) and treated 400 NFL players. (00:48:54) >> Unreal. 80% of our players got better (00:48:57) when we put them on a rehabilitation (00:49:00) program. Really good omega-3 fatty (00:49:02) acids, a really great multiple vitamin, (00:49:05) a brain boost that works in six (00:49:07) different ways, avoid bad things, do (00:49:10) good things, and for many of them, we (00:49:12) put them in a hyperbaric chamber. I (00:49:14) don't know if you know Joe Polish, he's (00:49:16) also in Arizona. He's I love marketing (00:49:20) and he runs something called the Genius (00:49:22) Network. He came to see me because he (00:49:24) had an addiction and he got a baseball (00:49:27) to his head when he was 10. You could (00:49:29) see the evidence of the trauma and went (00:49:33) in a hyperbaric chamber, took the (00:49:34) supplements dramatically (00:49:37) better. (00:49:38) >> Wow. (00:49:40) >> You are not stuck with the brain you (00:49:43) have. You can make it better. (00:49:45) >> I would love to circle the conversation (00:49:46) back to social media because we have (00:49:48) little kids and there's actually a (00:49:50) school in Arizona. We're going back and (00:49:52) forth what we want to do with schooling (00:49:53) with our kids. We're doing home stuff (00:49:55) right now and for the foreseeable (00:49:56) future, but we're like down the line it (00:49:58) might be good for them to do social (00:50:00) interactions at school. I think that's (00:50:02) very important for their development. (00:50:03) But there's a school near us that (00:50:05) actually makes it a school policy that (00:50:08) none of the kids can have social media. (00:50:10) If you attend that school, like no one (00:50:11) can have social media. And that reminded (00:50:13) me, I heard you said before talking (00:50:16) about applying neuroscience to public (00:50:18) policy. And there was a country that (00:50:20) banned social media for everyone. (00:50:22) Australia. Okay. (00:50:23) >> For our kids under 16. (00:50:25) >> Yeah. I think that's a I mean I I don't (00:50:27) >> there's a direct correlation to suicide (00:50:30) and social media and cell phones. Yeah. (00:50:33) >> So brand new study that kids who got (00:50:35) cell phone at the age of five when (00:50:38) they're 20 they have a 50% chance of (00:50:42) having suicidal ideiation. 50 one in (00:50:45) two. that the earlier kids get cell (00:50:48) phones, the more messed up they are. Why (00:50:51) in Silicon Valley are there nanny (00:50:54) contracts that go, you cannot be on your (00:50:58) phone around the child and you cannot (00:51:00) let the child have access to devices? (00:51:03) Why would that be from the people who (00:51:05) created this stuff that they go, "Oh, (00:51:09) it's not good for my kids." So if they (00:51:12) know it's not good for your kids, it's (00:51:14) not good for your kids. (00:51:16) >> It's so scary for me because we were (00:51:18) just in high school when I feel like (00:51:19) social media was first picking up and it (00:51:21) has since obviously changed (00:51:23) dramatically, gotten so much more (00:51:25) allconsuming. I'm curious like how you (00:51:28) anticipate people like in our generation (00:51:30) like what our brains will look like when (00:51:33) we're elderly because of this constant (00:51:35) social media consumption. So (00:51:37) conscientiousness, the one predictor of (00:51:40) longevity is going down in your (00:51:43) generation. Agreeableness is going down (00:51:47) in your generation. And we don't (00:51:50) recognize that social media companies, (00:51:54) there's this great documentary, if you (00:51:55) haven't seen it, you should, called the (00:51:57) social dilemma. um how these companies (00:52:00) for profit are purposefully pissing you (00:52:04) off that if you're mad, if you're sad, (00:52:10) if you're anxious, you stay on longer. (00:52:12) And ultimately, the only thing they want (00:52:15) is mind share. They want your attention (00:52:19) for as long as possible. And so what (00:52:23) they do is they take people who are like (00:52:27) center right, but then they'll just feed (00:52:29) them right content. And pretty soon that (00:52:32) center right person is more moderately (00:52:36) right, but that moderate right person is (00:52:39) now far right. The same thing's true. (00:52:41) The centerle left person is now (00:52:44) moderately left and the moderate