Why adaptable people stay in control with Evy Poumpouras | Meet your Maestro | BBC Maestro (YouTube Video Transcript)

(00:00:00) Your YouTube transcript will appear here (00:00:00) Reading people has to do with the headsp (00:00:02) space that they're in. Remember, it's (00:00:04) not about where you are, it's about (00:00:06) where they are. And if you can figure (00:00:07) out what their headsp space is and what (00:00:09) they're motivated by, it's going to make (00:00:11) life a lot easier for you. So, let's (00:00:14) break them into two categories. Identity (00:00:18) instrumental. Let's start with identity (00:00:20) first. A person who is an identity means (00:00:24) that they are absorbed in their own (00:00:27) space. They are emotional. They are (00:00:31) seeing things from their point of view. (00:00:34) They are self-focused. Often when they (00:00:36) speak, you will hear them say, "I think, (00:00:39) I feel, I believe." They are in a space (00:00:43) of emotion and everything has to do with (00:00:46) them. That's identity. An individual who (00:00:49) is in the instrumental headsp space is a (00:00:52) person who is very taskoriented. (00:00:55) They are looking to get things done. (00:00:58) Sometimes they can come off a bit blunt (00:01:00) or direct. I happen to be quite (00:01:03) instrumental. I can't help it. The US (00:01:05) Secret Service was a very instrumental (00:01:07) agency. Nobody really cared about how (00:01:08) you felt. They just wanted you to get (00:01:10) things done. So if you botch something, (00:01:13) they'd say, "Fix that. You mess it up. (00:01:15) Get it done." Nobody's feelings would (00:01:17) get hurt because it was a very (00:01:19) instrumental headsp space. When you're (00:01:21) instrumental, you're direct. You're to (00:01:24) the point. You're very taskoriented. (00:01:26) very little emotion there. Now, here's (00:01:28) the kicker. You need to know where (00:01:31) people are when you're speaking to them. (00:01:33) If somebody is identity and you're (00:01:35) talking to them from an instrumental (00:01:36) headsp space, they're going to look at (00:01:39) you, why are you speaking to me like (00:01:40) that? Why are you so blunt? Why are you (00:01:42) so cold? And when you're instrumental, (00:01:45) you can often run into that. Now, (00:01:48) identity is a very emotional space. Let (00:01:50) me give you an example. You ask your (00:01:52) friend, "Hey, how's work going?" and (00:01:55) your friend starts telling you how work (00:01:57) is going, but not from the place that (00:01:59) you thought they would. You know, it's (00:02:01) really hard. My boss is really (00:02:03) difficult. I'm struggling at work. I (00:02:05) don't know if this is where I I want to (00:02:07) go in my heart, my dreams, and you know, (00:02:10) I'm really struggling with this. And (00:02:12) they start to offload. You can see (00:02:15) they're in a very emotional space. (00:02:17) They're turning inward. They're (00:02:19) self-focused. And they're telling you (00:02:21) their emotions and feelings. Now you as (00:02:24) a good friend might think, hey, this is (00:02:27) where I should come in and start to give (00:02:28) them advice. Let me give them a (00:02:30) solution. And maybe you give them a (00:02:33) solution. Hey, why don't you quit? Oh, I (00:02:35) know somebody in that field. Why don't (00:02:36) you go check it out? Fast forward, you (00:02:38) see your friend two weeks later and you (00:02:40) ask them, hey, did you make that phone (00:02:42) call or did you meet that person I (00:02:43) referred to you? And they say no. You're (00:02:46) thinking, why didn't you do that? You (00:02:48) know why? Because they didn't ask you (00:02:50) for your advice. When somebody is an (00:02:53) identity, they just want to offload. (00:02:56) They just want to tell you their (00:02:58) problem, what they're suffering with or (00:03:00) struggling with. You need to know that (00:03:04) it's not the hey, you know what you (00:03:06) should do? That's not what that is. You (00:03:09) want to make sure that you are in the (00:03:11) headsp space of that person. Also, if (00:03:14) you're