left (00:52:46) person is now radically left. And it's (00:52:50) an unintended consequence for money of (00:52:55) dividing us into this really insane, (00:52:59) hateful place that we have gotten to (00:53:03) >> that people celebrating the (00:53:05) assassination of, you know, a young (00:53:09) right star. (00:53:11) >> Um, (00:53:13) it's just unconscionable to me, but it (00:53:16) happens on both sides, right? It's not a (00:53:18) left issue or a right issue. It's a (00:53:21) social media mind manipulation (00:53:25) so they can sell you stuff. (00:53:27) >> Can these devices I know we've talked (00:53:29) about social media and how damaging that (00:53:31) can be, but can these devices be used (00:53:33) for good as well? Because the reason I (00:53:36) ask um our son I'm I'm so proud of him. (00:53:39) He he's three. He's doing like a little (00:53:42) bit of school every week. He goes two (00:53:43) days a week to this little, you know, (00:53:46) uh, small home school that we set up (00:53:48) with our friends. And he recently, (00:53:51) actually, I think this was just a couple (00:53:52) days ago, by far best in the class when (00:53:55) it came to drawing all of his letters. (00:53:57) He just like traced every letter. And (00:53:59) he's three, so like most three-year-olds (00:54:01) can't, you know, he just turned three, (00:54:02) so it's it was just very impressive that (00:54:04) he almost perfectly traced every letter. (00:54:07) And the reason he was able to do that (00:54:08) was because about I don't know 10 days (00:54:11) ago, 14 days ago, I started using this (00:54:14) learning application um on our iPad with (00:54:16) him called ABC Mouse. And so it's been (00:54:20) interesting though because he's learned (00:54:22) so much from this learning program ABC (00:54:24) Mouse, but I've noticed how addicted he (00:54:27) is to the learning games. Even though (00:54:28) it's okay, which one is uh greater, the (00:54:31) the three acorns or the two pigs? and (00:54:34) he'll, you know, do all these games, but (00:54:36) he there's something about the (00:54:38) technology aspect that does get him, you (00:54:41) know, glued to the screen. So, how do (00:54:43) you how do you balance that as a as a (00:54:45) parent? (00:54:46) >> I would take away the screen. (00:54:48) >> There's a really good book uh called The (00:54:50) Anxious Generation by Jonathan Height. (00:54:54) And the the more access they have to (00:54:58) devices, the more it's going to wear out (00:55:00) the dopamine in their brain, the more (00:55:02) they'll get addicted to it and the more (00:55:04) problems they're going to feel. And as (00:55:07) his parents, you are going to feel, (00:55:09) right? Cuz when you struggle with the (00:55:11) kids, you feel terrible. If it was me, I (00:55:14) would get paper and draw the letters out (00:55:17) with him. And the less screen time, the (00:55:21) more attention he will build naturally. (00:55:26) >> The more screen time, the less attention (00:55:28) he will build. (00:55:29) >> You know, like looking at myself, right? (00:55:30) I love to learn. I think learning is so (00:55:32) much fun. And so when I go to learn (00:55:35) something, I'll go on YouTube and listen (00:55:37) to a three-hour podcast about a very (00:55:39) niche topic that I just want to nerd out (00:55:41) about. You know, in the same way when (00:55:43) I'm looking at my kids, if they're using (00:55:45) some sort of technology that's (00:55:46) supervised that's educating them, I I (00:55:49) view it as a net positive. And do you (00:55:52) disagree with that? Do you think that's (00:55:54) okay? (00:55:54) >> Yeah. I think you have to be so careful (00:55:57) because they're so reinforcing (00:56:00) that kids get addicted to it and then (00:56:03) they get unhappy and they go through (00:56:04) withdrawal without it. Your brain is (00:56:08) mostly finished developing. (00:56:11) His brain is undergoing wild development (00:56:16) and much better that he's outside, he's (00:56:19) playing or that you're teaching him off (00:56:24) the devices. The more you do it on the (00:56:26) devices, the more dependent he is going (00:56:30) to be for that exciting, stimulating (00:56:35) way of learning. I am so curious what (00:56:38) other types of public policy you'd like (00:56:40) to see put in place that has (00:56:42) neuroscience in mind. (00:56:44) >> So, California passed a law um that (00:56:48) school high school cannot start before (00:56:50) 8:30 in the morning (00:56:52) >> because we know kids who get less sleep (00:56:55) have a higher incidence of anxiety, (00:56:57) depression, and suicide. And I love (00:57:01) that. It's simple, but it's smart. I (00:57:04) think brain health education should be (00:57:06) in every grade, (00:57:08) >> I had to learn English in every grade, (00:57:12) >> right? But I didn't learn one thing, how (00:57:14) to love and care for my brain. And I (00:57:18) think it's just absolutely critical. I (00:57:20) think looking at all of the ingredients (00:57:24) and products, I think we should really (00:57:27) take a critical look at phalates and (00:57:30) parabens and fragrance and aspartame. (00:57:34) >> Yeah. You I am so curious what you have (00:57:37) to say about aspartame because isn't (00:57:38) that what's in Diet Coke that like all (00:57:40) of us are like (00:57:41) >> sodas. Yeah. So aspartame and 5,000 (00:57:45) products. Um, when I was 35, I had pain (00:57:50) in my hands and my knees, and I had (00:57:53) trouble getting off the floor, playing (00:57:54) with my smaller children. And one of my (00:57:58) patients, and and I think the people (00:58:00) who've taught me the most about what I (00:58:02) do are the people I serve. It's been my (00:58:04) patients. And I said, one woman said, "I (00:58:07) stopped aspartame and my pain went (00:58:09) away." And I'm like, "Really?" Because I (00:58:10) thought it was free, right? It's no (00:58:13) calories. Lunchtime. I there was a Jack (00:58:17) in the Box across the street from me and (00:58:21) I didn't care anything about my own (00:58:23) brain. So I'd have lunch at Jack in the (00:58:25) Box and I'd have a 32 oz diet Pepsi like (00:58:29) every day and [snorts] I'm in chronic (00:58:31) pain (00:58:32) >> and I'm like maybe I should stop that. (00:58:35) And so I did and the pain went away and (00:58:38) then I'm not that smart so I had to test (00:58:40) it and so I got another one and then the (00:58:42) pain immediately came back and I'm like (00:58:44) done with aspartame. They gave mice (00:58:47) aspartame that go (00:58:49) >> I know that's like every mom's favorite (00:58:51) drink (00:58:51) >> and they [laughter] liked it. (00:58:52) >> I don't know if I want to hear this. (00:58:53) >> Have you heard about Utah soda culture? (00:58:56) and they liked it, but they got really (00:58:58) anxious (00:59:00) >> and they gave them Valium, a benzo, and (00:59:03) it calmed them down. But the really bad (00:59:06) part of this study, their babies were (00:59:09) anxious, and the babies were never (00:59:11) exposed to aspartame. It had an (00:59:13) epigenetic change. It turned on some (00:59:16) switches that created anxiety in their (00:59:18) babies. (00:59:20) >> Their grandb babies were anxious. (00:59:23) Aspartame unleashed 1981 (00:59:27) 5,000 products. So if you just like (00:59:29) chewing gum, most gum has aspartame in (00:59:32) it. And I just think we should do (00:59:36) thoughtful studies rather than studies (00:59:38) sponsored by Coca-Cola (00:59:41) or sponsored by the food industry that (00:59:45) they have very powerful lobbyists that (00:59:48) are paying lots of money for the (00:59:51) government not to look into these (00:59:54) things. And I'm sort of a huge fan of (00:59:57) RFK Jr. and go, let's get petroleumbased (01:00:00) dyes out of our I mean, if you can't buy (01:00:03) it in Europe, why can you buy it here? (01:00:06) >> Yeah. (01:00:06) >> Right. I mean, if they're like blocking (01:00:09) things, (01:00:11) I don't think I'm not a fan of red dye. (01:00:13) >> You've said there's quite a few things (01:00:15) that you're happy with what RFK Jr.'s (01:00:17) doing. I'm curious though with how you (01:00:20) spoke about mushrooms earlier. I want to (01:00:22) say RFK is, you know, working to (01:00:25) legalize psilocybin in the country. Um, (01:00:28) for those, you know, war veterans, (01:00:30) people that have suffered from PTSD and (01:00:33) talk to me more about that. Like, are (01:00:35) there any any areas like that where you (01:00:38) maybe disagree with RFK? (01:00:39) >> Well, I'm very concerned about the (01:00:41) psilocybin stuff. I think it's going to (01:00:45) be helpful to some people and it's going (01:00:47) to devastate other people. There's not (01:00:50) enough caution in the