dealing with someone in identity, (00:03:16) you might want to think about how you (00:03:18) deliver your message. So, if I have (00:03:20) somebody who is high identity, I may say (00:03:22) to them, "Hey, I need you to redo this (00:03:24) project. I'd like it done this way and (00:03:26) this way." An identity person might (00:03:28) hear, "Evie doesn't like this, so she (00:03:31) doesn't like me." An instrumental person (00:03:33) would hear, "All right, I need to redo (00:03:35) this cuz obviously the writeup isn't (00:03:37) good." Two really different headspaces. (00:03:40) Instrumental is, "Boom, let's get it (00:03:42) done." Super focused. Is this more (00:03:44) efficient? Yes, it is. Is it sometimes (00:03:47) easier to operate in this headsp space? (00:03:49) Yes, it is. US Secret Service, (00:03:51) everything moved so fast and things were (00:03:53) about life and death. So, nobody really (00:03:55) had time to kind of cope with someone in (00:03:57) the identity space. Lives could be lost. (00:04:00) People could get hurt. So, everybody was (00:04:02) very instrumental. Boom, boom, boom. Get (00:04:04) this done. Put your feelings out of the (00:04:06) way. Now, here's the thing. Once you (00:04:08) know somebody's an identity, you need to (00:04:11) adapt to that person. What I'm trying to (00:04:13) teach you is meet people where they are. (00:04:16) Don't try to bring people to you. You go (00:04:20) to them. Don't take it the wrong way. (00:04:22) This is where they're at. Meet them (00:04:24) there. Sometimes before you can have the (00:04:26) conversation you want, you have to have (00:04:28) the conversation they want. I'll give (00:04:30) you an example. A producer I work with (00:04:33) who is fabulous often is in identity. So (00:04:36) when I can get her on the phone and (00:04:38) she's really busy, so it's really hard (00:04:40) to get her on the phone. It's a miracle. (00:04:42) And I always have a whole bunch of (00:04:44) things I want to talk to her about, (00:04:46) businessoriented because I am (00:04:48) instrumental. But what happens is when (00:04:50) we get on the phone, she wants to talk (00:04:52) to me about her daughter. Her daughter (00:04:55) is a teenager. She's going through a lot (00:04:57) of things with her daughter. So on the (00:05:00) call, we will spend about 25 minutes (00:05:02) talking about her daughter. She knows my (00:05:04) background. She'll ask for advice. What (00:05:06) would you do here? How should I say this (00:05:08) question? What should I look out for? (00:05:10) She's just a good mom really trying to (00:05:12) look out for her kid. What's the (00:05:14) problem? I've got you for 30 minutes and (00:05:17) I need to talk to you about work. But (00:05:18) what happens here is I recognize she is (00:05:21) an identity and this is what she needs. (00:05:23) So I meet her there. So I do that. We (00:05:26) will spend the first 25 minutes of the (00:05:28) conversation talking about her daughter. (00:05:31) I get the last five to talk about work. (00:05:34) Now you may be thinking, "What a waste, (00:05:37) Evie." No, it's not a waste because you (00:05:40) know what I just did? I just showed her (00:05:43) that she matters. I just showed her that (00:05:46) I'm willing to put everything aside that (00:05:48) has to do with my agenda and adapt to (00:05:51) yours. I just showed you I care. Keep (00:05:54) this in mind, too, when you're dealing (00:05:56) with somebody who's an identity. I often (00:05:58) get people that come to me with their (00:06:00) problems. They have questions. They want (00:06:02) guidance. That's fine. But I listen, is (00:06:05) this person in identity or is this (00:06:07) person instrumental? Meaning this, if (00:06:09) the person's coming to me and they just (00:06:11) want to talk to me and vent, I've got an (00:06:13) identity person, there's nothing I need (00:06:15) to do or say. I just need to be listen, (00:06:18) acknowledge, and be present. Done. (00:06:21) There's one quality that the most (00:06:22) successful people in the world have, and (00:06:25) that's adaptability. (00:06:27) It is your ability to move and