discussion because (01:00:54) as the idea of the dangerousness of a (01:00:59) drug goes down, its use goes up because (01:01:02) people don't know how to manage their (01:01:04) minds and so they're always looking to (01:01:07) escape their own mind. And I'm like, why (01:01:10) don't just make friends with [laughter] (01:01:12) it? Why just, you know, give your mind a (01:01:14) name and don't believe every stupid (01:01:16) thing you think? (01:01:17) >> Making friends. Gosh, (01:01:19) >> wait. We never got the name of your (01:01:20) mind. (01:01:22) >> Hermy. (01:01:22) >> Hermy. (01:01:22) >> Hermy. (01:01:24) >> That was the raccoon's name. (01:01:25) >> That's [laughter] so cute. (01:01:26) >> And it was she was a girl. She actually (01:01:28) hussy got pregnant. Uh (01:01:30) >> wow. (01:01:31) >> But I mean I raised her with morals and (01:01:34) >> Oh my goodness. (01:01:35) >> Got out one night and then had seven (01:01:38) babies. But anyways, her was her (01:01:40) [laughter] name (01:01:41) >> and she I loved her (01:01:44) >> and she was great for picking up girls (01:01:48) >> because [laughter] you just take her out (01:01:49) on her leash and Oh, she's so (01:01:51) >> What kind of girls is a raccoon? (01:01:53) >> Oh, so many take her to the beach and (01:01:56) like it was great. I did want to ask (01:01:58) [laughter] you this because going (01:02:00) through grief and loss, the it feels (01:02:03) like the natural stage that we're in now (01:02:05) is like (01:02:07) >> maybe we get a dog. That feels like a (01:02:10) good Is there some connection? There's (01:02:13) got to be something to that. (01:02:14) >> Having an animal [snorts] (01:02:17) often is very subtling to the brain if (01:02:21) if you pick one that's rational and (01:02:24) loving. Like I have a white shepherd and (01:02:27) I am just so completely in love with (01:02:30) her, right? It took a lot of work to (01:02:34) train her. Um, but yeah, when I work (01:02:39) out, she like lays right next to me and (01:02:42) >> that's true. (01:02:43) >> Okay, we got the clear from (01:02:44) >> I think that can be helpful. But you (01:02:46) also want to make sure it's not a (01:02:48) reaction because it's a (01:02:50) >> 12 (01:02:52) >> or 15year decision. (01:02:54) and uh and they can be stressful. (01:02:58) >> So, you just want to sort of (01:03:01) >> negotiate (01:03:02) >> judge judge your bandwidth. (01:03:05) And then if you're really smart and you (01:03:07) get a dog, make sure you have a really (01:03:08) good trainer and that you because the (01:03:11) trainer is not for the dog. The trainer (01:03:13) is for you. (01:03:15) >> Training (01:03:15) >> just like training your mind, (01:03:18) >> right? You have to be really thoughtful (01:03:22) with a puppy. I have kind of a dumb (01:03:24) question that's been nagging me ever (01:03:26) since the beginning when you were (01:03:27) talking about pain and like headaches. (01:03:30) So bear with me. [laughter] (01:03:31) >> There's no dumb question. (01:03:32) >> Can you think so hard that you get a (01:03:34) headache? Because I swear sometimes I'm (01:03:36) like I thought way too much today. (01:03:38) That's what this that's what's causing (01:03:39) this. (01:03:40) >> You can't. (01:03:41) >> What is thought thinking negatively or? (01:03:44) >> No. Like if you're like trying to learn (01:03:46) something or grapple with something, (01:03:48) negotiate like a hard concept in your (01:03:50) mind, can it literally cause physical (01:03:53) pain in your head? (01:03:54) >> Well, if the focus with stress will (01:03:58) cause the tension, (01:04:01) >> so it's the stress (01:04:01) >> to get worse. Yeah. Have you ever been (01:04:03) hypnotized? (01:04:04) >> Never. (01:04:04) >> So, I have an app called BrainFit Life. (01:04:07) It's got um six soon to be 18 hypnosis (01:04:13) audios. Oh wow. (01:04:14) >> And many of the new ones are for pain. (01:04:17) >> Yes, I have. (01:04:17) >> When you were giving birth, (01:04:19) >> I did a birth hypnosis. (01:04:20) >> Yeah. Hypno birth like (01:04:22) >> Yeah. meditation. (01:04:23) >> Meditation. It actually worked. So, what (01:04:26) I would do, especially if you're prone (01:04:27) to headaches, is every day just spend 10 (01:04:31) to 20 minutes listening to a hypnosis (01:04:34) audio and training your brain how to get (01:04:38) into a relaxed hypnotic state because (01:04:42) it'll lower your cortisol levels. and (01:04:46) your muscles are telling you something (01:04:49) that your brain is sending too many (01:04:53) stress signals to your body. (01:04:57) >> And so just being in a hypnotic state (01:05:00) helps to settle that down. And then on (01:05:03) top of that, I would add diaphragmatic (01:05:06) breathing. So diaphragmatic breathing is (01:05:09) just breathing with your belly. And it's (01:05:12) so simple. Four seconds in, take a big (01:05:14) breath, but blow up your belly when you (01:05:16) breathe in. If you ever watch a baby (01:05:18) breathe or a puppy breathe, they breathe (01:05:20) exclusively here because it's the most (01:05:23) efficient way to breathe. (01:05:25) >> But then 8 seconds out. So take twice as (01:05:28) long to breathe out as you breathe in. (01:05:32) And um for people who have a smartwatch (01:05:37) >> um it often measure heart rate (01:05:39) variability which is a sign of heart (01:05:42) health. (01:05:43) >> And if you can increase it and you (01:05:46) increase it with things like hypnosis (01:05:48) and diaphragmatic breathing and (01:05:50) meditation, (01:05:51) you're just training your body. It's (01:05:54) like girl, you've been thinking too much (01:05:57) >> or girl you're too hard on yourself. We (01:06:00) need to be the good mother to ourselves, (01:06:05) >> right? Nurture, love, quiet your busy (01:06:09) brain. (01:06:10) >> How do you tap into a hypnosis? Like (01:06:12) it's easy. I think I'm thinking about my (01:06:14) labor experience. It like it was crazy. (01:06:17) I was hypnotized for like how long was (01:06:19) that that I was listening to that? (01:06:21) >> I don't even remember. maybe 45 minutes (01:06:23) cuz you forgot to let them know that you (01:06:24) needed another epidur like you need (01:06:26) >> like I came out of it and then they were (01:06:28) like okay it's time to push and I was (01:06:29) like well I'm in so much pain and I'm (01:06:31) wondering if that same thing would occur (01:06:33) like (01:06:34) >> in if I were to do this migraine or (01:06:37) something like during the day where if (01:06:38) I'm like okay yeah I was in that really (01:06:40) relaxed state I did that practice in the (01:06:42) morning here I am in the afternoon I've (01:06:44) my to-do list is long how do you tap (01:06:46) back into that without like do you just (01:06:48) stop everything and enter the hypnosis (01:06:51) again (01:06:52) four diaphragmatic breaths. (01:06:55) >> Okay? (01:06:55) >> Lay on your back or sit in the chair and (01:06:58) they're like a 15-second breath. So, (01:07:02) like that's a minute. Um, (01:07:06) and go somewhere in your mind that you (01:07:10) love. M (01:07:12) >> like I can immediately do it and go to (01:07:15) the beach or go to the mountains or go (01:07:18) to Jackson, Wyoming, which is so pretty. (01:07:21) >> Um (01:07:24) it's just I'm going to work to train my (01:07:27) brain to help me. (01:07:29) >> Mhm. (01:07:30) >> And if we did a lot more of that in this (01:07:32) society, we'd be a lot happier. (01:07:35) >> You tap back into that. And then don't (01:07:37) listen to things that piss you off. (01:07:40) >> Whether it's the news or (01:07:43) >> um social media that's meant to keep (01:07:46) your attention. Just watch. You know, I (01:07:48) think people listen. Just watch your (01:07:51) feed on how much of it is, oh, I really (01:07:54) like that versus that really makes me (01:07:56) mad. (01:07:57) >> Can you offset your vices? So, let me (01:07:59) give you an an example. I know of (01:08:01) somebody in my life. They practically (01:08:03) drink a beer every day, but they also (01:08:07) run every single day. They never miss a (01:08:09) day. And so it's like, okay, alcohol not (01:08:12) good for your brain, but then running (01:08:13) good for your brain. (01:08:15) >> So, let me answer it this way. I've seen (01:08:17) 400 NFL players, some of them active (01:08:19) players. They have $80 million (01:08:21) contracts. They're still going to play. (01:08:24) It's like, if you're going to do (01:08:25) something bad, you need to outweigh it (01:08:29) with a whole bunch of good. So Tom Brady (01:08:32) played until he was 45. He wrote a book (01:08:36) called TB12, which is basically a brain (01:08:38) health book. Virtually everything else (01:08:41) he did was great. Or we're just (01:08:43) finishing an firefighter study after