flow. (00:06:30) Bruce Lee, who was a famous martial (00:06:32) artist, had this great quote. It's one (00:06:34) of my favorite. He would say, "Be water, (00:06:37) my friend. (00:06:38) Flow around people. Move around people. (00:06:42) Don't be static." (00:06:44) Sometimes we think, "I need to stand my (00:06:46) ground. I'm going to make sure everybody (00:06:48) hears my voice. I'm going to hold my (00:06:50) ground." Okay. Well, when you do this, (00:06:53) and then you have this, you have this. (00:06:57) You got rock against rock and you have a (00:06:59) lot of conflict and a lot of problems. (00:07:02) But here's the thing. When you become (00:07:04) water, (00:07:06) what happens? Well, if you punch water, (00:07:09) water can't get hurt. Water flows. Water (00:07:13) moves around its problems, around its (00:07:16) opponents. You want to be water, my (00:07:19) friend. (00:07:20) your ability to adapt and adapt well is (00:07:23) going to pay dividends later on in life (00:07:26) because it means nothing can impact you. (00:07:28) You see problems coming and you adapt to (00:07:30) them. You flow with them. Think of it (00:07:32) this way. You're flowing around people (00:07:34) and problems. You flow around people. (00:07:37) You become smooth. So whatever person (00:07:39) comes your way, I don't want you to do (00:07:41) this. Remember, they're going to punch. (00:07:44) You're going to become water. You're (00:07:45) going to flow around them. You're not (00:07:47) going to let their words impact you. (00:07:50) You're not going to try to fight back. I (00:07:52) also want you to think of adaptability (00:07:54) as this. It's a strength. (00:07:58) There's a common myth out there. People (00:07:59) think, "I have to hold my ground. I have (00:08:02) to make sure you hear me roar. You hear (00:08:04) my voice. I have to make sure I convince (00:08:07) you of what I'm thinking." Why? Why do (00:08:11) you need to do that? (00:08:13) It doesn't work because you're forcing (00:08:15) people into a position they don't want (00:08:17) to be in. Remember that. What we want to (00:08:20) do is to try to get people into a (00:08:22) position they want to be in. How can I (00:08:25) get you to follow a path that maybe you (00:08:27) don't understand? (00:08:30) How can I get you to see things in a (00:08:32) different light? That requires you (00:08:34) listening, patience, and adapting to the (00:08:37) persona that you are looking at. Now, (00:08:41) when it comes to problems and (00:08:42) situations, quite frankly, you just got (00:08:45) to move. (00:08:47) If you deal with a problem and you get (00:08:49) stuck, fine, recover from it. That's (00:08:53) resilience. Your ability to rebound and (00:08:55) recover. However, you will get better at (00:08:58) adapting to problems the faster you (00:09:01) recover. The next problem comes along, (00:09:04) we recover faster. The next problem (00:09:06) comes along, you recover a little (00:09:07) faster. Do you see the point? (00:09:10) And so what happens is you're the (00:09:12) recipient of problems and it's almost (00:09:13) like you're in a boxing match. Problem (00:09:15) boom. Got it. Problem. Boom. I am (00:09:17) moving. I am moving. I want you to be (00:09:19) constantly moving and off the X. You (00:09:21) manage these problems well. You know (00:09:23) what else happens? People are drawn to (00:09:25) you. (00:09:27) You're a person who fixes problems. (00:09:29) Doesn't create them. You're a solution. (00:09:33) I'm going to be drawn to you. I'm going (00:09:35) to want to be around you. I'm also going (00:09:36) to see you as a leader. People (00:09:40) who struggle, who can't adapt, who stay (00:09:43) rigid and quite frankly stay one note. (00:09:47) It's a repellent towards others. But (00:09:49) people who can move and flow and deal (00:09:52) with problems and deal with problems (00:09:53) well also. (00:09:56) How are you when you deal with these (00:09:58) problems? How are you when you deal with (00:10:00) difficult people? Does it impact you and (00:10:02) does it show? Or are you able to absorb (00:10:05) what's going on and then move through (00:10:07) them?