the (01:08:48) LA fires and was so awful. Our (01:08:50) foundation, we have a foundation called (01:08:52) the Change Your Brain Foundation that (01:08:54) raises money for service and research (01:08:56) and education. We donated a hundred (01:09:00) scans for firefighters because they all (01:09:02) have bad brains. But does that mean (01:09:04) they're not going to be a firefighter (01:09:07) because of the toxic exposure, the (01:09:09) emotional trauma, the head trauma? No. (01:09:12) We need firefighters. But what should (01:09:14) happen is they should love their brain (01:09:16) and they should always be rehabilitating (01:09:20) it. So, you know, if you want to keep (01:09:23) your vices, just see. I mean, you really (01:09:27) can't outrun a bad diet, right? But try (01:09:32) to do way more good than bad. And the (01:09:36) more love you have for yourself, the (01:09:39) less bad you'll want to do. (01:09:41) >> Is there something that we haven't (01:09:44) discussed that people need to know? (01:09:46) Like, just, you know, final thought. (01:09:47) >> I know you had a sex question you want (01:09:49) to ask. (01:09:49) >> I had a sex question I wanted to ask. (01:09:50) What was it? I can't (01:09:51) >> I don't [laughter] know. you're talking (01:09:53) about. I was like, I want I want to (01:09:55) bring this up, but I'm trying to figure (01:09:56) out a way. I was like, you wrote a whole (01:09:58) book about love and the brain. I (01:10:01) [laughter] feel like he's got lots of a (01:10:02) wealth of knowledge on that topic. (01:10:04) >> Oh, man. Um, [laughter] the best for (01:10:08) play (01:10:09) >> is forthought. (01:10:12) >> Okay. (01:10:12) >> No forethought equals no foreplay, (01:10:15) right? That's why you want to have good (01:10:18) frontal loes because, you know, for guys (01:10:20) we can get aroused almost anytime. Um, (01:10:25) girls are way different and they need (01:10:29) thoughtfulness. And so, you always want (01:10:31) to ask yourself this one question. What (01:10:34) do you want? Like with my wife, I always (01:10:38) want the same thing. It's always the (01:10:40) same thing. I want a kind, caring, (01:10:42) loving, supportive, passionate (01:10:45) relationship (01:10:47) 100% of the time. I want that, but I (01:10:50) don't always feel it. Rude thoughts just (01:10:53) show up. (01:10:54) >> Mhm. (01:10:55) >> And I block them because it's like (01:10:58) that's not going to get you your goal. (01:11:00) And the other thing, notice what you (01:11:02) like more than what you don't like. (01:11:04) Every day you're shaping each other's (01:11:07) behavior by what you notice. And you (01:11:11) know, you can make her mad, you can make (01:11:14) her sad by what you say or what you do, (01:11:17) but that doesn't fit the goal. Cuz odds (01:11:19) are you guys have the same goals I have. (01:11:21) Most of my patients have the same goal. (01:11:23) Kind, caring, loving, supportive, (01:11:25) passionate relationship. And it just (01:11:29) supervise (01:11:30) what comes out of your mouth right now. (01:11:32) If you drank, those bad thoughts are (01:11:35) more likely to come out. If you didn't (01:11:36) sleep the night before, those bad (01:11:38) thoughts are going to come out. If (01:11:40) you're grieving, those bad thoughts are (01:11:42) more likely to come out. But if you just (01:11:46) focus on noticing what you like more (01:11:49) than what you don't, it just could (01:11:52) change the quality of your relationship (01:11:55) in a good way. (01:11:57) >> It all connects back. (01:11:59) >> Really does. Dr. Raymond, thank you so (01:12:01) much for coming on the show. It's been a (01:12:02) pleasure speaking with you. If you guys (01:12:04) haven't, um, definitely pre-order his (01:12:07) his new book, Change Your Brain. Change (01:12:09) Your Pain. Can they can pre-order it, (01:12:11) right? That's (01:12:12) >> they can pre-order it. And if they go to (01:12:13) change your brain, change your pain (01:12:15) book, we actually have (01:12:18) >> four free gifts for them. Um, even a (01:12:22) 30-day online pain course. That is (01:12:25) great. And the emotional freedom (01:12:26) journal, which is how do you get the (01:12:28) rage out? (01:12:29) >> Um, and Omega3 fatty acid supplement. (01:12:34) >> Very cool. Dr. Raymond, thank you so (01:12:36) much. (01:12:37) >> So great to see you guys again. (01:12:38) Likewise.